Chapter 138

Jung Siwoo didn't answer my question for a good long while.

And I just let him not answer. Sometimes silence is the answer.

"…that obvious, huh?"

Siwoo finally spoke up again around the point where I'd polished off my cup ramyeon and hotbar solo and was working my way through the second of two smoked eggs, sports drink in hand.

My mouth was still packed with dry yolk so I couldn't reply — I just gave him a nod.

"Honestly, I usually try not to let stuff like this get to me…. But with Seok, it just isn't working."

"……."

"I know you and Haru have been working to hold the team mood up. Thanks."

Siwoo looked a little… embarrassed.

Not that he'd been drinking.

Whether he was drunk on the mood, or on the pre-dawn breeze —

he was definitely a bit more unguarded than usual.

And that…

seemed to be the case for me too.

"Hyung."

"Mm."

"Would you… want me to help? With the Seok-hyung thing."

"……."

It's that you see your father in Seok-hyung, isn't it.

That's why it's hard, and that's why you're being so careful.

Even riding an impulsive rush of feeling, I picked those words out carefully and swallowed them back down.

But having heard this much, I couldn't just play dumb and take my hand off it either.

Siwoo made a slightly surprised face at what I'd said. Then, after a moment, he shook his head.

"No. It's fine."

"…are you really fine?"

"There was something about Seok I wanted to bring up with you, but not that. That one's between the two of us — we've got to work that out ourselves."

"So what were you going to bring up with me, then?"

"Ah, that's—"

Siwoo hesitated for a beat. But the pause wasn't long.

"Seok — it seems like he's under a lot of stress, and not just because of me. Up through round two I figured it was the pressure of possibly getting eliminated…. But watching him lately, it doesn't seem to be that either."

"Ah. He does seem to have had a rough time during the third mission. And his results at this ranking-and-cuts weren't great either."

"He's pretty worn down, I think. But you — Seok's more at ease with you, so I thought maybe he'd open up a little to you."

"Well…. yeah. I'll poke at it a bit next chance I get."

At my ready agreement, Siwoo didn't say thanks, or sorry.

He just gave a light nod, as if he'd expected as much — finally taking his first sip of the coffee he'd bought earlier.

And somehow it felt like he was trusting me, giving me a nod of recognition, and it put me in a decent mood.

Siwoo set the coffee cup — ice long since melted and clinking around — back down on the table. As he did, his face turning toward me was suddenly full of a mischief that hadn't been there before.

"……?"

"So — do I still make you uncomfortable?"

"…eh↗?"

Ah, shit. Voice crack.

Head spinning at this man's absolute refusal to ever back off.

"When did I ever, you know, actually find you uncomfor—"

"You weren't at ease, though. Be honest."

"I, kind of, a little — a tiny bit found you hard, that's all. A tiny bit. Really, just this much."

"So you're not denying it."

I kept insisting, fingers pinched to show just how tiny an amount, and then Siwoo and I caught each other's eye and both cracked up at once.

Ready to head back?

Grin still all over his face, Siwoo asked — and I nodded back, easy.

After tidying up the wreckage of everything I'd eaten, we slowly walked back to the dorm.

On the walk back, neither of us said much; we each drifted off into our own thoughts.

But the quiet — I didn't dislike it at all.

---

Then, the very next day.

Actually, more precisely — a few hours later.

I came to regret that quiet pre-dawn walk.

"Hyung, were you crying…?"

"I want to be, right now."

Dan Haru poked at the puffed-up bags under my eyes. He watched my face for a reaction, and once he saw I was going to let him get away with it, cheerfully went to town on every part of my face.

Poke-poke at the eye bags, jab-jab at the swollen jawline and cheeks.

Too drained to fight him off, I just left him to it and worked away at my puffy face muscles with a gua sha stone.

The result of last night's cup ramyeon plus hotbar plus two eggs.

"Are the guys all here?"

"Ah, Siwoo-hyung. Seok-hyung's not here yet. He said he'd be down as soon as he washed up."

