Chapter 186

I skipped the runaround and went straight to the point.

"You submitted a song to our title-track blind test, right?"

"Kkgh, hff—"

"Oh, come on. Gross."

Lee Doha, who'd been steadily sipping the iced Americano from his tumbler to steady his nerves, spat the coffee right back out. I'd been expecting that reaction, so I calmly ripped a wad of tissues out of the box next to me and handed them over. Lee Doha awkwardly dabbed his mouth with them and looked back at me.

"…how'd you know?"

"Saw your laptop. Demo file was sitting right there on the desktop."

"Ah."

Only then did Lee Doha seem to remember that a few days ago he'd handed me his laptop password, and he made a dumb little noise.

See? Told you. How do you just hand out your password not knowing what I'll find in there.

But that wasn't my only clue, so I tapped my fingers on the armrest, rhythmically, at ease.

"And if it wasn't that, you wouldn't be holed up in a back room producing music in the busiest stretch of your life."

"……."

"You're a way more efficient person than I thought."

Back during Miro Maze, Lee Doha had shut down every other project except sketching or developing an idea when one struck. Focusing on arranging the mission tracks and prepping the performance was way more efficient.

For a guy like that to be practically bolted into the studio during a stretch where dancing day and night still wouldn't leave enough hours?

There had to be a reason.

Setting up that makeshift studio at the dorm during break was probably him working on the blind-test submission too.

Yeah, fine — I could live with that part. What are you gonna tell a good composer who wants to compose.

Problem was, Lee Doha's approach wasn't efficient at all.

Seo Taeil was already lined up as the overall producer on our debut album, and our company's A&R team had a solid reputation in the industry. Even Ji Suho had advised us to focus on the debut itself for now.

Which meant there was no reason for Lee Doha, on top of everything, to be splitting his sleep and pushing himself to squeeze into the debut-track selection round.

If anything, he should spend that time getting more sleep and drilling more dance.

I stopped for a moment to figure out how to word this so he'd get it without misreading me.

Guys like Seo-Ju-Dan you can just coax and pat down…. that stuff isn't going to land on Lee Doha.

Say I hit him with something like isn't this rough? you don't have to push this hard. Lee Doha would just come back with nope, it's not rough. And I'm not pushing.

A whole bunch of possible conversations ran through my head, like simulations.

Then, out of nowhere, what Lee Yugeon had said earlier came back to me.

—…he needs to be doing at least that much for his own peace of mind, so just leave him.

—People like you wouldn't get it, hyung.

—How much being a minus in a group makes you want to run away.

I had no idea what calm-before-the-storm Lee Yugeon had been thinking when he said that, but I knew — better than anyone — what it felt like to be the person running away from facing their own inadequacy.

Lee Doha was way more honest and hardworking than I was, so unlike me back then, he wasn't out here hiding in his own cave and pulling the covers over his eyes….

He's just trying, this way, to prove his role on the team.

Even without all this, nobody was about to deny Lee Doha was someone our team absolutely needed…. but yeah, he wouldn't be able to sit with it that easily. That chased feeling — I knew it better than anyone.

So, after all that deliberation, what came out of my mouth to Lee Doha was this:

"So, did it make it through?"

"Huh?"

"Ah, well. It made it through, obviously — that's why you're still working. So do the company people know? That your song got through?"

I asked in the deliberately casual, teasing voice I'd put on, sitting backward on the chair with the headrest tucked under my arm. Sure enough, Lee Doha's face gave him away as he shook his head.

"N-no. I submitted under a nickname."

"Oh, nickname. What is it? Can I ask?"

"…Deon."

"Ah, Deon. …huh? Deon?"

I felt like I'd heard that somewhere. Wasn't the laptop password he'd told me also Deon-something? Now that I thought about it, in Lee Doha's past timeline he'd gone by Deon as his rap name too.

Callback game strong.

For a moment I found it kind of interesting — whatever's going to happen finds a way to happen, apparently.

