Chapter 83
Chapter 83
Here, we have a girl.
'Ha. Fuck. K-pop is dead.'
Don't be shocked.
The oppa she'd wailed over as her thousand-year devotion — the one she'd poured her bank account and her heart into — had, in the name of finding HIS own thousand-year love, dropped a shotgun-pregnancy article and a marriage article at the exact same time. Compared to that, this was a very civilized reaction. (Two weeks before the fanclub anniversary, no less!)
'Who said don't go find it? Who said don't get married? I'm asking WHY NOW, right NOW! Now of all fucking times!'
It had been barely two months since another member's club-sighting pic had surfaced and nearly blown the fandom apart.
He's an adult, so what's the harm in hitting a club, you might ask?
'If you've got a track record of underage drinking-and-smoking pics coming out, you might at least have thought to cover your fucking face!!!!'
That clusterfuck where even the fans who'd been gritting their teeth through blood-oath defenses — 'Fine, yes, our kid was a bit of a delinquent, but it wasn't bullying so lay off the fabrications' — had finally thrown their hands up and left, that had been a mere few months ago!
Mass defections of big-name fans, cat-fights between individual-member fandoms, and pile-ons and mockery from outside had combined into a catastrophe that had shredded fan sentiment to pieces. And they'd only just barely papered over it with hype for the fanclub anniversary!!
'And now what, marriage? Mar-riage? A little shit who hasn't even done his military service, married? And on top of that, a shotgun pregnancy?!'
The girl thought.
Ah. Where should I have cut and run.
'When he invited his girlfriend to the concert and had her meet his parents? When he stubbornly kept wearing the watch she'd bought him through all his schedules? Should I have jumped ship at the fansign, when he was doing that half-assed brush-off, going 'ah, really' with those dead-fish eyes?'
Listing it out only made it more pathetic, goddamn it.
'Honestly, the fact that I hadn't quit already is fucking impressive of me.'
Anyway — this is the problem with getting in deep with idols.
To fangirl in peace, there's a certain amount of stuff you have to stay ignorant of, but you keep learning things you'd have been better off not knowing.
Even this marriage article — among the fans whose ult was that particular member, the whispers had been going around, one way or another. They'd just been squinting through fuzzy vision and running the cope-engine 24/7 to deny reality.
'I loved you, you fucker…. Jamsil Stadium, Arena show, taking home a daesang — every bit of that was only ever MY dream.'
With (nonexistent) tears (wrung out) welling in her eyes, the girl deleted the folder of her ult's photos saved in her phone gallery. Not wanting to run into so much as a ghost of him later, she scraped out everything left in the recycle bin too and wiped the whole thing clean.
'K-pop no longer exists for me.'
A few years into fangirling, they all started looking the same anyway.
Even when she'd picked this one, she'd committed to him thinking he was really, seriously going to be her last K-pop bias.
The oppa she'd stanned before this one had gotten caught doing drugs and gone to prison.
The oppa before that had been the type to print out and publicly display fan gift lists, so she'd quit.
'No — at this point am I the problem here, actually?'
At a certain point she couldn't tell whether it was specifically the oppas she picked that pulled this shit, or whether the whole Korean boy-idol scene was cursed.
Anyway, the girl thought.
This time I'll REALLY quit K-pop and start living my actual life.
This time it won't be oppa — I'll go save my GPA, which is on life support because I keep skipping class to run offlines…!
—Baby, you got a message♥
"Ah, fuck, JESUS!!"
At the chirpy voice of her (former) ult hitting her without warning, the girl chucked her phone across the room.
'…ah, right, I downloaded that off Bluebird a while back and set it as an alert.'
Someone had audio-ripped a clearly-fan-service line from an in-house content clip and posted it, and she'd been using it as her KakaoTalk notification tone.
Back when her fangirl blinders were still on, she'd been swooning like it was the real thing….
Now that she'd been hit with the shotgun-pregnancy TMI, the thought that he'd probably had his bride-to-be in mind while delivering that line took her disgust to a whole new level.
"Change it, change it."
Ripping through the notification tone, the ringtone, the ringback, and the wallpaper and swapping them all out in quick succession, the girl checked her KakaoTalk.
The sender was her one and only sister.
The person who'd inducted her into this shit K-pop life in the first place, a certified true-believer who'd fangirled so hard she'd gone and gotten a job at an entertainment agency.
