7

I spent the rest of my summer vacation living as a depressed recluse.

Elena seemed so busy with work that I refrained from inviting her anywhere. She was uploading new videos and posting new tweets regularly, and she probably also had her voice acting job to contend with. To avoid bothering her, I also kept the texting to a minimum, only contacting her in the evening and exchanging a few messages before going to bed.

Nevertheless, she was still the person I texted with the most. Ai was replying much more slowly than usual, and even when he did send something, he sounded kind of cold. As for Kokoro, she only briefly contacted me about the moving company her mother had hired to get the remainder of her stuff from my house. I’d told her they could come whenever worked best for them, since I was at home pretty much all the time anyway.

A couple of days after they’d left, movers came and took all of Kokoro’s things from Kisaki’s room, making my roommate’s departure feel even more final. After that, we stopped texting each other.

My time at home was mostly spent playing games and browsing the internet. I loved doing both of those things, but somehow they felt shallow and meaningless.

Was living by myself always this lonely? Days feel so empty when I’m all by myself. At this rate, I’m going to get depressed...

I should have been used to living alone, since I’d been doing just that up until I met Kokoro. But I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to get back to a life like that. Cooking felt pointless, since I would be the only one eating anyway, so I bought premade meals from the convenience store and ate those instead. In theory, I could have eaten cup noodles and other instant foods, but my mom had told me not to rely on that kind of unhealthy stuff, so I kept to her advice, at the very least.

The same couldn’t be said for the rest of the instructions she’d given me before leaving Japan. I was only cleaning and doing laundry as much as was strictly necessary. I’d promised her that I’d take care of all the housework by myself, but I was definitely failing in that regard. If she saw me as I was now, I was pretty sure that she would have me follow the rest of the family to India.

I wonder how Nishina’s been doing... She’ll be going on that date with Yuya pretty soon. Are they together yet?

＊　＊　＊

　It was one of the last nights of summer vacation. I was lying on my bed, playing on my phone as usual. After finishing my dailies, I decided to check Twitter, but when I opened my notifications, I was surprised to see who’d just followed me. It was Yume’s private account—the one she’d previously blocked me on. Since you couldn’t follow or be followed by an account you’d blocked, that could only mean one thing: she’d unblocked me.

But why? Why now?

Curious, I checked her timeline.

“I went to the Sangrio Café with a friend from work ♪♫~ Never been there with anyone before! It was so much fun!”

That was her latest tweet. The attached picture showed the café’s cutesy interior and a dessert in the shape of an adorable animal character. This must be the first time she’s mentioned a friend on her timeline... Did she make friends with a colleague?

I started scrolling through her past tweets, seeing for the first time all the things she’d written after blocking me. Maybe what she told me in person wasn’t how she really felt. Maybe she wrote loads of bad stuff about me here instead.

I was scared of what I might find, but my curiosity won over, and I scrolled to the tweets she’d made on the day she’d blocked me.

“I just said the most painful goodbye of my life. It’ll take a while until I’m back on my feet...”

She... was talking about me, wasn’t she? She probably blocked me so that I couldn’t see what she wrote about me...

Ignoring the sudden pain in my chest, I continued reading her tweets one by one. She mostly talked about her hobbies, her favorite characters, games, voice actresses, and the like, but the occasional “too sad to go to work,” or “it’s like there’s no point living anymore,” hit me pretty hard. Was she feeling that sad because of me?

I was starting to get uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stop reading now. Her next tweet came after a day of silence.

“I was feeling down these past few days, but today, a girl from work noticed Yumeko and asked me about her. It was the first time we’ve talked, but we even exchanged LINE contacts! I owe it all to Yumeko!”

Yumeko? That’s the little keychain bunny I helped her find when we first met, isn’t it?

“It kinda reminds me of the person who saved her that time I almost lost her...”

She ended her tweet with an emoji of a face smiling and crying at the same time.

That person... That must be me.

In a reply to the first tweet, she continued: “That person changed my life. I realized the real world could be just as enjoyable as my hobbies. I’d wanted to quit my part-time job, but now I can have fun there too. I have to stay strong!”

Changing Yume’s life had never been my intention, but I was happy to learn that she’d thought so highly of me.

From that tweet onward, the tone of her posts became much brighter. She talked a lot about her friends, uploaded pictures with them, and even chatted with them in the replies.

“I’m going to the Dove Dive! concert with a follower! I can’t wait! ♪”

She seemed to be enjoying herself, and not even in a forced “look how happy I am” way. Sad tweets had become rarer and rarer, and she didn’t mention me at all in any of her recent ones.

Seeing how Yume had overcome such dark thoughts and feelings filled me with happiness. As the one who’d hurt her the most, maybe I had no right to feel happy, but I couldn’t help it. The same girl who used to complain about how sad her life was now seemed to be having lots of fun. Yume had put in the effort to change her life, and it had paid off. But if I truly had been the one to help her achieve such joy and optimism... that made me even happier.

