Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
Koyuki Shirogane Can’t be Honest
Naoya had always lived a relatively carefree life up until now.
He’d always abided by school rules, and his grades were good to match. Owing to his above-average intuition, he’d coasted easily through life by avoiding most conflicts. If any girls had shown him even a hint of affection or interest, he had been sure to let them down gently as soon as possible. So, in that regard, his reputation had always been completely clean, too.
As such, this was the first time in his life he’d ever had to deal with making a mistake of this magnitude.
It was the Monday after his disastrous visit to the Koyuki residence. It was lunch time, and he sat with three other people in the usual courtyard at school.
“Yeah, this is basically all your fault, Naoya.”
“You messed up big time.”
“I hope you’re reflecting on your thoughts and deeds.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Naoya replied meekly, hanging his head in assent.
He was sitting with Tatsumi, Yui, and Sakuya, and each of them had their own piece to say to him. Koyuki was nowhere to be seen—in fact, he hadn’t seen her once since the incident. He hadn’t heard anything from her over the weekend, and she had taken the day off school.
He hadn’t gotten a single opportunity to apologize and make up with her. I really screwed up this time. What the hell was I thinking? he lamented.
Tatsumi took a sidelong glance at Naoya and spoke up. “Even I know that Shirogane would run away if you were too forward with her, bro. Come on.”
“And she took the day off too...”
“Yes. Koyuki will only continue to hide like this unless we do something,” Sakuya informed them as she chewed on a piece of omelet. She finished her lunch, put it to one side, and bowed to Yui and Tatsumi. “Apologies for the late introduction. I’m Shirogane Sakuya. Thank you for looking after my sister and future brother-in-law.”
“Oooh, you’re so polite. And wow, you’re already treating Naoya like family,” Yui cooed.
“Wonder how long that’ll last now, though. Hahaha!” Tatsumi added with an incredible lack of tact.
“Well, I’m glad you all have opinions on this whole thing!” Naoya shouted indignantly. “This morning, Sakuya came up to me from the train station with a wig on—I thought she was Shirogane for a second! D’you know how excited I was, Sakuya?! Have you no heart?!”
“Wow. What a novel way to mess with him, Sakuya.”
“Got you,” Sakuya added without a hint of emotion. “And by the way, remind me which one of us is the one truly at fault here?”
“Me...” Naoya admitted after a long pause, then gave a melancholic nod. I knew confessing to her right then was a bad idea, but why did I end up blurting it out anyway? I couldn’t help myself, though. Man, I’m such a moron. He fell even deeper into his misery.
In contrast to Naoya’s gloom, a cheery voice spoke up, “I’m actually kinda relieved, you know.”
Naoya looked up and saw Yui smiling brightly at him. “Yui, you really enjoy seeing me suffer that much? You’re still mad about me forcibly hooking you up with Tatsumi, aren’t you?”
“Uh, no?” she replied incredulously. “I was just thinking that you would’ve never made a mistake like this before. You know, because of your ‘power’ and stuff.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that this is an opportunity for personal growth, young one,” Yui clarified in a condescending tone and pointed at Naoya for emphasis. “Relationships aren’t all sunshine and rainbows—we stumble our way through them, making mistake after mistake, but we keep moving forward. You have to learn from this instead of being so down on yourself.”
“Preach, girl. You know better than this guy,” Tatsumi added.
Just as she had implied, Yui and Tatsumi hadn’t always gotten along this well. Naoya had been there for the times where they’d had a falling out and disagreed, and because of that, he was well aware that what Yui had said made sense.
That’s right. This is like some sort of test. If I overcome this, I might be able to grow even closer to her! Naoya affirmed to himself. He smiled at his friend and said, “Thanks, Yui. I’m out of my funk now. I’ve never been in a situation like this before, so it threw me off more than I’d expected. I guess this is how normal people worry about stuff—it’s kind of refreshing, honestly.”
“You’re welcome. I’m only letting you get away with calling the rest of us ‘normal people’ because you’re you, got it?” Yui replied with a wry smile.
Tatsumi pounded a fist into his open palm and proclaimed, “This is like when a robot finally gains a soul.”
“Yeah, like in every sci-fi movie ever. And he’ll have to self-destruct at the end to save everyone.”
“Got it. Don’t worry, Naoya—I’ll travel to the ends of the earth to collect your bones and whatever. You go and self-destruct to your heart’s content.”
“I’ll be the subheroine watching the explosion from afar who sheds a meaningful tear.”
“We’ll be having a long talk when this is all over, you guys,” Naoya warned as he glared at his would-be sister-in-law and his childhood friends. He rubbed his head and sighed, “Seriously, though—I need to apologize to her, and I need to do it soon. I don’t want her to feel any worse than she already does.”
