3 - The Trio’s Fun Day Off
3 - The Trio’s Fun Day Off
As it happens, the Student Council Trio was always busy. Lily Shiraishi always took her job seriously, but she was the type who figured that if she did the bare minimum of what was required, she could ignore the rest. As a result, the smaller jobs were always passed on to the vice-president, the treasurer, and the secretary.
“I need moah tomatoh juice,” Michie Ootake said as she stared at her mana screen with vacant eyes. Her white skin and red eyes had an even more unhealthy pallor than usual. She looked extremely sick.
“...There’s some tomato juice on the desk, gyah,” Kanna Kamiyama said as she pointed at Michie’s desk. Kanna was always a tomboy, with a wild look about her. But now she was exhausted. Her hair was a mess. She looked less wild and more like somebody who’d been stranded at sea. Her mana screen was also displaying a huge amount of data.
“Dah tomatoh juice ya bought doesn’t have salt in it!” Michie slammed a fist down on the desk. The pack of tomato juice, which had a straw already poked into it, bounced a little.
Kanna looked annoyed.
“You can’t put salt into tomato juice, gyah. Only no-salt tomato juice is worth drinking, gyah. It needs to be natural, gyah.”
“Can’t yah do somethin’ about that obsession with all-natural stuff yah’ve got? When yer tired, yah need salt. Dat’s just how it goes.”
“Drink your own dried sweat then, gyah.”
“...Looks like yer askin’ to get those hairs on your body ripped off.”
Both Michie and Kanna froze. The two of them were glaring at each other. The third member of the trio must have saw this, because she opened her mouth.
“Gugah.”
She was a Liradan, tall, with glasses and long black hair. Like most Liradans, her facial expression changed rarely, and when she spoke her face remained completely flat. But there was something in her voice that brooked no disagreement... Or at least, maybe there was. It was hard to tell. Both Michie and Kanna slumped back in their chairs.
“Yeah, I know it’s mah fault for bein’ tired.”
“I know I’m in a bad mood too, gyah.”
“Gugah gugah gugah,” the Liradan, Arnoul, said.
Michie laughed. She and Kanna could understand what Arnoul was saying.
“...Ah see. Yer right. We need ta get outta here once in a while.”
“We haven’t had a day off in forever, gyah.”
“And then there was that whole mess with the Zero War... We ain’t had a break in forevah.”
“Cleaning up from that mess was rough, gyah. We got hurt too, but the president doesn’t give us any credit, gyah.”
“What we need is ta have some fun.”
“Agreed, gyah!”
Both Michie and Kanna got excited.
“Gugah.”
“Yup. I’ll pay for your share, Arnoul. It’s our way of saying sorry for punching you when you were controlled by Zero.” Kanna slapped her fist against her chest, proudly.
Michie looked at Kanna, impressed.
“That’s really nice of yah, Kanna.”
“Nope. The two of us are gonna pay for her, gyah.”
“Really? Well, whatevah. Anything for Arnoul!”
For a moment, Michie looked annoyed, but then she grinned. Kanna grinned back, and then her pallid face quickly took on a serious expression.
“But that leaves the President.”
“No way is she gonna let us have a day off.”
“Gugah.”
The three of them crossed their arms in thought, but nobody had any ideas. Eventually, Kanna shook her head.
“Gaah! Enough thinking about it!”
“There ain’t no way she’ll ever give us a day off.”
Michie spread her hands in resignation. But then Arnoul spoke, as if to urge them to do something.
“Gugah gugah.”
Kanna’s eyes flashed, as if Arnoul’s words had moved her.
“So what we’ve gotta do is run, gyah.” Michie nodded with a stern expression.
“The president’s out taking a call right now... If we wanna do it, now’s our only chance.”
Michie and Kanna looked at each other and grinned. They simultaneously leapt out of their chairs and raced towards the door of the student council room. They flung it open and made a break for it, running as fast as they could. Arnoul walked after them, seemingly slowly, yet somehow managing to keep pace. But then the three of them froze at a voice from behind them.
“Oh, perfect timing. I just got a weird call...” They knew without looking that it was Lily Shiraishi, so they didn’t bother turning around. They began to dash once again towards the way out.
“...Hey, wait! You bastards!” Lily stretched out a hand after them, but the three were used to her tricks. In an instant they’d rounded the corner and dodged her attack. Lily was left alone, and completely confused.
“What’s their problem? Bah, I bet I know what it is. The bastards are ducking their work! Well, I’m gonna give them ‘Grannie’s Whuppin,’ a torture so bad they’ll regret ever being born!”
Lily’s face curled into a frown.
“...That was a weird call, though. ‘The Liradan we keep as a servant at home left to go to to the academy, saying it was going to defeat the Demon King. Please capture it.’ What the hell was that about?” She took out her student handbook and looked her contacts.
“Those three probably won’t pick up... So I’ll let the disciplinary committee handle it. It’s basically his fault anyway. Let’s see if he can actually contribute to society for once.” She said as she started to call Akuto.
○
“Well, she’s gonna be pissed, gyah.”
“We’ve made our choice, no sense in thinkin’ about it now.”
Michie and and Kanna frowned at each other, but Arnoul shook her head. The three of them had made it out to the city.
“Gugah.”
“...Dat’s right. For now, let’s forget about it and have some fun.” Michie nodded.
“That’s right,” Kanna said. Her grim mood quickly passed, and she became extremely excited.
“Alright! Let’s have some fun, gyah! First, let’s get some udon, pizza, and then...”
