Chapter 2: A home shopping channel that sells everything but a good night’s sleep

■CHANNEL14■

I wonder: since when did I stop placing my expectations on things? It would be easy if I could just chalk it up to, ‘I was born with this personality.’ Of course, genetics is a factor, but a person’s personality is also made by their environment and how they were raised.

Well, it’s probably not all exterior factors. For example, if I was born into a rich family like Utena was. Or if I was at the wrong end of some intense bullying like Torii is. Or, like Kurashima, if I was born in the city— no, as a boy. As expected, my personality would be changed accordingly.

But, well, one can’t change themselves as if they were changing channels on a TV. If there’s anything someone didn’t like about themselves, the only recourse would be to change that slowly over time.

Although, the only thing I can do is live as myself.

“Aaaah,” I sighed. I couldn’t help but think about it.

I jogged over to the suspicious-looking mascot. As I got closer, my thoughts kept going off on tangents. The human mind can’t bear extended monotonous work. A brain with too much free time will start thinking about meaningless things, much like seeing a dream.

“Aaahhhh—” I heaved another sigh. Since when, I wonder? Since when was it that I stopped living, even though I’m alive? That I started to just accept my situation and let events flow past me? That I became just a face in the masses, only eating what was fed to me, like a baby chick.

I feel like I had been different in the past. Every day was fun, and there were so many things I wanted to do that 24 hours in a day just wasn’t enough. When the entire world was unknown to me, and it felt like an amusement park. The world was fun, and I was running about, engrossed in it.

Where should I go tomorrow, and what should I play? It was a fact that tomorrow would be way better than today, and those days piled on one after the other, making life shine. I was free, and filled to overflowing with hopes and dreams. Enough that I had no time to watch something like TV.

Although every once in a while I was asked to mind the shop, making me sulk. And while I was making a sour face at the store counter, at some point he’d be standing out front... And with a smile, while waving his hand lightly, he’d pull me out into an even more sparkling world.

Afterwards, I’d always be harshly scolded for abandoning the store. I wasn’t sorry at all though.

I had just been happy to laugh together with him, going, Today was fun too, wasn’t it?

“..................” It wasn’t very far away, so I reached the mascot character quickly. Even up close, the design was weird. It was hard to tell from far away, but it seemed this mascot was supposed to be a panda. No, the color seemed to have been sucked out of it. It was a strange mascot made up of white and black.

It was the definition of suspicious, so while making sure I could run away at any time, I inspected the mascot from up close. It looked like he was beckoning to me with his hand, and those movements seemed nostalgic to me, somehow. So I ended up running over at full speed, although it wasn’t like me.

“Yo, Snail,” the mascot said in a muffled voice.

Rather than being surprised, I thought, Oh, of course. Somehow, I could tell. I was always stuck at the store, so I was a “snail.” Nowadays there’s no one who would call me by that nickname, though.

“What the heck are you doing, Kousuke?” Unusually for me, I spoke casually from the beginning. Even if I talked formally to this guy, he’d probably just be creeped out. What an obnoxious guy.

“Thank god you noticed,” he said. “I was thinking it would be hard to call just you over. And if that was the case, then forcefully taking you away by hand would be my only choice... But you remembered the secret sign.” The mascot awkwardly made a strange sign using both of its hands. It looked like the mascot was just waving its hands, but from the shape of those hands it was apparently trying to send a message.

As I stood dumbfounded, I started feeling a little sorry.

“No, actually I forgot...” I admitted. “But that really is nostalgic, isn’t it? While I was stuck behind the counter, you’d pretend to be a pedestrian and send me hand signs. This was ‘Let’s play.’ This was ‘Meet up in the secret base later.’ This was ‘When can we play?’” I also started to mimic our old hand signs. All of them had to do with going out to play, but that had just been a sign of our age. Like Kousuke’s grandfather— his ancestors had been military men, or something similar— we had used hand signs (which we modified from the ones written down in a book we found) to communicate. At least, I think they were. It might all just be something Kousuke made up.

Alternating, we exchanged hand signs, though we were no longer the proper age to enjoy such things.

Starting to feel depressed, I stopped signing and started speaking normally. “What the heck are you even doing? I’d heard that you were also in this alternate dimension— no, this amusement park. But why in a mascot costume? Are you an idiot?”

“I’m not an idiot,” he objected, “I’m a hero. You, I’ll show you something good, so come with me for a bit. This way, this way♪”

“A hero?” I questioned. “You’re still saying that stuff?”

Kousuke admired people like his military ancestors, or Tokusatsu heroes that were being broadcast in the early morning on TV. When we were small children, we would wave around sticks and play in a secret base we made in the mountains. But we’re already in high school.

Being pulled along by my hand, I had no choice but to follow along with him. In the past I was taller than Kousuke, so I could push him around, but now I can no longer measure up to his strength. Turning around, I saw in the distance that Torii was nestling up to Utena, who was starting to droop over in her sleep.

She probably doesn’t have any interest in what’s going on here, as she’s not even looking this way. If it’s just for a little while, I should be able to leave without any problems. Hrmm— but that’s a little heartless.

They’re rare and precious people that I was actually able to talk to, that I was able to meet, in this baffling place. We should be going around together, so I felt a little guilty leaving them like this.

“Wait,” I said. “We should take Torii and Utena along with us.”

“It’s fine,” Kousuke reassured me. “I won’t take up that much of your time. Just come along, Snail.”

“Don’t call me ‘Snail,’” I objected, “we’re already in high school.”

“But you really are slow,” he teased. “exactly like a snail... So then what, do you want me to call you ‘Denkiya-san?’ You wouldn’t like that either, right? What about ‘Hitomi-chan?’” Kousuke was still pulling me along as he replied to me without much thought. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry. Just leave it to me, Sn...Hitomi. I’ll save you.”

“I don’t get it. Are you trying to pretend that you’re still a kid?” I continued to be dragged along as I muttered complaints. I’m being swept along again, though I could resist with all my might if I felt like it. I just don’t really have that kind of willpower.

Since when was it that I started just letting myself be swept along like this?

Kousuke got caught up in his parent’s circumstances... He ended up as Utena’s flunky, and our happy friendship was cut off. Our bond had been torn apart.

Even though I waited for him in my store. My childhood friend, who would have come to take me out into the sparkling radiance, never came at all. I was left sitting behind the counter, with my chin resting in my hands and staring out of the storefront, while feeling empty and lifeless. Eventually, I started to ignore the storefront and stared at the TVs decorating the place instead.

Putting everything behind me, I stopped holding any hopes or expectations in anything.

This childhood friend of mine— where in the world could he be trying to lead me now, after being gone for so long?

■CHANNEL15■

Just as I thought, I wasn’t really expecting anything out of this.

“Because of the earlier fire, I’m covered head to toe in soot. I’d really like to take a shower...” As soon as I muttered this to myself, though, Kousuke led me to a place that seemed like it had just what I wanted.

Actually, how did he even find this place? He’s always been rather sharp-eyed, but... Apparently, Kousuke had explored every nook and cranny of this amusement park and now had a firm grasp of its entire geography.

This place was right under the merry-go-round, where I ran across that bizarre TV girl. I was slightly wary of being back here, but the TV girl seems to have disappeared. The horses with their heads torn off were also stopped for some reason. It might be closing time.

We move through a gap in the ominous, carcass-like horses towards the back. Moving aside an object that looked like an enshrined wedding cake, Kousuke revealed a ladder that led underground.

Really, I wondered, how the heck did he find this? It was placed so that you wouldn’t notice it unless you knew there was an underground room in the area.

The room appeared to be something like a guard’s room or security station, placed in such a way that park goers would not be able to get in. Kousuke called it a “control room.” In the confined space, a countless number of monitors were lined up. And behind that was a small door, through which was a barebones shower.

Compared to the surface— the amusement park— this room had basically no decorations at all. It was a drab place. In any case, I was just happy to be able to take a shower, and I devoted myself to diligently cleaning off all the dirt on me.

The water turned black enough to surprise even me, although only a little.

