Chapter 13: That Seasonal Stuff

Chapter 13:
That Seasonal Stuff

 

VIVI, NOELA, MINA, AND I were working in the drugstore.

“Achoo!” Vivi sneezed, then sniffled loudly.

As if the lake spirit had infected her, Noela did the same thing. “Achee!”

“AAAH-CHOOOOO!” Mina sneezed like an old man. Everyone gawked at her. “Um, forget you heard that. Achoo! That was the real one.”

Yeah, right. Her panic betrayed her embarrassment.

Everyone was sniffling and sneezing an awful lot recently. Ejil had been doing the same thing yesterday. “The humans are using that cowardly bioweapon again, Doctor,” he’d grumbled.

I kept an eye on everybody’s symptoms, but it didn’t seem like a cold was going around. After all, I was perfectly fine, and I lived and worked with these four. “What’s wrong, ladies?”

Noela rubbed her eyes. “Want eye drops, Master. Make eyes feel better.”

“I’d like some as well, Reiji,” said Mina.

“Me too!” Vivi exclaimed. “Honestly, my eyes are just so itchy!”

“Hrm…” I paused. “Eye drops are selling out lately. Are the townspeople having the same issues?”

“Almost everyone’s eyes get itchy this time of year,” Vivi said.

Based on their symptoms, are they dealing with allergies?

“Are you girls allergic to pollen?” That was hard to believe, since Vivi and Noela weren’t human.

“Allergic to pollen?” they repeated, looking confused.

I guess they’ve never heard those words together. “The wind can carry plant pollen, which causes allergy symptoms. Runny noses, itchy eyes, that kind of thing.”

I’d never had pollen allergies, but they must be rough; some people actually had them treated at a hospital. “I wonder whether cedar trees exist here,” I muttered.

The girls took me seriously. “I don’t know what cedar is, but I might know where this ‘pollen allergy’ comes from,” Vivi declared. “In the woods, there’s a huge tree that blossoms this time of year. People with runny noses and itchy eyes can’t even get close to it. Do you think that’s the root of our problem?”

If a nature spirit like Vivi thinks so, it must be that tree. I considered leaving it alone; I’d make money selling eye drops, and I was pretty much unaffected by the pollen personally. On the other hand, the truth was that the townspeople—and my employees—were suffering. I couldn’t just do nothing.

“I should probably go inspect this tree,” I concluded. “If we don’t have an exact grasp on what causes this, it’ll be impossible to create a treatment. Noela, Vivi, care to come with me?”

They shook their heads.

“Pollen allergy scary,” Noela moaned.

“You already have a pollen allergy.”

“If you’re allergic to pollen, you can’t get near that tree,” Vivi reminded me.

“Can’t you at least show me the way?”

They sneezed simultaneously. Guess that’s their answer.

“I’ll make you lunch!” Mina announced, fleeing into the kitchen.

These three are really throwing me under the bus. It’s sad. “Guess I’ve got no choice.”

Deciding to head off alone, I packed repellent to keep monsters away. I also put some Translator DX into my bag so I could communicate with animals if necessary. I grabbed my lunch from Mina, and Vivi drew me a map; then I proceeded on my journey.

It’d been quite some time since I’d followed the road outside Kalta solo. Eventually, I found the entrance to the woods where we gathered herbs and materials. I checked the map Vivi had given me, but only a moment passed before I folded it back up.

“This is completely unreadable.” It’s full of nonsensical scribbles. She really thought I’d understand this? Good work, Vivi.

“Well, if it isn’t Reiji baby.”

“Ah, Reiji!”

The elf siblings Ririka and Kururu had appeared before me in my hour of need.

“Hey,” I said. “You two going somewhere together?”

“We’re actually walking to your place,” Kururu replied. “We just ran out of potions.”

“What about you? Heading into the woods all alone?” asked Ririka.

Frankly, seeing those two together reminded me of how insanely attractive they both were. A human could never hope to acquire that degree of beauty; the elves were almost too stunning to look at directly. Anyway, I explained the issue with the big tree that Vivi had described, adding that I’d guessed that its pollen was causing allergic reactions in Kalta.

“You must mean the Zeg Tree,” replied Ririka.

“I bet that’s the one,” Kururu agreed.

“Awesome. Hey, if it’s not too much hassle, could you tell me how to get there?” With a pained smile, I showed them Vivi’s map.

Kururu cleared his throat theatrically. “I’d be happy to guide you, young man!”

“Uh, that’s fine. I’m not asking you to,” I quickly interrupted, glancing at Ririka.

