Chapter 7: Infiltrating the Demon Lord’s Castle

 

 

 

Chapter 7: Infiltrating the Demon Lord’s Castle

 

THE air was teeming with an ominous aura, the sun obscured by a sea of thick, dark clouds.

“I’m scared, Hatta.” Haigha clung to her brother’s clothes, drenched from head to toe in a nervous sweat. Even the monster cave wasn’t as disturbing as this.

“If you can survive her, you can survive anything. Trust me,” he whispered back.

We’ve yet to meet a monster scarier than Alice. Maybe he has a point, she thought.

Seb suddenly stopped the coach. “We’re here.”

They got out of the coach and were greeted by a giant castle perched atop a mountain.

“If we proceed by coach,” Seb said, “there’s a good chance we’ll get dragged down to the bottom of the swamp. I’d recommend going on foot from here on out.”

“Can’t we just, y’know, fly over?” Hatta asked.

“I believe we should try to be as discreet as possible,” Seb replied. “And flying right into the enemy’s hands sounds like the exact opposite of that.”

“What’re we waiting for, then?” Hatta responded. “Our bags aren’t going to pack themselves.”

Hatta and Haigha made sure to pack only the vital essentials to cut down on weight. Meanwhile, Alice just stood there, looking mighty conflicted.

“Is something the matter, my lady?”

“Which one should I take with me? The mushroom, onion, or potato monster?”

“How about we just split them into thirds?” Seb suggested.

“Hmm, actually, forget it. I’ll just take this instead,” Alice said, staring into the green jar Deedledum had given her.

He said the powder will knock out virtually any monster it interacts with, she recalled. It might only be good for one use, but what a use it is!

“We’re good to go, Alice.”

“Same here.”

Hatta and Haigha were already outside the coach, ready and raring to go.

“Seb, how long is it going to take us?”

“About thirty minutes or so. Assuming nothing gets in our way, of course.”

“Hatta, did you pack all of your silly little items?”

“I brought four of my latest homemade bombs with me. They’re loud as all hell, so we can use them for distraction purposes.”

“Haigha, are you prepared to set off the Boundary Stone when the time is right?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Perfect, off we go then,” Alice said, dismissing Haigha’s concerns. “Griffy, watch the coach.”

The monster screeched in acknowledgment.

And so, the party—which solely existed all because Princess Alice felt like smacking the Demon Lord out of incredible pettiness one day—set out.

“Watch your step, Alice. Wouldn’t wanna get your precious shoes all dirty…” Hatta’s voice trailed off as he noticed her heels were completely spotless. “How’d you do that?”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“Yeah, yeah. What kind of weird magic did you put on her shoes, Haigha?” Haigha shook her head, her own shoes covered in mud. “‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way,’ huh?” her brother muttered.

He thought about pointing out how no amount of willpower could overturn the laws of physics but, realizing it’d lead to absolutely nothing good, kept his mouth shut. Seb’s shoes were similarly spotless, but Hatta and Haigha both pretended not to notice.

“M-M-Mon—”

“Mon what?”

“Monster!”

“Monster?!”

Hatta followed the direction Alice pointed in and saw…a carrot monster stuck in the mud.

“It’s a carrot.”

“Carrot monster, you mean.”

“I knew I should’ve brought the potato with me.”

“Why?”

“To make curry, of course,” Alice declared, shifting her gaze to Onion Boy, perched atop Haigha’s shoulder. He began shivering.

“Think rationally, Hatta. Why haven’t we come across a single carrot throughout our entire journey? Because it only lurks around the Demon Lord’s castle. And why’s that, you may ask? Because it’s the Demon Lord’s direct vassal, of course.”

“Counterargument: the Demon Lord’s direct vassal wouldn’t get helplessly stuck in the mud.”

“You win this time, buddy. Let’s go look for one that’s not stuck, for now.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be after the Demon Lord?” Haigha asked.

“I forgot!” cried Alice.

Alice was this close to changing their primary objective to finding a carrot monster for curry-making purposes, an objective that, by all means, was far less arduous than the one she’d initially planned.

“Let us make haste, my lady,” Seb interjected. “Wouldn’t want to get mud all over our clothes because of some stray monster, now would we?”

“God forbid.”

And so, after some walking, they successfully reached the castle entrance. It was guarded by multiple, tough-looking guards, so they hid inside a nearby bush to plan their next step accordingly.

“Do we bust our way in or what?” Hatta asked impatiently.

