Chapter 183

The post — composed of Kang Hajin's handwritten letter — opened like this.

First, I apologize that the first letter I am bringing to you is about a shameful chapter of my past.

Looking at Hajin's handwriting in the letter, Destis could easily tell how carefully he'd written it.

Kang Hajin's penmanship had already been shown on Miro Maze — he tended to use a loose, cursive-leaning hand. The follow-up disclaimer always trailed after it like an excuse: that he could write neatly if he tried, but usually he was too tired and too lazy so it came out sloppy.

But it felt to me that to the Destis who would have believed in me and waited right to the end, it was I — no one else — who had to speak directly about all of this, and that is what has me picking up a pen like this.

But the handwriting in the letter Kang Hajin had posted this time was more upright and more careful than ever.

The letter was clean enough that anyone could see at a glance he'd taken care with every single character. You didn't even have to read the transcribed text — the handwritten letter itself was clear enough to follow.

That was how Kang Hajin told his story — through his own handwriting.

…I will not deny that to some people, I was someone who caused hurt.

There were times I wanted to run behind the excuse of having been young and clumsy — but even so, I know very well that I have no right to wield that clumsiness and inadequacy like a blade.

To those friends, I think, I was a sharp-edged person.

I did not realize that someone was being cut down by my sharp edges.

I acknowledge and take to heart that because of this, I inflicted great hurt on someone, and made the friends I trained with feel intimidated and humiliated.

Calmly, Hajin acknowledged his flawed past and apologized. He did not, at any point, deny that he had been a perpetrator.

But no one reading the letter could throw a stone at Hajin.

Just because the earth is round doesn't mean we were born round from the start.

To begin with, every stone comes into the world with sharp corners. It's only that, rolling and rolling, they gradually turn smooth.

When I first learned that the exposé post had gone up, there was a great deal weighing on me. But in the end, what brought me to the resolve to 'tell you everything as it truly was' was you — the Destis.

For the sake of the Destis who root for me and believe in me, I felt I had to bring it all into the open and set the record straight, and fortunately, with the help of those around me, I've been able to share the details of what happened at that time more fully.

Through this letter, I want to give my thanks to everyone who readily stepped forward and offered their help.

Apology, reflection, and then gratitude.

Hajin's letter was clean enough you might call it stripped of any excess.

Long as the piece was, the Destis — who'd been reading straight through with rapt attention — realized, before they knew it, that the letter had reached its final page.

Destis.

I confess that my time at KD Ent was, for the me of back then, made up of days I could barely bear.

But I took that time as nourishment, worked to become a better person, and I grew.

Back then no one was by my side, but that this many Destis, this many kind members, this many good people are with me now — that fact makes me endlessly glad, endlessly happy.

I'm not lonely anymore. So please don't worry too much.

Please don't be sad. Please don't let it break your heart. If you do, I'll only feel worse.

"God, this is insane…."

Sitting at the desk in her room, reading Hajin's fan cafe post on her phone, Park Sangyul's older sister Park Sang-ah — feeling for reasons she couldn't quite name that tears were about to come — knotted her brow with everything she had. In front of her on the desk, the fake photocard with Hajin's very first signature stood on display, tucked into a holder.

Park Sang-ah yanked a tissue from the box beside her desk, dabbed hard and fast at her eyes, then refocused on the letter and kept reading.

My promise to become a Kang Hajin you can be proud of still stands.

I'll work to keep improving and growing from here on.

With one more thank-you to the Destis who believed in me and waited, I think I'll wrap this letter up here.

Some day, not too far off.

I'll come back to you as Kairos, with good news to bring.

Thank you for reading to the end.

From Kairos's Kang Hajin.

P.S. You are still Destis I am proud of. My parents, my Kairos members, and the company have all decided to join in on your wonderful actions along with me.

My thanks also go to the members and company staff who readily lent their support.

Alright — really, goodbye now.

And attached at the end of the letter was a donation record showing that, in the names of Desti and Kairos, five million won had been donated to a youth violence prevention foundation from each side — for a total of ten million won. Given they were still pre-debut and hadn't even received their earnings, it was a staggering sum.

"God, this is honestly the best. Gotta send this to Yoon Hyeji right now, insane, seriously insane."

