9

　All around me were couples and groups of friends walking around together, enjoying the park. Elena and I were supposed to look like that too... but I’d made her go back home by herself. I wondered if she was crying right now, and the thought almost made me cry as well.

It was already past six, and, since there was no point in staying there any longer, I headed home. On the train, I thought back on everything that had just happened. There’s only one thing I can do right now—tell Nishina about my feelings.

Elena had been so kind as to wish me happiness with Kokoro. Unfortunately, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. She liked Yuya, and they had probably already become boyfriend and girlfriend by now. Even if they hadn’t, it was only a matter of time. All I ought to do was give them my blessing. Nothing more.

What’s confessing to Nishina going to do? She’ll just reject me, and it’ll be a huge nuisance for her. I get that... but I still need to do it. If only to honor Minami’s kindness. Even if I can’t reach my goal, I have to at least try.

I took out my phone and messaged Kokoro.

“Hey. How did your date go? Actually, there’s something I want to talk about in person... Can we meet somewhere? At school or anywhere is fine.”

Her date probably isn’t even over yet. She has better things to do than read my texts... Or so I thought. The message was immediately marked as read. What’s more, her answer followed soon after.

“Yeah. Actually, I wanted to talk too. As long as it’s after school, I can find time.”

She wants to talk to me too? I felt a strange chill. At a time like this, there really was only one thing that Kokoro could want to talk to me about: her relationship with Yuya. Although she could be direct sometimes, she also had a way of being overly polite, and I could imagine that she felt the need to thank me for my help after finding the boyfriend she’d dreamed of. She didn’t give me any more details over LINE, so, whatever she wanted to tell me, she wanted to do so in person too.

Despite being thrown off by her unexpected answer, I managed to arrange a meeting with her: the next day, right after class. I’d find her in front of her classroom, then we’d take our conversation somewhere more appropriate.

Of course, I’d never in my life confessed my love to someone. I had no idea what an appropriate place looked like, nor did I know what the appropriate words were. I thought of how she would react when I told her that I liked her.

“You? Hah. I already like Yuya.”

Maybe I didn’t need to say anything complicated. “I know that you already like him. I just wanted you to know how I feel, even though it isn’t going to lead anywhere.”

But was that really all I wanted? Could I be satisfied with just telling her?

Of course not.

The truth was that I didn’t want her to date Yuya. Of course, I couldn’t tell her that... not after helping her out for so long. I wanted to be the one to make Kokoro happy. I wanted to spend more time with her... but not as a roommate—as a boyfriend. I’ve lied to myself long enough. I’ll tell her how I really feel, and I’ll accept her answer, whatever it may be...

As if to make me aware of my own stupidity, my mind wandered to the three chances I’d so willingly wasted: Yume, Mashiro, and Elena. These three cute girls, none of whom I was worthy of in the slightest, had somehow all ended up liking me. After sixteen years without a shred of luck in dealing with the opposite sex, it was completely inexplicable.

It still feels like a dream... Maybe it was some cosmic mistake. Whatever it was, it surely won’t repeat itself. Soon, I’ll be back to the old days, when no girl would so much as look at me. Why did I throw all of that luck away just so I could confess to a girl who’s going to reject me? I’m going to regret this, I’m pretty sure. If I’d just accepted their feelings, I could have been happy with any of them.

Even knowing full well that I was potentially heading toward the most lonely of all possible futures, I had already made my decision. I wouldn’t lie to myself anymore.

＊　＊　＊

The next day, I waited for Kokoro outside her classroom.

“Ah...”

Once homeroom was over, I saw her walk out, uncharacteristically alone. She saw me and, after taking a quick glance at my face, she averted her gaze.

“So... where should we go? I don’t really wanna talk out here in the hallway. Could we go someplace more private?” she asked.

Since I also didn’t want anyone to overhear what I had to say, I appreciated the suggestion.

“Okay, what about the roof then?” I replied, guessing there would be nobody there.

She agreed, and we made our way silently up the steps. Students weren’t technically allowed on the rooftop, but conveniently, that rule was never enforced and the door was never locked.

I knew what I needed to say, and I’d rehearsed the words over and over again in my mind, but now that Kokoro was right in front of me, saying nothing and running away seemed like the more reasonable option. Confessing my love knowing all the while that she would reject it was beyond terrifying.

This’ll just make things even more awkward between us. She was already avoiding me, but she could stop speaking to me altogether after this...

Over the past few months, multiple girls had confessed their feelings to me. Without any doubt, they’d been incredibly brave to do so... but I’d thrown their efforts to the wind every time.

“So,” Kokoro said once we were alone, “about that thing I wanted to tell you—”

“Actually, can I go first?”

“Huh?” She looked at me, surprised. “Um, okay...”

My mind was already made up; I had to tell Kokoro how I felt before she told me that she’d become Yuya’s girlfriend. Doing so afterwards would take more courage than I had, and leaving without having made my confession was out of the question.