“For my master plan to work as intended, we have to keep a low profile,” Alice replied. “There’s no ‘busting through,’ in Hatta-friendly terms.”

“Got any better ideas, genius?”

“Behold,” Alice said, whipping out the green jar, “a powder that’ll put any high-level monster to sleep, courtesy of Deedledum.”

“Any high-level monster? I’ve gotta see this.”

They moved upwind and popped the jar open, flinging its contents airborne. All the guards were out cold within mere seconds.

“Works like a charm, ay Ali—” Hatta looked over to Alice and found her quietly dozing off. “Are you kidding me?!”

“How could I resist? Just seeing them sleep so comfortably makes me want to join them.”

“What’re you, a monster?”

“Rude!”

Silly Hatta! Demon Lord class monsters aren’t affected by the powder, so why would I be? Alice thought.

“Enough talk,” she said out loud. “Let’s move on.”

The four simply entered through the conveniently wide open front gate. Did the monsters just forget to close it? Or was this a display of arrogance? No one knew.

“Oh my,” Haigha exclaimed.

They were greeted by a luxurious entrance, with every inch polished to perfection. Not a speck of dust in sight.

“I thought it’d be a little more, y’know, edgy?” Hatta remarked. “Like cobwebs all over the place. Strange mushrooms, that sorta stuff.”

“Are you…hungry for mushrooms?” asked Alice.

“What? No!”

“Well, why didn’t you say so earlier? There’s one back in the coach.”

“Alice, listen to the words coming out of my goddamn mouth for once in your life, please.”

“I’m just messing with you. Don’t take it too hard, okay?”

He didn’t. In fact, Hatta seemed oddly into it, for whatever reason.

“Where to now, Seb?” Alice asked.

“Structurally,” the butler answered, “it doesn’t appear any different from your average castle, so we should be able to reach the throne room by going in a straight line. Although I wouldn’t recommend it due to the high risk involved. I believe executing your plan would be the ideal move here, my lady.”

“Let’s go find somewhere to plant bombs then,” Alice said.

And so, they haphazardly wandered around the castle.

❤❤❤

THEY were soon faced with red, blue, and yellow doors.

“Which way do you want to go?” Hatta asked.

“Let’s just go in order,” Seb recommended.

They entered the red door and found a seemingly normal room.

“Lookie here. Kettle, unfinished teacups…someone must’ve been having a tea party just now. Want me to plant a bomb here, Alice?” Hatta asked.

“Is that any way to say hello?” an unfamiliar voice answered.

“What the—” Hatta instinctively leaped back. “Show yourself, coward!”

“Look under the table, my dear boy.”

“A mouse? Sorry buddy, but I’m afraid I’ll have to put you down now,” Hatta said, chucking his boomerang, only for it to rebound inches away from the mouse. “Huh?”

“Now, now,” cooed the mouse, “enough with the vile barbarisms. Come, have a seat.”

“We may as well do as he says,” Alice remarked. “The exit’s gone anyway.”

Hatta and Haigha quickly darted their eyes across the room and noticed that the door was, just as Alice had said, missing.

“You have nowhere to go,” continued the mouse. “So come, please sit. How bad could it be?”

Realizing they were completely out of options, the four sat down at the table.

“This is my domain. Attacks of both physical and magical nature are rendered null here,” the mouse said as it ran up the table. “Here’s a question for all you fine folk. Do you plan on seeing the Demon Lord? If not, I’ll release you from my domain at once. If you are, we’ll have to sort things out a little differently.”

“What are you trying to say?” Alice asked.

“The door leading up to the Demon Lord’s throne room can only be opened by those His Highness has personally deemed worthy. Or those in possession of three select keys,” the mouse explained. “If you recall, there were a total of three distinct doors for you to choose from.”

“So basically,” Alice began, “if you want access to the Demon Lord’s throne room, you’ll have to collect all three keys from all three rooms, correct?”

“My, my! Aren’t you a bright one?” chirped the mouse. “That is correct.”

His calm reassured demeanor was more than enough for them to believe his words.

“You wouldn’t bother telling us all this if you intended to fight,” Hatta remarked. “So, what’s your game?”

“Funny you should ask, seeing as I have one set up for you. Win and the key is all yours,” the mouse said. “We’ll start by introducing ourselves. I’m the Dormouse; I spend most of my days sleeping.”

“Call me Alice or the cutest princess to ever grace this world. Either works.”

“Name’s Hatta; I run the best darn item shop around.”

“I’m Haigha, a magic user, more or less.”