“Whenever ya see tsukimi udon, or pizza, or anything that looks like a full moon, ya know ya transform... And anyway, I’m not that hungry.” Michie sighed, but then she smiled.
“But pizza does sound good. Ya know, there’s a new place dat just opened, where a champion pizza dough-thrower works.”
“Hmm, okay. Let’s get some pizza then. I’ll make sure not to look at it until it’s cut, gyah. And pizza’s got your favorite, tomatoes.”
“And I can pour bright red tabasco on it, too. Italian cookin’ sure has a lot of red stuff in it, huh?”
“I can’t wait, gyah!”
The three of them laughed and started to walk, but suddenly Arnoul spoke.
“Gugah.”
“Huh? There’s somebody behind us?”
“No, don’t turn around, gyah.”
Michie and Kanna’s voices were tense. Somebody was following them.
“This is our vacation. We don’t wanna get caught up in a mess.”
“Hmm... That’s a Liradan, gyah.”
Kanna’s nose twitched. She had an exceptionally good sense of smell. The three of them were in charge of a school filled with rowdy students, and they’d been involved in two past wars. They may have looked cute, but they were all strong fighters. They analyzed the fighting capability of the Liradan behind them without even looking.
“They’re terrible at hidin’, though...”
“Gugah.”
“Hmm... Seems to be an agricultural model, not a combat one? I do smell soil, gyah...”
“Which means they’re probably not much of a threat, whatever they’re doing here, huh?”
“Yeah. If we gotta deal with ’em, we can, gyah. But I don’t want them following us. Let’s lose them before we get started, gyah. We can meet at the soba stand in the shopping street,” Kanna said.
Then the three of them started to run. They split off in three different directions at the corner, and disappeared into the crowd. It would’ve been tough for a veteran pursuer to follow them, so a non-combat Liradan wouldn’t have a chance. Eventually, the three of them showed up one by one at the soba stand.
“We lost her without any trouble, gyah.”
“Now we can eat our soba in peace... wait, wasn’t it supposed to be Italian?”
“Guga.”
“I just picked a place that was easy to meet up at, gyah. We can start with a little bowl of soba and a drink of sake, then wander around and go clothes shopping for a bit. We’ll be hungry again before too long.”
“Please don’t get any alcohol...” The three of them opened their menus and ordered something light. Soon, some small sweets and bowls of soba were brought to their table.
“You guys put your wasabi on the noodles themselves, or just drop it in the broth?”
“I’ve never thought about it.”
“Gugah.”
“You never eat soba anyway? Oh, I see, gyah...”
The three of them were enjoying their conversation as they ate, when the other customers began speaking excitedly about something.
“Huh...?”
“What’s going on? Are they hungry?”
“Don’t look...!”
The customers were all looking at the same thing: the window the trio was sitting next to.
“...Got a bad feelin’,” Michie said, looking towards the window fearfully.
“Gyah!”
“Gugah.”
Kanna and Arnoul screamed. There was a Liradan pressed up right against the window.
“T-That’s the one that was followin’ us! I thought we ditched it!”
“Gugah.”
“Yer right! It probably just checked every window on the street!”
Past the Liradan, they could see the people in the other shops looking at it worriedly. It must’ve stared into their windows as well. The Liradan looked like a young girl with thin arms and legs. Like most Liradans, it had a pretty face, but it didn’t seem to take care of its skin, and looked like a cheerful country girl.
“So um... what is that, gyah?”
“I-I dunno... No clue, actually.”
Kanna and Michie looked at each other and froze. The Liradan was staring at the three of them like a child who wanted a trumpet, or a kingfisher hovering above the water waiting to grab a fish. From the look on her face, there was some kind of incredible passion burning within it. It was far more expressive than most Liradans.
The Liradan reached a hand behind its back, and pulled out a small sickle. Then it backed away from the window, walked through the automatic door, and came inside. Of course, it headed straight for them.
“W-What do you want, gyah?”
“If there’s somethin’ you wanna say, just calm down and say it.”
The Liradan ignored the two of them and raised its scythe.
“My name is Monami! I’ve come to defeat the Demon King! But first, I’m going to defeat his trio of servants!” The Liradan jumped at Kanna, the nearest one to her.
“Take this!” she screamed, but there was only a very small “thwack” sound. Kana had simply grabbed the blade of the scythe between her thumb and index finger.
“C-Calm down, gyah. How can we be servants of the Demon King when we’re so cute!”
“You’re lying! I can see your uniforms!” Monami tried to struggle, so Kanna lifted her off the ground by her scythe.
“Uniforms?”
“Our school uniforms?”
Kanna and Michie looked at each other.
“Those are the uniforms of the Demon King’s servants! So I’m going to defeat you!” Monami yelled loudly.
“I’m... not following, gyah.” Kanna fell silent, unsure of what to do.
Michie poked her with an elbow.
“L-Let’s just get out of here. We’re bothering the other customers.”
“Y-Yeah... You’re right.” Kanna nodded. Both the customers and staff were staring at them. She took out her wallet with one hand and handed it to Arnoul, gulped down one last bite of soba, and then carried Monami outside.
“Hey! Lemme go, you coward! Fight fair!”
“Sure, sure thing. Got it, gyah.” Kanna said.
“Let’s just go someplace else first.”
“Sorry, folks,” Michie said, bowing to everybody in the soba place before she left. The two of them looked at each other, frowning, uncertain what to do about the still-struggling Monami.
“Gugah.”