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ hey〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ hey ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ i told u the rumors about them were bad〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ so when unnie talks to u LISTEN〉
〈want me to tell mom and dad the whole thing about how u lied about a work trip and went to run a regional event and scratched up dad's car〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ oh and〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ if u also want me to spill about u using mom's card to go to fansigns then feel free~〉
"Ugh, so annoying!"
She'd never liked her (former) ult even on a good day — and now she's doing this? Today of all days?
What made it more infuriating was that there was nothing much to argue back with. In the end the girl, welling up with tears (real this time), typed back.
〈you should've dragged me off him back then〉
〈what kind of unnie is fine watching her little sister spiral into ruin〉
〈not just failing to stop me but LAUGHING at me now???〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ i literally did try to stop uㅋㅋㅋㅋ〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ u didn't listenㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ큐ㅠㅠㅜㅜ〉
Her sister had teased her a good long while, then — right when the girl was actually starting to get her feelings hurt — dangled a carrot.
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ ok unnie's paying〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ order whatever you want〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ u haven't eaten dinner from the ragingㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ im heading home from work now〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ [photo]〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ figured u'd wanna crack open some booze so I graciously got soju too〉
"Ha…. Yun Jae-hee, she knows me too well."
Current time: 7 PM.
Just like her unnie had said, her appetite had gone straight to zero after the article dropped and she hadn't eaten anything, so hunger was starting to hit.
Score, gotta order something expensive. Her mood recovering fast, the girl fired back a reply.
〈if i order will u pay for it〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ my card is registered on your phone dumbass, use that〉
Damn, busted.
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ oh but〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ in exchange u gotta watch something with me〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ yeah actually this is perfect〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ start a new love here〉
Then, an iTube link—
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
…no, wait, several came in at once.
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ it airs for the first time tonight at 9〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ if u watch it with me〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ i'll spring for dessert too〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ if u vote too then next time〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ u go out i'll lend u one of my bags〉
The hell?
The girl checked the videos her sister had sent.
"Ah, this must be that thing. The Miro survival."
So these were the ones her timeline mutuals — the ones who'd quit after the recent scandal — had been vaguing about on their priv accounts.
She remembered the odd clip and gif drifting through her locked-timeline every so often. The new faces who'd apparently hijacked what little was left of the already-shriveled fandom….
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ he's on this one〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ the one i told u about〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ monolid angel〉
〈oh for real??〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ yeh so plz vote for him immediately〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ [link]〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ u remember I voted when ur kids were on music shows right?〉
〈MY kids my ass〉
〈he's got his own damn kid on the way ㅅㅂ...〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ〉
'Take a look?'
At the words 'monolid angel,' the girl casually let her from-a-few-minutes-ago quit-K-pop resolution evaporate.
It wasn't like she was going to pick up a new kid — she was just curious about this monolid angel her sister had been going on about for months.
〈ok i'll watch first〉
〈for snack how bout chicken feet the spicy kind〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ order whatever u want yea〉
〈ㅎ thanks unnie...〉
〈If Not For You I'd Be An Only Child ‖ she only calls me unnie at times like this holy shit〉
Mood significantly improved by the prospect of spicy chicken feet chased with soju, the girl promoted her sister's contact name to 〈Unnie♡〉. Of course, she'd downgrade it again the next time she got offended, but for now it was full one-and-only-my-unnie-is-the-best mode.
"Hmm. Alright, let's take a look."
Ah, but she hadn't asked what the monolid angel's name was.
The girl hesitated for a moment but decided she'd just ask when the food came, and lay down on the couch.
Then, with a very light heart, she clicked the pre-release link her sister had sent.
handle: @soda_lll name: Soda kpop is forever lee doha kang hajin fucking debut ㅅㅂ handle: @tlqkfrytn name: prof pls stop with the assignments ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋhey u too? me too^^ handle: @malang2 name: Squishy Bear ah unnieㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ handle: @saerokk name: Saerok is this worth watchingg all my mutuals are talking about it lately handle: @malang2 name: Squishy Bear it airs today for the first time! the pd is this person kwon myeongeun does a lot of idol reality and music shows no hit-piece editing, good at building characters so i'm expecting good things ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ try a taste ㄱㄱㄱㄱ handle: @saerokk name: Saerok ohh if the first broadcast is today then gotta check it outㅋㅋ
'Insane, I ended up watching all of it….'