“I feel so refreshed.” I used the soap that Kousuke gave me to clean both my body and my hair. Cracking open the door, I call out to Kousuke, who was sitting on the floor of the control room. “Hey, is there a towel or something?”

“I left it over there,” he replied. I have no idea what Kousuke is so embarrassed about, but he refused to look this way. He was sitting down with his eyes closed, like he was a monk in training, or something. It kind of made me want to prank him, but I don’t really have the composure in my heart to do that in this place. So for now, I just wiped my body off with the towel. I felt warm all over, and actually had a bit of steam rising off me still.

I was just as dirty as when I was a child, and the two of us would run around playing, until we were both covered in mud. I remember when we used to get into the bath together, but we’re too old now. My breasts have grown a little, and I could even get pregnant now. It was a tough age to be fostering friendship between the sexes.

“Is there a change of clothes?” I call out.

“No,” he replied. “Besides, I don’t even know what size you wear. But that towel was something I took from the gift shop, so you can go rummage around there for something later.”

“Hmm... Then for now, I’ll just put my uniform back on,” I decided. “Thanks, Kousuke.” I ended up really being helped by him.

Now that I think about it, it feels like it’s been several years since we’ve talked like this. That’s why I ended up acting a little distant; it probably wouldn’t be good to keep getting spoiled by him.

Obediently, I put on my uniform, and after some debate I ended up putting my apron and bandana back on, too. I definitely don’t need the apron and bandana, but they’re some of the precious few things I managed to bring in with me from the real world and my daily life, so I found it hard to throw them away.

If I dress like I’m working, then I feel like I can act like an employee instead of like regular old Denkiya Hitomi. It’ll help me to not get involved with others more than necessary. This is like my armor and helmet. Until I can accurately grasp the distance I should put between myself and Kousuke and the others, I want to be just an employee of an electronics store.

“I’m feeling pretty refreshed... Later, let’s let Torii and Utena use this shower, too. The both of them also got caught in the fire and are covered in soot.”

“I don’t think this is the time for caring about your appearances, though,” Kousuke argued. “Women really are nothing but trouble, they’re so slow... In that sense, Hitomi, you’ve really become a ‘girl’ now, haven’t you?”

“I’ve been a girl from the very beginning,” I said. “Kousuke, why don’t you take a shower, too? That costume must be really hot inside. You’re dripping with sweat, aren’t you?”

“Don’t need one,” he scoffed. “It’s annoying.”

“Actually, why are you wearing a mascot costume?” I wondered.

“I was thinking it would be bad to get caught by a park employee,” he explained. “This way, no one will think I’m suspicious, even if I just wander around. Anyway, I hate that you’re looking down at me, so take a seat already.”

After being prompted, I popped a squat next to Kousuke. He had already taken off the costume, and it was flung haphazardly all over the room. Finally, I saw his face up close for the first time in years. Kurashima was a man of effeminate features, but Kousuke felt like a normal guy: he had short hair, which was trimmed neatly, and he had solid muscle and bone structure, like a hunting dog. He was wearing the familiar male uniform, but he had taken off his jacket and, for some reason, had it wrapped around his waist like a mantle.

Kousuke was just a little shorter than Kurashima was, but he looked heavier because of his muscles and so on, although there’s not really any point in comparing the two... The men in our town tended to have well-arranged looks, brimming with a wild feel. That’s why Utena had him wait on her, like she was showing him off.

I’ve known him since he was little enough to be sleeping and drooling with his belly button out, though. So while I do feel academic curiosity as to how that image could grow to be Kousuke as he is now, he doesn’t make my heart beat. It’s kind of unclear right now, but he’s something like family to me.

I must have been acting solemn, because Kousuke started glaring at me, annoyed. “Hey, stop staring so much,” he said. “You reek of soap, keep your face away from me.”

“Soap doesn’t reek,” I protested. “Anyway, sorry. I was just thinking, ‘Oh, this is what you look like,’ because it’s been a while. Is there a dryer here? My hair is still damp and it feels gross.”

“I have no clue, I’m not gonna go that far for you,” he retorted. “There might be one if you look around, though.”

“Sorry,” I apologized, “I made you wait because I wanted a shower. I didn’t want to get out because then I’d have to go back to the weirdness of the park... So I kind of figured I’d just stay in a little longer.”

“It’s fine, girls take too long no matter what they do. I know, Kagamimori was also like that, too.”

“You call Kagamimori by her last name?” I asked curiously. “I thought you were closer than that.”

“We’re not close, not really...do you mind if I smoke?” he asked. After talking at length about stuff both meaningless and somehow important, Kousuke suddenly let a bombshell slip. I was surprised: we’re both 16, an age where we’re not allowed to smoke by law.

While I was reeling from the shock, Kousuke took out a cigarette pack from his uniform pocket. Taking out a cigarette like it was a precious treasure, he lit it with a practiced motion, and smoke hung about in the cramped underground room.

■CHANNEL16■

“You’re awful~...” I complained with a playful grimace. “Ahh, Kousuke, so you’ve become a rebel, have you?”

“I’ve got stress, you know?” he excused himself. “It piles up. You know Kagamimori, she’s so selfish— nicotine’s my only friend. You stopped playing with me, after all.”

“No no, you’re the one who stopped coming over to the store,” I protested.

“It doesn’t look like I’ll be able to get more cigs while we’re here, huh?” he observed. “I guess I’ll just have to use these wisely. Aahh, there’s only 10 left already. The gift store doesn’t carry any of this stuff.”

While we were talking, Kousuke started to hold his cigarette in a way that screamed, “I am cool, look at me.” He was definitely trying to show off.

The fire at the tip of the cigarette in his mouth burned slowly. My dad was a smoker too, so I was used to this. Mom didn’t smoke, though, so whenever dad would try to smoke she’d get mad enough that her face looked like a demon’s... I actually kind of felt sorry for him. I kind of felt like what he was doing wasn’t that bad.

The rules enforcement at our school is lax, so sometimes you see students sitting around smoking while still wearing their uniforms. You’d often see butts lying around on the roof and in the restrooms.

Even so, to think Kousuke smoked... Somehow, I’m actually a little surprised that I’m so shocked. Sighing, I tried my hardest to put on a face that said, ‘This isn’t really all that unpleasant’ before attempting to shift the topic: “We ended up leaving Torii and Utena all alone back there. And they probably want a shower too, so can I go call them over? Actually, why did you bring only me here?”

“Because you’re my friend,” he explained. “I thought I’d let you into my secret base, this control room, as a special treat. Besides, I wanted to brag about it to someone. It’s great, isn’t it?”

“That part of you never changes, does it Kousuke? Friends... It’s been years since we’ve even spoken to each other,” I observed. “At this point, wouldn’t it be closer to say that Kagamimori-san and the others are your friends?”

“But they wouldn’t have any interest in a secret base, would they? And Kagamimori would only get mad if I went off and did things on my own... And for some reason, Hitomi, you happened to be there at just the right time, so I thought I’d show it off to you.”

“That’s it?” I asked incredulously. “I was wondering what it would be, but you’re just posing to look cool.”

“‘That’s it?’...” he complained. “Show some emotions, man. What a bore.”

“So basically, uh, this is where we were going?” I asked awkwardly. “I thought we were just stopping by because I said I wanted a shower.”

“Yeah, what I wanted to show you was this control room,” he huffed. “I thought you’d be more like, ‘This is awesome!’ and get all excited, you know? Like old times.”

“You know we’re not children anymore?” I asked. While we were making meaningless conversation, Kousuke beckoned me over. Walking to him, I looked at what he was pointing to: Torii and Utena were being shown on one of the countless monitors in the control room. Utena was still hunched over, sleeping on the bench as she’d been when I left her. And beside her, Torii, who was standing like a possessing ghost. It seemed like Torii might be worried that I hadn’t come back yet, because she would occasionally stare off into the distance.

“What’s this,” I asked curiously, “a security camera?”

“Something like that, I think,” he told me. “Control rooms like this one are actually under a fair number of these attractions: we can use this to keep watch over the entire park without having to walk around. Although, I’m not sure how much we can trust these feeds.” Now that I think about it, Kousuke hadn’t been back once since he split off, saying he’d go look around outside— so, it was because he’d found these control rooms.

