Chapter 179

Fortunately or unfortunately, when Lee Doha messaged about meeting up, Lee Hyunil got back saying he'd come by the company before lunch. Thanks to Lee Doha, who'd woken up earlier than me and handled contacting the company himself, all I had to do the moment I woke up was wash up and get ready to head out.

The second I opened my eyes I washed up, changed, unpacked the stuff I'd hauled over in the suitcase last night, sat down on the living room sofa, and thought — seriously:

…honestly, getting a member-carry is straight-up god-tier?

I mean, when in my life had I ever gotten a hard carry like this.

Being on the receiving end of someone else handling stuff for you — it had been a while, so the feeling was unfamiliar, but my body was definitely at ease. Thinking about how those group-project teammate punks had coasted through school on this exact vibe made me pointlessly bitter, stomach turning.

I was sitting there pressing at the sofa cushion, thinking about my future group members — probably fresh-faced college-prep high schoolers growing up right this minute — when Lee Yugeon came out of the kitchen, decked out in a yellow checkered apron and carrying a tray.

"Stop taking it out on the cushion and eat, would you."

"That casual or polite?"

"Ah. Just a speech habit."

"Guess we're just openly treating me like grandpa now, huh."

As I helped Lee Yugeon move the breakfast spread from the tray onto the living room table, the breakfast turned out more extravagant than I'd expected.

Braised galbi ribs, all kinds of jeon…

Not to mention seaweed soup with mussels in it, every kind of kimchi and namul side dish — for a second there I actually wondered, is today Chuseok?

When we were actually in early-August summer, autumn nowhere in sight.

"…did we have some kind of feast yesterday?"

"We were going to, but you passed out and it fell through, hyung."

"Ah."

One line and it clicked — and to shut myself up at the same time, I popped a meat patty in my mouth. Whoever's household had made these, the seasoning was insane.

"Whoa. These meat patties are stupid good — who made them? I've gotta at least thank whoever it was."

"They're from the supermarket."

"Hmm. Guess from now on every time I go to the supermarket I'll have to bow thank you three times on the way in."

Man, today was a day when nothing lined up on all kinds of fronts.

Lee Yugeon wasn't the warmest guy to begin with, but with him feeling somehow more distant than usual today, I crammed a second meat patty into my mouth.

The other members weren't up yet, so we were just waiting for Lee Doha to come out to eat together — but Lee Yugeon, who I'd figured would head right back to his room, flopped down across from me instead, tray still in hand.

"……?"

"……."

"…what. Why."

Lee Yugeon propped one leg up, rested his arm on that knee with his chin on his hand, and just stared at me. Without so much as answering my what's the deal question, he held my gaze straight-on like a sulking jackal — then eventually shook his head at himself and got up from his seat.

"Hey. Stop. What, why. What was that head-shake just now."

"Never mind."

"Hey — what do you mean, never mind? Nothing's even happened, so what's there to mind?"

"…either way, you're not the type to give up and run like I did, hyung, so I've got nothing to say to you."

Take care out there. Wash the dishes when you're done.

With that one line, Lee Yugeon swung those long legs off toward his own room.

What's that punk on about, out of nowhere? — I was staring dumbly at his retreating back when, like déjà vu, a memory whipped through my head.

—This stage we built together — without you on it, there's no point.

When the scene of me sitting Lee Yugeon down during the Infinite Yugeon Situation, coaxing him along and feeding him spicy pork wraps, flashed through my mind, I finally understood what Lee Yugeon had meant — and I couldn't help a laugh.

Was he trying to do something for me like what I'd done for him back then?

As I was thinking that and picking up my third meat patty, Lee Doha walked out of the bathroom.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"Didn't realize Lee Yugeon was so generous. Paid me back for the spicy pork in full-on galbi. Good kid."

"……?"

Ignoring Lee Doha's confusion, I scooped a heaping spoonful of galbi-jjim and piled it on top of my white rice.

As the sayings go — a Korean runs on rice; even the Diamond Mountains look better after a meal; even a ghost who died on a full stomach has better color.

Going to meet a bad-blood from the past, you at least need a full stomach — that's how you get the lung capacity to shout, the grip to grab a collar.

Fired up, I annihilated the breakfast Lee Yugeon had laid out, right down to the last grain of rice. As a bonus, instead of a rage-brushing, I did a rage-dishwashing, scrubbing the plates until they gleamed.

---

When we arrived at the company in the manager-hyung's car, we were told Lee Hyunil was already there.

Was his place in Seoul, come to think of it?

Trying to dredge up some TMI about Lee Hyunil I couldn't quite remember, we headed for the meeting room where he was waiting. Walking the corridor, I could feel people passing by glancing at me.

"If you can, avoid making eye contact with anyone and just walk fast. There are a lot of outsiders around, so the best move is just not to meet anyone's eyes."

On any other day he'd have at least tossed out a friendly smile and greeted people, but with the situation being what it was, even the manager weighed in. Feeling the shadow of the manager — deliberately positioning himself on the side where people were and using his big frame to shield me and Lee Doha — I kept walking.

And a little while later, we finally arrived at our destination.

"First off — for a smooth conversation, we've decided company staff won't be entering the meeting room. That said, since we need to verify what's discussed, we'll have a phone in the meeting room connected on a call, and we'll be listening in real time and recording, just so you know. This has also been agreed with Mr. Lee Hyunil."

"Yes. Thank you."

