Chapter 59

'I was too locked in on avoiding the original.'

Hajin, head pounding from the tangle of thoughts, pressed hard at his temples. So focused on building a new song out of the original's raw materials, he'd let the meaning and identity of the original wash out entirely.

'So what do we go with? No — in the few hours we've got, where do we even start, and how do we change what?'

He could feel the eyes of his teammates, all fixed on him with worry-heavy faces. Hajin felt more and more thoroughly screwed.

He'd pushed and led this arrangement and concept from start to finish. The stage had bombed, so the responsibility was going to land squarely on him. Nobody was saying it out loud, but by now, they all had to be resenting him.

'I can already picture the wrecked comments….'

- omg Hajin-ah… - Kang Hajin was shaky from the first mission - his problem is that stubbornness even on Team B he was pulling that shit solo - what did the other kids do wrong lolololol Kang Hajin karma beam, they're taking it with him, Hajin why can't you just say it was your idea > the other kids all agreed and went with it what;; > Kang stan? Kang Hajin pushed the jazz thing right? lolol who's supposed to push back on that > pushed no no jammed it in > the other four have no self? lol if they had complaints they'd have spoken up

On top of that, Seo Taehyun was on this team. Seo Taehyun — the one with core fans dedicated enough to push #MyCherry_SeoTaehyun_LetsDebut into the real-time trends, praying for his safe and happy debut.

'Botch this kid's stage and that fandom's going to grab me by the collar first.'

He's known for delivering on stage, so if the result was bad, it was going to boomerang back onto Hajin as his karma, no question. But the fact remained that right now, Hajin had no fresh trick up his sleeve for turning this around.

This was the karma of the last few days — things had flowed so smoothly he'd let his guard down and cruised into the midpoint check on 'it'll work out somehow'!

'Kept my focus on that Han Seongwoo bastard and got sloppy.'

But if his plans were going to hold, this stage absolutely had to land. And on top of that, he couldn't let one mistake of his drag the other guys down with him.

Hajin raised his head toward the teammates watching him with a mess of complicated emotions.

Before anything else, there was something he had to say to them.

"…First off, I'm sorry."

"Huh? Ah, no, no. Hyung, why are you—"

"You trusted me and let me run with it, and this is the result. You're all exhausted and worn out, and now we have to redo practice. I'm sorry. This is on me."

"……!"

At Hajin's apology, Haru, sitting next to him and reading the hyungs' mood, looked a little surprised. From what he'd seen of Hajin so far, he'd expected him to lead with feedback and a plan for salvaging the botched midpoint check.

'Didn't think he'd apologize.'

For some reason, it set him thinking.

'And I didn't say a single thing the whole time.'

From the initial meeting up to now, Haru hadn't offered one opinion on this stage. Hadn't seriously wrestled with the concept, hadn't spoken up about the arrangement. He'd just gone along with what Hajin decided.

'Doesn't that make it partly my responsibility too?'

Once that thought hit him, Hajin being the only one apologizing started to feel wildly unfair.

"…I'm sorry too."

"Huh? Uh, H-Haru, what are you sorry for?"

"When hyung was working hard putting out ideas, I didn't say anything. As a teammate, I should've been more active about throwing out other ideas."

"What are you talking about, Dan Haru. What do you have to apologize for."

"Then what are you apologizing for, hyung?"

Caught off guard, Hajin blinked. The whole thing was his responsibility and his mistake — obviously he had to apologize, and he'd been braced to swallow whatever resentment came his way. Getting apologies back instead left him without a comeback.

'Normally in a spot like this, aren't you supposed to be tearing me a new one?'

He'd been down this road plenty of times, playing bus driver on group projects.

Even the trainees at his old agency — whenever the outcome he'd pushed for didn't land, they'd always turn on him first.

—I've got ideas too. You think you're the only one?

—Talked so big, and this is the result. How are you going to fix it?

—I didn't like it from the start. You were so loud about it I couldn't get a word in.

'Fine, I'll drop it — you take over then' was a comeback he'd never been able to land.

—We're not practicing with you anymore, from now on.

Because he knew how pathetic a 'him' no one was looking for, no one needed, actually was.

"What. Haru, if you say it like that, it makes me look terrible. …Hyung, I'm sorry too. Honestly, I was resenting you a bit earlier, but thinking it over, I wasn't in any position to."

"Same here. On the last mission, I just took it for granted that we'd go with whatever hyung wanted. I'm sorry."

"Hey, stop. Enough. I really didn't say this to hear this kind of stuff."

Once Jaeyoung and Jayden bowed their heads too, Hajin was genuinely at a loss.

The hell is with these guys? Every one of them was more baffling than the last.

"Hyung."

"Seo Taehyun, don't."

"I'm the one who's most sorry."

When Taehyun took his hand last, voice going wistful on him, Hajin just squeezed his eyes shut.

'No, this is not the mood I was trying to make!'

But the weight on his chest wasn't as heavy as it had been a moment ago.

Through 'a companion's faith,' the Fixed Regressor's state stabilizes. The Fixed Regressor's trauma (isolation) does not trigger. 'Drift and Wander' mode reduced by 7%…. (loading)

A window similar to one he'd seen once, over at Eunchan's place, popped up again. And he felt the fog that had been sitting over his head lift a layer — his thoughts sharpening, his emotions settling.

'What…?'

Only then did Hajin realize he'd been tense. He must have been clenched up head to toe; his whole body prickled with pins and needles. Reflexively squeezing and releasing his fist, Hajin caught himself and let out a dry laugh.

'…Wait, was I actually rattled just now?'