Kousuke opened up what looked to be a handmade map, and started writing something down. “This park— it changes appearances at the drop of a hat, so a map is basically meaningless,” Kousuke said, while sitting cross-legged on the floor and pointing to stuff on his map.

“I’ve found several points here that look like exits...” he continued. “I think you’d call them admission gates, you know, like a reception desk? But I haven’t made sure yet that if you leave through them you’d actually get ‘outside’ of this alternate dimension, so I don’t know if we can escape yet. But still, if we can leave, then wouldn’t you like to try?”

“Well, yeah...” I said. “I really do want to hurry up and get home.” I was happy, thinking that we’d rather unexpectedly be able to escape this alternate dimension without any trouble. Well, even if we leave through what looks like the exit of this amusement park, there might just be an even more bizarre space on the other side.

Feeling a little more at ease, I sat down on the floor. I was crouching so that I could run away at any time, but my legs had gotten tired. It seemed like Kousuke was still, at his roots, the childhood friend I knew, after all— although I was still trying to be at least a little cautious. But as of the moment, I don’t feel like I’m in any danger.

“Let’s go together, Kousuke,” I suggested. “Along with Torii-san and Kagamimori-san... Oh, there was one more guy, wasn’t there? You know him, don’t you? Kurashima-san. Let’s all leave together.”

“I still have a little something to do here,” he told me abruptly. “If you guys want to escape, you should go ahead of me.”

“Whaaaat~, you should come with us... What is it that you have to do?” Feeling lonely, I pull on the sleeve of Kousuke’s uniform.

“You—you’re not a kid anymore, you know?...” he asked, clearly annoyed by my cutesy attitude. “If possible, I’d want you to hurry up and get out of here, though.” Grinding the finished cigarette butt into the floor to put it out, Kousuke’s mouth bent into a lopsided frown.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to experience a weird place like this again, so I really want to enjoy this place as much as possible. I just didn’t want to drag you along with me.” Making a face like a scolded child, Kousuke muttered that to himself.

■CHANNEL17■

Although it’s a bit late, for now we decide to share our information.

Why, and how, is Kousuke in this strange alternate dimension with the face of an amusement park? I wanted to figure out the details of this event, as well as what his goals were for being here. If possible, I wanted to help. The fact that he was my childhood friend was part of the r—well, I didn’t really care about that sort of thing anymore.

Just leaving like this, well, I’m not really happy with that, although Kousuke wouldn’t stop telling me to escape before the park changes (or, in other words, before his map becomes useless). Even I think it would be smarter to do that. Well, at least a little. But I don’t think I’d be able to stomach leaving him behind.

Kousuke’s trying to force me to do what he says without telling me anything important. Stop being so pretentious. We’re the same age, even though you were such a crybaby when we were younger! That’s what I was thinking. Basically, I might as well have just been sulking.

“You’re so annoying sometimes...” he sighed, “not to mention that you’re still just as slow as always, Snail. Fine, fine. I’ll tell you. I know I can’t win against you in an argument.” Kousuke gave up before long, and started talking as he gazed over the lined up monitors on the wall.

“That being said,” he continued, “I don’t really understand this situation, either. I have no idea why or how I wandered into this bizarre place. Well, I have my guesses,” he amended, “but no proof.”

I nodded. And, thinking that it was my turn to share, I started explaining my side of things, although he didn’t ask. That I was working at the store, and that before I knew it I was in this park... And from there, everything I saw, everyone I met, and everything that I experienced.

Once again, now that I’m remembering, I really have just been getting continuously swept up and carried along. I didn’t really have any useful information in the end, though. Kousuke started laughing for some reason, and I felt a little offended.

“What?” I demanded. “What’s so funny, Kousuke?”

“No,” he choked out, “I just found it funny how you didn’t panic. That’s not cute at all. You know what Kagamimori was like? She screamed, and ran around, and fainted up a storm. Even Torii-san was more talkative than usual. And I wasn’t able to think properly about anything at first.”

“You three all came into this dimension together?” I wanted to know. That’s what it sounded like, although I did hear that he was together with Utena and Torii.

That reminds me: Kousuke, Torii, and Utena were all usually together at school, too. They’re all connected to each other. In fact, here the outsiders are only Kurashima and I.

Well, I do have a vague past connection with Kousuke, but right now we’re rather estranged. It’s enough to feel strange that we’re together now. Kurashima was floating even further outside this circle, although I didn’t really care too much about him.

I wonder, what is up with this lineup? How did— or rather what are— the conditions for people to be chosen to wander inside of this place? We come from a small town, but the population is still fairly high. Why was it just us? Well, there might still be other people around that we just haven’t found, though.

“No, I don’t think there are any. I can’t say for sure, but I can tell from searching through all these monitors. Other than us, everyone else seems to just be part of the faceless mob of customers.” Kousuke, looking like he had great interest in the subject, spoke as he pondered it. “I tried talking to those people several times, but...I get no reply. And it doesn’t seem like you can touch them, either; your hand just goes right through. They’re something like an illusion, or they’re not live people, at any rate. It’s like what you see in those RPGs, what do you call them, background?”

“You’re still playing video games?” I commented. Feeling lonely, I pull on the sleeve of Kousuke’s uniform.

“That’s because the selection in your store is terrible,” he told me.

While mixing in some unrelated conversation, I’m starting to gain some understanding: It looks like Kousuke realized the existence of these control rooms rather promptly, and then moved to use them. Since that time, he’s been constantly watching the monitors, and hasn’t seen any people other than us— that is, people with personalities that you can talk to. If that’s the case, then the possibility of there being any other people that have wandered in here is probably exceedingly low.

That is, if you trust Kousuke’s words unconditionally. He’s also been speaking like he has something stuck in the back of his teeth, so I feel like he’s still hiding something important.

Kousuke realized that I was looking at him full of doubt, and he let out a bitter laugh. “Stop making that scary face,” he said, “people will think you’re ugly. For now, the real problem is why we wandered in here in the first place. If we can make that clear, then we should be able to figure out how to escape...maybe.”

“Didn’t you want to stay here?” I asked.

“I’m gonna leave eventually. I can’t just live here forever.” Kousuke said, before complaining that they don’t sell tobacco here.

“By the way,” he continued, “you’ve got it wrong. It’s not like we wandered into this alternate dimension together. I don’t know about Torii-san and Kagamimori, but I was moving separately from them.” While I felt it was a bit late, he started talking about the details of how he came to wander into this amusement park: “You probably already know, but you see, I...was getting worked to the bone being treated like a servant. So today, too— is it still today? Anyway, I was being forced to go along with her on a shopping trip. You know, to carry bags. At that point, Torii-san wasn’t there.”

“So you were on a date with Kagamimori-san?”

“It wasn’t a date,” he objected, “I was carrying her bags while she shopped. It happens a lot, getting called out to do things even though it should have been a day off. I’d have to carry her bags, make sure she was happy, eat, and then I’d be sent home.”

Isn’t that just a date? I thought. Well, whatever, it doesn’t really matter. I’m not really happy about it, but I already knew that Utena had a hold on a large part of Kousuke’s life. ‘You’re working hard even though it’s your day off, thanks’ is about the only impression I had.

“But there’s not really any place to go shopping in our town, is there?” I remarked.

“There isn’t, yeah. That’s why we have to take the train and go a ways away. Whenever Kagamimori has something she wants to buy, she makes me research stores and stuff. It’s so tiring,” he groaned, “I wish I was at least being paid.”

“You’re putting in the labor so that your parents can continue to receive their salaries, aren’t you?” I said. “It’s a bit roundabout, but you are getting paid. With like your allowance and stuff, right?”

“That’s right, but...Kagamimori...that girl doesn’t do anything herself. If she doesn’t remember where the shop is and we get even a little lost her face goes red and she gets mad immediately. She also gets tired really fast, and always rests as soon as that happens. It’s really a lot of work, it kind of feels like babysitting.” Letting out a very deep sigh, Kousuke lit another cigarette.