Siwoo walked in — and despite having polished off a whole cup ramyeon alongside me last night, his face was, if anything, cleaner-looking than usual, not a hint of puffiness.

Right. A sculpted face looks like a sculpted face even when it's a little swollen.

That Cha Minseok bastard had the kind of face that puffed up easy too — apparently Siwoo isn't in that camp.

Truly, the world is deeply unfair.

…hold on. Come to think of it — don't I have a skill?

Grinding the gua sha over every inch of my face, I belatedly remembered that my life's genre had the #system-story tag on it.

The 〈What's So Me About Me?〉 skill would knock out puffiness this basic in no time — so why am I working this hard?

But if the puffiness suddenly vanishes now, it'll look way too weird…. I'll watch the timing and slip it in later, right before we start {filming.}(#7tylmpe2hnaj)

Meanwhile, Seok — freshly washed up, towel around his neck — came bustling into the practice room.

About an hour left before the production crew arrived.

Without wasting a beat, Siwoo booted up his tablet and turned it around for everyone to see.

"Like we talked about in the group chat — this is the song I'd like to try mashing up with 'Where am I' this time. I put together a rough skeleton last night and honestly, I think it's not bad. Wanted to hear what you all think."

Then he played a video on the tablet.

A video of Siwoo in a private practice room, one mood lamp on, singing along with an acoustic guitar.

"…? Hyung, don't tell me you didn't sleep?"

"I slept once I had this. About an hour or so."

You slept an hour and your face still isn't puffy?

Somebody really needs to jab that man with a needle. If no blood comes out and the needle breaks, we've got a living statue on our hands, and I'm reporting it to the UN.

…no, wait — NASA?

I'd only gotten three hours of sleep myself, so nonsense was starting to leak out of my mouth.

"Anyway. Give it a listen."

His father's unreleased song, once through in full,

then again as the mashup with the existing piece.

Over the ten or so minutes the video played, the team quietly took in the song Siwoo had put together. Thanks to his preparedness — he'd even printed out lyric sheets in advance — it was a lot easier to pick up.

"……."

I listened to the song with my ears while my eyes went across the room to Seok.

Seok couldn't tear his eyes away from the lyric sheet in his hands for a second.

One word, one word. He'd mouth them along under his breath, like he was chewing each one thoroughly before swallowing it down,

or, as if lost in thought, trace his finger slowly along the lyrics.

"How is it? I think it fits the lyrics well, and it could work."

Once the video finished, Siwoo asked us for our thoughts.

There was a faint tension riding him — you could see it in his face.

I'd already given him my vote of yes last night, so I deliberately held off answering — wanting Haru and Seok to be able to speak their honest opinions without me tipping the room.

Haru — still glancing at the older guys, reading the room — was just on the verge of opening his mouth to say something.

When Seok, setting the lyric sheet down, spoke up unusually loudly and cut in.

"Let's do this one."

Not I'd like to do it. Not what if we did this? Just — let's do this one.

At the most assertive line Seok had spoken since coming to Miro, everyone in the room froze in place, statue-still.

I mean, sure — you'd think, what's the big deal, but.

From where I was standing, this felt roughly like being Sullivan the moment she watched Helen Keller's eyes fly open and the word WATER burst out of her mouth.

So instinctively, I looked over at Siwoo and nodded like something had come over me.

"Let's do it, hyung-nim. Guess this song is the one."

"The song's really good. I…. the lyrics are so beautiful, I really want to sing it too."

Haru might have been the type to read the older guys' expressions constantly, but he still had enough backbone to say no when he meant no. Since even Haru was in favor, we were able to lock in song selection unanimously.

So what's left is — the thing with Siwoo-hyung's father, I guess?

I'd thought about it all last night, but no this is it! answer had come.

Running the various scenarios and how people would react, the truth was — Siwoo was the one who had to make this call.

Whether to reveal his 'father' to the world, or not.

And if you asked me which side of that I came down on, I'd say — reveal.

Either way, once he debuts, information about his father could leak out one way or another. Might be better to use this chance to package it properly and let out just the bare minimum on our own favorable terms.

