Chapter 3: Culture Shock at the Barbecue

Chapter 3:
Culture Shock at the Barbecue

 

THE PERSISTENT WARM WEATHER was perfect for relaxing in the sun. The temperature made me want to nap, since the drugstore wasn’t getting many customers.

Noela sat on my lap, slouching on the counter. She was fast asleep. I totally get the appeal.

I cuddled the werewolf girl, basking in her fluffiness. “Her fur’s making me too warm…but, man, she’s just so soft.”

Since Noela started using the shampoo and conditioner I formulated, her fluffiness went up a notch. Honestly, that alone justified inventing haircare products in this world. “They’re like steroids for hair,” I mumbled, rubbing my cheek on Noela’s glossy fur.

“What’re you doing to Noela, Rei Rei?”

“Gah!” D-dang it! She scared the crap out of me. C’mon, Paula. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I snapped. “You could at least say hello first.”

“I just got here!” Paula retorted. “Is it that much fun obsessing over Noela’s fur?”

“You’re only skeptical because you’ve never experienced it yourself. You’re missing out,” I replied, then narrowed my eyes. “Anyway, let me guess. You’re bored, so you came by to chill?”

She returned my look. “Don’t take me so lightly, young man. I’m here because I’m planning to hold a barbecue!”

“So, you’re here to chill. Got it.”

“Aw, don’t be such a downer!” Paula sighed. “My shop’s dead, and I bet you’re in the same boat. So, close up! Let’s have a good old BB! That riverbank nearby’s the perfect spot to par-tay!”

“What the hell’s a ‘BB’? You’re forgetting the ‘Q.’” Wait. Is it just me, or did she totally sneak in an insult to Kirio Drugs?

Regardless, it is really nice out, I reflected. Not too hot, not too cold. You could call it perfect weather. And, I mean, it’s been years since I barbecued with friends. Wait…have I ever barbecued with anyone but my family?

Noela’s ears twitched. She quickly lifted her torso off the counter, her stomach growling. “Noela want BB! Hungry.”

“See, Rei Rei? Noela wants in. Besides, it’s almost lunchtime.”

Almost lunchtime? There’s two hours to go. So, if we started prepping the barbecue now, we’d be ready at noon. I bet Paula’s been waiting for these exact conditions—slow business, great weather.

Mina came in; she heard our conversation from inside the house. “Well, doesn’t a barbecue sound fun?!”

Paula frowned, sulking, and glanced at Mina for support. “Right? But Rei Rei’s being a killjoy.”

“This is the perfect opportunity, Mr. Reiji,” Mina pointed out. “Why not do it? I’ve, um…never barbecued or anything.”

That devious witch is totally dragging Mina into this. She’s laying the groundwork for her scheme!

When I looked at Paula, she just cackled.

“Fine!” I snapped. “Let’s do it. I’ll close the drugstore for now. We’ll reopen this evening.” I would put a sign on the door for any customers who swung by.

“Cheer up, Rei Rei. I’ll get the equipment and stuff ready at my place. Kirio Drugs’ team is in charge of getting food! We’ll meet at the river in an hour.” Paula zoomed out of the drugstore, all keyed up.

“We should probably buy meat,” Mina noted.

“Leave meat to Noela!” The werewolf girl raised her nose high.

Whoa. She’s serious about this. What a curveball. “Do you know where to get meat?”

“Leave to Noela!” She sprinted out, leaving Mina and I behind.

We looked at each other. “Shall we prepare the vegetables?” Mina suggested.

Just then, Annabelle popped in. “Hey, Pharmacist. I’m here for my potions.”

“Oh, right. The usual, yeah?” I confirmed. “Great timing. I was just about to close up.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Kirio Drugs’ staff is having a barbecue at the riverbank with Paula.”

“Is that so…?” Annabelle cleared her throat, mumbling, “You know…I’m, uh, off work today.”

I could barely hear her, and just as I was about to invite her, Mina interrupted. “Well, isn’t that delightful! Here are your potions, then. See you later!”

She smiled ear to ear as she tried to kick Annabelle out.

The Red Cat Brigade’s redheaded captain scowled at Mina, who returned the look. I could almost see fireworks explode between them. Man, they really don’t get along, do they?

“Want to join us, Annabelle?” I asked. “This kind of thing’s more fun with more people.”

“R-really? Well, guess I might as well tag along. Th-thanks for, um, invitin’ me. See you later!” Annabelle tossed her ponytail as she left. Mina pouted angrily.

I need to remember that putting those two together is bad news.

