Chapter 181

Mom was silent for a long time.

I thought maybe she was crying.

—Son.

In a voice trembling just faintly, mom said to me:

—Thank you for telling me.

"……."

—And thank you for holding out.

"……."

—I'm sorry mom didn't see it, son.

"…what does mom have to be sorry for. You don't need to apologize."

The moment I heard mom apologizing, it was like something snapped me wide awake.

The bastards who actually ostracized me are living perfectly comfortably — no apology, not a shred of guilt, blaming the whole thing on me — so why are me and the people around me the only ones apologizing, comforting each other, hurting over it?

'What am I doing right now?'

What am I doing. Digging myself in circles, that's what.

The shocking part was that after two rounds of military service, I still had it in me to be out here digging in circles for nothing.

Yeah — finding out that the reason for a trauma that had weighed on someone for over ten straight years was, of all things, just — that was hollow, absurd, and a genuine shock.

Hadn't I, just moments ago, been trying to escape into sleep because it felt so unfair — how brutally lonely and hard that time had been for me?

'So? What of it?'

I thought about what I still had.

A close-knit, warm family,

members who believed in me right to the end,

people around me and friends who'd reached out worried the moment the articles dropped.

And fans who, at this very moment, were waiting for my statement.

How stupid and wasteful it was to keep aching over what I'd already lost while letting slip through my fingers even the things I was currently holding — that, I knew better than anyone.

'What was I even hesitating for?'

Sunlight slowly began to break into my head — until now packed only with rain-heavy dark clouds. Once what I had to do was clear, action was fast.

I said to mom on the other end of the line:

"Mom. I'm okay."

Even if it was a voice reaching her through a phone, I hoped what I felt right now came through clearly.

"I'm okay now. …really."

—…yeah. Look at my oldest son.

"Right? Whoever's son I am, I turned out pretty well."

I turned out well.

Standing up under the world's unfair hate and the trauma of a rough teenage stretch, I think this counts as turning out pretty decent.

And from here on, I planned to tell the world that fact. Far and wide. Very far, very wide.

"Mom. Looks like I've got to head into the company urgently. I'll call you again."

—Yeah, okay. Handle your work. Eat properly.

"I'll polish off every last bit of the galbi-jjim at the dorm, so don't worry."

After finally getting off the phone with mom — who worried about me right down to the last second — I immediately called Lee Doha. Since he was in practice I'd figured he might not pick up, but fortunately this one came on the line quickly too.

—Hello?

"Yo, Lee Doha. Let me borrow your laptop."

—…Deonbyeol6173.

"What?"

—Laptop password. Deonbyeol6173.

"Ah. Kk, thanks."

I'd blurted straight out the main point with no lead-in, but Lee Doha, no questions, no pushback, handed over his laptop password just like that. All of his production source files had to be inside that laptop — what if I'd meant him harm? What was he thinking?

But right now the important thing wasn't Lee Doha's security awareness, so the moment I hung up I went into the room and found Lee Doha's laptop. Then I opened the notepad and, with a solemn heart, started tapping at the keys.

"……."

Putting my thoughts down as writing wasn't especially difficult.

Even more so when what I wanted to convey and the goal behind it were clear. At least for me. I had, after all, made a living off my knack for talking, writing, and editing.

"…is this good enough?"

After revision on revision, I read the finally-finished long-form piece over and over.

Around the time I could read it through five times back-to-back without a single sentence catching my eye, I found my phone again and called Ji Suho.

I'd figured he'd pick up quickly like mom or Lee Doha, but the ringing just kept going and Ji Suho's voice never came. Guess picking up the Bureau Chief title really had made him busy.

'Still, there's always a workaround.'

Without hesitation, I pulled up the system window. I found Ji Suho in the Comrade tab and, from the small pile of cash I'd earned here and there, invested the modest sum of 10 cash to summon him.

A moment later, Ji Suho — who hadn't picked up no matter how many times I'd called — was calling me first. There was no reason to keep him waiting, so the moment his name popped up on my phone, I hit answer and picked up.

—Hello? Hajin?

"Yes, it's me. And that feeling you just had that you absolutely had to call me — that's also me."

The moment Ji Suho heard my voice, he seemed to faintly sense that I was back to my usual self. As a small laugh came through the phone, I sent the notepad file I'd written over to Ji Suho's email.

"I just sent you my statement via email."

—Alright, got it. I'll look at it right now.

"Once the company's looked it over, if there's nothing off, I want to rewrite it in my own handwriting and post it to the fan cafe. And…."

—Yeah. Go on.

"I know who put the exposé up now, and I'm thinking of hitting back properly. Just posting a statement isn't going to feel like enough."

As long as some of the words and actions Park Shinuk laid out in the exposé really were things I'd said and done, no matter how meticulously I wrote and published a statement, the response was going to be a wait, so it's basically true then? crazy disappointing — and nothing more.

The earth is round, but what people see with their eyes is only the hard, flat ground.

Even so, that doesn't change the fact that the earth is round.

"Could we get one article out?"

Back in the day, they say people who went around shouting the earth is round got beaten to a pulp for it — but I was living in the cutting-edge age of the 4th industrial revolution.

"Preferably somewhere that does the punchy stuff well."

Can't see that the earth is round?

Then fine — I'll show you.