“I go by Seb. I’m Lady Alice’s butler/bodyguard.”

“Here’s how this goes: whoever falls asleep first loses. Seems simple enough, right? Well, there’s a catch. Once you drift off into dreamland, you’re never coming back,” the Dormouse explained. “Unless someone brings you back, of course.”

Hatta and Haigha could feel saliva sticking to the back of their throat as they swallowed wearily. Who could blame them, really? You’d be a little nervous, too, if losing meant never waking up.

“Let the game begin!” Alice cried, passing out instantly.

“That was fast!” the Dormouse exclaimed.

“Oh, sorry,” said Alice, waking back up. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I’ve never seen anyone pass out that quickly,” the Dormouse said. “You truly are one of a kind, Alice.”

“I get that all the time,” she said proudly.

“You never cease to amaze, my lady,” Seb enthused.

The Dormouse let out a faint sigh as he listened to Seb sing Alice’s praises. “Seb, was it? Her parents must be quite overprotective to keep you around,” he said. “This is going to be a fast game. I can feel it already.”

“Is it? I had a big breakthrough just now, thanks to Lady Alice.”

“Big breakthrough, you say?”

“This room is specifically designed to induce sleep in humans. The humidity, the temperature, the calm music in the background, and the fragrant aroma of flowers all led me to believe this. At first, I thought that’s how he’s going to get us,” Seb said, all eyes on him. “But then Lady Alice passed out, yet the game continues. Meaning—”

“Meaning we can just take turns sleeping and win easily,” Hatta concluded.

“But then why would he make us play a game where the odds are in our favor?” Haigha asked.

“Because there’s a catch. Either he has some trick up his sleeve to make us all pass out at once, or he’s purposefully stalling for a different win condition,” Seb said, inspecting the inside of the kettle. “Empty, just as expected. By ‘different win condition,’ I meant, of course, us dying of hunger or thirst, whichever comes first. Things could’ve gone very poorly for us had I not noticed.”

“I take back what I just said,” said the Dormouse slyly. “That’s the first time anyone’s caught on this quickly. Congratulations.”

Although he might’ve looked like an ordinary mouse, his power level was easily that of a boss monster. Even if they still had Deedledum’s special powder on hand, they all knew it would have no effect whatsoever.

“Now all that’s left is to find the path to victory,” the Dormouse continued, “or else you might as well flush that brilliant insight right down the drain. Take your time; no reason to rush.”

“There’s plenty of reason to rush,” cried Alice. “Seb, think of something! Anything!”

“Give me a minute, my lady.” Seb crossed his arms, delving deep into thought.

“This might take a while. Hatta.”

“Yeah?”

“Humor me with your signature strip dance routine.”

“‘Signature’?! When have you ever seen me strip dancing?!”

Haigha looked at her brother with disgust, her eyes rejecting any possible number of excuses.

“Why do I have to humor you anyways?”

“Haigha can do it instead,” Alice replied. “I don’t mind.”

“Who, me? Oh, erm, sorry. I’m waaay too boring for that; yep!” Haigha felt like bailing, but there was nowhere to bail.

“Love magic sounds anything but boring, if you ask me. Haigha did say something about ‘returning the favor’ with her love magic back in the Mysterious Forest, if memory serves.”

“You said you’d erase all your memories!”

“Of you talking with squirrels, Haigha. You’re conveniently leaving out a crucial bit of context! Now show me this love magic and make it snappy.”

Why, why do you just happen to remember this one trivial exchange word for word?

By this point, Hatta and Haigha realized that if they didn’t think of something fast, their sanity was at a very real risk of collapsing, so they joined Seb.

“Typical. How about you; do you want to play?” Alice asked the Dormouse.

“Sure, but what?”

“Anything, who cares?” Alice said, lifting him up by the tail. “Actually, didn’t you say you spend most of your days sleeping? How are you still awake?”

“I can manipulate my sleeping tendencies at will. Sometimes, I’ll sleep for three days straight; other times, I’ll stay awake that long. Depends on my mood, really.”

“That’s quite the convenient body you have. Let’s see if we can find what makes it tick!”

Alice tried poking him, playing around with his cheeks, and yet…nothing. Or so they thought when Seb had a sudden stroke of genius.

“Let me try something, my lady.” He reached for the Dormouse, only for his hand to rebound mere inches away. “I see. How about now?” He reached for the Dormouse again. This time, his hand made contact. “Care for a game, my lady?”

“A game of what, exactly?”

