Chapter 5: “Courtship Is Basically an Interview, Right?” I Said, and the Girls All Looked Disgusted. Baffling.
Chapter 5 “Courtship Is Basically an Interview, Right?” I Said, and the Girls All Looked Disgusted. Baffling.
Perfect questing weather.
They’d accepted a job to dispatch some monsters attacking local chickens.
Once they reached the chicken coop in question, Masato’s party prepared for battle—by readying bait to lure out their targets.
“Mom, about this bait you prepared…”
“They said the monster was feline, so I made something a cat would love!”
“You got real hung up on that cat thing, huh? Argh… If only I’d noticed sooner, this would never have happened…”
The bait in Masato’s hand was clearly, beyond all doubt…
Neko-manma. Mamako’s special “cat rice”—a pile of bonito flakes over a bowl of rice.
He put it on the ground, and they hid in the shadow of the coop, waiting.
“What kind of kitty is it?!” Mamako said, excited.
“It’s not a cat! It’s a monster. Argh, this thing is never gonna show. We should’ve just used normal meat… Monsters aren’t going to eat neko-manma…”
“Mm? Hang on. Something’s coming out of the forest…”
“That was quick. Good catch, Wise,” said Medhi. “Porta, can you see anything?”
“That’s… Whoa! It’s a saber-toothed tiger! And it’s really fast!”
“You’re kidding, right?! The neko-manma worked?! On a saber-toothed tiger?!”
The scent of the neko-manma wafted through the air—and a ferocious beast with massive tusks was making a beeline for it.
“A full-on carnivore is seriously targeting some fish flakes on a bowl of rice! I guess that’s not our primary concern, though. That thing’s bad news! One blow from that would mean instant death!”
“Masato, you take the hit! It’s all yours!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back to life right away!”
“I was gonna suggest we try dodging, actually?!”
Wise and Medhi had hidden themselves behind Masato, clutching his clothes and using him as a human shield. “Perfect.” “Porta, just in case, you’d better join us.” “O-okay!” The other two were dubious, but with Porta behind him, he couldn’t exactly shirk his tanking duties.
“Geez! The one time anyone relies on me… But I guess I’m not really complaining!”
He could do this. He was a hero who could be relied upon.
The saber-toothed tiger spied a bigger meal—Masato—and took aim.
Masato held out his left arm, deploying his shield wall, and grimly braced for the attack!
“Oh my! That’s not a kitty, it’s a dangerous monster! In that case… Hyah!”
Mamako attacked. Two multi-target attacks, rock spikes and water bullets, all hit home, and the saber-toothed tiger was instantly vanquished! “Yeah, I knew it.” Masato nodded and lowered his arm.
The battle was over. Quest complete.
“The monster dropped a mountain of gems! I’ll collect them!”
“All yours. Then I guess I’ll clean up the neko-manma. Mom? Chopsticks and soy sauce?”
“Oh, here! I also brought tea.”
“Cool.”
“Now we just have to report this to the guild,” said Wise. “…That sure wrapped up quick.”
“This quest was our only goal for the day, so…we’ve got a lot of free time now,” said Medhi.
“Yeah… What else should we do?” Masato thought about it while he ate the neko-manma.
Then Mamako clapped her hands. “Why don’t we check in on the Mom Shop?”
Several days had passed since they’d opened it for business.
While they were away, they’d left Mone in charge, but…
“Yeah… Couldn’t hurt to check.”
He definitely had concerns. He polished off the neko-manma and was ready to go.
A quick swing by the adventurer’s guild to turn in the quest, and…
“…Right, definitely Catharn. Thanks, Wise!”
“Sure, sure. My magic’s the best.”
“Let’s go check on our shop! Yay!”
Wise’s transport spell had dropped them at the entrance to the Catharn capital. With Mamako’s cry, they set out, headed for the Mom Shop.
“I do hope Mone’s okay…,” Mamako said.
“She’s fine,” Masato reassured her. “Shiraaase said she’d help out if it got to be too much for her.”
“This is fundamentally management’s job anyway,” added Wise. “She’s got this.”
“I’m more worried about Mone’s power than the shop…,” said Medhi.