Five lives in, and there was still stuff left to rattle him. With his head clear again, Hajin quickly took stock and clapped once to pull everyone's attention.

"Okay. Then let's chalk this one up as us all committing a capital offense together."

"Sounds good~."

"Yes!"

"And I'm only accepting repentance in the form of stage ideas. Doesn't have to be super concrete — just a rough thought is fine. This time, let's talk it through together."

Watching Hajin return to his usual self, Haru broke into a satisfied smile. Yeah — apologetic-and-gloomy really wasn't the hyung's look; this suited him better. Feeling suddenly better, Haru shot his hand up.

"I'd like to try something like a cappella. If we layer in harmonies, I feel like it'd be pretty."

"Okay, keep. Alright, keep throwing them out."

"Uh, then for me…."

That broke the seal, and the trainees started pulling out the ideas that had been drifting around in their heads. The two Feather-class guys — who'd been shrunk into themselves throughout practice after a run of crushingly low rankings — visibly brightened up too.

"I really do want us to have choreo. It's an idol survival, after all."

"Yeah, let's think about that too."

Unlike his usual self, Hajin didn't shoot any of them down or push back — he wrote every one down, turning it over and over in his head, hunting for the single best one.

And then Taehyun, who'd been watching the whole time, quietly raised his hand.

"Hyung, I…."

"Yeah, Taehyun, you too."

"I want to do it faithful to the original."

"Huh?"

The lead of Hajin's mechanical pencil snapped clean off. At the unexpected line, everyone turned to look at Taehyun. Wearing a firmly resolved expression, Taehyun laid his opinion out clearly for Hajin.

"I want to do the ballad, hyung."

---

"…Hyung, are you dead?"

"Kill me instead."

Eunchan, coming into the room after his shower, clutched his chest at the sight of Hajin on the bed. Hajin was lying crosswise, head hanging off the edge, sprawled out in an X. Face bright red from the blood rushing in, features flipped upside down — the stuff of nightmares.

"Why are you like that, exactly?"

"This gets blood to the brain."

"If circulation's the problem, exercise…."

Living together the past few days, Eunchan had figured out that this state of Hajin's was the hysterics that came out when there was a lot on his mind. Heading back to his own bed, Eunchan draped the towel he'd brought over Hajin's still-tipped-back face.

"Bwahk! Ugh, it's wet."

At Eunchan's modest protest, Hajin finally sat up on the bed. But even upright, the crease between his brows wouldn't smooth out. Watching that face — practically an ad announcing 'something happened' — Eunchan asked in a sigh, lightly patting on some toner.

"What, what happened?"

"Are you going to listen?"

"You're going to keep sitting there until I ask. What is it. Heard the midpoint check didn't go well."

Reluctantly, once Eunchan sat down on the bed across from him, Hajin unloaded what had been jamming up his head all this time.

"Seo Taehyun wants to do a ballad. Play up the original feel of 'To You I Declare.'"

"Ah…."

"But you know it too, right? He's not really a ballad type."

At that, Eunchan couldn't argue either — he nodded.

Taehyun's singing wasn't bad by any stretch, but it wasn't the level where he could bet the farm on vocals alone, the way Siwoo or Hajin could.

Taehyun's strengths as a trainee were natural stage presence, showy dance lines, and — through all of that — rock-steady live vocals.

'Sure, I'll go all-in even in a losing hand, but there are limits to gambling.'

Dancing prettily, singing sweetly. That was what Taehyun did best. Hajin couldn't wrap his head around why a kid with talent this unique would insist on singing a ballad.

"So what did hyung say?"

"That it can't happen. No matter how confident you are, how are you going to sing 'To You I Declare' faithful to the original?"

"Then no problem, right?"

At Eunchan's tone — like, what's the issue — Hajin gave him a bright smile.

'I wouldn't be losing sleep over it if there wasn't a red light!'

Comrade 'Seo Taehyun's current state is… 'severely depressed.'

Ever since the meeting, that red light hadn't left his sight. Eyes closed, red light; eyes open, red light.

'And "severely depressed," no less.'

Wait — why is Mr. Bright-and-Bubbly Cherry Boy suddenly betting his life on a ballad?!

Hajin had sworn with his own mouth that Taehyun would debut even if he went off and thrashed his way through heavy metal — but this was different. Unless the whole team achieved vocal enlightenment overnight, there was no path to winning this!

'Hold on. Can't I do that, though — vocal enlightenment?'

Recalling the skill 'What's So Me About Me?' — which had paid off nicely last time — Hajin snuck a glance at the System.

But it wasn't a cheap skill; the cash cost was high, and the penalties were steep. He didn't feel like sinking that kind of investment into one Seo Taehyun wish-fulfillment!

Hajin sighed and flopped back onto the bed.

"But is it really that surprising?"

"Huh?"

"Taehyun-hyung was always saying he wants to shed the Cherry Boy image."

Eunchan said it in a level voice. As if Taehyun's decision was no surprise at all.

"When hyung gave up Paran and Mood Night and picked 'To You I Declare,' I think that calculation must have been part of it. He blew up as Cherry Boy, but Cherry Boy Seo Taehyun didn't get to debut in the end."

"……"

"I don't really know, but… maybe he wants to show them? How much he's grown since then."

At Eunchan's words, this time it was Hajin who fell into thought. Come to think of it, one scene had been circling the top of his mind.

—Taehyun-ah.

—Yes.

—Do you remember what we talked about when you first came to Miro?

—…Yes.

—You didn't come here to do… this kind of thing. Right? Or am I wrong.

"Ha, so annoying."

"What, out of nowhere."

"Aaah! So annoyiiing!"

"Where are you going!"

Damn me and my meddliiiing!