Chapter 13: The Drills Cometh

Chapter 13:
The Drills Cometh

 

“MASTER. Drills. Drills here.”

I was holed up in my laboratory when Noela came in talking about drills. What the heck? She was supposed to be watching the storefront, so I guessed she must’ve been referring to a customer.

“Ask for you, Master. Drills.”

“Er…me?” Wonder what they want. And what does Noela mean, “drills”?

I headed for the storefront and noticed a girl at the counter. Ah. That’s what she meant.

Noela was right on the money. The girl wore a knee-length gothic dress and had long ringlets, their shape similar to the spiral drills I’d seen carpenters use. Judging by the way she held herself, she’d had a high-class upbringing. That said, she seemed a little bit uneasy.

At first glance, she looked about the age of a junior high student.

“Welcome! What can I help you with?” I asked.

“Are you this pharmacy’s owner?”

Her tone struck me as fairly snobbish. I feel like I met someone recently with a similar attitude. “Yeah. I’m Kirio Reiji.”

“My name’s Elaine Fen Dran Valgas.”

“Hunh. Is that so?”

Elaine smacked the counter, clearly displeased with my nonchalance. “Don’t ‘is that so’ me! Show some respect!”

“Look, young lady. If you want people around you to show respect, you need to show them respect first.” I wasn’t exactly perfect in that regard, but I was certainly more polite than some kid. “That’s the first rule of being a grown-up. Got it?”

“D-don’t treat me like a child!”

But you are one.

“I’m a gentlewoman. The day after tomorrow, my father and I will attend a formal dinner party. I am a genuine lady!”

“Hunh.”

Elaine struck the counter again. “Do not ‘hunh’ me! You’re supposed to be surprised!”

“So, you’re here to buy something, then? Do you have enough allowance? I don’t sell candy.”

“Hmph. Fine. I’m not here to buy anything.”

“Then why’d you come in?”

Elaine cleared her throat. “I heard about you from my mother.”

“And who would that be?”

“Her name is Flam.”

“Ah, Lady Flam. So, you’re her daughter.”

“Precisely.” Elaine placed both hands on her hips triumphantly.

That does make her a noble. I suppose that explains why she’s being so bratty and pretentious.

“I heard all about you from Mother,” Elaine continued. “You’re a genius who rebels against the gods themselves.”

“What the heck did Flam fill your head with? Seriously.” Elaine had literally gotten everything wrong so far.

“You de-aged her with a potion you mixed, didn’t you? If you can perform such miracles, perhaps you can create the item I desire.”

“Well, it depends what exactly that is, and how much time it’d take.”

“I’d like to request popularity po—”

“Like hell!” Popularity potion?! I mean, I’d make that for myself first!

“But why not?” Elaine pouted. “You were willing to accept Mother’s request, but not mine?! It isn’t very professional for a shopkeeper to change their attitude based on the customer.”

I could envision a “popularity” treatment with my medicine-making skill, so it was definitely possible. But the ingredients would be a hassle to get. “When exactly would you need this?”

“The day after next!”

“Sorry, but it’s a no-go. I told your mother—I can’t just make stuff on the fly without any prep time.”

“But…you still mixed her de-aging potion, did you not?”

“Here’s the thing, young lady. I actually made a separate treatment similar to what she wanted, not a de-aging potion.”

Elaine went quiet. She must’ve thought I was a guaranteed solution to her woes.

“Need anything else? If not, I’ll have Noela come back to watch the store.”

“Noela?”

“The beastling—er, I mean, werewolf girl—out here earlier.”

Noela got angry when I called her a beastling. “Master wrong! Noela no beastling! Werewolf!” she’d say, pouting in my direction. The problem was, she was so cute when she did that, I couldn’t help teasing her. Truth be told, she was the only one of her kind I’d ever met, so I had no clue what the difference was between beastlings and werewolves.

“Don’t get her yet,” said Elaine. “I want to know why you can’t create a popularity treatment for me. Aren’t you a genius alchemist?”

“No, actually, I’m a pharmacist. Got it? Someone who makes medicine.”

“Hmm? Yes, an alchemist. Mother told me that medicine making is basically alchemy.”

