Chapter 163

"First up — the trainee whose debut is the first to be confirmed. The trainee at final ranking 1st place."

For a moment, Hajin got the feeling that not even breathing was audible inside the venue.

Truthfully, since this was an in-house-agency survival, debut ranking didn't have a huge effect on the group's later activities. The broadcaster had apparently mentioned throwing in this or that perk, but that was tied to individual activities anyway, so it was still a ways off.

So why am I this shaky, honestly. It's not going to be me either way.

Even so, the authority and pressure that came with the name "1st place" wasn't something he could easily brush off.

A heavy silence where even the small sound of a swallow might get caught.

Seo Taeil broke that silence and called out the name of that honor.

"Miro Maze's final 1st place!"

"……."

"The first trainee to become one of Kairos's new wings is… Trainee Seo Taehyun!"

The moment his name was called, Taehyun ended up sinking to the floor on the spot.

A roar of cheers washed over the venue. Underneath it, as BGM, an old pop song Taehyun had often mentioned as a favorite of his played.

Hajin watched Taehyun — barely getting up with Siwoo and Eunchan holding him — make his way to the center stage where the debut-member platform stood, applause full of congratulations carrying him along.

"Trainee Seo Taehyun. Three years ago, on this very spot, you had to turn away with debut right in front of you. Now, three years on, you've finally claimed that dream spot. Congratulations."

To Seo Taeil's congratulations, Taehyun — face already puffy from crying so much — could only barely nod in response.

Still, 1st place's remarks couldn't go unheard, so Seo Taehyun did his best to pull himself together and lifted the mic.

"…um, first — first, to my parents and my uncle, who believed in me all the way to this spot. And to all the Destis, really… really, thank you."

On the screen, fans holding placards with Taehyun's name flashed up.

Taehyun, seeing that screen, sniffled again — nose going bright red — then barely gathered himself and continued.

"For three years, there were a lot of moments I wanted to give up…. There were times I actually meant to give up."

In a heavily choked voice, Taehyun turned his gaze toward the platform where the remaining trainees stood.

"But every time, because I had friends with me, I really was able to hold on. Especially…."

The distance between the center stage where Taehyun was and the stage Hajin was standing on was quite far, but Hajin got the distinct feeling their eyes had met exactly.

The moment Hajin flinched, his name came out of Taehyun's mouth.

"Hajin-hyung, who brought the me who was about to chuck it all and run away to this spot. And Haru, who told me every time it got hard that he really wanted to debut together with me. Last, Eunchan-ah, who was strength for me every lonely moment. Really, thank you. I really — really hope we all debut together for real."

At the end, having broken down to almost sobbing, Taehyun barely finished his remarks and stepped up to the 1st-place spot. Even that scrambled, maybe worried that naming only three people would draw talk or leave others feeling slighted, he didn't forget to mention the other trainees too before he took his spot.

"Next — 5th place. This trainee's position is rap."

The faces of Lee Doha, Jayden, and Lee Yugeon — the ones holding rap positions among the ten — were caught in a three-way split on the screen.

And soon, one person's face filled the screen.

"Miro Maze final 5th place! Trainee Lee Doha!"

Unlike Taehyun before him, Doha's expression didn't shift much even after his name was called.

Whoa, seriously. Is this guy Buddha?

Genuinely floored by Doha's composure, Hajin clicked his tongue in disbelief.

But the moment that really left him speechless came right after.

"…uh. Um. So…."

Lee Doha is stumbling over his words?

The moment Lee Doha — who hadn't shown a flicker of expression — moved to center stage and grabbed the mic, his hand started shaking. He was supposed to give his debut remarks, but even past the one-minute mark he couldn't get his mouth open. So much so that Seo Taeil, watching from beside him, had to throw in a line to cover the silence.

Barely pulling himself together, Lee Doha delivered his remarks carefully.

"…Thank you."

"……."

"From the time I first began dreaming of music, my dream was always an idol group."