Arnoul, who had finished paying the bill, walked out of the shop and pointed to the other side of the street.
“Dat’s right. Let’s go to the park.”
“It’s better than dealing with it here, gyah.”
Monami struggled the whole way to the park.
“Let me go, you cowards!”
“...All you have to do is let go of your sickle, gyah,” Kanna said when they arrived at the park. Monami was easily convinced.
“Oh yeah. You’re right.” She let go and dropped to the ground, before looking up at Kanna with a confident expression.
“Hahaha! Now that I’m free, you’re mine! Prepare yourself!” she said as she prepared to leap at Kanna again.
“Calm down, gyah.” Kanna waved a hand. She was still holding the scythe between her fingers, and its hilt passed several dozen centimeters in front of Monami’s face. Even this little breeze, though, was enough to knock her back, and she looked up at Monami fearfully.
“Using a weapon like that is cowardly! I get it! You had me let go so you could steal my weapon! How evil! Just what I’d expect of the Demon King’s servants!”
“That’s not what’s going on here, gyah.” Kanna sighed, but Monami was still pissed.
Arnoul stepped in front of her.
“Gugah.”
“Grr... You’re really big!” Monami said, scared.
“Gugah gugah guga.”
“You’re saying you don’t serve the Demon King either?” Monami could tell what Arnoul was saying, too. Arnoul began to use the compressed language of the Liradans.
“Gugahgugahhgugahgugahgugugah.”
“Huh? The Demon King wears this uniform, but he doesn’t actually control the school,? And there are lots of people who want to beat the demon king, but nobody’s succeeded so I shouldn’t even try? Is that it?” Monami repeated back what Arnoul had said.
Arnoul had actually said a whole lot of other things, but that was all Monami had been able to understand. Still, it was more than enough.
“I see...” She frowned and looked down at the ground.
“I just wanted to defeat the Demon King... But I was really rude to you. I’m sorry.” Monami bowed deeply.
“Sigh... Well, as long as you understand. Just don’t try anything stupid like this again. If you see anybody else in our uniforms, don’t attack them.” Kanna said, and handed back the sickle. Monami hung the sickle on her belt and started to walk away.
Michie frowned as she watched her go.
“It feels like we’ve done somethin’ bad...”
“There’s nothing else we could do though, gyah. What were we supposed to do, gyah? And what kind of Liradan takes the form of a stupid child, anyway?” Kanna frowned.
“Gugah,” Arnoul answered. According to what she said, child Liradans were often made for the elderly, either those who needed care or those who had no children. But since their owners tended to die so often they changed owners constantly. And once they’d spent too long in one place and developed a mind of their own, they found few buyers, and were often sent off to do light agricultural work.
“And you say there’s also a good chance she’s defective somehow?” Michie said glumly.
“Then there should be somebody who’s looking after her, gyah.”
“Gugah.”
“...Even if she does, she may not be able to contact him. Her telepathic phone might broken, huh?” Michie sighed. There was an awkward silence after that.
“...W-Well, let’s go get our pizza. We didn’t really get a chance to enjoy our soba.” Kanna forced a laugh.
“Gugah.”
“Y-Yer right. Arnoul is telling us we shouldn’t try and get involved...” Michie said, not entirely convinced, but she and Kanna started walking.
“We’re cutting work to do this, so we’d better enjoy it!”
“Let’s go enjoy our day without the President!”
Their attempt to force themselves to have fun failed, though, and they went window shopping with dead eyes and hollow laughter.
“Ahahah. This is so fun, gyah.”
“It sure is!”
“Gugah.”
But the periods of silence got longer and longer. Then, they heard an incredible sound behind them. DOGASSHAN! They turned around, fearing the worst, and of course, it was Monami. She’d leapt at a man sitting at a café terrace, and tripped.
“Gugyahgugyah...”
“What a mess...”
Kanna and Michie sighed. The man was very clearly not in a legitimate line of work. He was wearing a brightly colored suit and strangely colored golden accessories.
“Prepare yourself, servant of the Demon King!” Monami said, even as she lay on the ground. Fortunately, the man was too stunned to be mad. Kanna and Michie looked at each other and chuckled.
“...Wanna do it, gyah?”
“...Oh, fine.” Michie nodded. Both she and Kanna started running at the same time. Kanna quickly leapt in and grabbed Monami, then turned on her heels and bolted. Michie jumped in beside her, picked up the chair that had fallen over, straightened up the tablecloth, and bowed before the man could react.
“We’re very sorry! Farewell!”
Then she ran away, even faster than Kanna.
○
“Sigh... What a mess, gyah.”
“We told yah ta stop...” Once they were away, they started to lecture Monami. But Monami just looked annoyed, and didn’t say a word.
“Gugah.” Arnoul said, but Monami didn’t answer.
“I have to defeat the Demon King,” was all she said.
“We told you to stop, though, gyah.” Monami shook her head.
“I have to defeat the Demon King no matter what.”
“...Listen, you say that, but you keep attacking random people. You don’t even know who the Demon King is, do you?” Kanna asked.
“The Demon King is Akuto Sai, from Constant Magical Academy,” Monami said.
“...If you know, then why are you attacking random people?”
“The Demon King has lots of servants, right? So I need to defeat them and get experience.”
What she said made sense, in a way. Of course, it didn’t seem likely she’d learn anything from her experiences, and she wasn’t even attacking the right people to start with.
“He doesn’t have that many servants. And right now, the Empress controls his power,” Kanna said, but Monami still didn’t believe her.
