Chapter 14: Self-Blame

Chapter 14: Self-Blame

Cheng Miao: "I dreamed of Lin Jinrui. She's still alive now, but later she dies. How exactly did she die? I—I don't know. But I heard her scream, and I—I didn't save her. She died. She was lying under the bed. I—I—"

Cheng Miao grew increasingly flustered, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his words out clearly. Lu Yu put a hand on his shoulder and used the other to tilt his chin up, looking into his eyes and said in a calm, slow voice, "Cheng Miao, don't rush. Take your time. Tell me what you dreamed about."

Cheng Miao leaned against his shoulder, sobbing as he described what he'd seen in his dream—from Lin Jinrui going missing, to hearing her scream, to finding her.

His voice shook more and more as he asked, "If I'd gone to save her when I heard that sound that day, would she still be alive?"

"So... it's my fault she died."

"No, it's not. It's not your fault. The killer was probably still in that courtyard at the time. If you two had gone in, you, your classmate, and Lin Jinrui would all be dead. You did nothing wrong." Lu Yu looked at his red, watery eyes and tried to comfort him.

Lu Yu thought about how restless Cheng Miao had been all day, how he kept watching Lin Jinrui, how scared he was of that old house. He added, "Besides, Lin Jinrui isn't dead right now. You saw her earlier today, didn't you?"

Cheng Miao nodded. From this angle, Lu Yu could see his eyes glistening with a faint layer of moisture and his lashes lowered. "You still scared? Want to lie down first?"

Cheng Miao instinctively hugged Lu Yu tighter and whispered pleadingly, "Can you hold me while I sleep? I'm still scared."

Lu Yu felt a bit helpless. The temperature in the room was still quite low, and if they sat out here much longer, they'd probably catch a cold. He moved the pillow further in, helped Cheng Miao lie down, and then climbed under the covers himself.

Cheng Miao obediently snuggled up next to him and tentatively reached out his hand. "Can I hold your hand?"

Lu Yu held out his hand. They lay face to face, holding hands. Luckily, both kids were under ten and still small, so one blanket was enough for both of them.

Lu Yu could feel Cheng Miao's warm breath right next to him, and his spine tingled a little. He'd never slept in the same bed with anyone before.

He pursed his lips and looked at Cheng Miao, who had curled up into a ball again. "Want me to turn off the light?"

Cheng Miao shook his head. "No. Turn it off after I'm asleep."

"Okay. Then go to sleep. I'll watch over you." Lu Yu awkwardly pulled out one of his hands and gently patted Cheng Miao's back.

But Cheng Miao couldn't get to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that courtyard and that bedroom again. He started to be afraid of falling back into that kind of dream. He said quietly, "Lu Yu, I can't sleep."

"Mm," Lu Yu replied softly.

"I want to help Lin Jinrui. Do you have any ideas?" Cheng Miao thought for a moment and asked. He felt that since he'd come back, he had to help Lin Jinrui avoid that fate. But how exactly to do that, Cheng Miao had no idea yet.

Lu Yu thought for a moment and said, "Based on what you remember, saving her is definitely possible. But it's best to first understand her situation and avoid the problem before it happens."

Cheng Miao knew he couldn't rush this. Luckily, there was still over a month before Lin Jinrui was supposed to disappear. After the New Year and the start of spring, his grandpa would have his birthday.

"Mm." Cheng Miao nodded.

He went quiet, thinking for a while. His mind was still a mess. He sighed and said, "Let's drop it and talk about something else."

"Lu Yu, before you came here, did you hate me?"

"No, I didn't hate you." Lu Yu was a bit surprised Cheng Miao would think that.

Cheng Miao: "Then why didn't you eat with us or play with us?"

Lu Yu: "I'm not used to it."

Cheng Miao: "Don't you get lonely being by yourself?"

Lu Yu: "I'm used to it by now."

Cheng Miao: "Are you just not a talker?"

Lu Yu: "Mm."

Cheng Miao: "..."

He felt that talking to Lu Yu was totally boring. He said again, "Your turn."

Lu Yu was confused. "My turn for what?"

Cheng Miao said, "I raised a topic. Now it's your turn. Conversation has to go both ways."

Lu Yu hesitated. "Mm... then, on the first day of school, why did you—"

Cheng Miao's heart jumped. He hastily cut Lu Yu off. In his urgency, he clamped a hand over Lu Yu's mouth, leaned close to his ear, and lowered his voice. "I already told you. That day on the bus, a grandmother who got carsick threw up on my clothes. So I took a shower, but I forgot to bring clothes. When I went out to get them, you happened to walk in and saw me. I don't even mind that you saw everything. Why do you keep bringing it up?"

"Got it? If you mention it again, I'll pull your pants off too." Cheng Miao put his hand on Lu Yu's waistband and threatened fiercely.

Lu Yu said innocently, "I was just going to ask why you came to register alone on the first day of school."

Cheng Miao was a bit embarrassed. He hadn't expected that to be what Lu Yu wanted to ask. But Lu Yu was definitely doing it on purpose. Flustered and annoyed, he said, "I just wanted to register alone. Is that not allowed?"

"Fine." Lu Yu said in a low voice.

Cheng Miao looked at his half-smiling expression and decided to ignore him. He turned over and muttered, "Turn off the light and go to sleep."

Lu Yu turned off the light, and the room fell back into darkness.

After a while, Cheng Miao casually turned around, and his small hand inadvertently rested on Lu Yu's. By some coincidence, their fingers intertwined. Everything seemed so natural.

Then they both fell asleep peacefully.

At 3:30 in the morning, Father Cheng and Mother Cheng tiptoed into the room. Seeing the two curled up together in deep sleep, they couldn't help but find it amusing.

In his drowsy state, Lu Yu sensed someone entering—it seemed to be the voices of Father and Mother Cheng. His tense heart relaxed, and he drifted back to sleep.

In the early morning, brilliant sunlight filtered through the coarse fabric of the curtains, refracting into bright beams of light in the air, with tiny dust motes dancing up and down within them.

Lu Yu was woken by the incessant ringing of the alarm clock by his ear. He tried to reach out to turn it off, but his arm wouldn't move. Opening his eyes, he saw that Cheng Miao was sprawled entirely on top of him, clutching his right hand tightly to his chest.

He could only use his left hand to turn off the alarm. Seeing it was already 7:30, he nudged Cheng Miao. "Cheng Miao, time to get up."

Cheng Miao whimpered and buried his head into the blanket, extremely reluctant.

Lu Yu struggled to pull his arm free. Cheng Miao seemed to feel uncomfortable and shrank back, curling up into a ball again.

Lu Yu felt the weight lift from his chest and a slight chill. He looked at Cheng Miao's rosy face, his light lashes slightly upturned, casting irregular shadows on his chubby cheeks. There seemed to be traces of drool at the corner of his pink lips, and his eyes still looked a bit swollen. This kid really loved to cry.

He picked up the clothes from the kang, which had been warmed overnight and felt soft and cozy. Lu Yu dressed quickly and was about to call Cheng Miao again when—

The front door creaked open. With soft rustling footsteps, a figure pushed the door open and entered. Lu Yu sprang to his feet, staring warily at the newcomer.