Of course, the past-timeline 'Deon' was a solo rapper who'd hated making music alone and eventually sold off all his gear, while this-timeline 'Deon' was just Kairos member Lee Doha's nickname — so there were, obviously, plenty of differences.

I hooked my arm over the backrest and rested my chin on my hand.

"But what's it mean? Deon. Like, DEMON minus the M, that sort of thing?"

"Kk-hff, khk—"

"Aigo, whoops. Did not see that one coming."

I hadn't meant anything by the question, but Lee Doha choked so hard his neck went bright red as he coughed his lungs out. Watching him, two impulses collided wildly inside me — should probably back off on this one and I have to find out what this is no matter what and roast him with it.

Lee Doha's dark past…? This is rare currency.

Such a waste. If I'd known this kid for just one more year, I'd already have license to tease — Deon? Hi-Deon? Working hard-Deon? What's Deon mean-Deon?

The ink on the contract stamp had barely dried and I'd have already been fist-pumping over the find. But at this stage, with us still a little formal with each other, it was hard to just casually rib him.

In the end, I sealed away the mischief bubbling up in my chest, pulled out my social self, and worked hard to keep an endlessly gentle, warm poker face on.

"Ahem, um. Anyway. So, is there anything I can help you with? Like a guide vocal or something?"

"…guide vocal?"

Apparently the offer I'd worked up the nerve to make had some pull — Lee Doha's eyes darted back and forth. His gaze landed on the neat rows of tracks stacked on his monitor. He stared for a long time at the empty gaps between them, silent, then — against my expectation — shook his head again.

"No. Then you'd know which song is mine."

"That's even better. I can just belt it out for you."

I knew what he meant, but I deliberately played dumb and shrugged as I shot back. It was meant as a little probe, so I waited slowly for his reaction.

And, once again, Lee Doha shook his head.

"No, then there's no point."

"……."

"If you guys don't genuinely pick my song on its own, there's no point."

"…yeah. Got it."

Lee Doha's conviction was clear, and the certainty he was after was clear.

Like Lee Yugeon had said, I sensed this was a moment to let Lee Doha do what he was trying to do — and I stood up.

Lee Doha, apparently thinking I was miffed that he'd turned down my offer, wore a lost expression as he awkwardly stood up too. And I picked up my bag without bothering to correct that misunderstanding.

"Going?"

"Yeah. Said what I came to say."

"Ah…. okay."

"And I'm taking you with me. Home."

"…me?"

"Yeah. Pack up. Now."

I leaned against the studio wall and jerked my head. Lee Doha, once again unable to find anything to say back, could only work his lips. Then, mustering up a lone attempt at rebellion, he came out with….

"Why me?"

…seriously.

Aigo, our bear's broken.

"Blind test's day after tomorrow, so the final version's already in, right? Looking at it now, tracks are packed tight — nothing left to tweak. You're just anxious so you're here poking at anything you can. To calm yourself down."

"No, um—"

"You know how two days out from a big exam it stops being about studying and starts being about mind control and managing your condition, right? Listen to the same track again, and again, and again. Tweak again, tweak again, tweak again. Do that and your ears lose objectivity — you miss the things that actually need fixing, and you fix stuff that didn't need touching. You heard about our debut schedule getting brutally tight or didn't you? At the very least, you gotta sleep at home and eat properly, or how are you gonna sing or dance or throw a party. Am I wrong? Am I."

Get a taste of the fact-bombs you usually throw.

I deliberately gave him no gap to respond, hammered him rapid-fire, and apparently overloaded his brain — Lee Doha creaked to a stop like a broken robot and shut his mouth.

I firmly folded my arms, put on the scariest face I could manage, and jerked my chin.

"Pack up. Going home."

"…yeah."

32 minutes and 57 seconds since the hunt began.

I had successfully captured target 'Lee Doha (bear) in the studio.'

Bear-hunt mission Clear.

---

When Lee Doha and I got back to the dorm, the one waiting for us was Jung Siwoo, sitting in the living room.

"You're back?"