 

***

 

Mina and I got some veggies for the barbecue and prepared them. I’d already closed the drugstore and put up a sign.

“This kind of thing’s so much fun,” Mina commented. “Getting together under the clear blue sky and eating with everyone.”

I found myself agreeing. “Can you fish in that river?” I asked.

“I’m pretty sure you can.”

“Then let’s bring a rod, bait, and some Explosive Mr. Fisher. We’ll cook up any fish we catch!”

“Ah, that’s a wonderful idea!”

Once we finished all the prep work at home, the eager Mina and I headed to the riverbank. Paula and Annabelle were already there, setting up.

“Hey! Already finished?” Paula called. “That was fast!”

“Mr. Reiji gave me a hand.”

“Can I leave the fire to you?” I asked Paula. “I’m going to do some fishing nearby.”

“No problem. I can handle this myself.”

“Thanks.”

I walked along the river, using my sonar skill to find a spot with lots of fish. In retrospect, that was the beginning of the biggest tragedy in the history of barbecues.

 

***

 

Thanks to my sonar skill and Explosive Mr. Fisher, I caught over a hundred fish in just half an hour. Yeah, that should do it. I know we said we’d leave the meat to Noela… I hope she’s okay getting it. I thought holding a meat-free barbecue would be a little sad. At least we’d have plenty of tasty fish to go around.

I headed back to report my catch, only to find Mina pacing back and forth. “Where could Noela have gotten off to?!” she exclaimed. “She’s in charge of getting the meat!”

Thunk. Thunk. We heard heavy footsteps. Then a single beast appeared before us. It was Noela in her wolf form; she held a deer in her mouth.

“She…she bagged a deer?!”

“A-amazing, Noela!”

“Whoa! Pretty awesome, wolf girl! I’ll handle dressin’ it,” Annabelle volunteered.

“Radical,” Paula added. “Pork and poultry are way too bland.”

Noela leapt over to me and set down the deer. Her body shone brightly as she changed back into her usual form.

“Noela hunt, Master!” She announced her accomplishment with pride, eyes sparkling. Her tail wagged happily.

“Good girl!” I praised her, patting her head a few times.

Meanwhile, Annabelle got ready to dress the deer. “Damn, you even drained its blood, wolf girl! I didn’t know you were so thoughtful.”

Watching Annabelle butcher the carcass was kind of scary, so I didn’t look in that direction. Fish and animals like deer were different, as far as I was concerned. Anyway, we’ve got everything we need now. “What’s next, Paula?”

“Behold!”

Thonk!

Before us was a griddle. Mina sat in front of it, adjusting the height of the flames. In this world, people used “life stones” with magical power to produce water or fire. The life stones’ magic was kind of like electricity in that way.

“It’s nice and hot,” said Mina. “We should be good to go!”

I paused.

“Master silent. What wrong?”

“What’s up, Rei Rei?”

“Th-this isn’t right,” I stuttered. “This isn’t the BB I know!”

“You’re calling it a BB too, eh?” Paula snickered. “Wait. What’s the problem?”

“‘What’s the problem?’! It’s serious! All we’re doing is cooking meat outdoors!”

Annabelle stopped butchering the deer to look up and nod. “Isn’t that what a BB is?”

“What about charcoal?!” I asked.

“What about it?”

You’re telling me this is what BBs in Kalta are like?! They don’t barbecue with charcoal?! I’m stunned! “Do you ever lose control of the heat and accidentally burn the meat?”

“Of course not. That’d be awful.”

I’m experiencing culture shock after this long?!

“This is lame!” I exclaimed. “Sure, burning food sucks. Still, the thrill of a good barbecue is chilling with friends, eating slightly charred, smoky meat together—with the burnt-to-a-crisp vegetables nobody wants to touch pushed to the edge of the grill!”

Everyone stared at me, eyes wide.

“You’re sure getting riled up, Mr. Reiji,” Mina said.

“Look, I get it! Using life stones to cook meat and vegetables as always is convenient! But it’s not exciting. Where’s the flavor? That ain’t no BB!” I wailed, shaking my head.

“Well, um, I brought salt and pepper. The flavor should be fine,” Paula replied.

“That’s not what I mean!” I was the only one losing my mind. Needless to say, the ladies were puzzled.

“Calm down, Master. It fine.” Noela’s incredibly fluffy, soft tail stroked me gently.

“Don’t worry, Noela. I’m as cool as a cucumber,” I sighed.