"……."

"Thank you for making the dream come true — for letting me make it come true."

Lee Doha's remarks landed almost like a declaration aimed at the ones who'd sneered, asking why he wouldn't just be a rapper instead of an idol. Doha lowered the mic, then bowed 90 degrees at the waist toward the audience seats and the camera.

And with just a very small hesitation, he added a short line.

"Father."

Doha's lips came together and parted several times.

Just before even those lips went dry and stuck shut, Lee Doha's heavy, low voice rang out quietly.

"…I did it."

That was the whole of Lee Doha's remarks.

But that one line held emotions too many to explain — Hajin could feel it.

Watching Doha — done with what he had to say and calmly turning back to his spot — Hajin lightly bit the inside of his cheek.

…ah shit, I'm jealous.

I want to get called out like that and hurry up and say mom, dad, Kang Hawon too, seriously.

It was only now that Hajin realized how incredibly nervous he was.

Something like the 17 seconds before uni early-admissions first-round first-choice acceptance results dropped.

Or the 3 seconds before an army post assignment came down.

Or the split-second before clicking the results for a broadcast-station rookie-PD open-hiring interview.

No — 2 minutes 10 seconds before the ticketing for that Song King ajusshi concert Mom said she wanted to see….

…what's with all the detail?

Ah, shit! You scared me!

Hajin had been retracing every "gut-shaking nervous moment" he'd experienced in his life when Thirteen suddenly popped up out of nowhere in front of his eyes. Shocked out of his mind at the entrance he hadn't seen coming, Hajin forgot for a moment that this was live broadcast and almost let a scream out, but by biting down hard on the inside of his cheek he barely held it in.

Of course, the like-he-was-gonna-die pain was a bonus.

…you really trying to ruin someone's personality?

Is there anywhere left for it to get worse…. (๑•̌.•̑๑)ˀ̣ˀ̣ (sorry ㅠㅁㅠ)

Ah, come on — the speech bubble changed.

Whoever handles the frames on this thing is hopeless, Hajin grumbled internally.

Why'd you suddenly show up. You don't see Retty around?

Yes. Not a sign of them. And…. Still, we've got to be here together for the result announcement. After what a six months of hard running it's been.

After what a six months of hard running it's been?

Through the Fixed Regressor's intermittent unhinged antics, habitual threats and extortion, and a whole track record that had me — as a Time Administrator — caught in the dilemma and anguish of 'is this even OK?' every single time…

Yeah, alright. Enough beating me down. You really had that queued up, didn't you.

At the karma from days past that Thirteen was reeling off without so much as a pause to think, Hajin waved a hand like he was shooing away a bug.

…even I, by now, really do want the Fixed Regressor to debut. Setting the quest aside.

Thirteen — dodging Hajin's swats this way and that — quietly let slip what it really felt. And then, as if embarrassed by it, dropped its own opacity down to about half and vanished — so Hajin let out a small dumbfounded laugh even as it lifted his mood.

Yeah. That damn debut of ours — please, let's finally pull it off.

---

After that, the announcements moved quickly.

"The 4th-place trainee is… Trainee Ju Eunchan."

As expected, Eunchan settled solidly in the upper ranks and within debut range. But if anything, Hajin was startled that he wasn't at 3rd.

I obviously figured Goguryeo-Silla-Baekje would take one, two, three.

Here, Goguryeo-Silla-Baekje referred to Ju Eunchan, Seo Taehyun, and Jung Siwoo, respectively.

Eunchan — with steady demand and a solidly built core fanbase without a single ding on his record — being at 4th caused quite a bit of confusion.

"I'll become someone who never lets the Destis down. Thank you for the chance!"

For a trainee who'd stacked up upper-tier standings all along, even at a rank on the low side, Eunchan didn't seem to dwell on it much.

Delivering his debut remarks far more composed than the two hyungs before him, Ju Eunchan quietly went up onto the platform.

…what's up with that kid?

