55. Life Left Behind

The sun hung low over the water, casting long, golden shadows across the surface of the lake. The air was cool, but the atmosphere between the two of them was stifling.

For days, Hana had poked and stabbed at the wall of ice surrounding the Water Hashira. Today, that wall finally shattered. Giyuu stood at the edge of the water, his back to her, his voice trembling with a confession that had been rotting inside him for years. "I never actually passed the Final Selection." he said.

Hana blinked, her heart stopping for a second as she stared at his retreating form. "Huh? The Final Selection, as in the Wisteria Flower Mountain one?" she asked, her voice small and filled with confusion.

He looked back at the water, his knuckles whitening. "Yes, that one. There was a boy. His name was Sabito. I was thirteen. We got along right away because we both lost our families and we were of the same age. Sabito was a very kind boy."

​He closed his eyes, the memory playing behind his lids. "He was the only one who died in the selection that year. He pretty much single-handedly defeated every demon on that mountain. Everyone aside from Sabito got accepted in that selection. I was injured by a demon who attacked me in the beginning, so I was fading in and out. Like a useless burden. Then Sabito came and saved me. He entrusted me to another boy, then headed toward another voice crying for help. When I woke up, the selection was over. I was selected for surviving the seven days. But I am a human who could not beat a single demon, and I was bailed out."

Hana's breath hitched, her eyes widening as she felt the crushing weight of his shame.

"Can I really say I passed? I am not worthy of becoming the Water Pillar. I am not worthy of standing with the other Pillars as equals. I am not like them. Just go take the Pillar training. That is best for you. I will never get that mark. Maybe Sabito would have gotten it. Do not concern yourself with me anymore. It is a waste of time Hana."

The silence that followed was deafening. Hana watched him, her chest aching. She understood the weight of survivor's guilt. She walked towards him and stood infront of him.

"Giyuu-san." she muttered.

Giyuu looked down at his hands, his voice dropping to a hollow whisper that broke her heart. "It should have been me that day. I would just be better off dead," he said.

The words triggered something inside Hana. Before she could think, before she could stop herself, her hand moved.

SMACKK

The sound echoed across the quiet lake, sharp and sudden. Giyu's head snapped to the side, his hand flying up to clutch his stinging cheek. His blue eyes widened, shimmering with a shock that seemed to transcend time. For a moment, he wasn't standing by a lake with Hana. He was back on that mountain, and the ghost of a boy with peach-colored hair was standing before him.

Hana stepped directly into his space, her eyes blazing with a mix of fury and tears. "Don't say that you'd be better off dying ever again!" she shouted, her voice cracking with emotion. "Do you have any idea how much that hurts to hear?"

Giyu froze, clutching his burning cheek. The sensation, the words, the anger it triggered a memory so vivid it felt like he was thirteen again. He could almost see the peach-colored hair and the kind eyes He remembered the sting of Sabito's palm and the roar of his voice.

​"Don't say that you'd be better off dying ever again!" Sabito yelled his eyes wide with fury. "If you do, you and I are done. We'll stop being friends. Your sister was supposed to get married the next day, and despite knowing that, she hid you from the demons and protected you! You have nobody else? That's an insult to your sister! You can't die ever. What about the life she lost to protect you? That she left for you? The life she gave up so that you could have yours?"

​Giyu stood frozen, his fingers pressing into the spot where Hana had struck him. It was the exact same spot Sabito had hit. The realization hit him like a brick. He had been so focused on his own shame that he had forgotten the lives given to keep him breathing. He had been insulting his sister and Sabito for years by wishing he wasn't here.

​Hana's eyes suddenly filled with horror. The anger drained out of her, replaced by a sharp, cold regret. She looked at her trembling hand and then at Giyu's shocked expression. She was terrified she had finally pushed him too far, that he would turn and walk away forever.

​"Giyuu-san... I... I'm so sor-" Her voice broke. She hadn't meant to be violent. She was terrified that she had just pushed away the person she wanted to save most. Her eyes widened in shock and regret, tears beginning to spill over. She didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

​Before she could finish her apology, Giyu moved. He didn't pull away or yell. He stepped forward and pulled her into a tight, desperate hug. His face was buried in her shoulder.

"Hana," he said out, his voice muffled against her. "Thank you."

Hana gasped, her breath catching in her throat as she felt the tremors running through his body. She slowly wrapped her arms around him, holding him back with everything she had. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting her tears fall. For the first time in years, Giyuu felt like he was finally home.