If we cooked with a life stone, one person would constantly be on fire duty. That’s nothing like how grilling at a BB’s supposed to go! One person cooking the meat was more than enough—we didn’t need anyone stuck in other roles, like fire duty. Sure, we could take turns, but it’d waste a lot of time.

Telling everyone I’d be back soon, I retreated from the river, bringing Noela with me.

“What wrong, Master?”

“I need you to fill a box with charcoal, Noela.”

“’Kay!”

I locked myself in the lab. “I’ll show these country bumpkins what a real BB’s like! Not that I have much experience with barbecues.”

My rage and grief produced my new creation.

 

Hell Flame: Gel that temporarily increases the flammability of any surface it’s applied to.

 

As I made the hell flame, Noela filled a box with charcoal for me. “This good, Master?”

“Yeah, perfect. Thanks, partner.”

“Arroo!”

All right. We shouldn’t need to worry about the fire now. All that’s left is the grill mesh. I had one at the house that I used to grill fish. It was surprisingly large—almost as wide as my shoulders. I could just bring that. Might as well bring a life stone to spark a fire too.

“What make, Master?”

“A fire treatment!”

“Groo?!” Noela’s eyes sparkled. “Wow!”

This is the kind of product I need to make absolutely sure doesn’t end up in Noela’s hands.

Once we gathered our things, we headed back to the river.

Mina stared at what we brought, bewildered. “Where’d you get off to, Mr. Reiji?”

“I needed to grab some supplies so we could have ourselves a real Q of the BB. Right, Noela?”

Noela nodded for my sake. She obviously had no clue what a real barbecue was like.

“You keep talkin’ about real BBQs, Pharmacist, but who cares?” Annabelle said impatiently. “Can’t we just cook?”

“I’m trying to tell you, that’s boring! Unexciting!”

“Excitement doesn’t fill your stomach, Rei Rei.”

“Say that after you have a taste.”

Since we were at the river, building an oven was easy. I created a frame from some large rocks, placed the life stone inside, and then inserted the charcoal coated in hell flame.

“At this rate, Rei Rei, our little lunchtime BB’s gonna be for dinner!” Paula whined.

“Just pipe down and watch.”

“No wind’s gonna get through with those rocks in the way, Pharmacist,” Annabelle warned me.

“Just watch. Please.” My hell flame didn’t give a damn about those details. “Noela, get ready for ignition.” She held her hands over the charcoal above the life stone. “Three, two, one!”

“Yup!” Noela released a tiny bit of magical energy.

The life stone reacted, glowing bright red. Soon afterward, the hell flame responded in kind. Crackle! Crackle! Orange and blue flames enveloped the black charcoal and spread through the oven.

“Whoa!” the girls cried.

“Amazing! Look how fast the charcoal lit up!”

“Now we can barbecue without one person constantly supplying magical energy!”

“Jeez, Rei Rei,” Paula laughed. “You should’ve told us the drugstore had a product this handy!”

“I just created it a second ago.”

Annabelle, Mina, Paula, and I sat around the flames on large stones, staring into the makeshift firepit. What is it about fire that makes you want to look into the flames forever?

Noela seemed to have no interest in that. She stared at the meat Annabelle had just finished butchering. She must’ve been pretty worked up, since her tail was thumping the ground. In fact, she was drooling.

“This, please, Master! Raw fine.”

Right—I forgot Noela can eat raw meat. Why do I have a hunch she’d get sick from it anyway? “Just wait till it’s cooked, will you?”

I placed the grill net over the blazing charcoal, and we were good to go.

“What’s the difference between barbecuing with charcoal and heating a metal plate with a life stone, Rei Rei? I get that we don’t need anyone on magic duty now, but…”

“You’ll know once you take a bite.”

“I’ve never eaten venison before!” Mina exclaimed.

“Me neither,” I replied.

Annabelle carefully explained the various cuts of meat—loin, fillet, thigh, sparerib, and so on. She even gutted the deer for us.

“As far as taste goes, I’d say venison’s a lot like beef,” she noted. “Dependin’ on the catch, you’ll get redder meat, but that tends to be a little gamey. This pink meat’s pretty good. Venison does have a wilder taste than steak…” The more she explained, the more Noela drooled.

“Annabelle, I think Noela’s about to have a meltdown.”

“Please, Red! Deer Noela caught!”

“Ha ha ha! Sorry ’bout that, Wolf Girl. Let’s get to cookin’.”

Mina cleared her throat. “I’ll take the liberty of grilling the meat.” Tongs in hand, she carefully laid strips of loin on the grill one by one.

Crackle! Crackle! The quiet sound of meat cooking filled the air, and thin white smoke rose from the grill. The charcoal smoked the meat slightly, giving it a tremendous aroma.