Park Sang-ah saved her top bias Kang Hajin's letter to her phone page after page and sent it to a friend in her class whose top bias was Seo Taehyun and second bias was Kang Hajin. Along with the resolve that all those little sh*ts trashing Kairos were now finished.

'Come to think of it…. isn't there one in our class too? A kid getting quietly ostracized.'

Deep in a chat with Yoon Hyeji about Hajin and the kids in their class, Park Sang-ah suddenly thought of a classmate who barely spoke and had almost no presence. A kid who, after dropping out of the group she'd been with at the start of the semester, had missed the window to slot into any other group and had been on her own ever since.

"Hmm…."

Park Sang-ah thought about it for a moment.

She looked back and forth between the letter and donation record on her phone and Hajin's signed photocard on display across from her, sinking into thought.

She, too, wanted to be one of the Destis he's proud of that Hajin had spoken about.

'Should I ask her tomorrow if she wants to grab lunch or something together? Ah crap, but what if she says no? That'd be so embarrassing.'

Still, might as well ask! If she says no, well, nothing to be done!

With that resolve, Park Sang-ah headed back to bed feeling pleased with herself and lay down.

She'd originally sat down to study, but after reading Hajin's letter her fan feelings were so worked up she felt she at least had to rewatch some Miro Maze stages.

Searching iTube for a compilation of Hajin's legendary stages, Park Sang-ah smiled a comfortable smile for the first time in a while.

---

The evening of the day Kang Hajin's letter went up on the official fan cafe.

At Kairos's dorm, a belated induction party was in full swing.

"Can we not call it induction?"

"Why? It's the day we moved into the dorm — induction fits, doesn't it?"

"…the vibe's just kinda off."

Looking at the A4 sheet stuck to the living room wall, Kang Hajin felt goosebumps rising somewhere on him.

I mean — come on, a phrase like 〈Congrats Kairos Induction Ha—〉 is the kind of thing any Korean guy who's about to enlist, currently enlisted, or already discharged would flat-out panic at. Feels like showing up at basic training all over again.

"Guys, no matter how I look at it, 'induction' is not the word. Let's pick something else. Just make it debut — debut."

"We're still a ways off from actually debuting."

"Come on, we're gonna do it eventually."

"Then celebrate that when we get there."

"Tsk! You grandkid of a punk! You just keep sassing your old grandpa, huh?!"

"Ah, here comes grandpa again, seriously."

At Hajin flying into a rage at Seo Taehyun — who answered back to every single thing he said — Taehyun shook his head with the face of a man who had achieved enlightenment. It was only after they took down all the A4 sheets per Hajin's wishes and filled the back sides with different phrases in marker that Hajin, apparently satisfied, obediently sat down.

Yugeon, hauling food from the kitchen to the living room, muttered as he watched the whole thing.

"Looks like he's actually enjoying getting treated like a grandpa."

"What'd you say, you punk?"

"Oh my — sharp ears too, eh."

Lee Yugeon volleyed right back at Kang Hajin's shouting, unfazed. Then he set the tray in his hands down on the dining table and slipped straight back into the kitchen.

Grumbling that every one of these punks was treating him like a total pushover, Hajin muttered on — while Taehyun, sitting next to him, just quietly pressed a balloon and a hand pump into his hands.

"Grandpa, calm down and just blow more balloons. You've been grumbling for thirty minutes and you've only done three."

"Tch…. working an old man like this…."

"Yes, next old man in line, aged twenty."

With Taehyun casually shutting down his grumbling, Hajin had no choice but to work the hand pump diligently. The truth was, since this was a party that had been pushed back purely on his account and was only now getting held, Hajin had been doing whatever the members told him without complaint the whole time, however much noise he'd been making.

It was just — that phrase…. was too horrifying, so he'd rebelled for a moment.

In the end, Hajin dropped the grandpa cosplay and, obediently perched on the sofa, switched into balloon-inflating-machine mode.

"Hyung, hyung. If blowing balloons is too much, want me to do it?"

"Eunchan-hyung and I could totally do the decor…. we're really good at blowing balloons!"

"Yeah? You guys want to?"

As Hajin, still grumbling, picked up a balloon, Eunchan and Haru — who'd been running errands back and forth between kitchen and living room — came over with their eyes shining.