“His servants are all over the town! And a lot of the students serve him as well!”
“It’s not like that, gyah...” Kanna fell silent, but Michie slapped her hands together as if she’d had an idea.
“We’ll take ya to him, then!”
“Huh?”
Both Kanna and Monami gasped in surprise. Michie whispered into Kanna’s ear.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but she’s just a kid. If we have to, we can bring out Akuto Sai and have him play with her for a while.”
“Smart thinking, gyah,” Kanna agreed. “Fine, gyah. We’ll help you, gyah.”
Kanna put Monami down and brought a hand to her chest.
“Help me?”
“That’s right, gyah. We’ll take you to Akuto Sai. And fight with you, gyah!” Kanna said confidently. They could punch Akuto Sai as hard as they wanted, and it wouldn’t matter. And when she saw the fight, Monami might even be convinced that the Demon King was defeated. At least, that was what they’d thought, but...
“Let’s go, then! Follow me!” Monami started to walk away, as if she was the leader and expected the others to follow her.
“We said we’d show you to him,” Kanna said, but Monami was unmoved.
“We have to do this in order, though. I know where his servants are. We just don’t need any experience now, cause you guys are really strong,” Monami said as she started to lengthen her stride. The trio started to follow her.
“Huh? You know where his servants are?”
“That’s right, gyah. Of course, I looked it up! Now follow me, my servants!” Monami began to happily wave her sickle as she walked.
“Wait...where are we going?”
“To the Demon King’s servants.”
Monami was heading towards an ordinary residential area.
“How’d we end up here?” Michie asked, confused, as Monami stopped in front of what looked like a small apartment.
“What? Is this the place, gyah?” Kanna asked. Monami said nothing as she walked to the front door. She picked up a small brick that was lying on the ground and smashed it into the window. CRASH!
“Gyah!”
“Aaah!”
There was a loud shattering sound, followed by Kanna and Michie shouting in surprise.
“What the hell was that for?” A man in a baggy shirt came to the door. His head was shaved. Even his eyebrows were shaved. He was clearly a man they wanted nothing to do with.
“R-Run, gyah!”
“T-This guy is bad news!” Kanna and Michie started to flee, but before they could, Monami had sprung into action.
“Wooh!” Monami let out a strange shout. The next thing they knew, her sickle was embedded in the head of the skinhead man.
“Gyaah!”
“Aaaah!”
Kanna and Michie screamed again, louder this time. Blood was streaming from the skinhead’s head. The sickle hadn’t dug in very deep, but the blood was flowing freely.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the skinhead howled. Kanna and Michie looked around to find a place to flee. But Arnoul simply said, “Gugah” and pointed towards the road. There was more bad news waiting. A man was running at them with an angry look. He was the man who Monami had attacked at the café.
“...Are they friends?”
“T-That’s not good, gyah...”
By now, the skinhead had grabbed Monami and lifted her off the ground.
“Lemme go! You jerk!”
“Shaddup, you stupid kid!” The skinhead was incredibly angry. It was clear that if they didn’t intervene, something awful would happen to Monami.
“D-Do we wanna fight, gyah?”
“I-I dunno...”
Sweat was pouring down their foreheads. It wasn’t that they didn’t think they could win. But fighting somebody in the middle of town was something that they hesitated to do, if only for fear of how it would look on their permanent record. But in that quick instant, Arnoul was already on the move.
“Gugah!” She quickly grabbed Monami back, and then knocked away the sickle, which the man had pulled out of his head and was preparing to stick at Monami’s throat.
“Tch! Who the hell are you?” the skinhead yelled as he stuck out his right hand. A light shone within it as a mana ball flashed towards Arnoul.
“Gugah!” Arnoul easily knocked it away, but the fact that he’d used magic was enough to spur Kanna and Michie into action.
“If they attacked in town, they must be black mages, gyah!”
“That means we can do whatever we want, long as we don’t go too wild!”
The two of them nodded, and then broke off, one running right and the other running left.
“DOGYAAAHN!” Kanna turned her right hand into a beast’s paw and blasted the skinhead away with a single strike.
“GOOO!” Michie created a whirlwind that swept the running man off his feet, and then in an instant got behind him, striking him with a chop in the neck. The man passed out instantly and slumped to the floor.
“If they’re black mages...”
“They really were bad news.”
Michie and Kanna looked at one another.
“Gugah,” Arnoul said as she let Monami down to the ground. “Gugah gugah.”
“Huh? What are you trying to say, gyah?”
“What Monami’s saying is, in a way, true?”
“Gugahgugaah.” Arnoul began to summarize what she’d heard from Monami. Everyone on Monami’s list of “servants of the Demon King” was part of a nasty plot to steal land from some farmers.
“And yer sayin’ Monami’s home is one of the ones they’re trying to steal?”
“But all we have to do then is turn them over to the knights, gyah,” Kanna said, relieved.
“Dat’s right. That stuff about the Demon King’s probably just a bluff they used to scare the farmers. If they’ve been breakin’ da law, this is easy. Anyway, we’ve got time now Let’s call the knights, send Monami home, and we should still have time ta grab pizza...”
“Gugah.” Arnoul cut her off.
“Huh? It’s not that easy?”
“Gugahgugaah.”
“The knights are being bribed? And these guys aren’t even real black mages, just a group of criminals?”
“Oh jeez, gyah.”
“I guess we can’t just send ’er to the Knights then, can we? Come to think of it, there actually aren’t any nights in dis town who the President hasn’t punched out.”