This underground room is airtight, so it’s gotten quite smoky inside. My sight is being dyed faintly white. Coughing reflexively, I shook my head and asked: “Kousuke, what did Utena-san even buy?”

“Ahh, umm...” he hazarded. “Sorry, I made a promise not to tell.”

“I’ll keep it a secret, I swear,” I promised.

“Yeah, but... Look, I know you’re not the type to go around blabbing secrets, but there really are some complicated circumstances surrounding this, so it really is impossible for me to tell you. It really is nothing important though— it’s also got nothing to do with what’s going on now, too.”

I don’t really understand. But, well, I don’t have the right to make him talk if he doesn’t want to. Even though we shared everything when we were younger.

Hmm... He did invite me, only, into this control room and told me so much of what he found out...just for that, I really am grateful. This is probably something like special treatment from Kousuke, although we’re only childhood friends who used to be really close.

If we were family, there probably would be no secrets between us. Even if we were raised like siblings, in the end there are no bonds of blood between us.

“Anyway,” he continued, “we ended up buying a lot of stuff...and we returned to town by train. What she bought was, you know, that— so it wasn’t possible to go straight to her mansion. Instead, we went through a different route than usual.

I have no idea what their ‘usual route’ is though, I thought. Kousuke must think that I know everything he knows, because he’s leaving out a lot of small details. It is true that in the past we knew what each other was thinking even without saying anything.

■CHANNEL18■

Starting to feel somewhat miserable, I focused on keeping quiet and listening to what Kousuke was saying.

“And then,” he was saying, “you see, that’s when Kurashima came up and asked us for directions.”

So that’s where you walk into the picture, Kurashima, I thought. That guy is so suspicious, basically because he’s a completely unknown entity from our town’s perspective.

Kousuke snorted; it seemed like he also couldn’t stand the guy. “He says he’s touring the country on his bike. I have no idea why he’d come to such a remote town as ours, though. It’s a hard place to get into, and a bike would conversely make it even more inconvenient.”

“There was probably just something that he wanted to see, I guess,” I said. “Either that, or he just got lost.”

“Yeah, he might have been lost, now that I think about it. He did come and ask us for directions— but no, he also seemed like he was looking for something... I really can’t tell. I didn’t talk to him much, either.” Pursing his lips, Kousuke started to tap his foot; he was clearly frustrated.

“That Kagamimori,” he grumbled, “she probably fell in love with him at first sight... That girl is really easy like that, apparently.” So then, Kagamimori decided to personally guide Kurashima around. After all, she’d have nothing to do once she returned home, anyway. “But I wanted to stop carrying all those bags,” Kousuke was saying, “so in the end, we split up there and I headed for the storehouse in the mountain.”

“Storehouse? In the mountain?” I asked, latching on to this small detail.

Kousuke explained it vaguely: “The Kagamimoris have a storehouse in the mountains. I say ‘storehouse,’ but it’s more like a mountain cabin... So we’ve started leaving the stuff we buy up there. Apparently that girl is going shopping without telling her parents,” he sighed, “so the storehouse is where she secretly hides the stuff she’s bought.” It sounded like a complaint, but he moved on: “I mean, the mountains surrounding the town are all owned by the Kagamimori group, so it looks like Kagamimori owns that storehouse, too. Apparently there was a time when Kagamimori looked through a bunch of her family’s albums and old records in their house’s storeroom and stuff. She occasionally finds stuff that’s convenient for us to use, so we just go ahead and use them as we please.”

“Is that so?” I mused. “So, in other words, you also know about such a secret space— one that sounds especially important to Kagamimori.”

“It’s not like I could help it,” Kousuke objected. “That Kagamimori buys so much stuff at once that there’s no way she could carry it all herself— not that she would, anyway. I also don’t want to have to climb mountains carrying her shopping, but, well, she completely has it in her head that I won’t betray her... I’ve been acting like her humble servant this entire time for that, after all.”

“Yeah, I get it,” I teased. “Thanks for the hard work, servant boy.” The heat that I’d gained from the shower is all gone now; my body has gotten chilly. How climate works in this strange alternate dimension is unclear, but it seems that it’s getting close to winter. If the sun keeps setting and it keeps getting colder, I can see me catching a cold.

I sneezed, but I don’t think Kousuke caught that because he continued talking: “And that’s how I ended up separating from Kagamimori. She probably went with Kurashima, guiding him wherever he wanted to go.” This time, Kousuke did seem to notice me sniffing, because he started acting worried. “You alright?” he asked. “You’re not really on the tough side, so be careful.”

“The unhealthy person who smokes shouldn’t be talking,” I retorted. “I’m fine, just feeling a little chilly after that shower... Anyway, I have a question.” It was kind of embarrassing to have him worry about me like this, so I changed the subject. “So Torii-san wasn’t with you guys today? It feels like she’s always hanging around you, though— at least at school, anyway. Oh, but it’s not like you guys are particularly close or anything, right?”

“Well... That Kagamimori, it looks like she hates Torii-san, after all.” He spoke like it was somebody else’s problem, even though he overlooked all the bullying going on against her while Utena was around. It’s like he chose to let her die— well, I’m the same, though.

Distance doesn’t matter. While knowing that there was a poor girl being bullied, we didn’t even think of helping her. We’re both guilty, but Kousuke does have his position to consider: nobody can defy the princess of this town.

Succumbing to this feeling of helplessness, I asked a rather useless question: “Why is Torii-san even being bullied, I wonder?” There probably isn’t any reason for the bullying. At best, it’s probably something like she’s gloomy or dirty or creepy... There just needs to be a small excuse for people to start hurting other people; the weakest one in the group will be the one to get harassed.

In any group. It’s probably the same in adult society, too. People live in groups, so it’s inevitable. There’s no choice but to behave so as to not get involved and expose your own weaknesses, in order to live.

Kousuke probably didn’t want to talk about this subject either— his tone was vague when he said, “It’s probably like that saying: ‘excessive cuteness multiplies hatred hundredfold...’ No, that’s wrong, it’s because Torii-san has everything that Kagamimori lacks, so she hates her.”

What does that even mean? I wonder. Utena is this town’s princess; a young lady from a rich family. There’s probably nothing in this world she couldn’t have, and he’s saying that Torii has what she doesn’t? I wonder what it is, but I can’t imagine it. Maybe it’s her height or something? Utena is small.

“Well anyway,” said Kousuke, “I was planning on meeting up with Kagamimori after I dropped off her stuff, because I was gonna get her to treat me to some good food as a reward.” Just like that, Kousuke went back to the previous topic, so I couldn’t pursue my train of thought.

It’s a difficult topic to talk and to ask about, anyway. But somehow, I’m really curious about it, although it has nothing to do with the larger goal of escaping this alternate dimension. I’m probably just curious about Torii because I can sense a juicy story.

“We had a meeting point,” he was saying, “so I left the mountain and headed to where Kagamimori should have been waiting. You know there’s that temple, right? A small one, near your house.”

“Oh, that’s not a temple, it’s a shrine,” I corrected him. “But no one’s managing it any more, so it’s basically a ruin. Delinquents use it as their hangout, so I wish they’d demolish it already. But we played there often when we were little... It’d be kind of lonely to have that place be gone.”

When I started talking about something else, Kousuke made a scary face. He was staring fixedly at me.

“W-what?” I stammered. “Kousuke...?”

“Sorry— Uhh, it must be my mistake.” Kousuke made a weird face, like he swallowed something that wasn’t quite chewed enough.

“That temple— shrine, I mean— it burned down. There was a fire; location wise, your store was in danger, too. I was really worried.” He asked me if I was ok.

I was bewildered. Certainly, that shrine was located just behind my house. If there was a fire, my house would be in danger, too. But if there really was a fire, there’s no way I would miss it.

But I had been nodding off, because I was so bored while minding the store... That’s why for a while, in the beginning, I thought this was all a dream. I don’t remember the moment I wandered into an alternate dimension. There’s a possibility that I was sleeping, so I didn’t notice the fire.