But the nerves he couldn't quite hide, apparently.

Eunchan, at some point, ended up walking with the same-side arm and leg going out in unison, and as if that weren't enough, blowing past his perfectly fine own spot, went and plopped himself right down on Doha's lap.

"…I-I'm sorry!"

Doha barely managed to calm down Eunchan — who was freaking out and jumping up from the spot — and the situation was contained for now.

Being an unexpected situation, strictly speaking it was a broadcast accident, but thanks to it, the venue's scary, tension-only atmosphere loosened up considerably.

Hajin was engrossed in working through the remaining trainees and rankings in his head, matching cards.

Too many risk factors. The mid-tier is dropping way faster than I thought.

Considering his own and Haru's previous rankings — 7th and 8th, respectively — the moment a trainee who should have received a higher rank claimed a mid-tier spot, the math got complicated.

The highest-probability, safest picture is Dan Haru at 6th and me at 7th…. Of the ones left, the trainees with a solid debut angle are Jung Siwoo, Lee Yugeon — if we're lucky, Kim Wonho too. Jung Siwoo's going to take 2nd anyway so he's out of the equation….

So one of the remaining candidates rocketed up to 3rd on a monster surge — but who?

…don't tell me it's me?

Given this finals vote had been a one-pick vote, of the ones left, the only one carrying conditions favorable for rank increase was himself.

But even so — did a development like the me who was on the debut-line edge at the last cut ceremony, at 3rd in the finals!? even make sense?

Just as Hajin's head was about to be flooded with every possible permutation, Seo Taeil called out the next trainee.

"Announcing 6th place."

Please, please. Let it be some flash-pop pick. Then at least my head can be easy, please….

"The 6th-place trainee, who's just barely crossed Miro Maze's threshold and stepped into Kairos, is…!"

A brief sss of drawn breath came, and Seo Taeil's eyes — moving busily between script and monitor — settled on one spot.

"The 6th-place trainee is… Trainee Dan Haru!"

There it was.

For now, he was clear of the fear that the Selected Regressor (presumed) might fail to debut and trigger a regression on finals day.

While Hajin was catching his breath, Haru slowly walked out to the platform and picked up the mic to deliver his remarks.

"……u-uh."

Dan Haru, as if he could hardly grasp the reality of it, only opened and closed his lips with a flustered look.

Fingers fidgeting as he searched for words, Dan Haru pulled out something a little different from the easy thanks-to-parents-or-fans lines people usually reach for.

"…Lately, honestly, every single day's been a little scary for me."

Because I've been too happy.

The added line carried real feeling.

"I get nightmares a lot. In those dreams there aren't good hyungs like this, there aren't Destis loving me, there's no beautiful, dazzling stage like this — I'm always alone."

If Dan Haru really was the Selreg —

it occurred to Hajin that maybe those dreams Haru was talking about now were the timelines that kid supposedly remembered somewhere unconsciously. Because Hajin himself often, very often, dreamed of old memories.

"Sometimes, really — what if that's reality and this is the dream? I even thought that. Every single day has been so, so overwhelming at times, but — ah, so, what I'm trying to say is…."

As if the words weren't lining up, Dan Haru ended up rubbing his forehead with his hand, on the verge of tears.

"Lately, I'm so looking forward to tomorrow. And that makes me so happy!"

In that moment, Hajin — struck by a strong sense of déjà vu — lifted his head.

"Because my grandma told me. If you just live today, then — someday there'll be moments when you look forward to tomorrow, too."

—If you just live today, someday there'll come a time you look forward to tomorrow — for you, too.

Ah, where had he heard that line…. Where had he heard it? He'd definitely heard it….

label: Retty So — do you want to go back? To the moments you were happy.

…ah, I remember now.

Right after round 1 had ended.

In the Selected Regressor's first timeline he'd been allowed to look at, after meeting that Retty bastard.

It was what the orphanage director — the one said to have died in an accident — had said.