“Huh?” she gasped. “Y-you mean I should guide you?!”

“Ririka, my dearest sister,” Kururu snapped, “this is the perfect time to read the room and give me some alone time with Reiji.”

“Alone time…?” Ririka touched her hair, glancing up at me before averting her eyes.

“I brought monster repellent, but I’d rather not head into the woods alone,” I told her. “If I got lost, it’d be bad.”

Kururu tried to whisper something to her from behind. “My dear sis—OOF!” Ririka’s elbow delivered what looked like a critical hit to her brother’s solar plexus. He collapsed, stunned.

“I-I’d be happy to guide you, Reiji,” Ririka offered.

“Thanks a lot.”

Kururu struggled to his feet and tossed his hair. “I’m worried about you two going alone. I’ll have to join you.”

“No need,” Ririka said. “I can guide Reiji just fine.”

“If I don’t protect Reiji baby, who will?”

How dare he say that with a straight face?! “You’re the only one chasing me, Kururu.”

“You go buy the potions, brother.”

“Oh, Ririka—I forgot that I also have to run an errand at the Zeg Tree. Ha ha ha!”

Ririka and I sighed simultaneously. Guess he’s hell-bent on coming with us.

The younger elf had me follow her; behind us strolled Kururu. Before long, I told him to walk ahead of me. Having him back there made me nervous.

Thanks to the drugstore repellent, our little party made its way through the woods without much trouble.

“What’s the deal with this Zeg Tree?” I asked.

Kururu was the one to answer. “Our tribe worships it. It actually belongs to a common tree species used for lumber. This particular tree is enormous, though, and produces tons of pollen.”

“All the foresters working in the woods know it’s sacred, so no one tries to chop it down,” Ririka added. “Look! that’s it.”

She pointed ahead, toward a tree that was indeed gigantic. It had evidently been there for decades—no, centuries. It stood so tall, it would’ve been fair to call it a symbol of the forest itself.

“Whoa!” That tree’s so majestic, I feel like I’m seeing some international landmark. Its trunk’s so frigging thick, one person could never fell that thing—it’d take dozens to even encircle it. I can’t believe a tree like this was in the forest all along. Hrm? Wait… My nose is starting to bug me.

I wasn’t allergic to pollen, so if even I felt sniffly, I couldn’t imagine someone with actual allergies trying to get this close. It would’ve been impossible. “Are your noses clear?” I asked the elves.

“Mine’s perfectly fine.”

“Same, Reiji baby. We elves are born and raised in the woods, unlike humans. We may be immune to all sorts of things,” Kururu added. “I’d never even considered that pollen could bother you.”

Ririka nodded.

I looked up at the Zeg Tree, and my jaw dropped. “Man, this thing’s huge.”

At first, I’d figured that we could just chop it down if it caused too many issues. But according to the elf siblings, the Zeg Tree was an object of worship, which ruled that out. Plus, felling a tree that astounding would feel wrong.

I doubted that the Zeg Tree was the sole cause of Kalta’s pollen issue. Still, if we do something about it, I bet we’ll at least halve the number of allergy patients. The problem with minimizing the pollen is that it’s a natural part of a tree’s life cycle.

I sat on one of the tree’s large roots and started eating the sandwiches Mina had given me.

Ririka glanced at them. “Did, um, Mina make those?”

“Yeah. Want one?”

“No, that’s quite all right. She made them for you, after all.”

Kururu cleared his throat. “Reiji baby, would you like a peach for dessert?”

“Please tell me you mean a literal peach.”

“Huh? O-of course.” Kururu not-so-subtly removed his hands from his waistband, clasping them behind his back.

Ririka gave her brother a look of pure disdain. “You’re making a fool of yourself.”

I agreed. “That line was terrible. You’re not a grade-schooler. It’s pointless to humor your ‘shameless flirt’ schtick if you can’t come up with something more unique.”

“Could you stop giving feedback?!”

As we finished lunch, I noticed something. There was no wind, but the Zeg Tree kept spitting out enormous clouds of pollen. Pwoosh! More pollen erupted; sometimes it thinned, but sometimes the tree produced cloud after cloud.

When I really focused on the great tree, I could see eyes, a nose, and a mouth. Hm…maybe I can talk to this thing. Reaching into my bag, I sipped the Translator DX. Not expecting much, I approached the Zeg Tree. “Um, hi. Can you hear me?”

“A child of man is talking to me…?”