“I was also worried about Kagamimori, because she was supposed to be waiting at the shrine,” he said slowly. “She’s a slow runner, so I thought I would need to save her... After calling the fire department, I ran around and went into the shrine from where the fire was weakest. Now that I think about it, that was really dangerous, though.”

Certainly, it would be; if you’re not wearing any fire fighting equipment, entering a fire is basically suicide. You’d probably just pass out from the smoke before burning to death.

“I was just running around in the smoke without much thought... I passed out, and the next thing I knew I was here in this alternate dimension. That’s why I really thought this place was like heaven, or hell.” That idea wasn’t completely impossible, and the thought gave me the chills.

Kousuke tried to do something unreasonable, and fainted either from suffocating in the smoke or breathing in noxious gas before being burned to death. Meanwhile, I was sleeping without a care when I was caught in the fire and died.

That might be the case.

Although, the fact that either heaven or hell is set in an amusement park doesn’t mesh well with my knowledge... No one knows for sure what happens after death, because there’s no living person that’s ever actually experienced death.

I’m starting to wonder if this is life after death, instead of an alternate world out of some fantasy novel. If that’s the case, I doubt that we can escape at all.

■CHANNEL19■

“Hey,” said Kousuke, sounding alarmed.

Like sparks flashing and flickering in the back of my head, I felt something more like unease than the chills, causing me to shudder.

Seeing that, Kousuke had suddenly pulled on my apron. He used to do the same thing when we were kids. Kousuke, who was still sitting, had to look at me with upturned eyes because I was standing stock still.

I can’t go against those eyes. “What?” I asked him. “Sorry, I spaced out... Anyway, I’m not really sure about what you were talking about earlier. Or rather, I feel like there’s some info missing.”

“You’re the type to keep talking instead of listening to what other people say, aren’t you?” Kousuke said disagreeably, while gesturing at the countless monitors in front with his jaw.

Following his prompt, I looked at the monitors, and was struck dumb: there was something strange on the video feed.

These monitors were most likely displaying feeds from security cameras, which were placed all over this mysterious amusement park in an alternate dimension. One of those feeds had some slight noise running through it, its image showing something just slightly out of focus compared to the other feeds.

It was the face of a girl, but huge. No— the camera is just so close to her face that she’s breathing on it. It’s a hardcore close-up. I know that face; it’s Utena, who was asleep just a while ago.

Her face is so close, I can tell that she has cracked and dry skin that she must have been constantly hiding with makeup. It’s probably a problem with the angle of the shot, but her eyes looked like they were bulging out. Like this, it looks like Utena is trapped in the TV and she’s trying desperately to get out. Her palms were repeatedly slapping the TV screen.

“Utena-san.” Like a small child, I said the name of what I saw out loud, tilting my head slightly.

It looks like Utena is waving her hands at the camera. She’s noticed the security camera, well, probably a security camera, and is approaching it. That’s what I thought, but apparently I was wrong. She was looking off in a different direction, with a huge smile.

“So Kagamimori-san woke up. Do you know where she is?”

“I don’t know everything, Snail,” he said sullenly.

Putting my hand on the shoulder of this childhood friend of mine who won’t stop using that nickname I hate, I focus on the monitors. It’s so zoomed in that I can’t really tell what’s happening; this cameraman is awful. It looks like Utena is energetically shouting something, but there’s no audio. “Does this thing have sound?” I asked.

“Wait a minute,” he said. I was grinding the back of my hand into the whorl of hair on the back of his head, making it hard for Kousuke to refuse, just like how I can do nothing but surrender if I’m grabbed by the apron.

Those are our instincts, fostered since we were children, playing around every day until we were covered in mud. That fact that his still exists makes me extremely happy, somehow. I couldn’t stop myself from grinning broadly. Seeing this, Kousuke looked up at me, creeped out, before taking something out of his pocket. It was a red-copper colored rhinoceros beetle the size of his palm.

“Kya—!” I’m not really good with bugs. They’re filthy and creepy and you have no idea where they’ve been, or where they came from. No girl would be friends with bugs. I fell backwards onto my butt, and continued to try and scoot as far away from it as possible.

“Hahaha,” Kousuke laughed. The way I reacted must have been hilarious, but his laughter made me mad. And then, he showed off the bug in his hand— no it only looked like one.

The room was really dim, so I thought it was a bug, but apparently it was just a portable terminal. He had something that was a pretty rare sight in our declining town— a brand new smartphone.

Hmm. It really is like a bug, though. The smartphone had creepily moving jointed legs growing out the side of it. It moved creepily, like a centipede. On the back of it, there was also something clear— it had insect wings growing out of it. I don’t know how a smartphone is doing this; not just the screen, but the entire body is glowing blue-white, like a backlit screen.

“W-what the heck is that, Kousuke?” I demanded. “A smartphone? A bug?”

“You’re being way too scared. This thing is pretty handy, you know.” While pointing at me and poking fun, Kousuke also used the hand gripping the smartbug (or so I’ve named it) to stroke its belly. He was operating it.

Deriving a small amount of relief from this casual and familiar gesture, I scooted closer to him, across the floor. I peeked at the screen over his shoulder.

The stomach of the smartbug was a rounded, liquid crystal screen, and countless icons were lined up on it. It was like looking at a bug’s innards, and it made me feel a little sick.

Every time Kousuke tapped or flicked the smartbug, it cried out a really terrible bug sound that hurt my ears. As I thought, it looks like a machine but it’s a living thing. It’s a bug.

While I was watching him play with his smartbug, unable to speak, Kousuke talked about it proudly. “It was always flying around right next to me, this bug. And by always, I mean since I wandered into this alternate dimension. It was depressing me, so was thinking about smushing it dead. But look, doesn’t it seem like a smartphone?”

The smartbug is getting closer and closer to my face. I was so creeped out, I had to hold my mouth to stop from screaming. Seeing that, Kousuke made a laugh that sounded a lot like the sounds the smartbug was making.

Oh, when did his voice break? It’s a bit late, but I couldn’t help but notice. It’s a matter of course that he’s changed from the Kousuke I knew. Or wait, his throat might just be damaged from all of the tobacco.

“I was thinking it must have some sort of function,” Kousuke explained, “So I caught it and tried playing around with it. It’s got something like a map app, and that’s how I found this control room.”

“It’s amazing how you can touch something so gross,” I commented.

“I’ve gotten tired of seeing all the weird stuff in this amusement park,” Kousuke sighed. “I’m not gonna be surprised by every little thing, at this point. Look, if you connect this guy to the monitors—” Giving a reply that broke the flow of our conversation, Kousuke pressed strongly on the smartbug’s butt (I can’t actually tell which side is the head and which is the butt because of its shape, but for now it’s the end towards the bottom of the screen). When he did that, out stretched a cable that looked like braided spider silk. Pulling it out, Kousuke plugged the cable into the monitor, and he caressed the smartbug’s screen to operate it.

Somehow, he seems used to it. Alone, he had managed to explore the amusement park, and even obtain a convenient item(?) like the smartbug... This childhood friend of mine really is having his fill of this alternate dimension.

Sitting down again, I politely watched over him; it’s useless to try to say anything to a man who’s trying to mess with a machine. My dad’s the same way. I’d only get in the way and get yelled at. I have no idea what’s so fun about this stuff, though.

Just watching is boring, so I try chatting with him. “Hey, about earlier... Come to think of it,” I asked, “why is Torii-san in this amusement park?”

“Ahh, certainly Torii-san isn’t the type to come to an amusement park,” he agreed.

That’s not it. “No, I mean, I get that you and Utena-san went shopping in a distant town, but Torii-san wasn’t with you, right?” I clarified. “Although I kind of have the feeling that you three are always together. ”

“No, Torii-san only started getting involved with Kagamimori pretty recently, you know?” Kousuke was busy fiddling with the smartbug, so his attitude was rather blunt. “At best, it’d be a few months ago. After that though, sure, we were pretty much always together in school. But everyone’s in different grades, so it’s not like we’re stuck together the whole time.”

