Chapter 153

The moment I saw the big screen with my face and Dan Haru's on it, the anxiety hit — I turned my head and looked over at Dan Haru, standing on the stage to my right.

Having confirmed for himself that he was also a candidate for seventh or eighth, Dan Haru wore a briefly startled expression, then, as if resigned to whatever the result would be, pressed his lips tight and lowered his head. His unexpectedly composed reaction pulled me back to myself, and I straightened up again too.

Stay calm. Either way, both of us have already locked in advancement to the finals.

Unlike last time, this wasn't a dangerous situation where elimination was possible without a round-3 Benefit, and the partial vote totals and evaluation scores made public were, if anything, slightly higher than or on par with the last cut ceremony.

This wasn't something Dan Haru or I had done wrong. The right read was that the other kids and their fans had just done better.

To overturn this result you'd have to redo all of round 4 from scratch, and I don't see them throwing a gamble like that at this stage.

So — for now, it was okay.

Steadying myself like that, I unclenched the fist I hadn't realized I'd been holding tight. I must have been more tense than I'd realized in that brief stretch — my body was actually shaking, pins-and-needles running through every finger.

Even so, compared to the days of getting yanked into regression with no idea what was going on, just being able to predict this much was enough to steady me and keep me composed.

For now — I could still protect all of it.

"Which of these two trainees will land in the debut-range seventh place? We're revealing the result now."

Along with tense BGM, the lights swung this way and that.

Me and Dan Haru.

I ran the numbers fast in my head on which of us being seventh was better, but no easy answer came out.

Still — with my previous rank at ninth, and probably a fair amount of fandom drift on top of that this time, weren't the odds better that Dan Haru — holding steady — would be at seventh? That was as far as I could cautiously guess.

The lights, which had kept spinning around and around, finally stopped in one place.

And what soon filled the big screen was—

"In seventh place, Trainee Kang Hajin."

—me.

"Me? I'm seventh?"

"Hajin-hyung, finally escaped Feather?"

"Hyung, congrats!"

Beside me I could feel voices calling out congratulations and hands slapping my back, but none of it hurt at all. Even as I moved toward center on the AD's hand signal, none of it felt real. Right up until the moment I stepped up onto the platform and took the mic, I couldn't get my head together.

"Trainee Kang Hajin. After clocking in at fifth in round 1 and rising into the Wings class, you'd stayed in the Feather class ever since — and you've finally made it back in. How does it feel?"

"Uh…. ah, right, how it feels."

How it feels, how it feels.

Right, I have to say how it feels.

My head was taking it in, but my body was refusing to follow.

"Um, so….."

Not first, not second — just seventh.

And Dan Haru, top suspect for the Selreg, had dropped to eighth, out of debut range — which was a serious problem.

Being pushed this far into the spotlight and still only at seventh could be a genuine issue.

"…this feels really, really good."

But right now — none of that was coming to me.

"So this is what it feels like, huh."

I kept letting out these pointless little laughs.

Even without it being the final ranking, it felt like a rope I'd been gripping tight somewhere inside had just — let go. Every time I tried to say something, laughter kept sputtering out of me like I'd lost my mind. Barely staying upright as my legs threatened to give out was about the most I could manage.

Still, I couldn't keep dragging things out looking like an idiot, so I finally got a grip on the mic and opened my mouth to give my remarks. Even then, my trembling hand was embarrassing.

"Honestly, I can't quite think of what I'm supposed to say right now…."

Too many feelings and thoughts were flooding my head, and the words weren't coming out easily.

I'm not the kind of person who freezes up like this anywhere.

Even one winter working a short-term gig at a street cosmetics stand, all mouth and no sense, I'd rattled off sales pitches with the best of them.

Trying to work out the right words to express what I was feeling, my head spinning through options, I happened to catch Dan Haru's eye — still in his spot with the other trainees across from me, watching me.