Woo-hoo! It worked! “My name’s Kirio Reiji,” I said. “Um, your pollen’s giving townspeople runny noses and making them sneeze. I came here today hoping we could figure out a solution.”

“I’m incapable of controlling the pollen you speak of,” the Zeg Tree replied. “It exists so that I can spread my seed as…as a…ACHOO!” A huge pollen cloud erupted.

“Whoa!” I cried. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.” Did this tree just sneeze? For real? “Um, are you okay?”

“I get like this every year around now,” the Zeg Tree sighed. “My nose runs, and my eyes itch. I just can’t stop…st…ACHOO!” Another pollen cloud exploded from its foliage.

“We call that an allergy,” I explained. “You’re responding to plant pollen.”

“Gah ha ha ha! A tree with a pollen allergy? Don’t make me laugh, child of man. Ga hah haa-CHOOOOO!”

“Don’t sneeze while you’re laughing!” I got it now. Every time the Zeg Tree sneezed, it spread huge quantities of pollen. If I stop it from sneezing, that’ll fix the pollen problem! The wind would still carry some pollen into Kalta, but not nearly as much.

Kururu and Ririka looked at me, puzzled. I’d have to explain what was happening later.

“Look, I get that you’re a tree, but you’d still have an allergic reaction if you came across a type of pollen you had no antibodies for.”

“Is that so?” the Zeg Tree inquired. “Nowadays, this forest contains a variety of new plant species, so that theory of yours might be right.”

In the end, the Zeg Tree and the residents of Kalta were suffering from the same issue. It was my time to shine.

“Just hang in there!” I urged. “I’ll make something that fixes your runny nose and sneezing in no time!”

I turned and started walking away from the great tree.

“What’s going on, Reiji?” Ririka asked. “Why were you talking to yourself?”

“The Zeg Tree seems to be struggling with a pollen allergy. I figure I’ll make it some meds,” I answered.

“A tree has allergies?” Kururu demanded.

“Seems like it.”

The elf siblings followed me back to the drugstore. They hung out in the living room, and I headed into the lab, creating a new treatment without much trouble.

 

Extra-Strength Pollen Allergy Medicine: Effectively and quickly treats itchy eyes, sneezing, and runny or stuffed-up noses caused by pollen.

 

Perfect. This should cure the Zeg Tree’s allergies! I wasn’t sure how much of the medicine I’d need, so I made tons, pouring it into a jug.

I washed my hands in the bathroom, then headed back to the lab. There, I found a black-haired young man kneeling, sipping tea from a familiar-looking cup. He actually looked kind of Japanese. Who’s this guy?

“You should’ve told me we had another guest, Mr. Reiji,” Mina rebuked me.

“Sorry. Did you serve him that tea, Mina?”

“Of course! I didn’t realize that you invited someone besides Kururu and Ririka over. Who is he?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. He’s not your friend, right? He definitely isn’t Noela’s.”

If he broke in, he’d have been dealt with by now. Wait…that jug of allergy medicine is gone.

The young man put his teacup down, looking grief-stricken. He picked a headband off the floor, tying it around his head tightly; it was embroidered with the words “extra strength.”

“Extra strength”… The missing jug… No way. It can’t be. Did that allergy medicine I made become a person? Nah—that’s impossible. Right…?

“Um…” I was trying not to panic.

The young man turned to face me, still kneeling. “Ah. Are you the shopkeeper?”

“Uh-huh. So, um, who are you?”

“I’m the allergy medicine you made a few minutes ago,” replied the handsome young man wearing the “extra strength” headband.

He’s the allergy medicine? But nothing weird happened while I finished that stuff, and I don’t think I made a mistake! Did he just appear because I made too much? Is this like how when a bunch of slimes come together, they form a K*ng Slime?

When I used my identification skill, it just repeated “[Extra-Strength Pollen Allergy Medicine].” Did the allergy treatment…anthropomorphize?

“Are you wondering how I gained a human body?” Extra Strength smirked, shaking his head. “I’m not sure. But I know you need me to cure the Zeg Tree’s allergy.”

“Yeah, that sums it up.” I was going to tell the Zeg Tree to swallow the medicine—but now it’s a person. Will that be okay?

“Might I have some time?” the young man asked.

“Sure! You’re really polite for medicine,” I said. “I do want to hurry back to the Zeg Tree and fix this pollen issue ASAP, but it’ll help if I get you up to speed. By the way, what exactly do you need time to do?”

Extra Strength looked at the lab floor stoically. “I wish to write my will for my mother back home.”

“Can you not?!” I groaned. “You’re going to make this hard!”