“Even without the bribery, they probably wouldn’t be happy to see us, gyah. And the Knights won’t want to go after these guys without at least some preparations... which means...”
Michie and Kanna’s faces began to turn gloomy.
“W-Well, we can at least call the cops, gyah? And then... go home?” Kanna forced herself to smile. But Michie didn’t.
“We can’t do that. They’ll go ta Monami’s house ta get revenge.”
“That’s right, gyah. Which means...”
“We need to handle this ourselves,” Michie sighed.
“Gugah.” Arnoul pointed behind them. The man Michie had defeated had gotten up and was making a telepathic call to someone as he fled.
“This just got a lot worse, gyah. We’re gonna have to hit their base, gyah.”
“Monami, take us to yer home. If you don’t, the bad guys will destroy it.”
○
“So dis is yer home, Monami?”
“It’s... um... I’mma be honest. It’s a dump, gyah.”
“Gugah.” Even Arnoul agreed. The plot of land it was on was pretty big, but the building at the center was a large, single-story house. It must’ve been quite impressive in its day, but that day had come and gone a long time ago. There was a sign near the door that said “Sasahara Inn,” but it looked more like a haunted mansion than an inn.
“I can see why somebody’d want to steal the land, gyah,” Kanna said as she looked around. The place was in the middle of the city, an oasis of greenery surrounded by grey. It was like having your own big nature park.
“If they forgot about running an inn and opened a restaurant, they could make a ton of money.”
“No matter what they try, it doesn’t work. The only thing they ever get to eat is the vegetables I grow,” Monami pointed out at the side of the mansion. There was a well-tended garden there.
“Why does nothing work, I wonder, gyah?”
“Now’s not da time fer dat. This place is gonna be a pain to defend.”
The three of them were veteran warriors. They knew instantly that this place wasn’t going to be easy to protect. The enemy could hide among the trees, get close, and set fire to the building.
“Yeah, this is gonna be tough, gyah.”
“Gugah.”
As the three of them talked, a friendly looking couple came out of the inn. It was a plump old woman and a frail, thin man. They looked like a perfect couple.
“Monami!” The woman ran towards them.
“Oh, um, ’bout dis...” Michie opened her mouth, but before she could, the woman bowed.
“Yes, thank you. You’re with the Academy, right? You brought her back like we asked. I don’t know what got into her. She just ran off and said she was going to defeat the Demon King...” The woman seemed to know what had happened to her Liradan. But she probably didn’t know everything.
“Um, well, about that, gyah...”
“Yes?”
“Um, those servants of the Demon King that Monami went after... Well, they’re not really that, but um... she kind of ticked them off,” Kanna said hesitantly. The woman didn’t seem to understand though.
“Hmm... I see.”
“It’s um... kind of a big problem... Basically, some bad people are coming, and they’re gonna burn your house down, gyah.” When Kanna said it that bluntly, even the old woman was able to understand.
“What? W-W-What do we do?”
“We’re gonna have to fight, gyah. We’ll handle it, but we need you to hide somewhere in your home, and keep Monami with you. If you don’t keep an eye on her, she’ll try and join the fight,” Kanna said, handing Monami over to the woman. The woman bowed as Monami grabbed her and clung to her waist.
“I... I don’t know what to say.”
“You can thank us later. For now, get inside da house,” Michie said. The couple started to walk inside, taking Monami by the hand and bringing her with them.
“Now... Let’s see what they do.”
“Gugah.”
“Yeah. They’ll figure it’s faster to destroy the house than try to threaten the family, gyah.”
“No matter whose fault it really was, da fact is that we hit them first. Dey’ll be willing to go pretty far. And dey might figure that the knights won’t come after them over one arson.”
“But they’ve seen our faces, gyah. If revenge is their priority, they’ll pick a fight with us before they try to burn the house down, gyah.”
“Gugah.”
“They might try to set fire to the house to lure us out, huh? It’s dangerous, but we’re gonna have to to stay stationed around da house...” The three made their decision. Just as they did, they felt a powerful presence among the trees.
“They’re here, gyah.”
“Split up!”
“Gugah.”
The three of them each ran off in different directions. The sun was just beginning to set. A shot from an incantation gun marked the beginning of the battle. Kanna, who was at the rear gate of the mansion, was the target.
“Explosion magic!” Kanna was caught off guard. She was able to dodge the bullet itself, but was caught up in the ensuing explosion. A shockwave ripped through the air as the smoke enveloped her. The black mage who’d fired the shot walked out of the trees, holding the gun at his side, to see what effects his shot had had. But when the smoke cleared, he didn’t see Kanna lying on the ground. Instead he saw a huge, four-legged wolf creature.
“What the hell?” The black mage let out a cry of surprise.
“...If that’s how you wanna play this, then I’ll go full power from the start, gyaah!” Kanna howled and quickly leapt at the mage, knocking him over and sending his gun flying. But when the other black mages saw this, they changed their strategy. They began to circle around her, firing mana balls and incantation guns from the trees.
“Gyah gyah... I know it ain’t easy to kill an academy student, but that doesn’t make it okay to use weapons that would put us out of the game for good, gyah...” Kanna sighed, then speedily jumped off one tree trunk and landed on another, taking down three black mages in mid-air with a single strike. But the attacks on her didn’t let up.
“...Looks like their goal is to take us out first, gyah.” Michie was feeling the same as Kanna.