“What d’you mean?”
“Shirogane’s definitely feeling down about the whole thing, too,” Naoya explained.
Despite her constant attempts to keep up appearances, Koyuki was the type of girl who agonized over every little mistake. She’s probably doing even worse than me right now, Naoya fretted. He could picture it perfectly—she would be curled up in the fetal position in the corner of her room, regretting every action in her life that had gotten her to this point. The fact that he had visited her room recently made the mental image all the more clear.
“Still, Shirogane’s so awkward. I wonder if anything like this has happened to her before.”
“Even I don’t know anything about that,” Sakuya replied with a light shake of her head. Her eyes grew distant while she thought back on the past. “She was normal in elementary school. It was only after that she became the pretentious klutz we know now.”
“Damn, Sakuya, that’s pretty harsh,” Naoya said.
“Call it impartial. Still, Naoya, can’t you think of anything? You’re supposed to be able to read people’s hearts, right? Are you telling me you can’t even figure out if she has some sort of trauma?”
“I consider that an invasion of privacy,” he replied flatly. He had always had the impression that Koyuki kept a part of herself hidden away—a sort of figurative line that he had always taken great care not to cross. “And I wouldn’t want to know in the first place, to be honest. I told myself I wouldn’t worry about it until she feels comfortable enough to confide in me herself.”
“Hm, what a standup gentleman. That’s probably why Koyuki likes you so much,” Sakuya commended, her expression softening for a brief moment. Naoya could tell he’d passed another pop quiz of hers with flying colors. “Still, I want you to do something about this—and soon. The whole family is worried about her.”
“Oh god. D-Did she say anything to your dad?” Naoya asked hesitantly.
“She did. His response was, ‘For now, let’s put our trust in the boy and care for her as best as we can.’”
“Dad...” Naoya whispered.
“He tried to go to work in his pajamas today as a show of solidarity. You have to do something quick before he does something crazy, loses his job, and destroys our whole family.”
“Oh no! Don’t worry, I’ll fix this,” Naoya replied frantically. He could feel his shoulders sagging under the weight of the responsibility.
Tatsumi and Yui looked at Naoya, then at each other. “If he messes up again, though, things’ll be real bad,” Yui noted.
“True. What’s the plan, Naoya?”
“Hmm...” Naoya crossed his arms and thought deeply.
While it was true that he had acted like an idiot an inordinate amount of times recently, he was still confident in his ability. He was certain he would be able to coax Koyuki out of her room if it came down to it. Even so, he would like to avoid that if at all possible—it felt too much like tricking her, and the thought made him uncomfortable.
That left him with only one option. He spoke in a low voice, “We’ll just have to go with a full-frontal assault.”
※※※
Koyuki, completely unaware of the strategy meeting being held on her behalf, was curled up in her dimly-lit room—just as Naoya had predicted. She hadn’t brushed her signature silver hair, and her pajamas were a rumpled mess. She stared blankly at the wall with tear-stained eyes. Gizzard sat next to her. He was clearly worried about her condition, but knew that there wasn’t anything he could do to help her.
“What am I doing...?” she whispered, breaking the silence in her room. She didn’t know how many times she’d asked herself that question.
Her mother had left for her part time job, and Sakuya had already gone to school. Silence reigned over the house, and each minute, down to the very second, felt like it was being stretched to its absolute limit.
Koyuki continued to murmur to herself in the darkness. “It’s all Sasahara’s fault. Saying that he liked me while doing that... He’s so mean...”
Her reaction had been only natural, she continued to assure herself.
“I don’t think I’m blameless either, though,” she added, her eyebrows knitting together. She’d kept on coming back to that thought for a while now.
After the “incident,” he’d stood outside her door, apologizing over and over. He'd sent her several messages telling her how worried he was. And—on top of everything else—she knew that pushing her down had, in reality, been an accident.
Even though she knew all this, she continued to sulk like a stubborn child.
“I’m already horrible at dealing with confessions as is...”
It had all started during her elementary school days—back then, she had been a normal child, friendly and full of life. She had many friends, but one in particular was special. She spent every single day with this girl, and no matter where they went, they were always together. They always told each other, “I love you!” in the thoughtless, honest way that children do.
But one day, Koyuki’s sharp tongue had reared its ugly head. Her friend began to label her as “two-faced,” “haughty,” and “someone who looks down on others.” Koyuki hadn’t intended for that to happen, but she had no recourse to their insults. The next time Koyuki had tried to tell her friend “I love you,” her friend had replied “I can’t stand you.”