＊　＊　＊

　Summer vacation was soon over, and I was right back at school again. It was time for PE, so while we were moving from the classroom to the gym, I attempted to strike up a conversation with Ai for the first time in forever.

“Why didn’t you reply to my texts?” I asked. “I wanted to invite you over to play some games.”

He turned to look at me, puffing out his cheeks. “Oh, I thought it’d be rude to bother you. I figured you were too busy spending time with your girlfriend!”

“Aw, come on, Ai. Do you really need to be all jealous?”

“I’m not jealous!”

Coming back to school after so long was way more fun than summer vacation. I’d forgotten just how enjoyable talking to another human being could be. Everything was back to normal, and life was how it had always been before I’d met Kokoro. The time I’d spent with her now felt distant, like some kind of dream.

That same day, after the opening ceremony and a few more classes, I walked out into the hallway, ready to leave and go home, when I happened to run into Kokoro. She noticed me as well, and she seemed surprised. We hadn’t seen each other since she’d moved out a week or so before then. It was hard to believe that we used to see each other every single day.

There were two girls beside her—the same two girls that had seen us at the amusement park.

“Hey, that’s Kokoro’s, uh... friend!” one of them commented when she saw me.

Friend? So she actually told her friends that I’m not her boyfriend.

“Sorry about the other day,” the girl then said.

“Huh? Oh, it’s okay...”

The apology took me by surprise. I wondered whether I’d judged them too harshly. Maybe they weren’t such bad people after all, even if they were still kind of annoying.

“I’ve gotta have a word with him. Leave without me, ’kay?” Kokoro told them.

“You sure? I mean, okay then, see you tomorrow!” The two girls said goodbye to Kokoro, who remained in the hallway with me.

She has to talk to me? About what?

“Sorry. I hope I’m not bothering you,” she said.

“No, don’t worry.”

“Do you have, like, Minami waiting for you?”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that.”

Elena had her own friends at school, so even though we were dating, I’d never suggested we leave school together.

“Oh, I see...”

“Should we go somewhere to talk?”

“No, here’s fine. It won’t take long.”

Whenever Kokoro and I had talked at school in the past, we’d always done so where nobody could hear us. Looking around, I saw a few other students either leaving or standing around chatting. If she’s fine talking here, then it can’t be anything otaku-related...

“I just wanted to say thank you. Like, thanks to you, I can now be an otaku around my family. It’s so liberating, y’know? And I’m grateful.”

That’s cool and all, but people are going to hear you! I thought, quickly checking whether anyone was looking at us.

“Oh, don’t worry,” she said. “I don’t mind if people hear me. I kinda decided that I won’t hide it at school anymore either.”

“What?”

“You know how you told my mom that being an otaku is nothing to be ashamed of? It changed her view a bit... and it changed mine as well. You were right. There’s no shame in it. Some of my classmates watch anime and play gacha games, and they don’t even hide it, so why should I? I was scared about letting people know just how much I like this stuff, but I really don’t care anymore. Of course, I’m not gonna rave about BL and raunchy doujinshi in the classroom or anything like that, but if I keep it to, like, totally safe-for-work stuff... talking about it won’t be a problem. And it probably never was to begin with.”

“Nishina...”

I’d never really thought about it before, but she was right. Even the popular guys and girls talked about anime and games. And, though she understood that discussing lewd manga was a different story altogether, she’d finally stopped hiding her hobbies not only at home, but at school too.

“I’m proud of you. So... did you already tell your friends?”

“Yeah. They didn’t make fun of me or anything. They all were like, ‘So what?’ I feel kinda dumb for hiding it for so long, especially since it made me feel so bad and all. I actually even found out that some of my friends play the same games I do, and I was able to chat about that kind of thing openly at school for the first time... It was awesome. Seriously.”

“Oh, nice. I’m happy for you,” I said, and I genuinely meant it. Now she could be herself in front of her family and friends.

“It’s all thanks to you.”

“Huh?”

“If you hadn’t spoken to my mom like that, I would never have realized all this for myself.”

Nothing I could have said reflected the way her words made me feel. Being told something like that was such a wonderful feeling that I almost felt undeserving of it. All I’d done was tell her mother what I really thought—nothing more. But if my actions had meant more to Kokoro, I could only be happy about it.

“I’m truly glad we met. Thank you for everything,” she said with a melancholy smile.

Yet, somehow, Kokoro’s words made me feel not only happiness, but also loneliness. In a way, it sounded like she was putting an end to all that had happened between us. I don’t know why, but this feels like a goodbye. Perhaps that’s what she really wanted to tell me.

I was staring at her, speechless, but she ignored me and continued.

“That’s that then. Bye, Ichigaya,” she said.

This is it... This is our last goodbye.