“Kagamimori doesn’t really get close to Torii-san outside of school, either,” he continued. “It’s like that when we go shopping, too— it’s usually just Kagamimori and I.”

“Then why and how did Torii-san also wander into this alternate dimension?” I wondered. “I know about you, Kagamimori, and Kurashima, too. He was probably nearby, after all. Distance-wise, we were basically in the same place. You guys in your meeting place at the shrine, and me in my electronics store right next door.” I kind of get the feeling that something’s not right.

“For instance,” I continued, “if there was some sort of space-time distortion or hole that appeared in our area and connected us to this space... If Torii-san was the only one in a different place, isn’t it weird that she’s here?”

“No, she was nearby, though.” Kousuke talked while looking back and forth between the monitor and his smartbug. “In front of the burning shrine, Torii-san and Kurashima-san were arguing for some reason. Torii-san, she was being grabbed by the hand, too. I was pretty surprised, you know?”

“Torii-san and Kurashima-san?” I wonder why. Those two didn’t seem to have a lot to do with each other, but I wonder if they’re acquaintances or something. Yet from what I saw earlier, Kurashima basically didn’t talk to Torii at all. No, it might just be because my impression of Utena being wrapped around Kurashima the entire time is too strong. But still, they seemed too distant to be acquaintances.

Kousuke must have found it strange, too, now that he thought about it, because he tilted his head. “I have no idea,” he said at last. “Why was Torii-san there... Was she fighting with Kurashima-san? The fire got worse before I could try to find out. It was all a huge mess.”

Untangling the mess of cable that came out of the smartbug, Kousuke tapped the liquid crystal screen with a ‘how’s this?’ face. In an instant, the countless monitors in front of us all turned off at once.

He probably did something unnecessary and broke all the monitors in this control room. I suspected.

■CHANNEL20■

Immediately afterwards, the screens once again displayed their feeds. The endlessly lined up monitors displayed one large image, as if they were all connected; sure, each monitor had a distinct border. But, taking in the sight as a whole, it felt like the entire wall had become a single TV screen.

The camera, which up until just now was only able to show Utena’s face, now displayed her whole body. The image was broken up by grid-like screen borders, but she still struck a magnificent standing figure and gave off a slightly flashy impression, somehow. She wore a tiara-like decoration on her head. In her hands, she gripped a microphone that looked like a magical girl’s transformation stick. She was still wearing her uniform, but her face was all smiles, and she was jumping around like a rabbit.

“What the heck is this?” I asked, moved to shame by this outlandish sight. It looked like Kousuke didn’t have an answer for my question because he, too, was staring like an idiot with his mouth agape.

Apparently, Utena was standing on a stage. The stage, which was built with what looked like countless interlocked matchsticks, was lit with a bright spotlight. It was probably just the angle of the camera, but I found it hard to tell the shapes and sizes of the people in the large crowd apart; they appeared as a bunch of shadows around the stage. Those people were currently waving their hands, with extreme enthusiasm, in time to Utena’s movements.

It was like some idol’s concert, not like I’ve ever seen that sort of thing in person. But you’ll encounter this type of event, whether you like it or not, when you watch TV.

The charmingly decorated Utena was smiling broadly as she waved to the crowd. She seemed very excited, and she was blushing as she shed drops of sweat while singing enthusiastically. This was an incomprehensible sight, bordering on the unbelievable, and because I was watching it through a set of monitors, it felt even less real; this composite image was like a TV show.

“W-what the heck?” I stuttered. “That’s Kagamimori-san...right?”

“I’m turning on the audio,” Kousuke said. “I can’t change the volume, though, so it might be a bit loud.” I curled up and retreated slightly from the shock. Looking at me exasperatedly out of the corner of his eyes, Kousuke tapped his smartbug.

Instantly, an explosion of sound boomed out from the speakers. “THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU ALL SO MUUUUCCHHHH!!!” It was Utena’s voice, piercingly sharp and metallic.

She was standing, enthralled in performing, and clinging to the mic stand in front of her. Taking a moment to breathe, I raised my head and looked at the monitors again. Just as I expected, her smile was like an innocent child’s.

“For coming to my live!” she gushed. “No, for coming to hear Utena sing! No, thanks for being born!! I love you all! Utena is also super, suuuper happy!!!” In response to Utena’s shouting voice, the crowd raised a roar as loud as the ocean. They were cheering, clapping in rhythm, stamping their feet...the countless sounds blended together, and it felt like they would last forever.

As if she was parting the sea of noise, Utena gripped her mic like a handgun; she closed one eye, and started to sing. “WHY CAN’T I SEE? WHY CAN’T I SEE???” Raising her fist, Utena spun her song, and the crowd cheered in chorus. In the cramped control room, her voice echoed in the empty space, and it felt like it was striking my entire body.

The numbing reverberation was actually painful, and I folded up, trying to make my body smaller. Utena had a lisp, so I couldn’t make out most of the actual lyrics— it was like the cry of a bird or cat.

The position for the audio receiver must have been bad. While I could easily hear the thick melody of the song, I could only hear Utena singing intermittently— even though she was singing with all her heart, opening her mouth so wide one would think it’s her entire face— and it made me worried.

“It’s in English.” Kousuke quietly murmured. “That Kagamimori, she’s surprisingly good at studying. Because her parents are strict, or rather, it’s because she has to keep them happy, you see... I’m not sure, but she’s probably singing in English.” While messing around with his smartbug, Kousuke tried to fix the audio.

Eventually, Utena’s singing voice came through clearly: “ALL THE COLORS THAT YOU SEE???” As if it was inside out, Utena’s voice was piercing enough to cut steel.

Somehow, I’m able to listen to it and translate the lyrics in my head: Why can’t I see, why can’t I see, all the colors that you see... But that singing voice...I felt like it didn’t fit the saccharine and cute Utena, enough that I could say it felt unnatural, because there was a bitterness to the voice. It was like she was appealing to someone, “please don’t kill me.”

“PLEASE CAN I BE...PLEASE CAN I BE—” Pitched forward, Utena looked around the crowd, and her eyes were glittering like stardust. It looked like she was watching a dream; those moist eyes reflected the shapes of the crowd, which had become nothing but shadowy silhouettes. Utena shook her body as if she was courting them, painfully twisting her hips...she was keenly trying to express something.

“—COLORFUL AND...” Did she lose her breath on that final word? The last word that she squeezed out in something near a whisper— “free”— echoed. An interim song started playing, and Utena let out a rough breath, as if she had just been running full tilt. It looked like she was writhing in pain and agony, and it made me wonder why she was going through so much trouble to sing; I just couldn’t understand it.

However, even if I was with her, I don’t think I’d be able to tell her to stop. She’s betting her life on this. I felt such a strong drive from her, as if to say ‘It’s fine if I die after this song.’ She had the vigor of a demon, although I’m not sure why.

Wiping the sweat on her cheek with her sleeve, Utena stretched as if she was pulling herself upward, like a puppet entangled in its own strings. The motion looked involuntary, as if she wasn’t moving under her own will, or like how when one practices something over and over countlessly, until their body moves on its own. I’m the same when I work at my family’s store, where I can space out and still sort inventory, even while watching a daydream.

Absorbed in the event, Utena took a deep breath, and infused her body with fighting spirit. She started singing again: “WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?! CAN SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE—” Belting out a long phrase all at once, Utena muddled the end of it, earnestly moistening her eyes. Even the frenzied audience swallowed their breaths, so as to watch over her. I was also drawn in, and at some point I abandoned thought and immersed myself in the spectacle.

I still don’t know what this feed is supposed to be. Why is Utena an idol? I wondered. But, I was absolutely fascinated. Everything about her shone.

Ahh, I thought wistfully. Would I ever be able to become this absorbed in something? To become so desperate and serious for something that I would squeeze out every last drop of my vitality— would that happen even once in my life? Me, who is just letting myself rot, allowing every day to pass around me... At this rate, it’s like I haven’t lived at all; instead, I’m just dying slowly. I was a little jealous of Utena.

The strong, dark feelings, like pain and anguish, brought on by listening to her song turned my head into a mess. Without realizing it, I clutched at my head— it hurt— like it was splitting.

