Chapter 2: Effort

That night, I fell ill.

According to the doctor, it was unseasonably late influenza.

Because of that, I was absent from school for a week.

And then summer break started just like that.

But I thought that was for the best.

Because I didn't have the face to show Yui.

From inside my futon, I just kept staring at the ceiling.

Even though I should have been delirious with fever, I could vividly recall that smile.

Whether it was day or night, I could no longer tell. Only time passed.

Eventually, my fever broke. But I was practically dead.

Eat, sleep. Every day, the same repetition. Monotonous and worthless.

──But that felt incredibly comforting.

July ended like that.

Eventually, the gaping hole seemed to have formed a scab, and it stopped bothering me as much.

Suddenly, I thought I wanted to change.

I can't stay like this forever.

I stand in front of the mirror.

What I saw there was so ugly that the old me would have covered my eyes.

My hair had grown long like a girl's, and my skin was a mess.

Even if I want to change, I think I need to properly understand my current self before I can begin.

As a start, I reached for my toothbrush.

When was the last time I used it?

I carelessly apply toothpaste.

Then I brought the toothbrush to my mouth.

One by one, slowly and carefully, I brushed each tooth.

Watching my teeth gradually regain their shine, I was convinced.

「I can... change.」

After that, I used the entire summer break to work on improving myself.

Of course, I blocked all of her contact information.

I know it's selfish, but I want to try living selfishly for once.

At the very least, I decided to try living the rest of my life as a version of myself she'd never seen.