The girl clapped a hand over her mouth after firing off a mention on her priv account, unable to hold back.
She'd only watched a bit of the pre-release, and by the time she came to she'd binged through every related video and followed the Miro Maze official account. Just now she'd been about to open a whole second account dedicated to Miro Maze before she'd caught herself and barely settled for a mention on her priv instead.
'Get a grip, Yun Se-eun. However much love is a bolt from the blue, this isn't just a bolt — this is a full-blown lightning strike.'
But her hand was already naturally clicking on another related video on iTube. She'd even fetched the tablet she'd shoved deep into her bag — the better to watch on a bigger screen — and had it charging while she watched.
"No but seriously, the first broadcast hasn't even aired and where's all this content coming from!"
That was a happy scream.
Releasing a video of the pre-broadcast monthly evaluation? Are they insane? (Meaning: good.)
And uncut, front-facing, single-take fullcam at that? (Meaning: I'm dying and I love it.)
Not even overlaid with music, so every last footstep comes through? (Meaning: I could cry with gratitude.)
On the tablet — much bigger and clearer than on mobile — five tall, good-looking guys were tearing through a group dance in perfect sync.
Knight, tearer of the night; the one who longed for a new morning, above the streets
Since it was the raw on-site audio, the sound quality wasn't great, but if anything, that was better.
The (when did this happen!) booming vocal power of her kids came through more viscerally.
'This must be the monolid angel, 100 percent. Yun Jae-hee — you and your unbending type.'
Roll left, roll right, the trainee her sister was into looked pretty good even to her. If the girl's heart weren't wired to respond only to rappers, she might've slotted him in as her one-pick.
'Ha, please, please be close with our Doha, please…. From what I've been reading there's a sighting story with him and Seo Taehyun too.'
Watching contentedly through Lee Doha's rap parts — Lee Doha, who in the space of just thirty minutes had gone from 'trainee who can rap a bit' to 'our Doha' — the girl silently, desperately prayed. In case there was any content out there she hadn't caught, she went to SNS and searched both names.
"Oh, there's something."
The girl tapped the mention at the top of the popular tab.
handle: @rossy_1017 name: Rossy Day got curious about who the ending guy in teaser 1 was so i went digging roughly checked height, back shape, hair color that kind of thing matched it up with what showed in the pre-release and teaser 2 from the back and height rough check kang hajin lee doha lee yugeon are the leading candidates handle: @rossy_1017 name: Rossy Day but first, yugeon-ie in teaser 2 his hair is bleached platinum (in the performance video it was red guess he bleached again in the meantime... hair health daijoubu?) in the ending shot the hair color is dark yugeon-ssi eliminated handle: @rossy_1017 name: Rossy Day so it's either doha or hajin-ie my reason for going hajin-ie is first, doha personality-wise doesn't seem like he'd roll into the next episode with that much swagger (been watching doha since his underground days, no coming at me pls) and the voice on the closing line has some hajin-ie in it handle: @rossy_1017 name: Rossy Day [pre-release "let's win this, A-team kids" line video] [teaser 1 "we've gotta go up, they're telling us to reach the sun" line video] watch these and the tone and voice have that hajin-ie quality yeah and here, when the lighting barely catches him…"Ah, that's completely Hajin. Doha was wearing a jersey or something."
Reading through the thread carefully, deep in the zone, the girl started thinking aloud. To back up her theory, she cranked the teaser videos she'd already watched five times over down to 0.25x speed. Screencaps of Doha and Hajin — visible in tiny corners or just glimpsed in passing — piled up.
"Damn, my gallery is a mess."
Barely an hour after she'd wiped every trace of her (former) oppa from her phone gallery, a new folder appeared.
To back up the fresh evidence she'd found, the girl ended up opening a new public account just for Miro Maze after all.
And she quote-tweeted the thread with the caps she'd found.
handle: @dohajin_luv name: Harang [photo] this is definitely hajin-ie look, doha is wearing a jersey here but hajin-ie isn't the ending guy's outfit matches hajin-ieWatching contentedly as the retweets and hearts stacked up fast on her fresh mention, Se-eun could no longer deny it.
"Love is a bolt from the blue…."
So THESE were the new saviors lined up to wreck this life of hers.
…it was summer. Even if right now it was only early May. Anyway. That was how it was.