All the memories I had of our time together began to flash through my mind. I was the one who had changed. I was the one who was glad we’d met. And it was me who was grateful for Kokoro’s advice and support. Without it, meeting girls would have been out of the question.

But her help had gone further than that. Kokoro had been the source of my motivation. She had been there to root for me, to think of ways to help me, and, sometimes, to tell me off when I was doing something wrong. Most of all, when I was down or hurt or unconfident, she had always been there to save me.

“N-Nishina!” I called after her as she was walking away. She turned around, and I couldn’t help but notice the pain on her face. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be the person I am now either. Thank you!”

She didn’t reply, but she smiled. I stood there, watching as she continued walking away. Even after she’d disappeared from my sight, I couldn’t bring myself to move.

This is really it... Goodbye.

＊　＊　＊

　That evening, I tucked into some reheated food from the grocery store while on the phone to Elena.

“That Circle Fit Expedition video you uploaded was hilarious! I had no idea you were so athletic. You got so much further into the game than I expected!”

Circle Fit Expedition was a video game that had recently become popular among VTubers. Instead of a normal controller, you played it with a strange circular hoop which you had to bend and stretch in different ways, resulting in a veritable workout while playing.

Elena, of course, was just as involved in the trend and had uploaded an Emily Saionji video just yesterday. Despite her delicate, slim figure and her elegant demeanor, Emily Saionji had a lot of stamina and a surprising amount of strength—so much so that VTuber fans couldn’t stop talking about it.

“Hehe, I have to stretch and take dance lessons as a voice actress, so I think that helped,” Elena replied.

“Voice actresses need to take dance lessons? Whoa. The dancing in the video where Emily sings was amazing too. You’re telling me that you did it yourself?”

“Of course. It would be meaningless otherwise.”

She can really do anything...

Elena and I mostly communicated by text, but around once a week we would have a phone call like this. Thankfully, she always spared me a lot of awkwardness by texting me first to ask if it was okay, which is exactly what she’d done prior to our current phone call.

The only issue was that we hadn’t seen each other, not even once, since our date to the movies during summer vacation. Considering how busy she seemed, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to invite her out.

At school, Elena and I were in different years, so we basically never ran into each other unless we tried to do so. I also still didn’t know whether she was okay with her many friends knowing that she had a boyfriend, so I thought that it was best not to cause a scene.

I still hadn’t talked to her about what had happened with Kokoro—how we had basically been forced to go on a date together, how we had held hands in the haunted house, and how we had (almost) spent a night sleeping in the same room. I knew it would have been better to tell her, but I couldn’t find the courage, and I felt more anxious about it every time we spoke.

“You know,” Elena said, “it’s almost like nothing’s changed since before we were dating.”

“Wh-What do you mean?!”

Really? It doesn’t feel that way to me. We’re chatting a lot, we’re talking to each other on the phone, we’re going on dates...

“I didn’t mean that in a negative way! I’m sorry! I just meant that I’m glad to still be able to talk with you about Emily’s videos.”

“O-Oh.”

That’s good to hear...

To be honest, I had no idea what a couple was supposed to look like. Since I’d never had a girlfriend before Elena, I didn’t know if I was even acting like a proper boyfriend. Now that she mentions it, I’ve been sending her my thoughts about her videos since way before we started dating.

“By the way,” she said, “I was wondering when we could go on another date...”

“Ah, r-right,” I replied, feeling kind of defeated. I’d waited so long to ask her out on another date that she’d asked me first. “What about next Sunday?” I suggested.

“That would work perfectly!”

Next Sunday... That’s the day Nishina will go on her first date with Yuya. Not that that has anything to do with this, but where was it she said they’d be going? Right, the Lemon Slayer collab café, and to karaoke after that...

“Ichigaya? Is something the matter?”

“N-Not at all! I... I was just thinking about where we should go! Do you have anything in mind?”

“Hmm, let’s see... We could go to Dinkyland...”

“R-Really?!”

Dinkyland was an amusement park—no, the amusement park. Without any doubt, it was the most famous in all of Japan.

“I... well...” she said, stumbling for words. “I’ve always wanted to go on a date there. Would that be a problem?”

“N-Not at all! Let’s do it! Dinkyland it is!” I replied, taken aback by her cuteness.

We spoke for a little longer, then decided we would meet at the station closest to the park right before it opened.

“See you there then!” I said.

“I’m looking forward to it!”

“Me too!” I hung up the phone.

With our phone call over, I lay down on the couch, thinking about my upcoming date.

An amusement park date... just like with Nishina. Ugh! Why am I thinking of that right after talking to my girlfriend?! I’m the worst. This is a totally different place anyway. You can’t compare that tiny local amusement park to the world-famous Dinkyland. And Nishina’s mom was with us the whole time, so it didn’t count as a date.

I should just forget all about it. I’ll make new memories with Minami. Nishina will do the same with Yuya. We’re on separate paths now... And Nishina’s already walking off down hers.