Chapter 6: One-Off Customers Are Usually a Pain

Chapter 6:
One-Off Customers Are Usually a Pain

 

“IS IT TRUE you have potions that keep monsters away?”

We didn’t usually get adventurers as customers; this was the first one to shop at the drugstore in a while. He looked about my age—mid-twenties. He was equipped with a leather breastplate, a well-used sword at his waist, and a worn-out bag on his back.

“Uh, yeah, we have a product like that.” I grabbed a repellent bottle off the shelf and brought it to the counter. “This produces an aroma animals absolutely hate. It lasts about half a day.”

“Whoa! That long?!”

Er, yeah?

“W-with this, I might finally conquer that dungeon!”

I figured the main reason adventurers loved the drugstore repellent was that it saved them from risking their lives battling monsters. “Good luck,” I said, getting a bag. “How many repellent bottles would you like?”

“Um…Mr. Pharmacist?”

“Yes?”

The adventurer looked at me gravely. “Please come to the dungeon with me.”

“No way!”

The repellent will pretty much keep you safe, but dungeons are still super hazardous, man! I’ve lived a slow, relaxed life since I got to Kalta. I’d rather you didn’t drag this average Joe into a dangerous spot!

“Come on, don’t be like that!” the adventurer pleaded. “Please at least listen to what I have to say.” I really didn’t want to, but he started talking anyway. “My name’s Stanley, and I’m twenty-six years old. I work as an adventurer in and around the next town over.”

Evidently, Stanley wasn’t a solo adventurer. He belonged to a five-person party that fought monsters and hunted for treasure in dungeons.

“Recently,” Stanley explained, “they finally noticed.”

“Noticed what?”

“That I’m pretty much useless.” The word “noticed” implied that Stanley himself already knew that. Apparently, during a meeting, the party’s leader told Stanley that his leaving the party would be best for everyone. “I only joined to win Miisha over, but I didn’t get close to her at all. I guess she’s not really like I imagined.”

He reminds me of a college student who joined a club just for the girls. “So…why go explore a dungeon?”

“Well, there’s nothing I can do about the party leader’s decision. But I figured I’d at least confess my feelings to Miisha.”

“R-right.”

“I told her that, if I make it back from this dungeon, I want to admit something to her.”

It’s nice that you’re so passionate about your little crush, but this setup’s awful. You’re raising way too many death flags.

“If I retrieve the treasure in the dungeon’s deepest chamber and make it back alive, everyone might see me differently,” Stanley concluded. “Miisha may fall for me!”

I could picture the first half of that prediction coming true, but definitely not the second half. Under the circumstances, Miisha was almost guaranteed to be involved in a passionate romance with the party leader.

“Even if that doesn’t happen,” Stanley added, “maybe I can build my confidence as an adventurer.”

His motivation for doing this is sketchy as hell. Still, when he says something like that, it’s hard for me to decline. I knew I’d feel pretty safe in a dungeon with Noela around. If Stanley used the drugstore’s repellent, though, she wouldn’t want to tag along.

“Hff…hff…hff…hff.”

At that strange noise, I turned, only to see Noela wearing what looked like a gas mask.

“Leave to Noela, Master!” she told me.

“Where the heck did you buy that?”

“Paula’s.”

Why does Paula have something like that at her store?

“So, would you care to come on the adventure, Mr. Pharmacist?” Stanley inquired again. “As thanks…” He pulled a withered plant from his waist pouch.

“Whoa! That’s…”

 

Oronaamsou: Rare and expensive medicinal herb. Used in numerous treatments.

 

Man, with that oronaamsou, I could make all kinds of products I haven’t been able to yet.

“I’m begging you, Mr. Pharmacist.”

“Can you withstand the repellent wearing that thing, Noela?” I asked. The gas-masked werewolf nodded. “Great.” I turned to Stanley. “If I can bring her with us, I’m in.”

“Of course! Thank you so much!”

Noela and I immediately got to work prepping for our adventure. I called Mina into the drugstore. “Noela and I are going out for a bit!”

“‘All right!”

I was pretty sure Vivi was scheduled to work at noon. If she and Mina were both around, I figured the store would be fine.

Not long ago, Mina forbade me to do anything dangerous. With the drugstore’s repellent and lure, however, Stanley, Noela, and I could avoid monster encounters.

Let me just grab some of this…and this… I crammed drugstore products into my bag. Noela stuffed her own backpack with potions. “Hey, Li’l Fluff. You don’t actually need that many potions, do you?”

“Groo?!”

“If you’re packing them as refreshments, stop.”

“Arroo…”

She looked so silly with the gas mask on, it was hard to actually scold her. Darn it, Paula! You only sold her that because you thought it’d be funny.

With everything packed, Stanley, Noela, and I left the drugstore behind.

Noela transformed into a wolf, and we rode on her back as Stanley led the way to the dungeon. She hated letting anyone besides me ride, but I persuaded her by promising her two potions.

We proceeded deeper and deeper into the woods. It’s still midday, but it feels so late at night. Eventually, we came upon a large cave in a massive stone structure. That must be the dungeon entrance.