“Catch.”

Hatta and Haigha—realizing Seb had finally conjured up a solution—preemptively moved to the corner of the room to avoid getting caught in the crossfire.

Seb positioned himself against a wall on the opposite side of the room and tossed the Dormouse to Alice.

The Dormouse began cackling and said, “You really didn’t think this through, did you, Seb? How is Alice going to throw me that far? I mean, just look at her!”

Hatta and Haigha started shaking in each other’s arms, painfully aware of what was coming next.

“Oh, just you wait and see!” Alice wound up and hurled him through the air with inhuman speed.

Seb gracefully moved out of the way as the Dormouse proceeded to smash against the wall. He slid all the way down to the floor beneath him, his limbs twitching erratically.

“I can see you’re still holding back, my lady,” Seb taunted as he scraped the Dormouse off the floor, tossing him back to Alice. “Give it all you’ve got!”

“Be careful what you wish for.” Alice wound up again.

“H-Have some mer—” The words died in his mouth as he was launched through the air, screaming on the inside.

Seb gracefully moved out of the way again as the Dormouse collided against the wall with an audible splatter, passing out instantly. The missing red door shifted back into place, his domain abolished.

“Seb, you have some serious explaining to do,” Alice said.

“If you recall, the Dormouse mentioned how attacking him was pointless. Indeed, Hatta’s boomerang throw demonstrated just that,” he explained. “This led me to believe that touching him was outright impossible. But you, my lady, proved otherwise. That’s when I knew I just had to try something.”

“That being?”

“At first, I tried grabbing him with the intention to squish him to death. As you saw, that attempt failed miserably. For my second attempt, I tried grabbing him with no particular intention, and it worked just fine,” Seb continued. “Essentially, what his domain really did was protect him from physical actions performed with harmful intent. Meaning you, my lady, harbored no ill will, even when you went all out.”

“Makes perfect sense,” Alice nodded.

This does not, in fact, make perfect sense, as it takes a truly ‘special’ person to knock someone unconscious without any harmful intent whatsoever, Hatta thought.

“On to the next room we go!”

“But before we do, my lady, you might be interested to see what I found lying next to the Dormouse,” Seb said, holding out a red key.

“Guess we really will need all three keys to access the throne room after all. Hatta, Haigha, I know you two are deeply in love with that corner, but I’d really appreciate some movement.”

“Wh-What about the Dormouse? We can’t just leave him like this.”

“Good thinking, Hatta. Let’s stuff him inside the teapot, just to be safe.”

That’s actually the exact opposite of what I had in mind! Hatta thought as Alice sealed the Dormouse away.

❤❤❤

AND so, having cleared the red door, they moved right on to the blue one.

“Two more keys left to go. Ughhhh,” Alice grumbled. “Actually, what if we just get my uncle to open the throne room door for us?”

“Your uncle’s a direct servant of the Demon Lord, brainiac,” Hatta snarked.

“We’ll just tell him Haigha is dying to talk about muscles, and that should cut it.”

“Yeah, no way!” Haigha cried.

Alice had no other option but to open the blue door with her brilliant idea falling flat on its face.

“A-Alice?! Woo-hoo! I knew you’d come to save me!” cheered the White Rabbit, hog-tied to the floor.

“Sorry, wrong door!”

“W-Wait, Ali—” His pleas fell on deaf ears as Alice ruthlessly shut the door behind her.

“On to the yellow door.”

“Alice!”

“What is it, Haigha?”

“Did you forget about…you know…?” Haigha glanced at her brother.

“What? Is there something on my face?” he asked.

“Fine. You owe me big time, Hatta,” Alice sniffed.

“Owe you for what?!”

The two girls were still fully convinced there was something between Hatta and the White Rabbit. Although—unlike Jean and the Demon Lord’s budding romance—there was little excitement to be found there.

“After you, hero.”

“Sure thing…” Hatta languidly opened the door.

“I knew you’d come back for me!”

They then noticed a large turtle next to the White Rabbit.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Alice,” the turtle said.

“How do you know my name? He told you, didn’t he?”

“I, the Mock Turtle, have lived for hundreds of winters. I know everything there is to know, including that you’re friends with the White Rabbit.”

While the “hundreds of winters” part was impressive in its own right, he clearly overplayed the “know everything” bit, Alice thought. If he did, he would’ve known we abandoned the White Rabbit back at the monster cave. Not very buddy-like, now, is it?