With that quick briefing, the manager went into the meeting room next door ahead of us.

I took a breath, exchanged a look with Lee Doha, and opened the door.

"…H-Hajin-hyung."

Lee Hyunil, who'd been sitting there looking on edge, jerked to his feet at the sight of me — then, catching Lee Doha coming in behind me, looked a little scared. Even I had to admit that me and Lee Doha walking in together was the kind of visual that made you swallow once before dealing with it, so I let it slide and took a seat.

"Hey. Long time."

"Ah, yeah. Really."

The opening greeting was calmer than I'd expected.

The Lee Hyunil in my memory was chubbier than he was now, the kind of kid whose speech had a slight lisp. It bothered me watching him get looked down on and teased over that by the other trainees. I couldn't do it openly with the other guys watching, but whenever I got the chance, I'd tried to look out for him.

Whether Lee Hyunil himself remembered it that way, I couldn't say.

I glanced sideways at the phone sitting on the desk to check the call was going through, laced my fingers together, and got straight to it.

"Heard you came looking for me because you had something to say. And that you know who wrote the exposé."

"Hyung. It's Park Shinuk. Remember Park Shinuk? The kid who was tight with Gwangchae-hyung."

Park Shinuk and Yu Gwangchae.

Even though it had been ages since I'd heard those names, the moment they came out, faces flashed up in front of my eyes. Yu Gwangchae especially — the name was distinctive enough that I couldn't have forgotten it if I'd tried. Maybe it was more that I'd seen his face in my dreams enough times to be sick of it.

—Hey, Kang Hajin! Come practice with us.

—From here on, we've all agreed we're not practicing with you.

The guy who'd smoothly folded me into his crew out of nowhere one day — and then, out of nowhere on another, was the one who cut me off from everyone else.

And when Park Shinuk's presence — always trailing right along beside him — came back to me too, Lee Hyunil hurriedly continued.

"Not long after you left, hyung, our company went under too. He failed every audition, couldn't adjust at school either, and lately he'd been complaining about how hard it was, getting irritable all the time. Then he saw you on Miro Maze and I guess he snapped."

Lee Hyunil grew heated as he showed me screenshots he'd taken himself of Park Shinuk's private SNS and messenger.

"Even before you left, hyung, this kid took everything Gwangchae-hyung said as gospel and kept insisting you were the bad guy…. You wouldn't know since you left the company, hyung, but after you left, this guy and Gwangchae-hyung were quietly whipping up opinion against people and getting them ostracized. I got it too."

"……."

"And after doing all that, for him to turn around and write something like this about you now — it's honestly ridiculous. And at least I know you're not that kind of person, hyung, so I reached out thinking maybe there's something I could do to help."

Lee Hyunil looked like he genuinely did want to help me. Or maybe the bigger part of it was wanting to get back at Park Shinuk for having ostracized him.

The stream of stuff that followed was all about how cunningly he'd been shut out by Park Shinuk and Yu Gwangchae's crew, and how unfair the whole thing had been — a full-on lament.

I bore through it all and heard him out. Only once Lee Hyunil had said everything he had to say did I open my mouth.

The whole time I'd been listening, I could barely stand not saying it.

"But — Hyunil."

"Yeah?"

"You did the same thing."

How ridiculous it felt hearing him tell that story to my face, right now.

"You all did the same thing to me. One day out of nowhere you called me into the practice room and told me you weren't going to practice with me. And after that — snickering behind my back, mocking, teasing. Don't you remember?"

"……."

"Honestly, I'm kind of at a loss right now. You did the same thing to me, and after I left the company you even deleted my contact — so why come out with this now?"

From middle school through today, I'd never once changed my number.

Which meant if Lee Hyunil — another trainee from back then — had wanted to, he could have gotten hold of my number easily enough. But he'd tracked down Lee Doha's contact before mine.

I wasn't dumb enough to miss what that meant.

"Fine. Since we're on it, let me ask. Why did you guys do that to me back then? We were getting on fine right up until one day, and then out of nowhere. Did the things I said and did really hurt you all that much?"

"Hyung, it's just….."

"I know I had a bad attitude back then. But honestly — it wasn't so bad that all of you should've turned on me in a single moment, and on top of that kept snickering and mocking me the whole way through."

"……."

"You guys didn't just have a fight with me and cut ties. You ostracized me as a group. Since it's come this far, at least let me know why. Why did you do it, back then?"

Talking it through, the emotion boiled up and I snapped.

As my voice started to climb, Lee Doha carefully took me by the shoulder and stopped me. I barely managed to bring my voice back down and swallow the anger. Lee Hyunil, looking rattled, kept his eyes darting and fidgeted with his hands.

The one who stepped in to defuse the situation that had gone sharp in an instant was Lee Doha, watching us both.

"…I don't know the details of what went on between you two, but."

"……."

"If you really do want to help Hajin, I think being completely honest is what matters. Unless what you actually want is to use us because you want revenge."

At the words of Lee Doha — intimidating-looking at a glance, all in black, voice heavy on top of it — Lee Hyunil sucked in a sharp breath. Then, as if weighing his answer for a moment, he chewed at his lip and dropped his head.

"……."

"……."

And after some time had passed —

Lee Hyunil opened his mouth about the truth of that day.

"Actually….."

"……."

"If I'm being really honest — there wasn't any reason."

"What?"

"You just got unlucky, hyung. That's it."

And that truth was, against the last ten years of my life, unbearably light.