To bring this up, though, I really needed to be alone with Siwoo — so what excuse do I use to peel him off?

I glanced sidelong at Sparkles and Timid, still poring over the lyric sheet with shining eyes and playing Siwoo's video back once more.

Just then, our Timid one (sorry, Seok-hyung) turned to Siwoo with a face full of anticipation and asked something.

"Um, Siwoo. This…. you said your father wrote this song, right?"

"Ah, yeah. Why?"

"I know this is probably really rude to ask, but. Um, if it wouldn't be a problem sometime…. I'd love to meet him."

"…ah. That's…."

Ah, damn.

At Seok's question, Siwoo's face rapidly clouded with awkwardness.

When several seconds went by without a clear answer, Seok — quick to read reactions — hurriedly waved his hands to walk himself back.

"Ah, that was pushy of me, sorry. Ah, or maybe — could you pass along a message from me instead…? The lyrics really felt like they were speaking straight to me right now. I just wanted to make sure he knew that…."

"No, no. It's not that it's pushy, or anything, it's just—"

Face still uncomfortable, Siwoo quickly cut Seok off.

I already knew the truth about Siwoo's father, but I couldn't let on.

So all I did was — reading the room, keeping Sparkles pinned next to me while his eyes rolled around fast enough to fall out of his skull — pat his head calmly enough to keep him from getting too tense or spooked.

Unless Siwoo directly asked me for help with his conversation and dynamic with Seok, the exchange between the two of them was theirs to work out.

That didn't change even if the subject happened to be Siwoo's late father.

…besides, that hyung's someone who can gauge what to say on that on his own.

If he didn't want to say it, he wouldn't.

If it seemed okay to say, he would.

If he wanted to use this song to tell the world about his father —

then it was all the more important for Siwoo to firm up his own stance on the topic.

Whether Siwoo was thinking the same thing as me or not, I didn't know —

but either way, Siwoo opened his mouth.

One hand resting on the case of the acoustic guitar he'd brought in for today's practice.

"…he passed away. Before I came to the company."

"Ah…. ah, s-, sorry. I—"

"Nah. I never told you. And what would you have to be sorry for, Seok?"

"……."

At Siwoo's answer, Seok clamped his mouth shut.

Like he'd done something wrong — like he was about to grab a shovel and start burying himself any second — and Siwoo looked over at me. His eyes shot me a do something, but I just shrugged and jerked my chin back at Seok.

Hey — you commit to something, you commit all the way.

At my firm SOS-refused, Siwoo let out a small sigh, thought for a moment, then turned back to Seok.

"…I can still pass on a message, though."

"……?"

"Next time I go see my father, I'll make sure to tell him about you. If I say there's a friend who was comforted by his song, I think he'd be really happy. Thanks."

"Would you really…? The lyrics honestly felt like they were speaking straight to me. I think I'm going to remember this song for a really long time."

Seok — unable to hide his lifted spirits — poured out the words fast, wearing a bright expression I hadn't seen in ages.

Watching him, I felt like I was about to tear up for no good reason, so I pinched innocent Dan Haru's cheek again.

Sparkles, unable to make a peep about it because of the mood the hyungs were in, just looked up at me with a how could you do this to me!? face. His expression was funny enough that the almost-tears retreated a little.

While the maknaes were doing slapstick comedy off to the side, the hyungs were wrapping up a scene straight out of a coming-of-age drama.

"Hey — some other time… want to go see him with me? If you're okay with it. He's in Seoul, so it's not that far. Aside from me, you're my father's first fan…. ah, I guess it's a bit early to call you a fan?"

"Huh? No, no. Fan. I think I'm going to be a fan. Did he write any other songs?"

"Yeah. If you're curious later, I'll play some for you."

"Thanks. You must be really proud, having a father like that. I'm jealous."

"…yeah. I am proud."

At Siwoo's last answer, there was the faintest wetness threading through his voice.

Watching that conversation, both of them looking noticeably lighter for it, I thought:

as for what Siwoo was going to decide about 'revealing his father'…

looked like we weren't going to need a separate conversation for that after all.