“The President must’ve come after these guys before...” The knights and criminals in the city all called Lily Shiraishi the long-armed demon. She’d gotten the name from her habit of stretching out her arms and punching anybody she didn’t like. Of course, both the knights and criminals hated her, and it was no stretched of the imagination to assume that they hated her trio of flunkies as well.
Just like Kanna, Michie was having a rough time of it too. Her mechanical bats should have given her a powerful advantage in conditions like these, but some of the black mages had more combat experience than she’d expected. They’d noticed the bats’ weakness and began to fire off magical supersonic jamming waves. Now Michie could only control the bats in her field of vision.
“If I bring the bats back, I can protect myself and the house, but...” Michie herself was hiding behind the mansion’s incinerator. She wasn’t under attack herself, but it didn’t make much difference. The enemy had more people than they did. If this dragged out, it was going to get worse. “Dis ain’t good...”
Arnoul was struggling, too. She’d been forced to go head to head against some heavy equipment the black mages had brought: a power excavator.
“Gugahgah.” Arnoul had wrapped her arms around the excavator’s shovel to keep it from going further, but even with all her strength that was all she could do. And more black mages had surrounded her from a distance, and were firing at her with mana balls and incantation guns. She was using a defense field to protect herself, but the mana was draining fast, and she couldn’t block all the shots.
“Gugahgahgah... Gugah!” Arnoul screamed. The excavator began to flail its shovel to the left and right. With so much of her mana going to defense, Arnoul couldn’t stop it. The shovel picked her up off the ground and flung her into the air.
“Gugah!”
When she hit the ground, though, she landed on something soft. She looked around to see that Kanna and Michie had been thrown to the same spot.
“Ugh... T-This ain’t good, gyah.”
“Mebbe... mebbe we better just focus on survivin’...”
“Gugah...”
The three of them looked at each other with muddy faces. But before they could do anything, they were surrounded by nasty looking black mages.
“You’re gonna regret getting involved in this, girlies.” A man with a white suit and a pompadour, who seemed to be their leader, walked to the front. When the three of them said nothing, he continued.
“I don’t want to make this too big of a deal, but you are gonna have to pay for this. We won’t kill you, but we will get some screams out of you at least.” He jerked his head towards his men. Three of them walked forward and grabbed the girls by the hair, yanking them to their feet.
“They may have brought help. Break down the door to the inn and search the inside.”
Several of the men started to kick the door.
“S-Stop...” Kanna moaned, but another of the men punched her in the stomach to shut her up.
“Gwaah...”
The humiliation hurt worse than the pain.
“Shut up. We’re not going to kill you. But you know, I thought the President would be here, so I brought enough men to fight a war. I’m glad she wasn’t. Even if you called her now, it’s too late,” the man in the white suit said, just as the door was broken down with a final kick.
“Ugh... We should’ve called the President when we came here, gyah.”
“We couldn’t, we were skippin’ work...”
“Sob... To think all this happened because we wanted to eat a pizza...”
The three of them were crying, but nobody was listening. Except one person.
“Well, this isn’t good. No matter what I do, I’m not going to feel good about it.” The black mages turned around to see who had spoken.
“Don’t be such a pussy!” The man in white yelled, thinking it was one of his men, but when he turned around, he froze.
“W-What... It’s the real one!”
“The real one...?”
The black mages began to panic. The person he was referring to frowned.
“If it’s that big of a surprise to you, I would’ve preferred you never used my name to begin with.”
“Huh? Then...”
The black mages began to back away from him.
“Y-You morons! Don’t let him scare you, or we’ll have no hope at all!” The man in the white suit pointed at the boy — Akuto Sai — and then made a motion with his hand for the other mages to take the girls hostage. The black mages pointed their guns at the girls’ heads.
Akuto frowned again. “Like I said, I’m not gonna be happy no matter what happens...”
In the next instant, the men’s arms began to flail out to the sides, like their bodies had started moving on their own.
“H-Hey... What the hell are you doing?” The man in the white suit was scared now.
“I-I dunno... it’s like somethin’ grabbed our arms!”
The man in the white suit turned back to look at Akuto. He nodded with a dark look on his face.
“I’m doing it. I don’t want to, but I am. Well, I don’t think you’re interested in my feelings, so I’m just going to go ahead and do it instead of talk.”
“W-What are you saying..? H-Huh?” The man in the white suit went to fire off a spell, and froze. His hands spread wide on their own, until it looked like he was hanging on a cross.
“T-This is impossible... Nobody’s got the strength to paralyze that many people at once!” He yelled, now beginning to worry. But there was no look of terror on his face, yet.
Akuto sighed when he saw this.
“You know that nobody can do what I’m doing, and you’re not even bothering to think? Shouldn’t you be thinking something like, ‘How do I get this guy to forgive me?’” he said.
The black mages finally began to understand what was going on. Their faces grew thin smiles as they apologized.
“W-We’re sorry. For using your name. B-But you know, you’re famous. Hey, let’s make a deal. Let us serve you. We can...” Akuto cut the man in the white suit off with a shake of his head.
“No. That’s not what I want to hear.” There was no anger in his voice, but the moment he spoke, the man in white began screaming. His right arm was twisted in an unnatural direction, and the sound of something snapping could be heard.
“Gyaaaah! I’m Sorry! I’m sorry! That wasn’t what I meant to say... We’ll leave this place alone... So...”
“That’s not it either,” Akuto said, in a voice like you’d use to scold a child, and then turned his gaze to the man’s left hand. This time it was that hand which began to bend and twist. Another scream echoed through the woods.