“There it is,” said Stanley.

A group of adventurers were taking a breather at the structure’s base. We also decided to take a break as soon as we arrived, and Noela downed a potion in a single gulp.

I turned to Stanley. “So, what exactly is the treasure in the dungeon’s deepest chamber?”

“Well, it’s rumored that something’s in there,” he replied. “But nobody’s ever seen the treasure.”

“Seriously?” Something felt off.

“Yup. All I know is that this dungeon’s deeper than it looks. It hasn’t been fully explored yet, so…”

I was hoping this would be easy as pie. “This is going to be way tougher than I thought. I guess we should be okay with the drugstore repellent, though.”

Sliiink! Noela put on her gas mask. I opened the repellent bottle and left it that way, letting the repellent’s aroma waft out.

“I know my way through the dungeon up to a point,” Stanley said, lifting his lantern. He led us lower and deeper into the cave.

“Noela bored.”

“Don’t be like that,” I chastised her. “I’d rather we be bored than under attack.”

It wasn’t like there weren’t any monsters or other living things down here. If one showed up, I had a feeling Noela would split like a banana.

“Your repellent stuff’s amazing, Mr. Pharmacist,” Stanley said. “I haven’t seen a single monster!”

“Master’s medicine best in universe,” the gas-masked werewolf girl told him. “Potions really tasty too.”

As we made our way through the dungeon, I grabbed rare medicinal herbs and mushrooms. Thanks to my repellent, this had basically become a super-safe foraging hike.

“All right,” Stanley said. “This is supposedly the deepest chamber.”

It was just a dead end. I certainly didn’t see any way to spelunk farther. “Is there…like…a hidden path, or door, or something?”

“There shouldn’t be.”

“Then how do you know this isn’t actually the end of the cave?”

Stanley showed me a book from his bag. “According to this, we should be able to explore even deeper.”

That means the book’s author got farther than this chamber, I thought.

Just then, I heard water dripping. Looking over, I saw the gas-masked werewolf splashing her feet in a river.

“Cold!”

“You’re okay with putting your feet in there?”

“Clean.”

Really? Upon closer inspection, yeah—the river was super clear.

“Think we’ll come across stairs or something if we follow this river?” I asked Noela.

“Stairs over there.” Noela pointed.

I followed her finger. The cavern was dark, but I just barely made out the shape of stairs underwater. That means this area isn’t supposed to be submerged.

“Looks like following the river is the way to go,” I said.

“Way to go! Garrooooo!” Noela’s tail wagged excitedly.

“What’s going on?” Stanley asked.

“This river used to be a regular passage. It must’ve flooded somehow. There’re stairs over there.”

“Wow. You’re right.”

Noela jumped in the river. Splash! She was completely submerged.

“Hey! Noela!”

After a second, her gas-masked face poked out from the water. “Hole here, Master.”

“Hunh.”

“Blocked.”

“Oh. Now I get it.” That means it’s my turn.

It was good that I brought my medicine-making tools. I set to work with the supplies I’d taken with me and the stuff I’d foraged along the way.

“What exactly are you doing, Mr. Pharmacist?”

“Turning that river back into a regular passage.”

The bottle I held glowed, and the new product was finished.

 

Drain Cleaner: Powerful gel that unclogs drains.

 

Noela shook rapidly, drying herself off.

“How big’s the drainage hole?” I asked her.

Her fingers formed a circle. “This big.”

Smaller than I expected. Even if I cleared the drain, something would just clog it again eventually. It wasn’t my job to worry about that, though, so I opted not to waste too much time on it. “That hole’s big enough to drain the river water?”

“Something magic deeper in.”

In other words, the obstruction was keeping some magical object from draining the water. The drain was about as big as a bottle mouth; if I opened the drain cleaner underwater and stuffed the bottle into the hole, it’d probably work.

“All right, Noela. You know the deal.”

“Leave to Noela!”

I handed her the drain cleaner. She plunged into the water, then reappeared after a few moments, gas mask and all. I peered at the river, noticing that it was flowing in a way it hadn’t before. The spot where the drain was located glowed faintly. Must be the magical object Noela mentioned.

Noela tried to doggy-paddle toward me, but she made no progress whatsoever. “Groo!”

She’s trying her hardest, but it’s not working. The river’s current got stronger, forming a whirlpool. This is bad. At this rate, the drain will suck Noela in!

“Take this, beastling!” Stanley tossed her a rope; Noela grabbed on to it, and I managed to pull her out of the river.

Noela’s chest heaved as she panted. “Noela no beastling! Werewolf.”

Leave it to Noela to remember to correct him.

The three of us waited for the river to drain, which doubled as a short break for Noela. The water level dropped and dropped; before we knew it, the passage was clear. Noela quickly descended into it. She poked at a flopping fish using a stick she found. “Weird fish!”

“I see! This is a magic circle.” Stanley was peeking into the drain. “It appears to enable teleportation.”

“Then the water isn’t flowing elsewhere in the cave,” I realized. “It’s literally teleporting to another location.”

Noela’s eyes sparkled at the various unknown creatures on the floor of the passageway.