"Where are the others?"

"All worn out and asleep. We've gotta head out at dawn again tomorrow."

"Hyung, why aren't you sleeping…."

"Ah. Figured I'd wait up for you two, and monitor some practice footage while I was at it."

Only then did Jung Siwoo's tablet, sitting on the living-room table, catch my eye. Felt kind of bad — like I'd kept an innocent bystander up.

"Also, I've got something I want to talk to you about, Hajin."

"Me?"

Ah. So this was how Lee Doha had felt earlier, cowering under my grilling.

Feeling walking-in-someone-else's-shoes hit me firsthand, I obediently sat down next to Jung Siwoo. Meanwhile Lee Doha gave Jung Siwoo a quick greeting and headed into the bathroom to wash up first. Now the only two left in the living room were me and Jung Siwoo.

"What is it?"

"So — Yugeon and Taehyun."

"Ah."

Oh, that.

The tension I'd been holding in my back and lower spine went slack the second I heard the topic, and I flopped straight into the plush couch. Jung Siwoo apparently found that funny, snickered to himself, and leaned back comfortably against the other armrest.

"Looked like they got into it a bit. At the wrap dinner after finals."

"…at the wrap dinner?"

"Yeah. I didn't have time to hear the whole thing, honestly…. but anyway, I think it'll be fine if we just leave it alone."

"Yeah?"

Those two glaring daggers at each other like children — and it'll be fine to leave alone?

The logic didn't track at all, but somehow, coming from Jung Siwoo, it felt believable — what a strange feeling. Was it the face? Sure, that face could tell you red beans were being stir-fried into malatang instead of soybean paste and I'd probably still believe it….

Picking up on my confusion, Jung Siwoo shrugged with an easy smile.

"It's basically a married-couple squabble."

"Huh?"

"I don't think either of them actually hates or resents the other. Both feel a little guilty, and a little hurt. They want to make up but it keeps not clicking, so they're getting more frustrated on top of it."

"Wow, just hearing about it, that's childish."

"They're kids."

Jung Siwoo, smiling as if he found his cute little dongsaengs endearing, got up from the couch.

"So for a while, let's just leave it. Taehyun and Yugeon — they're both just trying to do better."

"Well…. I don't know what the story is, but if you say so, hyung, then that's the way it is."

"Whoa. That kind of trust from you? Thanks."

Jung Siwoo, giving a small stretch, patted my shoulder. Then he glanced toward the bathroom — Lee Doha still hadn't come out — and asked:

"How was Doha?"

"Same deal over there — I think we've just gotta leave him be. Brought him home for today at least so he'd actually sleep."

"Yeah. Let's just help him pace himself where we can without pushing too hard. Doha's the kind who can't stop once he's really locked in."

They'd been the closest since their special-class days, apparently — sure enough, Jung Siwoo seemed to already have Lee Doha down cold.

Genuinely amazing, this guy. He wasn't scary to me anymore — he'd tipped over into full-on awe. Sincerely.

"Alright, I'm heading in first. Get a good night, Hajin."

"Yeah. Rest up, hyung."

"Mm, sleep well."

Padding another vote onto my growing certainty of Jung Siwoo as Kairos leader, I saw him off to his room. Across from the room Jung Siwoo and Seo Taehyun shared was the biggest room, where the maknae and Lee Yugeon would be asleep.

"…yeah. If they're gonna fight, better they do it now."

Still, next chance I got, I figured I'd feed them both something sweet and smooth things over — and with that thought I turned the living-room light off.

"Ah, whatever. It'll work out."

What could possibly go wrong?

---

And two days later.

Kairos debut track blind test — on site.

"So, the debut song is Song A."

"C's a real shame too…. A's just too dominant."

"Who's the composer on C? Should we at least reach out?"

"Ah, C's composer is…."

I was going to end up regretting having jammed that flag into the ground with my own hands.

"Song C's composer is…. ah, someone called Deon. Never heard of him before."

Lee Doha's song had been eliminated in the blind test.