“If Masato’s not there to dote on her, her powers will spiral out of control! I’m very worried!” exclaimed Porta.
“I’d definitely rather not have a fatal blow hit the town on my watch…but it doesn’t look like we have anything to be worried about. Catharn is clearly safe and sound!”
The town was definitely still here. No signs of any destruction from Mone’s black hole power. There were plenty of people in the street, young and old. Mostly women.
A huge crowd formed a line from the town entrance into the distance.
“What is this? Some sort of event or…? Wait…”
Masato had paused in his tracks, but his body started moving on its own.
He was still standing upright, but his feet were being dragged parallel to the ground. And getting faster. “Whoa?!” “Ah! Ma-kun!” Mamako hastily reached out—but too late. Masato was sliding away down the street.
“H-holy craaaaap?! The hell is going on?! It’s like something’s pulling me in!! Whyyy?!”
He was dragged all the way to the commercial district, following the line of people. Then he hit a sharp curve. “Wahhhh!” The sideways g-force nearly snapped his neck, but on he went.
He could see the front of the line now. It ended at the Mom Shop.
“All these people are Mom Shop customers?! There’s an ON BREAK sign on the door, but… Wait; I’m about to smack right into it!!”
The shop windows were right in front of him, but he wasn’t even slowing down. “Mmph!” He smacked up against them, flattened. But still, he didn’t stop. “Mwaaaa?!” The window was cracked open, and the force was trying to drag him in through it.
And once inside…
“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!”
Mone was curled up behind the counter, staring at her feet, dead-eyed, repeating the same words over and over.
Clearly terminal.
“I can’t, I can’t, I…I c-can’t?! …I…c-c-casatooooo!!”
“Masato, not Casato! So you’re the one who dragged me here? You’ve developed the power to drag only the one you want spoiling you?! Nobody asked for this annoying turn of events—!”
“People! So many peopleeeee! One after another! Aughhhh!”
“Sheesh! You’re in no state to talk, huh?”
Mone had burst into tears and flung her arms around him. With the force of ten thousand men. Emergency spoil charge!
While that happened, the rest of the party caught up.
“Ma-kun, are you okay?! …Oh my! Mone? What’s wrong with her?”
“Your guess is as good as mine… But given the insane crowd outside, maybe the volume got to be too much for her, and she panicked?”
“I can’t take it anymooooore! It’s too muuuuch! Wahhh!”
“There, there,” said Masato. “Just calm down, Mone… I’m sure you did great, right?”
“Uh-huh! Most people were worried about spoiling, and I know more about that than anyone, so I was able to help them all!”
“Then we were right to leave you in charge,” said Mamako. “Still…”
“Yes! The last few days, the number of customers has gone up and up! And I couldn’t handle it anymore! Wahhhh!”
“Please don’t cry! It’s okay now! You’ll be okay!”
Mamako and Porta both patted Mone on the back. But Mone wasn’t calming down.
Wise and Medhi hesitantly reached to pat her back, too…
“Come on, no more crying…”
“Mone, please calm down.”
“Oh, don’t you dare! I don’t need a demon and a con artist comforting me!”
“Wow, this girl can hold a grudge…”
“She really does have it out for us.”
She’d sounded super-calm for a moment there.
And that did seem to lead to an overall improvement.
“Sorry, Masato. I really lost control… Sniff…”
“Don’t worry about it. Happens to everyone. No one could handle that many customers all on their own. This place has always been booming, but for the number of patrons to grow this explosively… I wonder why?”
“I think this is the cause. Some of the customers brought it. They’re being handed out all over town.”
Mone held up a flyer.
An ad for the Mom Shop. There was a map, and the business hours, and a brief description of services.
And in very big letters, the alarming phrase:
IF WE CAN’T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS, MAMAKO OOSUKI WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND QUIT BEING A MOTHER!
“Yo… Mom, what is this? You’re passing these out?”
“Mommy doesn’t know anything! I certainly didn’t ask for these…”
“Then who’s passing this stuff out? Why would anyone just…? Hmm?”
At the very bottom of the flyer was some fine print.
PRINTING: LIBERE REBELLION.
CONTACT: AMANTE OR SORELLA
And there was a symbol on it—the kanji for Mom written upside down.