---

Some noon, sun high in the sky.

Gwajam, one of Kang Hajin's big-name hommas, was still sprawled across her bed.

'Wow. Hangover of the century.'

Last night she'd had an in-person meetup with a few Kang-stans. Among them had been Kang-Captain, whom she'd seen face to face for the first time at finals, and Kangha-D, and Soda's older sister Jerry — a friend of theirs.

They'd gathered to soothe each other over the whole Hajin exposé, but face to face they'd only gotten more rattled, and in the end they'd run it out to a third round and gotten home in the small hours.

—But like, what if that Hajin thing is actually true. What are you all gonna do?

At someone's question, nobody could answer, and they all just quietly refilled their glasses. Actually, Gwajam herself hadn't yet settled on any particular line for what to do either, so she'd just kept diligently sipping her somaek. It was only after the Kang-stans got a decent buzz going and they'd moved to a quiet, empty place that they slowly started putting their honest feelings out.

—Honestly, if Miro seriously doesn't respond to this? I think that'd hit harder than anything. There's tons of evidence and it's blown up — they've gotta put out a statement no matter what, right?

—I just want them to say something, true or not. It's so frustrating. Only an official confirmation from them is going to get the abuse on the community sites to let up even a little…. Log into any of the sites these days and it's all Hajin mockery and criticism and unfair-hate posts.

—The worst-case scenario in my head is that one day an alert pops up from the fan cafe and I go check it and it's Hajin going, 'I'm sorry. I'll take responsibility for everything and step down.' …ah, I'm already getting PTSD.

Ironic — a meetup they'd set up to blow off steam had, if anything, sent them home heavier-footed than before. Parting with the open-ended promise that next time they really had to be able to meet again with happy faces — that was Gwajam's last memory.

Recalling yesterday's intense meetup, Gwajam clutched her aching stomach and finally dragged herself out of bed.

"Now where did I put my phone…."

Gwajam picked up her phone, abandoned in a corner of the bed. Maybe she'd forgotten to plug it in last night — the phone was fully dead, powered off.

"Ugh, what am I gonna get for hangover food. Seriously dying. …huh? Wh-what."

Having plugged in the charger and, while the phone booted up, washed up quickly in the bathroom, Gwajam went to check her phone for a hangover-cure meal — and got the shock of her life.

Every kind of KakaoTalk message and notification was flooding the freshly-on phone in real time!

@ Captain unnie ah fuck ㅁㅊ swear to god all i can do rn is curse y'all seriously what even IS this [sobbing puppy emoticon] @ Kangha-D unnie rn fr real life is a no-go

What? Did something come out about Hajin?

For a second Gwajam had the illusion her heart had jolted to a stop. She wanted to check what it said quickly, and at the same time didn't want to see. She could feel the color draining from her phone-holding hand as it went cold.

'Please. Please, please, anything but confession-then-leaving. Seriously please.'

Honestly — given how detailed the exposé had been, with evidence and everything, and given that Miro hadn't dismissed it outright as baseless — Gwajam had figured it wasn't entirely fabricated. If, once she heard Hajin's side, there was at least some room for mitigating factors, she was even prepared to strap on some selective blindness and keep quietly stanning.

Praying it wasn't the worst-case scenario she'd been dreading, Gwajam scrolled the KakaoTalk window up quickly to find where the conversation started.

Scrolling way back, she landed on an article link that Soda's older sister Jerry had sent around 10 this morning.

source: E-Spatch flag: Exclusive headline: "The Victim, Reversed"… The Truth Behind the 'Kairos Kang Hajin' Character Exposé Case In July of 20XX, at Miro Entertainment, a new star was born to succeed Upia and Enderway. That star is Kairos, who debuted through Ntv's 'Miro Maze.' Seven boys, dreams in hand, wore smiles of joy. And among them, there was one boy who smiled the brightest as he thanked his fans. That was 'Kang Hajin,' who within a day of the finals broadcast had taken over every community online as 'that redhead' and debuted at 2nd place overall.

E-Spatch got in on this?

At an article from an outlet famous for its relentless, obsessive pursuit of celebrity gossip, Gwajam clicked the thumbnail as if under a spell. The article's opening screen carried, in a split panel, a photo of Hajin and the same messenger screenshot between Hajin and the poster that Gwajam had already seen in the exposé.

A screenshot of Hajin crying at the finals, and Hajin's debut speech that had brought everyone to tears, were briefly presented. Then, in the standard mood-flip move, the tired sentence But that joy did not last long. appeared once, followed by a summary of the exposé.

Gwajam skimmed past the facts she already knew and read on.

source: E-Spatch …Kang Hajin, during Miro Maze's broadcast, won huge popularity with many fans on the strength of his outstanding leadership and sociability. For him, this controversy has landed as a massive blow. Was he really KD Entertainment's 'tyrant'? E-Spatch launched an investigation to uncover Kang Hajin's 'real face.' In the process, we came across one unexpected fact. Attached to this article is messenger content with 'former KD Entertainment trainee, Mr. S.' > — Hajin? > — From what I know, if anything, > — I remember him being the one who got ostracized. That this 'exposé' has a 'flip side' unknown to us.

You get to run an exposé?

Well, so do I.

The so-called fight-fire-with-fire play.