Utena was trying to live with all of her might, and I was hit by the force of it before I’d had any chance to prepare myself. I felt like I’d be crushed into dust. Kousuke looked at me, slightly worried; I didn’t react at all to that gaze, and instead remained fixated on the monitors.

“WHY I’M SWITCHING FASTER THAN THE CHANNELS ON TV—” Utena’s singing voice resounded so rapidly that I found myself losing the will to keep translating. Every once in a while, her body was enveloped by the crowd of shadows, dyeing it in darkness. Yet as I had that thought, her body was bathed in a spotlight, which bleached it once more. My eyes hurt with all the flashing. Like an image off of an old monochrome-era TV, the light switched on and off with dizzying speed. Black, then white, blackwhiteblackwhiteblackwhite... “—I’M black THEN I’M white. NO!!! SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT!!” There, the feed was abruptly cut.

■ECHO4■

Sayuri was executing her fixed-point observation duties in the mountains— setting up machines at designated points, and observing the terrain and vegetation of the area, according to instructions. Be that as it may, it’s not like this was her life’s calling. She’s never learned the details of doing this, only mimicking what she saw from others, and she did what seemed right.

“Aahhhh—” With a cigarette in her mouth, she recorded all the observed data by hand, and then, carrying the machinery, she moved to the next observation point. Her legs, hips, and arms have become well-trained, probably from all the daily farm work; this much weight is nothing for her.

Under the scorching rays of the sun, Sayuri wiped off her sweat with a towel she had draped across her neck. That movement almost caused her towel to light on fire because of the cigarette, and she panicked a little.

“Whoah!” If she caused a mountain fire, she’d instantly be fired. The original manager of this mountain, with his legs and hips weakened with age, allowed her to take over his job as a favor. As a reward, she was able to live in the mountain cabin that was the foundation of her livelihood. There’s no way she could allow herself to cause him trouble.

At least, not until her daughter was able to live on her own. I want to protect this lifestyle she thought, after that, no matter what happens, I don’t care. Her own life was already over— the present was just a dream she was having in her last moments, a dream of her remaining years.

This mountain is not well maintained; there are no real hiking paths. Sayuri forced her way through an animal trail that you could just barely say wasn’t not a path. The lingering summer heat seeped through to her bones and stole away her stamina; Sayuri staggered, nearly falling over. The unhealthy lifestyle of her youth was coming back to haunt her. She’s gained muscle, but her bones, innards, and meat were in tatters. Sayuri was a living corpse, and she used up all of her vitality long ago.

“I’m going to have to be more careful...” Sayuri grumbled to herself, and used a nearby tree that could support her weight to regain her balance. She was in the middle of a fairly tall mountain. If she inadvertently stepped wrong and fell off a cliff or something, she’d die. Sayuri didn’t really feel like she was living, but she also didn’t really want to die, either.

Today, her daughter was waiting at home. Sayuri still had to cook for her daughter, and she had laundry to do as well. Her daughter was still at an age to need her protection. At least, until she became a proper adult, Sayuri had a responsibility to continue repeating these days.

“Hm?” Sayuri became suspicious. Normally, she wouldn’t stop in this kind of place— when doing her fixed-point observations, she would just move from point to point without looking around. That’s why, up until now, she’d passed by without noticing anything...but now, she’d found something strange: the entrance was hidden behind some thickets and trees so it was hard to notice, but there seemed to be a cave or something there.

There stood a dark hole or cave, leading right into the middle of the mountain. Sayuri’s first thought was that it might be a bear’s den, but the only wild animals that should be living around here would be stuff like dogs, of both the regular stray and raccoon variety. Bears don’t exist here, Sayuri thought. But then, what is this hole? Is it just a naturally formed hole?

No, she realized, there’s an animal trail that goes into the cave. It was more like a well-worn trail in the vegetation than an actual path, though. Something, or someone, had passed through here many times.

The trail was slightly different from the one Sayuri always took to do her fixed-point observations. Leaning the machine against a nearby tree, Sayuri stared fixedly at the new trail.

There were footprints, different from the ones Sayuri left behind with her own boots. They seemed to be left behind by running shoes— even though this was a mountain trail, the person who made these tracks must be a novice at hiking. Did one of the children from town climb the mountain to play on a lark? she wondered. Children these days are all indoorsy types, would any of them bother to come this deep into the mountains?

“Hrm,” Sayuri thought out loud. “If it really is a child, it would be bad if they’re stuck...I have to scold them and send them home.” Sayuri was rather unwilling, but she couldn’t have people damaging the mountain on a whim. And if there was an accident, there could be injuries, so she’d have to deal with that, too. Thinking these things, Sayuri proceeded into the trail towards the cave. It wasn’t far away, and she reached it quickly.

Sayuri tried to peek inside the cave, but it was too dark to see into from the outside. She remembered that she had a flashlight, so she turned it on before stepping inside, fumbling around (but nevertheless careful in her motions).

Apparently, this cave was not naturally formed. At first there were bumps and divots in the ground, but it quickly became flat, and then it was eventually paved over with concrete. Her footsteps echoed in the empty cave. Stooping slightly as she moved forward, Sayuri eventually came upon an open space.

“What’s this—?” The cigarette she had in her mouth had finally burned to its base. Feeling the heat, Sayuri hastily spat it out, and stomped out the embers with the sole of her shoe. Once again, she raised her head to observe her surroundings.

A small building stood there, in the open space within the cave. Surrounded by tall cliffs on every side, there was also a tree growing which cut off the light from the ceiling, rendering the area dim and gloomy. The sunlight that did shine through those branches gave the area a magical feel.

But really, Sayuri wondered, what is this building doing here? It looked like a log house. The building was a shack, made by stacking wood into a cube shape. It was shaped like a giant CRT TV.

The building was partially buried by the surrounding greenery, so it looked like a ruin, and the inside would be one room, six tatami mats wide at best.

“It’s a bit too well-made to be a secret base built by a child...” Sayuri had no idea that there was such an enigmatic thing built here while she was managing the mountain (even though she was just standing in for the real manager). She hadn’t heard anything about it from her predecessor, either.

Could it be the house of an apparition, or something? Thinking such thoughts, Sayuri ended up making herself chuckle. She should no longer be at an age to enjoy such fantasies.

Just in case, she took a picture of the building. She would report it to the proper authorities later; it should probably be investigated. In the worst case, it could be some criminal’s hideout.

“Or I could just pretend I never found this place,” she mused. “That would be nice.” Hanging the camera by a string around her neck, Sayuri stepped up to the shack— she should probably investigate a little more. There was still time in the day, and she was in no rush to finish her fixed-point observation duties.

It was just simple curiosity. Sayuri was surprised that she still had such feelings inside of her.

■ECHO5■

Right from the start, though, Sayuri couldn’t get in.

In a rather cheeky move, it was locked. The door didn’t move an inch when she pulled on it; neither pushing nor pulling worked. There were no other entrances, either, so Sayuri had no choice but to give up on the idea. There was a window, but that was locked tight, too; and there wasn’t any pressing reason to break the window or put a hole in a wall or anything.

Thinking about it, it was natural that the shed was locked, but Sayuri was still a little disappointed. But, she did find something interesting. Peeking into the shack from the window, she found something that should not exist in this town.

Why is that thing here? she wondered. In this small shack? There were several possibilities she could think of, but Sayuri wanted to deny all of them if she could.

Inside the shack were countless Idol goods: posters; fans; collectable photos. There were also telephone cards that actually seemed nostalgic now, as well as DVDs, Blu-rays, and even VHS and cassette tapes that were rare for this age. It was dark, so she couldn’t make out what was on the DVDs’ packaging and labels, though.

Sayuri shivered. She felt the need to throw up.

There were enough large posters to completely cover the walls and ceiling. The half-open closet had reproductions of Idol costumes inside. All of them were familiar to Sayuri— there was no way she would mistake them.

The shack also had a high quality TV and some other device, possibly for playing music, inside. They were all recent models— at the very least, there had been someone living here for the past few years, surrounded by idol goods.