“You’re apologizing to the wrong person. If this is that hard for you to understand...” Akuto waved a hand.
The black mages all floated up into the air, and their bodies lined up in a row before him. As they floated there frozen in terror, he took on the voice of a teacher.
“Now, who can tell me the right answer?”
But nobody said a word. He shook his head in disgust.
“You need to say you’re sorry to the three of them.” Akuto waved a hand. The five closest to him began to scream as their arms twisted. Those whose arms were still intact quickly began to apologize.
“We’re sorry! W-We’re sorry!”
But Akuto cut them off. “Don’t say you’re sorry just because I made you!”
Another five limbs snapped. The black mages flopped to the ground, squirming like invertebrates.
“Now, who here can tell me what you need to do?” he asked again. But once again nobody answered him. He repeated himself again, and again, and by the time he was done, at least 30 black mages were lying on the ground, screaming and flailing helplessly.
“T-This is terrifying, gyah.”
“H-He’s worse than they are...”
“Gugah...”
The trio could do nothing but huddle together and shiver.
“Why don’t you get it? All you need to do is apologize, and then say you’re going to go straight...” Akuto shook his head, frowning.
“W-We swear... we swear...” The man in the white suit moaned. But Akuto shook his head.
“I told you... Don’t say that just because I told you to,” Akuto said. He went to snap another one of the man’s limbs, but he realized there were no more bones left to break.
“Well, whatever. What’s important is that you understand this for yourself. That’s what I’m trying to say here,” Akuto whispered, and the men went floating into the air. Mana began to flow into their broken limbs, which rapidly repaired themselves. The blood returned to their faces. They smiled in relief, as tears of regret flowed down their faces.
“T-Thank you... We understand. We’ll go straight...” The man in white got on his knees and bowed in front of Akuto. An unhappy light gleamed in Akuto’s eyes.
“I told you. You’re apologizing to the wrong person. Now you’re just making it look like you’re apologizing because I hurt you!” he yelled. This time he snapped every bone in the man in white’s body.
“Gyaaah!”
The black mages could do nothing but shudder. Even the trio couldn’t speak. Akuto looked down at the men coldly.
“Now, we’re going to do the ‘snap your bones and then heal them’ thing until every one of you understands. And if even one of you doesn’t get it, I’m going to do it to all of you. Are we clear?” None of the black mages had the strength left to say a word.
“I think I’ve seen this before somewhere, gyah...”
“It reminds me of my elementary school P.E. teacher.”
All Kanna and Michie could do was shiver as they watched the scene unfold. It was like a scene out of hell, as bones were continually shattered and rebuilt. By the time of this third cycle of destruction and recreation, the old couple of the house had sensed something going on and peeked out of their broken front door.
“Aaaah!”
“Uwaaah!”
The two of them were too frightened to stand. In front of them they saw the Demon King, standing coldly, surrounded by the broken bodies of tough-looking men that were squirming in puddles of their own blood. Not many people could stay sane, faced with a sight like that.
“It’s the real Demon King!”
“P-Please don’t kill us...!”
The two of them screamed, and passed out. When he saw this, a glimmer of remorse came into his eyes. He walked over to the trio and scratched his head.
“Sorry. I forgot where I was.”
“...N-No, it was a lot worse than that, gyah.”
“Y-You um... ya went a little too far...”
“Gugah.”
The three of them shook their heads. Then a rock came flying at them. It almost hit Kanna, before Akuto knocked it away with his hand.
“Monami...”
“Uwaaaahhn! I knew you were all with the Demon King! That’s why you hurt all these people in front of my house, and knocked out my masters! The place is a mess! Leave! Leave!” Monami screamed and cried as she threw rocks at them.
“Actually...” Kanna went to say something, but Michie stopped her.
“Well... It’s fine, ya know. It’s all over now.”
“Gugah...” Arnoul stood up and motioned at the two of them. Kanna nodded and stood up too. She walked a little bit aways and looked back at Monami, but all she got was another rock thrown at her.
“Oh... I’m sorry. I don’t... I don’t know what to say. I’m gonna clean up.” Akuto frowned, and then began to load the black mages up into the excavator’s shovel. Then he picked the excavator up with one hand, flung it over his shoulder, and walked off in the opposite direction.
Kanna chuckled a little as she watched him go.
“That’s crazy...”
“I feel stupid for taking this seriously...”
“Gugah...”
The three of them began to walk home through the night, pausing once in a while to look back at the inn.
“That was one hell of a day off, gyah...”
“It wasn’t much of a day off, actually...”
“Gugah.”
“Yeah. We skipped work... and wait, we’re out past curfew!”
“Aaah! Dat’s right!”
“Gugahaaahgugahgugah!”
“Don’t panic, Arnoul! Oh, but... the President’s gonna punish us!”
“Sigh...And all I wanted was to eat some pizza...”
○
“Normally, I’d be giving you ‘Grannie’s Whuppin,’ a punishment so bad you’ll regret being born, but... Your punishment is that you have to sleep outside tonight,” Lily Shiraishi said to them when they got back home. She had a look on her face like there was an itch she couldn’t scratch.
“S-Sleep outside...?”
“That’s right. In other words, no dinner, no beds, no going out to have fun. Sleep on the mountain behind the school. That’s all.”
“Um... is that really all?”
“Don’t make me repeat myself! Or maybe you want a real punishment?” Lily yelled. The three of them decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and fled. They found a relatively flat piece of ground on the mountain, and the three of them all huddled together and looked at the stars.