Making a joke of all that worrying of mine, Dan Haru was watching me with a wide, sincere grin. When our eyes met, he even threw me a thumbs-up on top of it, laughing.

Cheekbones hitched all the way up, like he was the one who was prouder here.

Seeing that face on him, the churning mess in my head seemed to settle in an instant.

I let the tension drain out of my worked-up body, and, facing the camera with the red light on, delivered my remarks.

"…having made it this far, honestly — I'm starting to get greedy now."

An idol-trainee run I'd started just to keep from regressing, a survival I'd suggested in a whatever-happens-happens frame of mind.

But now — for you, and for me too — I knew this had become time too precious to give up on.

"With the friends here beside me, I'll debut, without fail. I'll do my best to make sure that happens. Thank you, Destis."

If this is the happiness you've found, this time around, I'll protect it — no matter what.

Making myself that promise, I bowed toward the camera that was still on me.

It was my thanks to the fans who had, against everything, pushed me up onto this next step of the stairs.

---

After my remarks, the rankings kept getting announced at a quick pace.

Once eighth-place Dan Haru wrapped his own bright-eyed remarks about being lucky to get to keep going with the hyungs, fourth and sixth were called out right after, at the same time.

Ju Eunchan — rooted rock-steady in the upper ranks even through all this ranking upheaval — and Kim Wonho, who'd apparently pulled in a re-galvanized existing fanbase along with, likely, sympathy votes.

"I'll be an idol worthy of the votes you all gave me."

"Ah, I really wasn't…. I really wasn't expecting this at all…. Ah, sorry. Thank you, for picking me."

Compared to Ju Eunchan — voice steady as always — Kim Wonho couldn't hold back a few tears in the end. When Kim Wonho, unable to hide his reddened eyes, shuffled hesitantly over and stood beside me, I didn't do anything beyond patting his back and telling him he'd done well.

Just…. it felt like that was what to do.

"Next — we'll announce the trainees in second and third."

The second- and third-place candidates were, honestly, less nerve-wracking than the seventh and eighth had been.

Setting aside round 1, where parachute-pick Han Seongwoo had rigged the numbers, Ju Eunchan had been solid upper-rank concrete — and even he'd dropped to fourth. So the question of who could take those two spots was obvious.

Sure enough, right as I'd predicted, the big screen framed Lee Doha and Seo Taehyun in a two-shot.

"Second place at the second cut ceremony is… Trainee Lee Doha."

"Whoa. Not Taehyun-hyung?"

The one surprise, though, was maybe that Seo Taehyun hadn't landed at second — he'd dropped to third.

Given how narrow the detailed score gap was between him and Lee Doha, who'd even taken the Benefit, the right read here was probably that it wasn't Seo Taehyun doing worse so much as Lee Doha shooting up….

Seo Taehyun's gonna have a bit of a headache over this.

Since he was a kid who'd similarly taken a sharp drop right before the finals back on Boys of the World, it worried me.

Sure, you could argue whether the drop from first to third even counts as a real drop — but for someone like Seo Taehyun, a fixture in Wings, it could be a shocking result. A kid who's always gotten grade 4 dropping to grade 6 hits differently from a kid who's always gotten grade 1 dropping to grade 3.

And you can't exactly call the current debut-line makeup great for Seo Taehyun either.

Jung Siwoo, Lee Doha, Ju Eunchan, Lee Yugeon, Kim Wonho, and me.

Jung Siwoo softens it a bit at least, but factor in that oppressive weight from Jung Siwoo's flawless sculpture of a face…. the vibe and aura the rest of us gave off was a bit at odds with Seo Taehyun's.

There was a reason people had gone Seo Taehyun, at Miro? and found it strange.

And the reason Seo Taehyun had been cut on Boys of the World was, likewise, doesn't fit the group's color. Compared to the image people wanted from the debut lineup, Seo Taehyun was too young, too pretty, too fresh.

It was a problem bound to hit at some point.

