Chapter 170

Park Sangyul's noona, Park Sang-ah, right now wanted to do nothing but bawl.

Can the shady figure I thought was kidnapping my brother actually turn out to be my ult oppa? Kang Hajin, no less? Have you ever fantasized about your ultimate bias being the guy who lives around the corner? It's already happening — brace yourself.

Please, just tell me this is a hidden camera prank.

Park Sang-ah was an at-home fangirl (someone whose fan activities happen only online, from home) who, in her entire life, had never been to so much as a fansign — hadn't even made it to a single offline meetup. So the current reality of her ult oppa, right in front of her, helping her little brother up the slide and playing with him — wasn't quite computing.

No, seriously, wow, this can't be real.

By the time her head had gone blank and nothing was coming through anymore, Hajin — holding Sangyul's hand — was walking her way.

They should have gone straight home, but because Sangyul had stubbornly insisted he was playing with hyung a little more before leaving, they'd agreed on just five more turns down the slide. While she'd been off zoning out staring at Hajin, apparently he'd finished the promised five.

Ugh, I'm so jealous of Park Sangyul…. if only I were ten years younger….

Park Sang-ah resented Sangyul for embarrassingly pulling a tantrum in front of Hajin, and at the same time felt grateful to him for stretching this miraculous one-woman fanmeet even a little longer. Along with jealousy, of course, that just being young let him get to play with Hajin like that.

"…hey, are you Sangyul's noona?"

"Uwahk. Y-yes?"

"Oh jeez. You startle easy."

Hajin — who'd somehow already made it right up in front of her — smiled the smile Sang-ah had only ever seen through her monitor. Then, with a slightly apologetic look, he settled Sangyul beside himself and went on.

"It's getting really late, and I think I should head in too. I'd have liked to play with Sangyul a bit longer — shame."

"Ah, ah, no! No! Of course you have to go, you must be so busy…. I'm so sorry. Because of him…."

"Ah, no, it was fun. Your place is that corner store over there, right? When I was little I used to stop by all the time after school. Your mother still doing okay? Her knee was always bad, wasn't it."

"She had surgery not too long ago, so now she's do-…. no, wait, hgk, um, argh!"

"Oh dear."

Wait what. My ult knows my mom.

The more the conversation went on the more her head spun, until Sang-ah, bright red, ended up clapping a hand over her mouth. Every past moment she'd snapped at her parents — why is our place some tacky old corner store instead of a proper convenience store — every single one of them felt like something to apologize for.

Even through all this, Kang Hajin was smiling at her like he found her cute. They said TV made people look a bit more filled-out; the Hajin in front of her felt much sharper, slimmer than the one on her monitor. Sang-ah, who among her fandom friends had been in the "Kang Hajin sturdy-retriever" faction, resolved as of today to switch to the "Kang Hajin wolf" faction, biting down on her lip.

"Um, so, oppa. This is r-really rude of me but…."

"Yeah. Go ahead."

"C-could you maybe, um, just do one au-autograph for me…?"

Sang-ah held out a marker and a photocard holder — pre-fished from her bag earlier while Hajin was playing with Sangyul — with a bootleg Hajin photocard inside.

Honestly, if it were up to her heart alone she'd have asked for a photo, but weighing her current state along with a few other things, that seemed a little scary. Just having a bare-face photo of Hajin sitting in her phone gallery was, all on its own, too enormous a thing for Sang-ah to bear. And she'd heard idols usually didn't take photos with fans anyway.

"Ah…."

It had taken every ounce of her courage in its own way, but Hajin didn't just take the pen and photocard she was holding out — he hesitated.

Slightly startled by the reaction, Sang-ah — worried she might have asked something unreasonable of Hajin — hurriedly dropped her arm.

"Ah, I'm sorry. If it's not okay, just —"

"Huh? No, no. No, it's not that."

A startled Hajin took the pen and photocard back from Sang-ah's hand and gave a sheepish smile.

"I don't actually have a signature yet…. this is the first time anyone's asked me for one."

"Whoa. Really?"

"The signature I use on contracts probably wouldn't work, huh?"

"I wanna too! Noona, drawing for me!"

Sang-ah, with practiced ease, tore a page out of her notebook for Sangyul — who was tugging at her and whining — and watched Hajin mull the signature over. Hajin tapped the marker a few times with those long, pretty fingers his fans cited daily as one of his charm points, then, as if something had come to him, slowly worked out a signature on top of the bootleg photocard.

"From here…. was it like this?"

Muttering to himself as he scribbled, Hajin, with an awkward smile, even added a neat To. Sang-ah along the top of the card before handing it back.

Sang-ah looked over the signature on the photocard she'd just gotten back. The lines wavered and went crooked here and there — you could tell his hand definitely wasn't used to it yet. Sang-ah lightly touched the first letter of the signature — the K — with her finger.

Hajin, ruffling the hair of Sangyul — deep in his drawing — added:

"This one is from a long time ago…. I mean, when I was really little. It's the signature I used to practice, thinking when I become a singer someday I'll use this. You're the first person I've shown it to, Sang-ah, so take good care of it."

"Of course! Really, thank you so much…."

"No. Thanks for liking me. I really should get going now."

"Yes, yes. Oppa, I really — I promise I won't tell my friends or anyone else that you live around here. Please don't worry. And this photocard I'll keep just to myself, I really will."

At the words tumbling out in a rush, Hajin kept bursting into laughter. At that clean, easy smile — not a trace of worry on it — Sang-ah really did want to cry now.