My hands were shaking. I took a deep breath. If I didn’t speak now, I would regret it for the rest of my life. “I know you’re probably officially dating Yuya by now. And I know that what I’m going to say will sound awkward, or maybe even inappropriate, but I... I like you, Nishina. I love you. Even if you have a boyfriend now, I can’t hide my feelings anymore.”

“Wh... What...?” Kokoro looked at me, shocked, and tried to say something, but before she could do so, I continued talking.

“I was rooting for you and Yuya, but now I’m going to say something selfish. I want you to break up with him. I want to be with you, and I can’t think of being with anyone else... I want to be your boyfriend. I get it now. You were the perfect otaku girlfriend I was looking for all along. And I want to date you—for real this time.”

My speech had gone nothing like how I’d planned. I was stuttering, and I couldn’t even look Kokoro in the face as I spoke. As far as love confessions go, mine had been pathetic, but I’d said all I had to. I’d needed to relay all of my feelings to her.

She was so different from what I’d considered my type of girl to be. Nothing like my dream girl. Sure, she was an otaku, she shared some of my hobbies, and she was cute, but that was pretty much it. Kokoro was a fujoshi. She was way too forward, she didn’t show much respect for other people, and she often said way too much. She had a flashy, gaudy style that totally contrasted the innocent-looking, understated girls I was into.

And yet, despite all this, I had no doubt about it—she was the perfect otaku girlfriend for me. I couldn’t even think of loving someone else as much as I loved her.

Kokoro stared at me, her eyes wide open. My confession must have taken her by surprise. “Wait, what are you saying? What about Minami?!” she asked.

“I broke up with her.”

“What?!”

That piece of news seemed to shock her even further. She dropped her gaze and fell silent.

I’m sure this whole confession is a huge nuisance for her... She doesn’t even know how to reply, I thought, wanting more than ever to just run away, but I couldn’t let my confession go to waste. I had to wait for her answer.

“Actually... I’m not dating Yuya.”

“I knew—wait. Huh?!” Did I jump to conclusions too fast?!

“When we went on that date a few days ago, he... well, he didn’t exactly confess to me, but he told me that he’d like for us to keep seeing each other. And, I mean, I was down for it. He’s my type, and he was a really nice guy when I talked to him. And also... you already had Minami.”

The last reason left me confused. Does that mean that if I hadn’t been dating Minami, Nishina wouldn’t have been down for dating Yuya?

“I regretted taking so long to realize my own feelings,” she said. “And I was totally shocked when I heard that you’d become her boyfriend... That’s when I realized I liked you.”

She... liked me? I didn’t know what to say.

“At first, I told myself I had to give up. Minami’s my friend—I didn’t want to hurt her. And it’s not like I stood a chance against her anyway. So all I could do was wish you both the best and do my own thing. I thought that maybe dating Yuya will help me forget about you... but you kept being super kind to me and stuff. You stood up for me when my mom was all mad, and the things you said made me happy... How could I just forget about you?”

“N-Nishina...”

Am I dreaming? I can’t believe what I’m hearing...

“So, you know, even though I was the one who went up to him in the first place, I texted Yuya after our date to tell him I was, like, really sorry, but I just couldn’t see him anymore. When he asked me why, I told him that I was in love with someone else. I decided that, even if you’re dating Minami already, I needed to tell you how I feel. I wanted you to know I like you. Even though Minami is basically your dream girl, I wanted you to know that I would try as best I could to be just as perfect for you because I wanted to be by your side... as your girlfriend.”

She likes me? That was what she wanted to tell me today? I can tell she’s serious. She’s not making fun of me or anything like that, but this is unbelievable. This makes me so happy I can’t believe it...

I didn’t even notice falling, but I realized I was down on my knees. I must have looked so stupid... Could Kokoro really like someone like that?

“Y-You’re kidding, right?” I asked. “Are you really okay... dating someone like me? Instead of someone like Yuya?”

“How many times do I need to tell you?!” she replied with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know why I like you! I don’t know why thinking about you being happy with another girl makes me hurt so much, but... I now know that you were the perfect otaku boyfriend for me all along.”

Somehow, I was sure of one thing. No love confession in the world could ever top what Kokoro had just told me.

＊　＊　＊

Ding dong.

The familiar sound of my doorbell made my heart skip a beat. It was Sunday, precisely noon, as we’d arranged beforehand. I got up from the couch, where I’d been waiting, and rushed to the entrance.

“H-Hey...”

“Hi...” Kokoro replied. She was wearing the sundress she’d bought a few months ago, back when we’d gone shopping together for clothes an otaku date might like.

Is she wearing it because she knows I like it? She didn’t have to, but I definitely feel a little warm inside...

“It’s been like—what?—not even a month, right? This place feels so nostalgic though...” she said, leaving the entrance and taking a look around the house she’d been living in until a few weeks prior.