“Hanemori Joururi,” Sayuri read. All the idols featured on the posters were the same person.

Hanemori Joururi. That room was packed full with a large amount of her related goods. “She should be dead,” Sayuri said to herself.

The next thing she knew, Sayuri had already returned to the cabin that was her home. It seems she didn’t forget her machine, and even managed to finish her job of doing the fixed-point observations, but she had no memory of doing so. It was like her body had been doing the job it was already so used to on its own, while she was half asleep.

But her thoughts were still on what was inside the shack in that cave— although Sayuri was already starting to think it was just a hallucination. Sayuri kept thinking, even though she felt like her head was gently coming to a boil. What the hell was that? Was I daydreaming? Sayuri really wanted that to be so. She didn’t want to remember the name “Hanemori Joururi,” after all this time.

“Mother.” Standing in a small field in front of their cabin, her daughter turned around. “Welcome back. ...Did something happen?” The girl tilted her head slightly.

Saying, “I’m back” reflexively, Sayuri surprised even herself with how relieved she felt when she did that. She had returned to her daily life, and there was relief there. The cabin, her life here, and her daughter had become where Sayuri belonged, even more than she thought it had.

“Mother, you’re sweating a lot.” The daughter was suspicious of her mother, who was acting strangely. Smiling to reassure her that there was nothing wrong, Sayuri was overcome with love for her daughter, and stepped towards her.

The small field next to their cabin was a kitchen garden meant to raise simple vegetables; recently, her daughter was the one managing it. It was better than her just spacing out in the house and doing nothing, so Sayuri let her do what she wanted. Her daughter didn’t read, and there was nothing else for entertainment, like a working TV, in their house...Sayuri was a little worried for her daughter, who lacked any hobbies. If she was interested in growing vegetables, Sayuri would teach her, and eventually have her help with the farm work.

Sayuri fantasized a little about such a happy future. “I’ll go make dinner right away,” she said. “Is there anything you want to eat?” Speaking with her daughter lightheartedly as she approached, Sayuri was startled: she heard music. It was music she wasn’t used to. The song had an uptempo melody, and a warped, dissonant sound leapt up at her.

Sayuri couldn’t make out the lyrics, but apparently this was a song, and it sounded like it was echoing from somewhere far away. Like some sort of siren, it was the kind of repeating sound that makes you strangely uneasy. For a second, Sayuri thought it was her daughter singing, but that wasn’t the case. The girl was looking up at Sayuri, puzzled, without opening her mouth. She was on her knees in the tilled field, and looked like a scarecrow that had been thrown away. Her hand moved strangely, and that movement produced a sound.

“What...what’s this sound...? What are you doing?” Sayuri thought that her daughter had somehow gotten her hands on something that could play music, and that she was currently using it. Sayuri had no recollection of getting her something like that, though— did she borrow it from a friend, or something?

Unlike these deep mountains, the nearby town was overflowing with music. Her daughter had probably taken some of that music back to the cabin to listen to. At least, that’s what Sayuri thought— apparently, she was wrong. Once again, Sayuri shivered.

In front of her daughter was a familiar CRT TV. It had been placed on a pile of unused and rusted farming tools that were arranged to look like an altar of sorts. In the dimming light of dusk, the pile of farming tools looked like a person’s shadow for just a moment: it was a grotesque figure, with a TV for a head.

Looking at it calmly, it was just a pile of oversized garbage though. You can take the screen off of this TV. And in the hollow inside, there was a bird’s nest. Sayuri had forgotten that she already knew that. Her daughter had taken this useless TV and adorned it here, like a precious treasure.

■ECHO6■

Sayuri timidly started talking to her daughter. “Didn’t...you throw this TV away?” she asked.

“No,” her daughter explained, “because you said that I could have it.”

I might have said that Sayuri thought. Although, she had meant that her daughter should throw it away.

Her daughter was staring at the broken TV, which was decorating the altar, with a passion. This scene— which would give one cause to doubt her daughter’s sanity— worried Sayuri, and she placed her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. Then, she noticed something and was relieved: there were baby birds in the nest inside the TV, and they were crying. They had hatched from the eggs that she had found inside when they’d first cracked it open. Sayuri had thought that they were definitely rotten, but apparently she was wrong. Her daughter had warmed them, and gotten them to hatch. Or maybe she had gotten new eggs to hatch, or even actual baby birds from somewhere else, because the eggs really had been rotten?

Sayuri wasn’t sure of the details, but it looked like her daughter was using the TV as a birdcage, and was raising the chicks. Sayuri remembered doing something similar when she was young, although only at the level of placing a nesting box in the backyard and watching the birds that gathered. The hollowed out TV was nothing more than a box at this point, so it made some sense to use it as a nesting box.

Her daughter, whose thoughts Sayuri could never understand, had taken in and was attempting to raise life. Such a thing warmed Sayuri’s heart. That girl must also have love inside of her. This would be a good experience for her, Sayuri thought.

“Those birds,” said Sayuri, “are you raising them? What do they eat?” Depending on the situation, Sayuri was thinking of helping, so she asked. But, expecting her daughter to get mad, she did so with an upward look, like she was slightly ashamed of asking.

“B-book. I researched about it in a book,” her daughter said. “So it should be fine, can I be allowed to raise them?”

“Sure,” Sayuri told her. “I gave you this TV completely, with the birds inside and all.” Feeling happy, Sayuri laughed. Stroking her daughter’s head once, she turned back towards the cabin in order to make dinner. She kind of felt like making a feast today.

“MY ENEMY’S INVISIBLE, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT.” Startled, Sayuri stiffened up before turning around. Once again, she heard someone singing.

Now that she thought about it, she still hadn’t figured out what was causing that music. She was too busy being happy because she’d seen a new side of her daughter. What’s this song, and who is singing it? Sayuri needed to find the source of the noise that painfully rang in her ears. Trembling, Sayuri looked at her daughter. She was no longer paying any attention to her mother, instead staring heatedly at the TV.

Raising her arms, Sayuri’s daughter formed a symbol with her fingers that seemed almost religious. That wasn’t it. She was holding something in her hands; it was earthworms, which are often found in farming fields. She was going to feed them to the chicks. Usually this sort of thing creeps girls out, but she was handling them with no hesitation while she fed the chicks.

The baby birds were crying desperately for food. The chicks’ cries probably mixed together, creating the song-like melody that Sayuri’s brain interpreted as words. It would be great if it really was just an abnormal phenomenon, and that she was just having auditory hallucinations.

Her daughter noticed Sayuri’s gaze. Turning around, she put on a troubled face. “It’s pretty hard, adjusting the musical intervals. I can’t sing it very well,” she said with an embarrassed smile, as if it was obvious. Then, she went on singing: “THE TREMBLING FEAR IS MORE THAN I CAN TAKE.”

“Truthfully, I’d like to sing more like this,” Sayuri’s daughter remarked, before she raised her voice along with the birds. Their singing voices entwined, reverberating off of each other.

Sayuri trembled violently. She had purposefully kept her daughter away from music, because she had awful memories of it. She never even sung her daughter any lullabies, but this world is overflowing with music. The town is filled with it. Someone is always playing music, that either they or someone else had made, and Sayuri couldn’t go around plugging her ears forever. Even these mountains are filled with the sounds of nature: the cries of birds, bugs, and beasts; the sound of the wind, and the rustling of leaves; the sound of sirens one would occasionally hear from the town. All of that must have built up in her daughter.

“—WHEN I’M UP AGAINST THE ECHO IN THE MIRROR,” her daughter sang. Countless sounds jumped about and echoed. Agitating the rotten eggs, the chicks inside the CRT TV raised a strange cry.

The altar of junk, enshrined behind Sayuri’s daughter, reflected the light of the sunset. It backlit her outline in a fantastical manner, but her head was the shape of a square, a TV. She had several arms growing, here and there. She looked like a monster, or a foreign god of some sort.

The thing that should have been Sayuri’s daughter, that she took great pains to give birth to...

“ECHO!” With her whole body dyed black with shadow, Sayuri’s daughter continued to sing like a broken machine.