“How did this happen to us?” Kanna sighed as she set down. Michie frowned.
“Complaining will just make us hungry. And anyway, a wild animal like you doesn’t care if it gets dirty, but I do.”
“You’re already dirty from all the fighting, gyah. Don’t let it bug you, gyah.”
“Man... It pisses me off we lost that fight, too. What a crappy day...”
“Gugah.”
“Yeah, that’s right. All that fighting made me hungry, too.” Michie lay down on the ground, no longer caring that it would mess up her cape. And then she sighed.
“I want a pizza so bad... Mozzarella, gouda... Tomato, paprika, salami...”
“Shut up, gyah. You’re making me hungry.”
“I can’t help it!” Michie flailed her limbs against the ground. Then they heard a voice.
“Um...”
“Hmm?”
The three of them looked over to see Akuto climbing up the mountain, holding a large sack.
“W-What do you want, gyah?” Kanna said, turning her gaze away. It was nobody’s fault, but what had happened had left them feeling pretty awkward.
“I took care of things. I also went and bent the arms of some of the knights, too. No, forget about that. Um... I heard what you were saying.” He sounded like he felt awkward, too.
“What we were saying?” Michie asked. Akuto put down the sack and began to gather up rocks.
“Yeah. You wanted pizza, right? And the President punished you by taking away your food.”
“What’s that got to do with gathering rocks?”
“You can bake it in a makeshift oven. So I was going to make you some pizza. I brought dough and ingredients.” Akuto laid out the stones in the shape of a makeshift heart, and opened the sack for them to see.
“Ooh!”
“Aaah!”
“Gugah!”
The three of them gasped, their eyes shining.
“Wow, gyah! So this is how you seduced all those women!”
“You seduced ’em with pizza!”
“...Um, I don’t have to make this for you, you know.”
“It was a joke, gyah! My way of saying I’m in love with you, gyah!”
“Dat’s right! Now, let’s see it! The red food! The red food!”
“...Why red? Well, whatever. Go get me some kindling.”
“Gugah.”
“Then I’ll stuff some earth in between the stones...”
And then, the 4 of them began to make pizza. In a few minutes, they had a big, round, crispy pizza, all waiting for them.
“Gyah! Gyah!”
“Oooh!”
“Gugah!”
The three of them stared excitedly at the pizza. Kanna even turned into a beast when she saw how round it was. They swarmed the pizza like hungry children. By the time they were done, they’d eaten three whole pies.
“Alright, I’m gonna head back. I want to sleep on a bed.” After having several slices of pizza himself, Akuto stood up to go.
“Aww, stay here and sleep with us!”
“That’s right! Have your way with us!”
Kanna and Michie pleaded jokingly. But after he left, they immediately got tired. Kanna turned into a beast and curled up in a ball, while Michie and Arnoul slept on her stomach.
“Oh, you know... I was just thinking,” Michie said as she looked at the sky.
“What’s that, gyah?”
“It was probably Akuto Sai who got the president not to punish us so hard...”
When Kanna heard this, she was silent for a moment, before letting out a small sigh of admiration.
“Oh, you may be right, gyah. But... A good guy wouldn’t break people’s bones when he lectured them like that, gyah.”
“You may be right... Well, forget it. Just go to sleep...”
“Gugah.”
“I’m a little worried about Monami, though, gyah...”
“She’s still got da wrong idea about us... But there’s no sense in thinkin’ bout it...”
And then the three of them went to sleep. But in the morning, someone came to wake them up.
“Get up.”
It was Nozomi Sasahara, the maid/janitor who was fast becoming famous at the school.
“Mhph...”
“W-Why are you coming to wake us up?”
They looked up, confused, to see Nozomi handing them her work handbook.
“I got this message, and sent it to the Student Council President. And she said to just show it to you guys directly. She said to wake you up, while we were at it.” Nozomi showed them an image on her handbook’s display. It was a letter, written in terrible handwriting.
“I’m sorry. A message came to my masters. Thank you guys. You weren’t with the Demon King. Sorry again. Thank you — Monami.”
“The President must have told her...”
“...Whew. That’s a relief.”
“Gugah.”
The three of them smiled, a little embarrassed, but very relieved.
“Why does a letter from this idiot make you so happy? She doesn’t know how to send messages herself, so she wrote it out on paper and had mom take a picture and send that. That’s how stupid she is. All she’s good for is digging up yams,” Nozomi said, confused.
Michie’s eyes went wide.
“Huh? Mom? Oh... that’s right! That run-down old inn’s name was ”Sasahara!”
“That’s because it’s my house. And I’m sorry you think it’s ‘run-down.’ But well, that won’t be a problem for long. With my genius alchemy, I’m going to turn the place into a brand spanking new building. I’ve already got everything ready. There’s these nasty guys who claim the Demon King is backing them. I told them to go after the place, and then I told him. The two of them are going to run into each other, and the Demon King will win. Once word gets out out that the Demon King defended the place personally, it’ll be famous and worth a ton. Then we can sell a bit of it and rake in the dough... Hmm?”
Nozomi sensed something was wrong, and looked at the trio. They had looks on their faces like a man who’d spent 10 years tracking down his parents’ killer, and finally found him.
“...So it was yer doin’.”
“...I think it’s time for ‘Grandma’s Whuppin.’”
“Gugah.”
“...Huh? What’s going on? Why are you mad?” Nozomi began to back away from them as they drew closer.
Nozomi never said what happened next, and neither did the three of them.