At their readily volunteering to handle the tedious decor themselves, Hajin was about to hand the balloons and hand pump straight over to the maknae. Just then, from the other side of the room, Taehyun — who'd been hanging the balloons Hajin had made on the wall — called out firmly.

"No! Don't give those to them."

"…? Why? The kids said they want to do it."

"No, no. Ju Eunchan, Dan Haru. You two just go to the kitchen and run errands for Siwoo-hyung."

"The kitchen's cramped, there's nothing to do!"

"We did the decor at the bonding party too!"

"Yeah, the kids say they want to do it — what's your problem?"

Even with Eunchan and Haru pushing back backed by Kang Hajin, Seo Taehyun resolutely shook his head.

Then, arms crossed, he tossed out one line:

"You guys don't remember breaking the curtain rod that time putting up balloons?"

"Ah."

Ah, that.

Vaguely remembering having been told about that, Hajin closed his mouth.

But Seo Taehyun's counter-strike wasn't over.

"You had a race over who could blow balloons faster, and Eunchan, you passed out from blood rushing to your head and oxygen deprivation. Gwonuk-hyung was seriously about to dial 119 that time."

"But… we've got the machine now!"

"Right, so I handed you the pump and this time you made it a contest of who could blow the biggest balloon, and Haru popped eight balloons. Thanks to that, I had to head back out and buy new ones."

"W-we won't this time! We'll just quietly blow the balloons…. please? Ah, Taehyunieee-hyunggg."

"You said you'd quietly blow balloons, so I left the two of you alone — and when I came back, you were kicking around the balloons you'd just blown up like a soccer ball, and the two of you crashed into each other and fell over."

By that point, Kang Hajin honestly couldn't tell which was scarier anymore — Seo Taehyun or the maknae.

Seo Taehyun beating them down with words was scary enough, but the maknae punks who'd generated that many episodes out of a single balloon were scarier still.

"I… I'll just blow the balloons. I'll do it hard. L-look at this. Grandpa ties a nice knot, right?"

Kang Hajin decided to just diligently blow balloons.

Firmly convinced this was the path to peace for everyone.

"This is the last one. Time to eat."

"Doha-hyung. Siwoo-hyung says to finish cleaning and come out."

"Yeah, just gonna clear this and I'll be there."

A little while later, along with the million balloons Kang Hajin had churned out like a machine (exaggeration), Kairos's first dorm induction… no, housewarming party got underway.

Just heating up the side dishes packed into the fridge had already produced a feast. Kang Hajin thought how truly lucky it was that Miro wasn't a company that went all-in on weight management.

"Doha-hyung! Get over here."

"Yeah, I'm done."

Once Lee Doha — who'd finished cleaning up the kitchen after all the hubbub of heating the food — joined them in the living room, at last, all seven members were together in one place. Hajin scanned the mood and quietly floated one to Jung Siwoo, seated at the head of the table.

"Hyung, how about you say a few words?"

"Me?"

"Yeah — you are our oldest, after all."

Privately figuring Jung Siwoo would probably end up as Kairos's leader, Hajin thought it'd make the best picture in every way if Siwoo cleanly handled the opening remarks.

But Jung Siwoo — dazzlingly handsome as ever today — seemed to have a slightly different idea.

"Alright. Then as the eldest, I'll toss it to you, Hajin. You say a few words."

"…huh? Me? Why me?"

"Want me to give you a reason? I could come up with about ten."

"No, that's fine. I'll do it."

Right — I'd forgotten for a second, but this one was a scary hyung too.

Guessing at the ten reasons he could practically hear without being told, Hajin — not bothering to hide a slightly unfamiliar, awkward feeling — opened his mouth.

"Um. So…. yeah. First off, I'm sorry to have thrown you into something this messy right before debut."

Even as he tapped his fingers on his thigh out of habit, Hajin got his real feelings across.

"Honestly, we haven't known each other all that long, and you all still said right away you'd trust me — thanks for that."

Letting the tension out of his shoulders, Hajin smiled brightly at the six pairs of warm eyes on him.

"Let's stick together a long time — Kairos, fighting!"

"Fighting—!!"

He'd probably go his whole life without seeing the round earth with his own two eyes, but on that round earth he had rolled and rolled — and had, at last, found his people.

Hajin had, quite suddenly, the thought that even after a very long time had passed, he hoped they'd still be smiling at each other like this.