Chapter 9: The Medicine God

Chapter 9:
The Medicine God

 

NOELA WAS CURRENTLY in the bedroom, napping on my bed; Mina was washing dishes with her back to me.

“Why don’t you try this, Mina?”

Soap suds bubbled up everywhere.

“Wah!” she cried. “M-Mr. Reiji! Th-there’re so many suds! Save meeee!”

“You used too much dish soap,” I told her. “Man, how much did you put in there?”

Glancing over at the kitchen sink, I noticed that the bottle I’d given Mina was completely empty. Yeah, she used way too much.

I’d noticed that Mina took an abnormally long time to do the dishes, so I’d asked her what the deal was. She told me that cleaning up after a meal took about an hour. I’d double-checked with some of my housewife customers, and they gave me the same answer—so Mina wasn’t abnormally slow or anything.

An hour to wash three people’s dishes. We eat three meals a day, so that’s three hours total…a huge waste of time.

With that in mind, I had Mina try out the dish soap—which led to the soap bubbles overwhelming her. “Aah! Mr. Reiji, this dish soap is super-duper amazing!”

Heh. Right? Right?

“The plates are sparkling white…incredibly smooth!” Mina joyfully stroked a dish’s surface.

This should shorten the time it takes to clean a single dish, I thought. When it came to chores, it was important to use one’s time wisely. How easily you could do the job was important.

“I haven’t even scrubbed this, and it’s already so clean,” Mina chimed. “It’s like magic.” She brushed her hand over the faucet, and it poured just the right amount of water. It was controlled by something called a “life stone,” which was a common tool in this world. There were multiple kinds, and they all reacted to magical power, which was a combination of physical and spiritual strength. Despite being from another world, even I could use life stones. When you ran a small amount of magic through them, they could do things like produce water, start fires, or turn on lights.

“Dishwashing’s going to be much easier now!” Mina exclaimed.

“In that case, this dish soap was worth making,” I told her. “I’ll go pass on the leftovers to our neighbors.”

“See you!”

With several small bottles of dish soap packed in my bag, I headed out. I’d said “neighbors,” but really, the buildings nearby were mostly restaurants and such. In other words, they had way more dishes to wash than an average home.

First, I first made my way to the closest pub. A bunch of tough-looking dudes were eating in groups inside.

“Hello!” I said to a girl in the back. I’d seen her around before. “I’m from Kirio Drugs.”

“Oh! Um—Mr. Pharmacist!” she replied, as though she’d just remembered me.

That’s right! I’m a pharmacist, not an alchemist, or an exorcist, or a revolutionary. Why does it feel like she’s the first one to get it right?

“The deodorizer you made has been so useful!” she told me. “I always ran into smells I couldn’t get rid of when I was cleaning.”

“Glad to hear it works. I actually came today with something new. Would you like to give it a try?”

“What is it?”

“A product that’ll make dishwashing much, much easier.”

“Wow…!”

I thoroughly described the dish soap to the barmaid, who seemed more than impressed.

As I did so, however, one of the men eating stood up. “Hey, you. You’re that guy who’s been makin’ potions, right? I gotta talk to you about somethin’.”

Me? Frankly, when a dude this tough said something like that, I couldn’t help but get a little nervous. I wonder what’s up.

“Doz, cut it out,” called the redhaired woman sitting next to the man.

He shook his head. “But, Boss…”

“I’m telling you to cut it out.”

Just like that, the big man sat back down.

“Who are they…?” I quietly asked the barmaid.

“The Red Cat Brigade. A mercenary group entrusted with guarding the town, on the lord’s orders. The redhead is their captain.”

Mercenaries, huh? I gotta imagine they’re pretty rough folks. Actually, now that the barmaid mentioned it, I’d seen plenty of these guys standing guard in town before.

The Red Cat Brigade’s captain was a ginger-haired beauty with a ponytail and sharp eyes. “Sorry about that, Pharmacist. I know you’re in the middle of work.”

“Oh, no. It’s fine.” I bowed my head to her slightly and began to leave.

“Gah! I can’t handle this anymore!”

Thump! Thump! Thump! I heard heavy footsteps behind me, and soon after, someone grabbed my shoulders. When I turned around, I found Doz the mercenary standing there.