“Your mom needs a lesson on the word ‘basically’! Look, even without a popularity potion, you’re already a cute young lady.”

Elaine didn’t even pretend to react to the praise. “Well, of course.”

As nobility, she must be used to that sort of praise. “This is the part when you deny it.”

“But, as I said, all manner of aristocrats will attend the dinner,” Elaine continued.

“Mm-hmm.”

“I’ll be greeting other families, dancing, and dining. There will be all sorts of delicious food that would astonish a commoner like you.”

Honestly, I’d prefer Mina’s food anyway. “Yes, yes. And?”

“Lord Lars of the Gallardo family will be there, and…um…” Elaine fidgeted as her cheeks turned red.

Hrm. So, she likes this Lars fellow. “And that’s why you want a popularity potion?”

“Yes. U-um, wait—no! It’s just that Lord Lars is a count’s second son. His family’s on equal footing with mine, and, um… Well, as far as I’m concerned, I could certainly do better, but—”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it, young lady. You’re the most gorgeous girl ever.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Yup. Glad you noticed.”

“You’re supposed to deny it! You are making fun of me!”

I couldn’t help letting out a belly laugh. “Think about it this way,” I suggested. “If you don’t use a popularity potion, this Lars guy might never fall for you. But if you didn’t keep using the potion, he wouldn’t stay in love with you. Wouldn’t that be kind of sad?”

“Grrr! For a commoner, you have a lot of nerve!”

“Before resorting to a potion, how about trying to win his heart on your own? Being popular isn’t easy, and it isn’t necessarily connected to love, right?”

“How dare you speak as though you know me, commoner?!”

“Commoner, noble—none of that has anything to do with this.”

“Grr! I hate that I don’t know what to say to that.”

“Hrmph.”

Hey, it’s me—the adult man proudly debating a schoolgirl. I can talk all I want, but the truth is, I have no clue about any of this. I’ve never tried to be popular.

“What should I do to catch Lord Lars’s eye, then?”

It was my turn to fall silent, but I soon realized that I had to say something.

I squeezed some words out painfully. “Well, um, let’s see. Look… No, the popularity potion isn’t gonna happen, but I might be able to make a treatment that’ll help.”

Elaine leaned over the counter excitedly. “You can?! Really?!”

“There’s no guarantee, but…I think I could make a potion that draws out your charm.”

“I have money! As much as you desire! Once I head back to the mansion—”

“You dummy.” I smacked her head lightly.

“Eeek! H-how dare you hit me!”

“Don’t patronize adults, Drills. Hold on a sec.”

Leaving Elaine in the drugstore, I headed to my laboratory to start on my prototype. “God. That’s why dealing with rich people is such a pain. Everything’s money, money, money. I’m not taking money from a dang kid.”

Mina peeked in. “Um, Mr. Reiji? Should I serve her tea?”

“We ain’t got tea for that stupid set of drills.” Stupid because of her drill hair? Or does she have drills because she’s stupid? Jury’s out.

“Hee hee!” Mina giggled. “She looked as if she had such fun talking to you. Noela’s keeping her company right now.”

Hm? Noela?

I heard Elaine’s voice. “So, you’re Noela? You’re the first beastling I’ve ever met. I’d love it if we could be—”

She’d immediately stepped on a landmine. “Noela no beastling!”

Noela stomped back into the lab, pouting angrily. “Master! Noela hate Drills!”

I grabbed her cheeks in both hands and squished them all over.

“What about me, Noela?” Mina asked.

“Love Mina.”

“Yay!” Mina hugged Noela tightly.

As this warm sight unfolded beside me, I got back to work. As usual, I bottled the finished treatment and shook it, making it glow.

 

Charm Fragrance: A unique perfume with a fresh fruit scent.

 

“Perfect.” I didn’t know whether Elaine would like it, but…

Mina and Noela looked over. “What’s up?” I asked.

“Smell nice!”

“If you put some on, you’ll smell good, too.”

“I’d like to try some, Mr. Reiji,” Mina requested.

“Sure.”

“Oh! But are you certain someone like myself can…”

“Fine, then. No.”