“In that case, I’ll write it for my sister.”

“You have a sister too?!” Shouldn’t he put me in his will?! I’m his father, y’know! The one who made him!

After he finished writing, the young man turned to me. “I will gladly give my life to serve Kalta by curing the Zeg Tree.”

“Don’t make this grimmer than it needs to be.” I sighed heavily, and we left the drugstore. Whatever. I’ve got to use what I have.

“Your wife seems very kind,” Extra Strength mused. “As a young man myself, I can’t help feeling envious.”

“Mina’s my housemate, not my wife.”

“Like Mina, my mother is a kind, warm soul.”

“Stop with the death flags!” I guess they’re appropriate, though.

We quickly made our way to the forest. “Watch your feet,” I warned.

“Fear not. These paths are nothing compared to the mountain roads of my hometown in the countryside.”

“Could you quit talking like a soldier patrolling with his squad in some war movie?”

“My village is a lovely place. The ocean is beautiful.”

“I didn’t even mention your village.”

We walked and talked—although I mostly grumbled. Eventually, we reached the Zeg Tree. The Translator DX was still working, so I was able to communicate with the tree.

“Ah, Sir Reiji,” it said. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Sorry about the delay. Here’s the drugstore’s extra-strength allergy medicine.” I showed the tree Extra Strength, who—for what it was worth—looked as though he took all this seriously.

“Leave this to me, Reiji,” he said. “I’m more than sufficient for curing this tree. Let me…let me go, please!”

“Be my guest,” I replied. “That’ll make things simple.”

Approaching the Zeg Tree, Extra Strength turned to face me, saluting; his strength seemed evident in his face. I returned the salute, although half-heartedly.

The Zeg Tree opened its cavernous mouth. “Right here, Sir Reiji!”

“Understood!” I turned back to the young man. “Get in there, Extra Strength!”

“I promise, Reiji, I shall succeed no matter what!”

“I get it! Just go.”

“I pray that I, Extra Strength, become a pillar of peace…”

“Kalta’s already at peace. You’re just treating someone’s allergies.”

“Tell my family I went honorably!”

“Get going!” I shoved his back.

“Wh-whoa! Don’t! What’re you thinking?!”

“Enough with the cliched last words! Just go!”

“L-let me do it on my own time! Please!”

“Fine, fine.”

“Don’t push me, all right?”

“I get it. Just jump in when you’re all set.”

“I swear I will when I’m ready. So don’t push me, no matter what!”

“Jeez. I promise.”

WHUMP. I actually did push him.

“Huh?!” Extra Strength disappeared into the Zeg Tree’s mouth. I peered inside; the brave-faced young man slowly sank, almost as if he were descending into quicksand.

“Interesting,” I remarked. When the only body part visible was Extra Strength’s right arm, he slowly clenched his fist, giving me a thumbs-up. “Are you even trying to cure this tree’s allergies?”

Eventually, the Zeg Tree closed its massive mouth.

“How’re you feeling?” I asked.

“Hrm…my nose and eyes are clear, Sir Reiji!”

“Kirio Drugs’ products are crazy good, right?” I gave the Zeg Tree a thumbs-up, feeling victorious. I’d been kind of worried about the medication’s results, since creating and delivering it had gotten so weird. However, Extra Strength had apparently carried out his task.

Once we’d waited a bit, the tree still had no sniffles and wasn’t sneezing; thus, it was no longer spreading huge pollen clouds.

“I’ll give your prescription to those two elves,” I told the Zeg Tree. “Take it once a day, all right?”

“Of course. Thank you, Sir Reiji!” I turned away from the tree’s gruff voice, looking over my shoulder and waving as I headed home.

In my lab, I mixed that same extra-strength allergy medicine repeatedly, but it didn’t turn into a person again. What the hell?

As I handed Vivi, Mina, and Noela the new treatment, I told them what’d happened.

“That’s one of Kirio Drugs’ mysteries,” Vivi replied, looking perturbed.

“What the heck are the other mysteries?” I chuckled.

Mina clasped my hand tightly as the allergy medicine took effect. “My runny nose is gone, Mr. Reiji! I’m not stuffed up, either!”

Noela hugged my waist. “Master! Master!”

“Yeah, yeah. Business as usual.”

Kururu and Ririka were still hanging out in the living room. I handed them some allergy meds, telling them to ensure that the Zeg Tree took the treatment daily.

As I’d guessed, Kalta’s townspeople had indeed been struggling with pollen allergies; the extra-strength medicine wound up selling like crazy.