“For a society of evil, they sure are sticklers for advertising laws… An impressive show of stupidity.”
“Ms. Shiraaase stopped by earlier and said the same thing. She left, saying she’d handle it…and that I’d better close the shop in the meantime. So I did.”
“Okay…then we’ll leave the idiots to Shiraaase. And we’d better take care of this.”
He glared at the line outside. “Are they still not open?” “This is urgent!” “My children won’t let me spoil them!” “I want my mother to spoil me!” The crowd was growing impatient and knocking on the door and windows.
“Even if the flyers are fake, these people are here with real problems they need solved. We can’t exactly send them away…”
“That’s right! The Mom Shop is here to solve their problems!”
“Okay. Then if we just correct the part about you quitting being a mom if you can’t—”
“Hold up,” interrupted Wise. “I just had a thought… Wouldn’t it be way more fun if we didn’t correct that?”
“We’d destroy the Rebellion’s plans head-on… Yes, that would be delightful!” concurred Medhi.
“I agree! Mama and Masato’s ultimate technique will defeat these people’s problems and the Four Kings!”
“Er… Uh, I mean… I do like facing people down and emerging victorious, but…”
The burden of being spoiled took too great a toll on Masato.
“Oh, I know! Mone could get in some payback by teaming up with Mom!”
“I’ll go sort the customers’ problems! If they have similar ones, we can resolve them in batches!”
Mone ran out of the shop. She was very fast.
The rest of the girls went behind the counter, preparing refreshments. They were very fast.
Masato bit his lip, and Mamako took her place next to him. Also very fast.
“Come, Ma-kun. You and Mommy are going to work so hard! Hee-hee.”
“Argh… Fine! I get it! I’ll do it! It’s my job!”
With that nigh-apathetic declaration, they opened for business.
The customers came filing in, demanding their troubles be resolved!
“How can I make my children let me dote on them naturally?”
“It’s best to use a lap pillow! Ma-kun, demonstrate?”
“Y-yaaay! Catnip for kids! …Oh, I’m so sleepy… Zzz…”
“How can I subtly get my mother to spoil me?”
“Just link your arm with hers when you’re walking together! Right, Ma-kun?”
“Right on! I’ll escort you to the store, Mom! Come this way!”
Demonstrating their bonds won over one and all…
The sun had set at last.
Over three hundred customers had come to the Mom Shop that day.
They’d resolved each and every problem, but the toll was immense.
“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!”
“M-Ma-kun! You’re fine now! That was the last customer!”
“You did great, Masato! As a reward, I’ll rub your head for you! Let me spoil you!”
“Huh? …Spoil? Spoil?!”
“Masato! Here are some sweets and a soda! Nothing like spoiling yourself when you’re exhausted!”
“Eeeek! I’ve had enough spoiling to last me a lifetiiiiime!”
He and Mamako had demonstrated proper spoiling techniques so many times it had damaged his very mind. Being spoiled had traumatized him.
And faced with this fact…
“Geez, fine, whatever… Medhi, let’s do this.”
“Yes. We’d better cure him—and quickly.”
…Wise pulled out her tome, and Medhi gripped her staff, each casting a spell in turn.
“…Spara la magia per mirare… Morte!”
“Oh… I died…”
“…Spara la magia per mirare… Rianimato!”
“Mm? I’m back already?”
No sooner had the coffin formed around him than he was back to life. Wise and Medhi sidled up to him, whispering in his ears.
“Hero Masato, thou have been reborn. A new life lies before thee.”
“Huh? Reborn? I have?!”
“Yes. The life you led before is no more. You stand here a new man, free of any burdens that may have corrupted your soul.”
“Wow! I do feel brand new! Being reborn is amazing!”
Masato is now New Masato!
“Yeah, right! I’m the same person I was a second ago; don’t be stupid.”
“Yeah… We know.”
“But you at least recovered enough to play along with the joke for a minute. It’s good to have you back.”
“I hate the part of me that can’t get enough of routines like this, but… Well, it’s helped me face reality anyway. Thanks, I guess.”
He felt better in spite of himself. Wise and Medhi grinned happily, and he glared at them…but his gratitude was genuine.
“Um, do you mind?”