“Gosh! Don’t be such a meanie!”

“Heh heh. Later, okay? This is specifically for Elaine,” I informed Mina, heading back to the drugstore counter.

“The popularity potion’s d-done?!” The young girl rushed up to me.

I took a moment to calm her down. “Just to be clear, this isn’t a popularity potion. It’s something called ‘perfume,’ and it smells great. I’m gonna show you how to use it, so make sure you follow my instructions. If you can, you’ll be twice as ladylike.”

Elaine’s thin throat gulped loudly. “T-twice as ladylike…? That would make me incredibly popular!”

“This is just a scent, okay? Your attitude, the way you hold yourself—any of that could render this moot.”

She swallowed again. “I-I understand.”

She was cute when she wasn’t being conceited. I dripped a couple droplets of the bottled liquid onto Elaine’s wrist, then had her rub it gently against her other wrist.

“Ah! It smells delightful. But when I rub my wrists against each other, the scent isn’t as pronounced. Are you sure this is right?”

“If you put too much on, it ends up having the opposite effect.”

“Really? You’re sure knowledgeable about all sorts of things.”

“No—it’s just that you’re not.”

“Grr…couldn’t you have phrased that more gently? I’ll have you know I am, in fact, the ruling lord’s daughter.”

“Oh. I almost forgot,” I chuckled. “Next is your neck.”

“I suppose that nothing I say about my status gets through to you. What a strange man you are,” Elaine said, giggling quietly. “There doesn’t appear to be much of this scent. I’ll make sure only to use a little when I absolutely have to.”

“Exactly. That’s the right approach.”

After I gave Elaine a short lecture on using perfume, Rayne—the elderly butler from before—came into the drugstore, panting.

“M-Milady, I’ve been looking for you!” Apparently, Elaine came here without permission.

“Oh, my. It appears I’ve been discovered. Thank you very much for the medicine, Sir Reiji. Have a wonderful day!” She bowed her head and curtsied elegantly.

“Go kick some butt at that dinner party. Got it?”

Elaine’s face suddenly turned bright red. “Wh-what’re you implying, all of a sudden? You don’t have to tell me that! Besides, I’m an attractive noblewoman. Th-there’s nothing to be concerned about.”

The young lady turned away and finally headed home with her butler.

She’s at that age when kids are more in love with the idea of love. It’s not particularly uncommon for things to go badly. At any rate, I hope the perfume helps her out.

 

***

 

A couple days later, Elaine returned to the drugstore alone.

“What’s up?” I asked. “Isn’t the dinner party today?”

“Oh, well…I decided not to go.” Her voice had gotten quiet.

“Did something happen?”

“A-after some thought, I had the feeling that, um, a gentleman who addressed me frankly and honestly would suit me b-better. I-I, um, care little about house or class.” She appeared to shrink as she continued her explanation. “I’m more attracted to people with talent.”

“Hunh. Really?”

“Many nobles act high and mighty and care only for status.”

“Pot. Kettle. Black.” She’s totally pretending she didn’t do that just a few days ago.

“I realized I have no interest in people like that,” Elaine continued. “And, when I thought more about it, I noticed Lord Lars wasn’t actually my type.”

“Hunh. Well, that’s fine, I suppose. So, what brings you here today?”

“Nothing in particular. It’s just…I wondered whether I could help you somehow.”

“Help me? Hrm. Wait a sec…are you wearing the charm perfume?”

Fwoop! Elaine hopped away. “Y-yes, um, I put some on! I hope it’s not unpleasant.”

“No, not at all. It smells great. It’s just—why today?”

Glancing into the house, I noticed Noela cross her arms. “Drills no good, Master.”

What’s going on?

Elaine stuck around for a bit, chatting away, before Rayne eventually arrived to fetch her. Once she was gone, Noela entered the drugstore. She waved her arms, attempting to get rid of the perfume scent.

Why is she doing that?

Off to the side, Mina giggled. “It appears that Noela has a rival.”

“Wha…?”

Noela huffed and puffed. “Drills no good, Master.”

“Er…yeah, sure,” I replied halfheartedly.

She nodded, satisfied.