Considering Seo Taehyun had wrestled with something similar back during 'To You I Declare,' it was, in the end, a mountain he'd have to climb once no matter what. And it was something he should've steeled himself for the moment he'd decided to come to Miro — whatever Cha Minseok had said to sell him on it.

I watched Seo Taehyun slowly heading up to the third-place spot, then quickly pulled my eyes away and looked forward again. Too early to be worrying about the next stage — there were still people left behind on this one.

"Then now…. it's time to announce the first eliminated trainee of the second cut ceremony."

Whether his heart was heavy, Seo Taeil went silent for a stretch.

Even at the production team's cue to read the line, Seo Taeil couldn't bring himself to open his mouth, and it was only after he'd taken a moment to collect himself, minutes later, that he was finally able to lift the mic.

"Miro Maze's second cut ceremony. The first trainee who, unable to open the door to the finals, will be leaving this spot is…."

Now there were five trainees left.

Jayden, Gong Seok, Yuki, Park Jaeyoung, and Shin Kyungho.

And the first eliminated trainee was exactly who everyone had been expecting.

"Placing thirteenth overall, and eliminated — Trainee Shin Kyungho."

Shin Kyungho, as if he'd been braced for this himself, dropped his head with a resigned look on his face. Over the stage where the five had been standing in a row, the light that had been on Shin Kyungho went out without a sound. Since it looked like the eliminated trainees' remarks would be heard separately at the end, Seo Taeil didn't hesitate and moved right on to the next.

"Next up — we'll announce the trainee who's just barely made it into the finals at ninth. This trainee, through this stage, firmly established their position with the public."

The only ones you could tag with 'position' as the keyword out of that group were Gong Seok and Jayden.

In round 4, both of them had solidly claimed their spots as Miro Maze's vocalist and rapper.

Jayden's rank last time was one above Seok-hyung.

Add in the Benefit — unless Gong Seok's fandom had suddenly doubled overnight, ninth was probably….

"Ninth place. Trainee Jayden."

"Ah…."

Called it.

In one instant, joy and heartbreak crossed between Jayden and Gong Seok.

The moment his name was called, Jayden came forward shouting every English exclamation in the book. He even joked around, saying he'd looked up the price of a flight back to Chicago yesterday — but from the cold sweat pouring down his back, act or no act, he'd clearly been scared out of his mind he'd get cut.

"Seok-hyung…."

At the small murmur beside me, I turned to look, and from the eighth-place spot, Dan Haru had his hands clasped tight together and his face all screwed up, watching the stage. Worried, by the look of it, that Gong Seok — his teammate — was about to be eliminated.

"Dan Haru."

"Yes?"

"Don't pick at your nails. It'll turn into a habit."

"…ah. Yes!"

His tightly clasped hands kept fidgeting, and when I looked to see what he was doing, he was picking at the hangnails, so I quietly gave him a small word of warning. At that, Dan Haru startled and dropped his hands again — only, this time, with eyes that looked ready to spill over any second, he took to gripping the hem of his own shirt and letting go, over and over.

In the end I shifted slightly toward Dan Haru, took hold of his wrist, and gently pried it off his clothes, saying:

"It's alright."

"…."

"It's alright, Dan Haru."

That it's alright — maybe it was something I was saying to myself.

"Placing twelfth overall — I'll call the trainee who will be eliminated."

The survival that had come into being through my intervention after regressing.

The fates being reshaped by that survival.

The spot I might, maybe, have taken from someone.

"The trainee eliminated at twelfth place is…. Trainee Yuki."

Maybe they were words I was using to cover my own eyes and ears from an unnameable guilt over all of it.

"The ticket to the finals is now down to one. And now — there are two trainees left."

Up on the big screen, the faces of the two remaining trainees appeared.

"Trainee Gong Seok, Trainee Park Jaeyoung — please come up to the platform."

Now — it was time for someone to put the period on this journey.