Mone had stepped in, arms akimbo, glaring at Wise and Medhi.
“Um, what? Are you mad or something?”
“I’m not mad, exactly…but this totally isn’t cool. I wanted to be the one to cheer Masato up! But you did it before I could, and that’s so unfair!”
“So you’re just not happy…”
“Are you showing me how close you are all out of spite? Because it sure seems like it!”
“Back up. We weren’t trying to do anything like that! We simply gave him the push he needed.”
“Yes. We just had an idea that might work and gave it a shot.”
He wasn’t exactly pleased that they’d killed him on a hunch, but…
…Masato realized he was surrounded by girls who were fighting over him.
“Let me be very clear! I’m Masato’s girlfriend. Remember that!”
“M-Mone?! Don’t be ridiculous! Have you lost your mind?” exclaimed Wise.
“You can do better than him,” said Medhi.
“Whoa, wait, what does that mean?”
Clearly, not all of them were fighting for the same reasons.
But before the conflict could get any worse, there was a knock at the door.
“Geez, more customers? But…it’s already nighttime! We’re closed!”
“Come on in!”
“M-Mom?!”
Mamako was already letting the new customers in.
“’Sup?!”
“Rika! Where are your manners? You’re pushing thirty, and you can’t even greet people properly?”
“I’m still in my twenties! Maybe in my late twenties, but still plenty young!”
A young (according to her) woman and a middle-aged one. Both had similar faces. They were each carrying art supplies; pens, tablets, brushes, paints, et cetera—probably artists.
Since they were here, Masato could hardly ask them to leave. He made sure the girls were getting refreshments ready and led the two women to their seats. He and Mamako sat down opposite each other.
“Hi. Welcome. How can we help—?”
“Ma-kun, introductions first. So nice to meet you. I’m—”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m part of the management staff, so I know all about the two of you.”
“Er… You’re an admin?”
“I’m a character designer, so I don’t really get directly involved in running operations. My name is Rika Suzuya. And this is my mom.”
“Kanako Suzuya. Lovely to meet you both.”
Kanako bowed low. “Rika!” she growled, poking her daughter with one elbow. “R-right…” Rika lowered her head, too.
“Just think of us as you would test players. That’s how our accounts are set up. If we can get right to business…”
“Oh? Go right ahead.”
“We’ve come to the Mom Shop because our relationship has problems. Not anything related to spoiling, mind you. More so—”
“Introduce me to the prince! I wanna marry him!”
Not only was that not related to spoiling, it didn’t even have anything to do with their relationship.
“A prince…every girl’s dream. So much better than a random pretty face. They’re the ultimate man—heart, mind, and body. Styled to perfection, refined manners, and a sweet voice calling my name… Oh, it really gets me. Just imagining my perfect prince pushes me over the edge! Ahhhh!”
One minute Rika was doing an impressive (for her age) dreamy teen routine, then the next her eyes opened wide and she threw her whole self into a desperate plea.
“So anyway, introduce me to him! The prince came here, right?! You know him?!”
“Um…would you please leave?”
“Absolutely not! I’m not leaving here until I’m hitched to a prince! You may not be up to it, Masato, but I’m sure Mamako can make it happen! Bring that prince here! C’mon! C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!”
“I’m getting pretty annoyed, so please leave. I meant it. Scram.”
“S-sorry! My daughter is a handful, and I must apologize for her. I’ll explain things from the top. Rika! You be quiet.”
“Hnggg…!”
Kanako grabbed her daughter by the nape of her neck, explaining.
“My daughter has been into princes since she was a kid and spends all her free time drawing pictures of them…and she got good enough at drawing that she became a professional illustrator and got hired to work on this game.”
“Are you the one who designed the prince of Catharn, Rika?”
“I can’t really brag about it too loud, but YES! I took all my ideals, and the prince just exploded out of me! Soooo gooood!”
“And the reason she can’t brag about it as loud as she just did is because she basically blackmailed her boss into letting her design him.”
“I just promised not to sue him for power harassment in a very pleasant voice! Totally legal!”
“And then, once the prince was actually implemented in the game, he insisted she had to meet him face-to-face…and ran to the person who approves those things, forcing them to put her application through.