Chapter 2: The Green Adventurer and the Pharmacist

Chapter 2:
The Green Adventurer and the Pharmacist

 

WOMP, WOMP.

Across the counter, a young man with slumped shoulders sighed. “Haaah…”

His name was Hoost, and he was born and raised in Kalta. We were about the same age—actually, Hoost might’ve been a little younger. I never really befriended him, though.

Just the other day, Hoost left Kalta to become an adventurer. For some reason, he came right back to town.

“Um…could you please stop sighing?” I asked. “You’re really bringing down the mood in the drugstore.”

“I want to become a player, Mr. Pharmacist.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want to be a successful adventurer in some big city and hang out with the hotties.”

I couldn’t believe how idiotically earnest he was being about his goal. “Ah. I see where you’re going. You want me to prescribe a treatment that’ll help you become a ladies’ man.”

I get it. I really do. Hell, I’d love to be popular with girls too. The last time I created something like that, though, things went haywire. I didn’t make that stuff anymore.

Hoost hung his head and shook it side to side. “No, that’s not it. You’re around my age, so I think you’ll understand. I’m not amazing with women, but I have experience between the sheets, if you get what I’m saying.”

So, now he’s going to brag? “Well, isn’t that wonderful?”

As I cringed, Hoost turned serious. “The problem is that I’m fast. Way, way too fast.”

“Oh. Oh. I get it.” He was here about that.

I understood that it was a hard topic to broach. After all, it wasn’t something you really got the chance to tell many other people about. Even if Hoost and I were friends, it wasn’t a detail I’d have wanted to know.

“I’ve heard that women hate fast guys,” Hoost continued, nodding solemnly. “That’s why I came to you. You’re known as the greatest alchemist in the land. I hoped you could help me.”

“I can’t.” What the hell kind of alchemist could fix this? Some kind of sex specialist? It’s a biological problem. As for me, er, I’m normal. I think. “Anyway, how long do you last?”

Averting his gaze, Hoost raised three fingers.

“Huh? Th-three minutes?!” Jeez, man, of course women are shocked.

“No…three seconds.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” My jaw dropped. “F-for real?”

“I-I’m sorry! The truth is two seconds,” Hoost confessed. “I lied to make myself look good.”

“Three seconds didn’t make you look good!”

“At this rate, women will call me ‘Quick-Shooter Hoost.’”

If I didn’t know the context, that’d almost sound cool.

“Look,” I told Hoost, “I’m not sure I can help with your problem.” I had no experience in that area, so I couldn’t offer medical advice. “And…hrm…I’ve never heard of that product in this world,” I mumbled.

“D-did you have an idea?! I’m willing to spend all the money I earned adventuring!” Hoost nearly threw himself over the counter.

I held him back. “Calm down, Quick Shooter.”

“M-my name’s Hoost.”

“By the way, do you usually wear anything on your, uh, buddy before you do the deed?”

“Nope! I don’t wear anything. Just my birthday suit!”

Stop acting cool, Quick Shooter. “I figured.”

“I mean, no guy puts anything on before they do it,” Hoost added.

According to my medicine-making skill, I could make something at least similar to what I needed. I called Noela and Mina into the drugstore. “Could one of you watch the counter for me? Sorry.”

“That’s all right!” Mina assured me. “Let’s watch the store together, Noela.”

“Arroo! Leave to Noela, Master!”

“Thanks, ladies,” I said gratefully, then headed to the lab. “Quality and toughness will be key.”

Hrm…but since these things don’t exist in Kalta, won’t women think it’s odd that Hoost’s applying some weird medicine? Nah…it should be fine. Bedrooms are dark. But…wait. If it’s dark, how will he see what he’s doing?

“Argh! That isn’t my problem!”

I just need to make the product, explain it to Hoost, and hand it over. That’s it.

Thus, I got to work. These days, we grew almost ten different plants in our meadow, so I rarely had to forage in the forest. It rocked.

“This should be okay,” I said to myself.

The test batch in the bottle—a translucent, gel-like liquid—glowed brightly.

 

Buddy Barrier: Immediately generates a thin topical layer dulling outside stimulation.

 

All right. Let me try some on my arm.

My body heat immediately transformed the gel; the spot where I applied it became glossy and rubbery, yet soft to the touch. The barrier didn’t feel like human skin, but I could peel it off like a scab.

“Whoa.” That’s kind of cool.

All that was left was to figure out whether the barrier was water resistant. I spread some gel over my index finger. When the gel solidified, I dipped my finger in water and rubbed it repeatedly. I still couldn’t feel the barrier dissolving.

“Perfect. It doesn’t feel like it’ll fall apart or come off at all.” It’s plenty resistant.

Once again, I peeled the barrier off my skin easily. As a material, it was pretty unique, although its uses were incredibly limited.

Heading back to the storefront, I handed the bottle of buddy barrier to Hoost. Mina and Noela were nearby, so I didn’t say anything too direct as I explained the stuff to him.

“Amazing! You’re the best, Mr. Pharmacist!”

“I’m sure this’ll help you get through…battle.”

Hoost grabbed my hand tightly with both of his and shook it. “You’re like a mad scientist from some top-secret laboratory. You can make anything!” He rushed out of the drugstore, leaving behind all the money he had on him.

He should avoid getting nicknamed “Quick Shooter” now, I mused. But I wonder… Hoost was beyond lightning fast, and the buddy barrier’s only going to mitigate the situation. It might only slow him down to lightning fast.

“What did you formulate for him, Mr. Reiji?” Mina cocked her head curiously.

“Er…well…”

Crap. If I actually explained the buddy barrier, Mina would probably yell “Stop making gross products!” Still, no one liked struggling with issues between the sheets. And it wasn’t like Hoost could find a solution by consulting a specialist or searching the net.

Detective Mina raised her index finger. “Ah, I know! That man’s an adventurer, right?”

“Yup. He’s still green, though.”

“He must get injured all the time, then. That liquid must be a protective layer to help him prevent blood loss! Tee hee hee!” Mina pointed at me, grinning so widely I felt like I heard a “ta-da!” sound effect.

I responded equally energetically. “Bingo!” Why wouldn’t he just use a potion?

“You already make potions, so blood loss is the only reason you’d need to formulate something new, right?!” Mina added. “When he’s injured, he can use that treatment to stop his bleeding and keep germs out of his wound! Correct?”

Let’s just roll with that. “You’re right on the money!”

“I guessed it, Noela!”

“Garroo! Mina amazing!”

The two girls high-fived.

If Mina finds out the buddy barrier’s actual purpose, she’ll probably get even madder because I tried to fool her.

 

***

 

I made a few extra bottles of buddy barrier and put them on a shelf. Mina told customers it was an antibacterial treatment for open wounds.

“That’s right! If you’re bleeding, just spread some over the wound,” she said. “If you drink a potion afterward, you’ll heal nice and fast!”

The buddy barrier wound up selling alongside the drugstore’s potions as a two-step treatment.

Meanwhile, I’d quietly explain its other uses to wives and women with partners, and they’d purchase a bottle discreetly. I assumed they planned to have their partners use the stuff.

I was shocked that so many people were unsatisfied with their intimate lives. Sometimes, it was hard for folks to say what was really on their mind.