It was as if the world had been turned upside down. After that, she never spoke to the girl again. The next year, her ex-friend transferred to a different school and disappeared from Koyuki’s life forever.
Ever since then, Koyuki had been incapable of understanding love or affection. Even if she did like someone, she was unable to tell how the other person felt. She couldn’t trust whether or not their affection was real, so she chose to remain alone. Koyuki cut off all those around her, and thus “The Queen of Thorns” was born.
Koyuki heaved a heavy sigh. Naoya’s face appeared in her mind; he was the only thing she could think about. “Maybe things would’ve been better if I could understand people like Sasahara can... No, then I’d just be able to tell that everyone hates me,” she lamented, negative thoughts swirling about in her mind. “Sasahara just deals with all that in stride—he doesn’t let it get to him at all. He’s amazing, unlike me. God, I’m just the worst.”
He had given her an honest confession, and look at how she had reacted. Koyuki was certain at this point that the fault lay with her.
What if he hates me? Koyuki’s blood ran cold as the thought dawned on her. She hastily tried to assure herself that there was no way that was possible, but it was impossible to stop the negative spiral once it had begun.
Her nose started to itch, and her vision blurred. Then, just before the tears threatened to trickle down her face, she heard Gizzard stir.
“Meow!” Gizzard cried as he dashed to the window and stared outside. From her window, there was a view of their garden—that was the spot her cat was fixated on. Koyuki strained her ears and heard some rustling noises outside.
That was strange—usually her mother was the one who worked in the garden, but she wasn’t home yet...
Oh no! Is it a robber?! Koyuki’s face became white as a sheet. She knew her family lived in a nice area, but she also knew that being robbed wasn’t an impossibility. She made her way toward the window as silently as possible. When she peered outside and saw what was happening, she threw the window open and screamed, “What are you doing in my garden?!”
“Oops, busted,” Naoya said as he looked up. He was in the process of setting things up on a table.
Koyuki arrived in the garden about 10 minutes later. She had thrown a cardigan on over her pajamas; this, coupled with her sullen look, left her looking rather ragged.
Looks like she really has been dealing with this alone. I’m glad this actually managed to make her come outside, though, Naoya thought to himself. He was pleased that things were going relatively to plan, although he had hoped he’d have a little more time to set things up before she caught on. Oh well, this was fine, too. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t think you’d catch me so quick.”
“Whatever. What are you doing, anyway?” Koyuki looked around restlessly.
The garden was spacious and bursting with various flowers in full bloom—it was obvious from just one look that it was well cared for. Naoya had placed a table he’d borrowed from their storage directly in the center of said garden. There were some paper cups on top of the table and a few paper bags by his feet.
“I’ve got permission from Sakuya by the way, just for the record. This isn’t technically trespassing,” he added.
“I didn’t hear anything about that...” Koyuki complained.
“Fine. Before I explain, though—here.”
“What’s this?”
Naoya had handed her a small device with a button that appeared to be a buzzer of some sort. Seeing Koyuki’s confused expression, he explained, “It’s a buzzer. If you press the button, it’ll make a noise. Sakuya, Yui, and Tatsumi are waiting outside. If they hear it, they’ll come running, so you don’t have to worry about anything like before happening.”
“That’s kind of a scary way to try and make me feel better!” Koyuki shouted.
Sakuya had questioned if the buzzer was a good idea, but Naoya had gone ahead with it anyway. He imagined that three nosy watchmen were peeking into the garden to check what the shouting was about.
Okay, so she’s got it. Now I’ve just gotta make sure she doesn’t use it, Naoya thought. He clenched his fists and bowed deeply to Koyuki. “I’m sorry about pushing you down like that.”
“N-No...” Koyuki replied, slowly shaking her head. Her gaze dropped to the floor and she intertwined her fingers. “I know it was an accident—it wasn’t your fault. My reaction was out of line...”
“Your reaction was totally natural.”
“No, I mean... Even so, I’m in the wrong here,” Koyuki shook her head more forcefully this time. They stood in silence for a long time. Her usual penchant for putting on airs was gone, replaced by a leaden, crushing self-loathing. “It’s always been like this... I’m just a coward who can’t be honest with myself or anyone else. I’ve been like this forever.”
Koyuki’s voice shook as she spoke. Tears began to trickle from her eyes, but she continued without wiping them. She told Naoya about the incident with her friend in elementary school and how, since then, she had been too afraid to accept anyone's affections.