“Call me every name in the book for all I care,” the turtle continued. “I take pride in my cowardice. I’m on a constant lookout for information to hit the enemy right where it hurts—the heart. You thought you lost your precious friend in battle and yet here he is, waiting to be rescued. Devilish, isn’t it?”

Not really, no, thought everyone in the party. They hadn’t lost him in battle; they’d just forgotten he existed.

“Who did you hear this from?”

“Cheshire; the name might ring a few bells.”

Cheshire must’ve been watching from somewhere and told him a bunch of nonsense to spice up their future encounter, Alice realized.

“Swear allegiance to me, and then we’ll—”

“Split him in half? Sounds like a plan,” Alice declared.

“Exactly; we’ll split him in…half?”

“Roast. Stew. Either works.” Her eyes were dead serious.

“Wh-Why me?! I taste terrible!” the White Rabbit squealed, struggling for dear life. “Haigha, help!”

“Hang in there! Hatta’s going to rescue you in no time!”

“Hatta? Oh, who cares? Just help me already!”

Hatta, fed up with the curious looks coming from both Alice and Haigha, responded with a plain and simple “Nah.”

“Dammit! If it wasn’t for these ropes, I would’ve gotten away by now!”

The Mock Turtle, meanwhile, had now completely lost the plot.

“He’s confused. Now’s our chance, my lady,” Seb urged.

“I’ll only say this once. So listen carefully, Mock Turtle,” she said, “you can have our half of the White Rabbit if you hand over the key. How does that sound?”

“Your half?”

The Mock Turtle was completely dumbfounded. And why wouldn’t he be? He had no intention of eating the White Rabbit whatsoever.

“Or would you like to get turned into turtle soup instead?”

Suddenly, the pressure was on the Mock Turtle. If he didn’t act fast, tonight’s dinner menu would consist of slow-roasted rabbit and turtle soup. He saw that Seb had already begun preparations.

“I-It seems as though I’m forced to personally destroy all of you myself!”

The Mock Turtle attacked…or at least he tried to, for his move speed was laughably slow. Alice casually circled around and plopped down on top of him.

“Wh-What’s the meaning of this?!”

“Nuh-uh. Nothing like a sheep. Hard as a rock and slimy. Very slimy. Final verdict: ten points.”

“What?!”

While Alice and the Mock Turtle were busy playing, Seb slowly approached the White Rabbit with a lit-up stick in hand.

“D-Don’t come any closer! Don’t come…any…” he passed out, frothing at the mouth.

“Don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far?!” the Mock Turtle yelped.

Is this seriously the Demon Lord’s castle? Hatta and Haigha thought as they witnessed the carnage unfold right before their very eyes.

“Actually, I’m only feeling a little peckish. Leave the rabbit for later, Seb.”

“As you wish.”

And so, the White Rabbit would again live to see another day.

“Let’s take the key and move on to the next room ASAP.”

“Can’t you see he’s got a full tea set inside his cupboard, Hatta? You know what that means.”

They rustled through the Mock Turtle’s stuff, setting up a makeshift tea party.

“That’s it, now you’ve made me angry!” the Turtle huffed, not taking too kindly to this gesture.

“Oh no! Whatever shall we do?” mocked Alice.

“Let’s see you keep up that attitude after I unleash my true power for the first time in decades!” he said as he started to approach the party, spinning rapidly.

“Hatta, take care of him for me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hatta tried whipping the Mock Turtle, only for his shell to deflect the attack altogether. “Er, this might take a while.”

“Don’t—mess—fools—prefer—slow—agonizing—”

He spun so fast, his speech kept cutting off after every other word, rendering him nigh-incomprehensible. He supposedly meant to say, “Don’t even think about messing with me, you fools! Unless, of course, you’d prefer a slow and agonizing death!”

“Allow me to fill in the gaps,” declared Alice. “Ahem. ‘Don’t eat me! I taste horrible, and you might seriously mess up your stomachs, fools! Also, I personally prefer slow-roasted rabbit to an agonizing degree.’ ”

Naturally, she wasn’t even remotely close.

“He’s scared of getting turned into soup, so he’s begging us to have the White Rabbit for dinner instead. Am I getting that right, my lady?” Seb presented his rather disturbing interpretation.

How come they had time to be fooling around when the Mock Turtle was hot on their trail? Well, he was still slow as molasses. Eventually, he ground to a halt, his eyes spinning uncontrollably.

“Look, Alice. He dropped something,” Haigha said, picking the blue key off the ground as the Mock Turtle wept without a sound.