“Hey, Pharma—no, Mr. Pharmacist. Is there any way you could sell our barracks five potions every day for half price?”

“Er—potions?”

“Yeah.” And, just like that, Doz bowed deeply.

Five potions for half price, huh? I’d recently set the potion price at 1,200 rin per bottle. The general store matched the cost. If I sold the Red Cat Brigade that many at half price, it’d be expensive. Hrm. What should I do here?

The captain approached, smacking Doz right on the head. “Didn’t I tell you to quit blabberin’?”

“But, Boss, your body can’t live without those potions no more!”

Er…excuse me? Does she have some curse sapping her life force? Is she drinking potions to cover it up?

The captain scratched her cheek. “C’mon, that ain’t true.”

“It is! I know it is. Everyone does!”

You’re hiding an illness, Captain? You shouldn’t worry your men like that.

“Every night, you sneak two potions, don’t you?” Doz accused. “On bad nights, you drink five! I count every morning.”

The captain clicked her tongue and looked away. “We shouldn’t talk ’bout this in the middle of eatin’. Save it for after we go home, and…”

“No, I won’t save it! I’ll talk ’bout it here and now! Boss, you gotta stop this.”

Things had taken an oddly serious turn. The barmaid and I simply watched, concerned.

“You don’t drink or gamble, Boss. This is the only thing you ever got addicted to! And we all know that revolutionary potion’s addictive as heck. But, at the end of the day, it’s medicine! Of course it’ll empty your purse if you keep chugging it every night. It ain’t cheap! I gotta lay down the law, Boss! Please stop drinking our potions without permission. They’re for folks who get injured!”

Crap. This isn’t the conversation I expected.

The captain wore a guilty expression; her fingers twirled her ponytail. “I ain’t been drinkin’ ’em.” Her voice was low, like that of a child caught stealing from the cookie jar.

“Stop tryin’ to hide the truth! We all know it’s you. That’s why I’m here tryin’ to haggle with the pharmacist, just for you!”

“What belongs to our brigade belongs to me! My stuff’s my stuff. Quit whinin’!”

There it was—“Gianism,” after the selfish bully character from the famous anime about a time-traveling blue robot cat. To think that Gian’s attitude exists here, too. The main difference is that the captain sounds even more childish.

The entire brigade piped up, making the captain flinch.

“You know we’re havin’ money problems lately, right? Who do you think’s at fault?”

“Ain’t it obvious we ain’t gettin’ paid enough?!”

“That’s your doin’!”

According to the Red Cat Brigade members, this was the first time they’d eaten out in quite a while. Since Kalta was in the countryside, I guessed that they weren’t paid all that much. Despite that, they’d gotten by…at least, until the captain started downing expensive potions.

I could see why the brigade would be upset. With all that in mind, I decided to interject.

“All right, Doz, I understand,” I said. “Every day, I’ll make five extra potions and deliver them to the Red Cat Brigade separately. You don’t have to pay for them, either.”

The mercenaries were astonished.

“Pharmacist…”

“No—he’s a god!”

“The pharmacist’s a deity?”

“He’s a god who’s descended to bless us!”

“Psh!” exclaimed the redhead. “It’s not like I need ’em or anything, but if you insist, we’ll take ’em.”

“Don’t be like that, Captain! What if you upset the Medicine God?”

“Hmph! I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

“Oh, Medicine God, we’re so sorry! Our captain can be kinda haughty. She’s actually thrilled right now.”

“I-I ain’t haughty, and I ain’t thrilled.” Her voice was low again.

It looked like I’d gained yet another weird nickname: Medicine God. “Oh…but I do have one request,” I added.

These mercenaries served as the town’s security force, which meant I could assume that people here generally trusted them.

“When I create new medications, I’m going to give you Red Cat Brigade members the first samples. If you could tell the locals your impressions, that’d be great.”

“Is that all? That’s no sweat off our backs,” the captain said, looking somewhat shocked.

“That’s all. Most folks won’t want to buy some strange medicine they’ve never heard of. Even if I tell them its effects, lots of people won’t trust it. So, I want you to try my treatments out and offer your opinions to the townsfolk.”

