Bonus Story: The Lich's Surveillance and Pomera, the Drunk

Bonus Story:
The Lich’s Surveillance and Pomera, the Drunk

 

MUCH TO MY DISMAY, we were still in the Red Bat.

Pomera was completely drunk, her face as red as an apple. I kept trying to find ways to cut her off, and she kept ordering more cider.

Philia was sitting on Pomera’s lap while Pomera rubbed her head, cheeks, and chin. Philia let it continue and seemed to be enjoying it.

“Lishen, Philia, Kanata’s a hor-horrible person, don’t you think? I jusht asked him to m-marry me, and he ignored the whole thing!” Pomera pouted and glared at me with unfocused eyes.

That conversation had happened a while ago. It seemed she thought that the nickname Holy Fist Pomera had doomed her chances of ever getting married. I’d tried to chalk it up to random drunk talk and let it go, but she kept circling back to it.

“P-Pomera-san, drink some water. No, not cider. I don’t think you should have anymore alcohol.”

“Ah! Look! He jusht changed the topic again! Did you hear that, Philia? Kanata’s so mean! It’d hurt if he jusht said no to my face, but he’s making it worse by avoiding the topic because he doesn’t want to marry me! That’s the third time, third time! The third time he’s avoided it in the same way! Kanata thinks it’s fine cause I’m drunk! Philia, you tell him he’s mean too!”

While I’d thought her mental faculties had gone out the window, she apparently still had full access to her memory. I cradled my head in my hands, my elbows on the table. I was never going to let Pomera drink again.

I had no idea how to deal with plastered Pomera. The other customers and tavern workers were looking at her like she had gone nuts. If she was worried about her reputation, then the drinking was doing more damage than taking credit for Philia’s big arms.

“Philia loves Kanata! Philia will be Kanata’s bride too!” said Philia, raising her hands happily from where she sat in Pomera’s arms.

“Philia, you’re so cute and innocent. But you can’t! Because you’re gonna be my bride! I won’t let you get away!” Pomera tickled Philia again, and the girl giggled happily and waved her arms and legs about. I just prayed that this nightmare would end as quickly as possible.

“Philia loves Pomera too!” said Philia. “Philia will marry Pomera! Does that mean we’re both brides?”

“Waaaait…you can change shape Philia…” said Pomera, her eyes widening with a sudden thought. “Could you look like Kanata for me? Then we’d be bride and groom! You can console me because Kanata rejected me.”

“Oh, come on! That’s just gross!” This was just too much for me to handle. “P-Pomera-san, please, come back to your senses!”

It was no use. Drunk Pomera had no brakes.

“I feel bad being the only person drinking,” said Pomera. “Philia, have some of my drink.”

“Yay! Drinks!”

“W-wait! We can’t let other people see this! Please stop, Pomera-san!” I said.

Technically speaking, Philia was a couple thousand years older than the legal drinking age. I still wasn’t sure if Locklore had a legal drinking age. But it wasn’t something that I wanted to explain to everyone else in the tavern.

Pomera pouted and plunked her chin on the table. “Fine, then you should drink with me, Kanata. I’m lonely. I’m lonely and drunk.”

“…I don’t like being drunk.”

“Oh, come onnn! You shaid you felt bad about the whole demon king thing, so you’d come with me to do whatever I wanted! Philia, I’ve been betrayed by Kanata again! I left Arroburg, where I’d lived my whole life, and I believed in Kanata. And then he betraysh me like this!” Pomera started sobbing, but it seemed like she was faking it.

It still hurt to be accused of betrayal. “ F-fine. I’ll drink a little. Waiter, could we get another glass—”

Pomera suddenly gulped down all the water that had been in my glass, then picked up the cider jug on the table and poured me a refill.

“Hee hee hee… I had an indirect kiss with Kanata,” I heard her whisper to herself. “Look, I poured you a drink! Let’s drink the night away, Kanata!”

Just then, there was a loud sound outside. It almost sounded like something dragging across the wall. Was some drunk stumbling home?

The waiter looked at us with dead eyes. It seemed like he didn’t want us sitting there all night any more than I did. I tried to signal to him with my expression that I’d somehow get her to go home at an acceptable time. He just frowned and turned away.

After a while, I finished my drink. Pomera poured me another. I finished that one…and she poured me another.

It just kept going.

Apparently gaining levels didn’t stop you from getting drunk. I was feeling quite tipsy.

“Hee hee, I’m so happy right now… I love alcohol, and I love Kanata, and I love Philia…” said Pomera in a sing-song voice as she hugged Philia with one arm and the cider jug with the other.

“Pomera-san, we should head back soon…” I said.

I tried to stand and take her arm, but my feet were unsteady. I wavered and fell toward Pomera. She quickly let the cider jug fall to the floor and wrapped her arms around me.

“Ah… Sorry, Pomera-san. Looks like I’m kinda drunk too,” I said.

I looked at Pomera. Our faces were very close together. Her eyes had a faraway look and her cheeks seemed a little redder than before. She suddenly closed her eyes and brought her face even closer to mine.

“W-wait, Pomera-san… What are you…?”

I was caught off guard. Pomera’s face came closer and closer. Her lips were about to touch mine, and…the world stopped.

The next thing I remember, I was sitting back in my chair. Pomera’s head lay on the table, sleeping comfortably.

“Pomera-san? What? Huh…? What just…happened?”

Weird. I could have sworn Pomera was just about to kiss me. I’m drunk too though… Maybe it was a dream?

Philia was pale as a sheet, her eyes glued on the window.

“Philia-chan? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Ph-Philia didn’t see anything!” she said, shaking her head vigorously.

“O-okay… Let’s take Pomera and go home.”

 

***

 

“That Pomera! She’s so forward and flirty with Kanata!” Lunaère looked into the Red Bat through a side window, spying on Kanata and Pomera.

She wasn’t proud of it, but if that was what it took to make sure nothing started between the two adventuring companions, then so be it. Especially tonight. Humans made all sorts of mistakes once they had a little alcohol. That was how…relationships got started.

“How dare she! She even told him to marry her a moment ago! I knew it!”

Lunaère bit her fingernails as she glared at Pomera. Then she pulled the hem of her hood down to hide her grimacing face.

Her breathing was ragged from sheer emotional distress. She tried desperately to get herself under control, but she had been so angry when Pomera drank from Kanata’s glass and had an indirect kiss with him that she’d raked her nails across the wall, leaving deep gouges in the plaster.

Then disaster struck. Kanata pulled on Pomera’s arm to try and get her to stand up. He slipped and fell over onto the white mage.

It ended with the couple locked in a fumbling embrace. They stared into each other’s eyes at point-blank range. Pomera looked vacantly at Kanata, closed her eyes, and brought her face in for a kiss. Their lips moved closer and closer.

“Space-Time Magic Level 25: Ruler of the World!”

It was one of the highest-level spells Lunaère could use. A massive black and white magic circle appeared, and time left the world. Only Lunaère was free to move or even think, but she could only maintain the spell for a short duration since it drained her magic power quickly.

That was still plenty of time for Lunaère to open the window, leap inside, pick up Kanata, return him to his seat, and make a swift exit.

The spell cut out as she was passing back through the opened window. As Lunaère turned to close the sash, Philia glanced in her direction. Their eyes met.

Philia stared at Lunaère with a shocked expression. Lunaère glared back, placing a finger to her lips to make the universal gesture for keep quiet. Then she left, carefully pushing on the window frame to close it without a sound.

“Crisis averted,” she said to herself, letting out a small sigh of relief.