"An autograph's fair to brag about, though, right? But since this is my first one, some people might not believe you — so, not now, later. Once my official signature drops, do it then. I promise I'll use this same one."

"Yes, yes!"

Sang-ah nodded at Hajin's words almost like a bobblehead. Hajin laughed out loud like even that side of Sang-ah struck him as cute. (In fact he'd basically just been smiling the entire time he'd been with Sang-ah, and she was about to lose her mind.) Then, bending down, he gave the plump cheek of Sangyul — sitting on the bench, absorbed in his drawing — a light, painless tap.

"Lucky you, Park Sangyul. Getting a nice noona."

"Yeth. I like noona."

"Yeah. From now on too, when you fall, ask noona to hold your hand a lot."

"Yeth. I like noona's hand, too."

"Not even looking at me while he talks, this kid."

And to think he was the one begging to play a minute ago. As if saying exactly that, Hajin — a little put out at Sangyul, now absorbed in his drawing and not sparing him a glance — gave his cheek a light pinch and stood up. Then he said goodbye to Sang-ah one more time.

"I'll head off then. Let's see each other again if there's another chance. Listen to your parents."

"Yes! Oppa, really, congratulations on your debut!"

"…yeah, thanks."

With that as his last word, Hajin ambled off out of the playground.

Sang-ah watched Hajin's retreating back for a very long time, then — struck by the sudden thought that behavior like this might be a burden on him — jolted and looked away. Then she called out to Sangyul, still absorbed in his drawing.

"Hey, Park Sangyul. Time we head home too."

"Hyung leaved?"

"Yeah. He left. He played with you — you're supposed to at least say thank you."

Ugh — as if grumbling like this at you does any good, what do you know?

Grumbling all the while, Sang-ah smoothly tucked the pen and paper Sangyul had been holding into her bag, lifted him off the bench, and took his hand. In her other hand, Sang-ah carefully cradled the signed photocard Hajin had left behind and gazed at it in quiet contentment.

I really have to keep this safe….

The two siblings, too, made their way out of the sunset-lit playground.

The day was drawing to a close.

---

Right after getting back from the playground.

I made up my mind.

I need to meet Dan Haru.

Freaked out by the word "penalty," I'd been thinking about this wrong for a bit.

Instead of reaching first for a way to block the penalty in order to prevent a regression, the first move was just making Dan Haru give up on regressing at all.

For that, whatever else, I needed to be around him first.

Let's stack up memories precious enough that Dan Haru can't just easily regress out of them.

I found myself thinking back to something Ji Suho had said to me once, back when I was in denial about reality and just drifting through everything.

"People, you know — this is how it goes."

"You only realize after you've been badly burned once. Ah, so this hurts. So this is where I shouldn't put my hand."

"But even so, once some time passes…. there'll be a moment, at least one. Wouldn't this much be okay? This much warmth — isn't it worth trying to bear?"

"When that moment comes, you just try to bear it."

"That's how you learn. Your own limit."

And I already knew what Dan Haru's hand-he-could-never-let-go was.

"It's lonely, isn't it? A world without warmth."

Done deliberating, I turned on my phone and opened the messenger.

When I opened the 〈Kairos〉 group chat that had been set up right after the finals, it lay empty — nobody had said a word for days after the last enjoy your vacation send-off.

And without hesitation I drafted the announcement to fill that empty chatroom.

title: Kairos @ me 〈1st Kairos Bonding Outing — Announcement〉 - When: soon - Where: somewhere - Purpose: strictly friendship - Intent: We are now a fate-bound collective destined to share the same pot for at least 7 years, and maybe 70 if we're lucky. Before the grueling practice hell and debut prep begin, this precious gathering has been arranged so we can meet at least one more time, share precious memories, and lock in our chemistry as a team. Kindly, those with the time — please attend and grace this outing with your presence. ※Everyone who's seen this — vote on attendance. If you don't, I'm calling.※

Not long after I posted the announcement, the little unread numbers next to it started dropping fast.

When I saw someone had immediately posted an attendance vote and checked it — sure enough, it was Jung Siwoo, the guy who'd been all instant-reply, instant-response even back during the survival. Jung Siwoo, after voting not attending, had even written out his reason for absence as a comment on the post.

@ Miro_Kairos_Jung Siwoo hyung Reason for absence: at cohort MT

MT?

I blinked at the absence reason I couldn't have imagined in a hundred years, but soon enough I just took it as it came. Jung Siwoo would have cleared it with the company on his own, and he wasn't the type to get up to any trouble on an MT anyway.

Anyway, the ones bound to take the bait on this 'outing' — really a Dan-Haru-fishing operation in disguise — were another crew entirely.

@ Miro_Kairos_Ju Eunchan I can make it @ Miro_Kairos_Seo Taehyun When are we doing it? I'm good as long as the date works. @ Miro_Kairos_Dan Haru (dancing emoticon) Sounds great!

"Hooked."

Come, sweet Seo-Ju-Dan.

I'll play with you until regression is the last thing on your mind.

---

And then, the morning of the long-awaited 1st Kairos Bonding Outing.

"……."

"……."

"………."

"……uh, should we at least turn the TV on?"

"Sure."

"……."

"……."

"……ah. The remote's outside the room."

I'd ended up shut in at the dorm — not with the bright, lively Seo-Ju-Dan trio, but alone with my same-age Lee Doha…!