At the cost of five potions, I could help out the captain and avoid having to advertise my products. A cheap price, all things considered; a win-win situation.

All the mercenaries but the captain knelt and bowed toward me, repeating, “All hail the Medicine God!”

You guys are starting to look like some sort of weird cult. Please stop.

“Erm…so, uh…I hate to spring a product on you this soon, but…”

We all moved to the tavern’s kitchen so I could have the Red Cat Brigade experience the dish soap firsthand.

A few dirty dishes floated in the sink’s oily water. “All right, Captain,” I said. “Put some of this liquid on a rag, and try to clean a dish.”

“S-sure.”

Next to her, I had the barmaid wash dishes the way she normally did. As soon as the captain started scrubbing, the sink began to fill with suds.

“Wh-wh-what the heck’s goin’ on?!” she exclaimed.

“Don’t worry. That’s just what happens. Please keep going.”

“O-okay.” The captain continued to wash, her eyes full of surprise.

The rest of the brigade watched intently.

“He’s makin’ the captain wash dishes?” one muttered. “I feel guilty lookin’, but it’s also kinda excitin’.”

It seems like there’re some pervs in your brigade, Captain. At least most of them were just quietly watching.

“Um, Captain? The dish is clean.”

The captain chuckled. “Psh. Don’t make me laugh. Like hell it’s clean after such a short—whoa! It is!”

As soon as she rinsed the dish, it had emerged sparklingly white. She was so stunned that her eyes looked like they were about to explode out of her head. Now, that’s what I call a satisfying reaction.

“Oh, my gosh!” The barmaid washing without soap was also stunned. “I’m nowhere near done over here. Amazing!”

The mercenaries couldn’t hide their amazement, either.

“Captain, did you somehow use magic?”

“No, there’s no way she did anything like that.”

“Then is this the Medicine God’s work?!”

Everyone stared at me.

“Ha ha! That’s what this liquid does. I promise it’s not some special magic,” I laughed. “This soap’ll make dishwashing a heck of a lot easier, won’t it?”

The young barmaid nodded enthusiastically. “Now I won’t have to worry about my fingers pruning.”

“Even I could do the dishes,” the captain said in a low, bemused voice.

I couldn’t help but smile. It was almost like watching some punk in my old world do housework successfully for the first time.

“Are you tellin’ me you’re willin’ to do chores, Captain…?” a brigade member asked.

“No! Don’t get ahead of yourself,” another retorted. “The captain just had to wash dishes to try that strange soap!”

“Amazin’.”

“So, these clean dishes are all because of the Medicine God!”

“All right, ladies and gents,” I addressed the Red Cat Brigade. “If you could spread your impressions to the rest of the townsfolk, I’d really appreciate it.”

“As the Medicine God wishes!”

“As His Divineness wishes!”

“Could you stop calling me that?” I pleaded.

I ended up going to a whole bunch of nearby stores that day to explain how the dish soap worked. I couldn’t even begin to describe the shopkeepers’ shocked faces and plentiful words of gratitude.

I left the drugstore the next day to make the potion delivery I’d promised, and the Red Cat Brigade’s captain was standing right outside.

“Good morning!” I said. “I was just on my way to you guys.”

“G-great,” she replied. “I, uh, just happened to be passin’ by.”

She sure is early. Could she really not wait?

I handed the captain the five potions, and she nodded firmly.

“You must really love these potions, Captain,” I said. “My little roommate does too. She always begs me for more of them. Just remember, they’re medicinal, so don’t drink too many.”

“Y-yeah, of course,” the captain stammered. “Um…I’m Annabelle.”

“Oh! I’m Reiji.”

“Y-yeah? Well, um, I’ll be droppin’ by every morning to grab these, so…see ya.”

Just like that, Captain Annabelle vanished, almost like she was fleeing a crime scene.

“Hunh. I told her I’d deliver the potions,” I mused. “She really didn’t have to come out all this way. What a nice gesture.”

I’d thought that Annabelle seemed like kind of a brute at first, but clearly, I was wrong. Impressed by her kindness, I headed back inside and opened Kirio Drugs for the day.