“Let’s get going, buddy,” I called. She trotted over, and we descended the stairs.

More magic circles glowed all over the place; the lighting made the whole passage kind of otherworldly. I wonder if these magic circles work in conjunction with the drain?

Noela was using her new favorite stick to hit various spots. “Noela excited! Underground dungeon!”

“I’d never normally be able to bring two civilians like yourselves someplace like this, but your repellent made it possible, Mr. Pharmacist,” Stanley said, restating his appreciation of the product’s effects. “I planned to flee immediately if we encountered a particularly tough monster, but it’s like there’re none here at all. It’s truly incredible.”

“All hail the drugstore repellent, huh?”

“Master’s products amazing!”

“That’s right, little werewolf.”

“Arroo!”

At the bottom of the stairs, we came upon an open space with a solemn atmosphere. Farther in, a palm-sized crystal sat atop a pedestal; it had a faint light-blue glow.

 

Water God’s Orb: One of only a few sacred treasures worldwide.

 

“Er…that crystal seems incredibly rare.” I’ve got a bad feeling about this. If we take it off the pedestal…

“Groo?! Pretty! Noela take!”

I grabbed Noela’s shoulders just as she dashed toward the crystal. “Stay, Noela. Stay!”

“What wrong, Master?” She tilted her head inquisitively.

“That crystal’s what I came to this dungeon for!” Stanley lifted it from its pedestal.

Crap! When did he get over there?!

“With this, I can confess my love to Miisha!”

Just as Stanley finished his sentence, the cave began making noises not unlike an earthquake.

“I knew this would happen!” I snapped.

“Wh-what’s going on?!”

“Master, there! Water sounds!” Noela pointed. A torrent of water was pouring in.

Things are going south fast. “Stanley, let’s get out of here!”

“R-right!”

“You too, Noela!”

“Arroo!”

We rushed back the way we came. Behind us, a blast of water submerged the pedestal instantaneously. The cavern rapidly flooded as we climbed the stairs.

At our current pace, we’re screwed. “Stanley! Throw away the repellent!”

“Huh? But, without that, we’re—”

“Noela can’t use her full power with that stuff around. Noela! I need you to transform!”

“Leave to me!”

Stanley immediately threw the repellent bottle away, and I grabbed Noela’s gas mask. Her body glowed, and she transformed into a wolf. The adventurer and I hopped on her back, and she immediately bolted up the rest of the stairs. The water surged after us.

“You can do it, Noela! When we get home, I’ll give you all the fresh potions you want!”

“Garroo!”

Picking up speed, Noela somehow outpaced the water, returning us to the passageway we started in.

The exhausted Noela turned back into her usual form, reequipping her gas mask. Using the extra repellent I’d brought, we escaped the dungeon in one piece.

 

***

 

A few days later, Stanley dropped in at the drugstore. “Mr. Pharmacist…”

“What’s wrong? You don’t look happy.” Miisha must’ve rejected him.

The day we explored the dungeon, Noela and I saw Stanley back to the neighboring town where his comrades made their base camp, and then we split up with him. Since Noela had worked so hard, I gave her bonus potions every morning, afternoon, and evening for a week.

From his bag, Stanley pulled the crystal he’d taken from the cave pedestal. “I’d like you to accept this.”

“Huh? But why?” That crystal’s supposed to prove he ventured deeper into the dungeon than anyone before him!

“The rest of my party acknowledged that I reached the dungeon’s deepest chamber. Out of respect for my courage and abilities, they agreed to let me rejoin.”

“Whoa! That’s great!”

“Sure. But I gave Miisha this crystal and confessed my love, like I said I would.”

I’m guessing that didn’t go well.

“She laughed her head off and told me, ‘I’m not sure what you want me to do with that thing. It’s way too heavy—physically and emotionally.’”

Hey, man, happens to the best of us. It’s not like Miisha ever said anything about wanting the crystal.

“Hanging out with that party will be too awkward,” Stanley concluded. “I just want to quit.”

He really is a college student who joined a club just for chicks and got shot down.

“I considered selling the crystal,” he added, “but I wanted to give it to you instead, since I caused you so much trouble.”

“Aw, you don’t have to.” I took the faintly glowing blue crystal in my hands. It was smooth and cool to the touch. I’m not sure it’s okay to accept a rare item like this…but if he says so.

“If I hold on to that thing, it’ll just remind me of Miisha’s expression when she laughed at me.”

Please stop talking about that. It’s getting hard to even hear it.

“I think I’m going to look for a new party,” Stanley said.

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” Frankly, it sounds less like you’ll search for a new party, and more like you’ll search for a new woman.

“See you, folks.” Stanley left the drugstore behind.

 

***

 

Later, Mina asked me, “What’s that, Mr. Reiji?”

“Let’s just call it a bonus for our hard work exploring that dungeon.”

“It’s beautiful! I’ll polish it and put it on display.”

I have no clue what to do with it. I guess we can hold on to it here till someone who knows better shows up.

Noela poked her head into the drugstore. “Afternoon potion time, Master!”

“Right, right.”

And so, after Stanley’s exciting little adventure, I settled back into my slow, cozy life.