“You’re keeping it pretty clean, huh?” she asked.

“I am... lately.”

“So you let it get filthy?”

After losing my roommate, cleaning the house had felt utterly pointless, so I’d only done the bare minimum in terms of housework. I’d only hurriedly tidied the place up because I was expecting company.

In the living room, Kokoro sat on the couch, and, after serving her some tea, I sat down beside her.

“How come your parents let you come here?”

“Well, both Mom and Dad got really mad at me, but they’re happier now we’re dating for real. They told me off for lying to them, but they also apologized for trying to drag me overseas without really asking first. I told them you just let me stay here, without doing anything, you know, improper to me. They’re actually super grateful, and they like you a lot, despite all that. They told me I could come here today as long as I get back before dark and we wouldn’t do anything too, um... ‘intense,’ or something like that...”

Intense?! You can’t just say something like that as soon as we’re alone! Now I’ll be awkward for the rest of the day!

Even before she’d said that, I’d been feeling weird about being alone with Kokoro for the first time since we’d started dating. We’d shared this house for months before now, but this was nothing like our time living together. We were boyfriend and girlfriend now.

“I-I see...” I said. “Oh, by the way, that time when you told your mom the truth for the first time, did she go haywire at you? You never told me what happened after you left my room, so...”

I’d been meaning to ask her about that for a long time but had only just remembered when she mentioned her parents.

“She was seriously angry at first, but... By that point, I already knew I liked you for real, but I also thought you didn’t like me back. I told her, and she ended up hugging me,” Kokoro replied, sounding pretty embarrassed.

“Really?!”

“She’d figured it out on her own already though, so I figured there was no point lying.”

That all happened right after we went to Fantastia Land. Her mom must have heard Nishina telling her friends off when they were mocking me. That would explain how she figured it out. But that would mean Nishina already knew she liked me when we were on that fake date! I never would have guessed...

“But... Huh?” I muttered, unable to hide my surprise.

“I’m really sorry and all for telling her the truth after saying I’d use our cover-up story,” she continued, “but after she was so understanding about my hobbies, I just couldn’t keep lying to her, y’know? But, like, now I’ve told her you like me back, she doesn’t have to worry. Oh, and, um... I told Dad too. He says he wants to eat out with you sometime, and he kinda still wants to buy us an apartment when we graduate. But this time, he wants to go and check them out, and he wants you to go along, so he needs to know when you’re free.”

“Are you serious?! I can’t let him do that much for me, and I haven’t even told my own parents yet! I don’t think we can make a decision like that so lightly...”

“I know, but just seeing a couple can’t hurt, right? Maybe once we do that he’ll stop showing me floor plans every day.”

Once again, Kokoro’s parents seemed to lack any notion of common sense.

“And, actually,” she continued, looking at the floor and blushing slightly, “it’s not just them. I also wanna go back to living with you... but this time, not just as roommates. A-As a couple...”

Living together as a couple... Kokoro’s proposal reminded me that she really could be cute sometimes. At the same time, the thought of living with her as a couple after graduating high school was enough to make my face burn.

“Y-Yeah... me too.”

This time around, it would be a completely different experience. Just thinking about it made my heart begin to race and the corners of my lips curl upward.

“Oh, right,” I said, remembering to ask her something. “I know I’m showering you with questions, but there’s something else I wanted to ask. This is our first date, right? Are you sure you’re fine with us just staying here at home? You’ve been living here till recently, so this place must be anything but exciting for you...”

I’d previously asked Kokoro where she wanted to go for our first date, and she’d replied that she wanted to come to my place. Can we even call this a date?

“What are you talking about? It’s great! You know, as soon as I left I wanted to come right back again! And I brought a new game for the Snitch! Let’s play it! Pleeease!” Kokoro took the game out of her bag and waved it in front of my face.

“Which game...? Oh, that one?! I was thinking of buying it! Great!” I said, excited.

As she handed me the cartridge, her hand brushed my own. It was only the lightest touch, but my heartbeat began to drum in my ears.

“Ichigaya...” Kokoro said, her eyes looking right into mine. Her tone of voice had changed suddenly.

“What is it?”

“Games are fun and all, but we’re not just roomies anymore.”

“Wh-What do you mean?” I asked.

Kokoro moved closer, her face glowing a few shades redder as it stopped mere centimeters from my own.

“Don’t you get it? This is our first date,” she said.

“I...”

“We still haven’t done any couple stuff...”

I might have been dense, but I sure got the hint there. My ears began to burn like they were on fire.

I can’t leave all of the difficult stuff for her to say... So I told her what I wanted to tell her the most.

“Nishina... I’m happy that you’re my girlfriend.”

“I-I’m happy too... Let’s be together always,” she replied, smiling as her soft cheeks flushed even redder than before.

I took both of her hands in mine, and, as I realized what that meant, Kokoro closed her eyes.

And then, softly, I kissed her lips.