“S-So when you told me you liked me, I was really happy. I wanted to give you a proper answer. I really did. B-But I didn’t know what to say, and I had no idea if it was okay for me to say it. My brain was all messed up...” She paused with another heavy sigh, as if her soul had left her body. “I figured it was a mistake to think someone could like me...”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Naoya stated and grabbed Koyuki’s shoulders. She lifted her tear-stricken face and stared at Naoya in bewilderment. He spoke from his heart. “I’m glad I fell for you—I truly mean that. Please don’t say such depressing things. I want you to feel the same as I do.”
“B-But, s-someone like me...” she sputtered between sobs.
“Oh, come on. Here, stop crying,” he said as he offered her a handkerchief.
“I-Is this the...?”
“Yep, it’s the one you gave me. Didn’t think it’d come in handy this quickly,” he joked.
She took the handkerchief and dried her eyes with it. The dainty embroidered snowflakes met her tears and darkened in hue. Her cheeks and her nose were the red of a perfectly ripe fruit.
Naoya smiled at her and said, “You’re just overthinking things, Shirogane. If you don’t say something like, ‘How dare you do this to a lady such as me? You’re like a badly trained dog—you need to be executed,’ then I think I’m gonna go crazy.”
“I’m sorry... I’m not cute...”
“Have I ever said that? Anyway, I think I prefer your more refined look.”
“And I have a bad personality,” she whispered. Despite her words, some light had returned to her eyes.
“I need to apologize, too. I took things way too far back there and didn’t consider your feelings. We need to take things slowly—we’re both beginners here.” He never wanted these events to happen again.
“B-But if we take it slow, I don’t know when I’ll be able to accept your confession,” she protested.
“That’s fine. We’re both young, after all. You’ve got 70 years to think about it.”
“Stop being so optimistic...”
“Can’t. I like you too much,” Naoya declared confidently. “Okay, now let’s forget about all that. Come on, sit.”
“But that was a pretty important conversation...”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Koyuki sat down reluctantly and frowned as Naoya began to fill the cups on the table with juice. “I know I already asked, but what’s the point of all this?” she asked.
“Oh yeah—I wanted to throw a party. You know, for making up.”
“A party? I’m not a kid anymore,” Koyuki grumbled.
Naoya ignored her and started retrieving an assortment of items from the paper bags that lay at his feet. “We’ll start with orange juice,” he declared. “Then I have some of those animal biscuits you like. I made a photo album of cat pictures, and I even got Kirihiko to sign a book for you.”
Koyuki began to wonder what a passerby would think if they happened to spot the table and its eclectic assortment of items. “What kind of party is this even supposed to be?” she asked.
“A party for you and all the stuff you love.”
“Jeez...” Koyuki sighed more out of exasperation than anything. “These are all things I like, though. How did you know? I’ve never told you about them. Did you ask Sakuya?”
“Nah, I just put it all together from stuff you’ve talked about before.”
“I’ll never get over how creepy that ability of yours is...”
“It’s nice to hear you say stuff like this every once in a while,” Naoya added with a smile. He pulled a large object out from another paper bag.
Koyuki’s eyes went wide. “Wait, is that...”
“Yep—it’s that big plushie you wanted on our first date.”
It was a large smiling cat, so big that it could barely fit under one arm. Naoya had sacrificed many one hundred yen coins in his endeavor to win the massive plushie, and he regretted none of it.
“I won’t ever reject your feelings, Shirogane, especially if they're about liking me. I’ll accept everything about you,” he stated earnestly.
Koyuki let out a quiet gasp, then looked quickly between Naoya and the plushie. “So, do you think you could maybe start believing that I really like you now?” he asked.
After a long pause, Koyuki whispered, “Okay.” She accepted the plushie and crushed it in a violent hug.
Naoya was visibly relieved. “Awesome. Now, let’s have fun together today. We can start working together on moving forward tomorrow. I’ll wait for your reply for as long as it takes.”
“O-Okay,” Koyuki nodded, the plushie still caught in an amorous vice grip.
This is good. Still wish I could call her by her name, though, he grumbled to himself. It appeared as though he would have to wait a little while longer until he heard her reply to his confession. Still, Koyuki had, without a doubt, made progress. Naoya took a sip of his juice as he mulled things over.
“Thank you... Naoya,” Koyuki said timidly.
“Pfffttt!” Naoya spat out the orange juice in his mouth, coating the table in a fine orange-colored spray. He promptly fell over onto his back. No matter how good his intuition was, it hadn’t prepared him for that.
Naoya lay prone on the ground and gasped for air. Between ragged breaths, he said, “Th-That really was a low blow...”
“Oh no! Someone! Someone, please help!” Koyuki screamed. Her frantics yells and the sound of the buzzer reverberated throughout the neighborhood.