“These are basically steaks,” Annabelle noted. “I made sure to slice ’em to be easy to cook.”

Ah…this smells incredible! Everyone stared in silence at the venison on the grill. I bet they’re thinking the same thing I am.

Watching the meat carefully, Mina seasoned it with salt and pepper. After letting the steaks cook for a while, she flipped them. Juices dripped onto the charcoal, causing more crackling. Noela gripped her fork, barely able to contain herself.

“First up is…” Mina looked at me.

I pointed to Noela with my chin. “That one’s done, Noela. Go ahead.”

Mina used a clean set of tongs to put a juicy venison loin on Noela’s plate. I loved that she deliberately used different tongs; it was just like her.

Wow. I was curious about deer meat, but once it’s cooked, it really doesn’t look different from beef.

Noela devoured the thick steak in one bite. Cheeks packed, she chewed away valiantly.

“It’s almost like she pulled a vanishing trick with her food,” I muttered.

Noela was clearly in no position to describe the venison’s taste. But I doubt she lacks chances to eat meat, being a hunter and all. So…

“Here you go, Mr. Reiji!” Mina placed a thin steak on my plate.

“Ah. Thanks.” The scent of salt, pepper, and fat reached my nose, and my mouth watered. Juices kept dripping off the steak, seeming endless. “Down the hatch.”

I raised a piece of meat to my mouth via the fork express, chewing carefully after the first bite. Unlike beef, venison tasted like something that had once been alive. Fortunately, that flavor wasn’t strong enough to be unpleasant.

That must be what Annabelle meant when she said the flavor was “wild.” The deer meat was way more tender than I expected and not nearly as fatty as it looked at first glance. The smoked flavor rose through my nose. O-oh. It’s darn good.

Paula also took a bite and was stunned. “Delicious! This steak’s amazing! Like, seriously!”

“Yeah, this is better than I expected,” Annabelle replied. “It’s tender, and nothin’ about it tastes off. It must be that stuff.” She glanced at the charcoal, which was burning steadily.

Mina grilled more venison; Noela kept jabbing her fork into any finished pieces and devouring them.

“This, um…hell flame? It’s very useful!” Mina commented. “It maintains a strong flame nicely.”

“You can’t put it out, but if you just want to cook something in one go, it might be perfect,” I replied.

The venison was so light, I was able to eat quite a bit.

Noela turned toward me, grease all over her mouth. “Tasty, Master!”

“Which is tastier? My potions or this deer meat?”

She took a moment to think but soon answered, “Both tasty.” She wagged her tail, apparently quite satisfied.

“I’ll have some as well,” Mina said, taking a small piece. She bit into the venison, face lighting up as though she were thinking, I love calories!

There was so much deer meat that there was no way we’d finish it all.

“We can take home what we don’t eat and use it in other dishes,” Mina suggested.

Annabelle pointed to a cut of meat beside the grill. “Shanks are best in stews and curry.”

“You’re sure knowledgeable, Annabelle.”

“When you’re a mercenary, you naturally pick up a lot,” she replied, shrugging.

I expected nothing less from the Red Cat Brigade’s captain. She makes any gesture look cool.

We grilled and ate meat, vegetables, more meat and vegetables, and fish. We only seasoned them with salt and pepper, but that was plenty.

“It might be a good idea to make some sauce for it at home,” I suggested.

“Oh, I like that idea!” Mina replied. “I’ll think something up.”

“Noela…no more eat.” The drugstore’s resident wolf girl lay on her side, round as a balloon.

Man, she better not complain about a stomachache later.

“I’m sure stuffed!” Paula exclaimed. “The sound of the charcoal crackling, the smoke, the scent… Great job, Rei Rei. This BB was dang good!”

“Didn’t I tell you so?” I was glad she understood charcoal’s advantages.

“Now then, how ’bout we clean up and head home?”

Together, we gathered all the trash as a bit of post-BB exercise before parting ways.

“We def gotta do this again!” Paula exclaimed.

“I’ll bring my men next time!” Annabelle added.

Both women went home. Mina and I were about to do the same, but Noela still lay on her side, looking miserable.

“Master…”

“What’s up, Li’l Fluff?”

“Belly hurts.”

“I knew it!”

“Groo…”

Don’t even think that moaning’s going to work on me!

I had Mina get Noela some medicine, ultimately curing her stomachache.

“All better, Master! Go home!”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”

I knew our little barbecue was fun and delicious, but she really had to be careful not to pig out.