“Is he giving birth?” asked Alice.

“He could just be sick after spinning for so long. Either way, let’s leave him be.”

“I suppose it’s the least we could do, seeing as not only did we get the key, we also got to rest in the process.”

And so, they acquired the second key without any real resistance. What happened to the White Rabbit, you might ask? He got left behind…again. Which wasn’t a surprise by now.

❤❤❤

AND so, they moved on to the third and final door.

“Why do I have to put up with all this nonsense just to smack some sense into the Demon Lord?” Alice huffed.

Now you know how we feel. The words died inside Hatta’s throat.

“Complaining’s not going to get us anywhere, Alice.”

“You’re right, Haigha. In we go.”

Alice casually opened the door without any second thoughts. Inside, they came upon two flamingos, one of which flew over to greet them.

“And who might you be?”

“Alice.”

“If you want the key, you’ll have to play with us.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup, that’s it! It gets a little boring around here since we don’t get many human visitors, and even when we do, they never make it this far. The Demon Lord told us we could play around with our guests as much as we like.”

He most certainly hadn’t meant that literally. But they weren’t about to point that out.

“What’s the game?”

“We’d just like to quickly show off our shapeshifting abilities.”

“Made possible by a Poem of Jabberwocky?” Haigha asked.

“Not exactly. Observe.”

His fellow flamingo walked up beside Haigha and shapeshifted into her.

“You see, we’re able to shapeshift without the use of magic, and, better yet, we can copy memories too. Say hi for us.”

“I’m Haigha. Nice to meet you, Alice.” Ahgiah—the shapeshifted Haigha—said, perfectly mimicking Haigha’s tone and inflections. Ahgiah then grabbed her by the hand and started dancing in a circle. “Can you find the real one?”

They already did. For one, the real Haigha would never ask that question to begin with. Second, she had Onion Boy perched atop her shoulder, unlike Ahgiah.

“Not a clue.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“I’m afraid not.”

The three played dumb just to see what would happen.

“I guess that leaves us with no other choice but to move on to the questioning phase,” Alice said. “Got any, Hatta?”

“We’d need one heck of a banger to outsmart that memory copy ability.”

“What if we have them do their best bunny impressions? There’s no way the fake can top the real Haigha. Show us what you’ve got, you two.”

“A-Alice?” Haigha started fidgeting, but Hatta made sure she was going nowhere, locking her in place.

“I’ll be keeping my eye on you. Very suspicious,” Alice said. “What about you, other Haigha?”

“Watch me!” Ahgiah made bunny ears with her hands and started hopping around the room.

“Make it stop! Please make it stop!” Haigha’s cries fell on deaf ears.

“See? I’m the real Haigha.”

“I’m quite sure the real Haigha would vocalize every bounce.”

“Erm…bouncy, bouncy, bounce!”

“Please stop! I can’t take it anymore!” Haigha cried, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Hush, faker,” Alice ordered.

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?! You know full well I’m the real Haigha!”

“I’d need to see some love magic before making any serious accusations,” Alice smirked.

“Love magic isn’t real! It’s just something I made up!”

“Or so she claims. What about you, other Haigha?”

Suddenly all eyes were on Ahgiah.

“Love magic is real! Behold!” Ahgiah bent over ever so slightly, clasping her hands behind her back. “A smile to make your day a little brighter!” She broke into a great big smile, winking coyly.

Haigha’s eyes rolled back into her skull as she dropped to the floor unconscious.

“Seb, this is…beautiful.”

“It really is, isn’t it? I’d even go as far as to say that Haigha should seriously consider breaking into the idol industry. Her path to stardom is virtually guaranteed, seeing as a vast majority of idol fans are very much in line with the White Rabbit when it comes to certain…preferences, shall we say? To really nail down the bunny aesthetic, it might even be a good idea for her to pose as an alien from Lepus.”

“That could work! But I think Moon Envoy rolls off the tongue much better. Actually, what if we took the other Haigha and have them pass off as twins? Twice the idol means twice the profit, after all. You could even be their manager, Hatta.”

“It’s…tempting, but I don’t think my pride as an item shop owner would allow it.”

No one showed any concern for Haigha whatsoever. Not for lack of care, by any means; psychological wounds were simply out of their control.

“We did what you asked,” Alice said. “Now hand us the key.”

“One last time, okay?” The first flamingo walked up beside Hatta, shapeshifting into him. “Can you guess which one’s which?”

Again, it was laughably obvious.

“Oof, this one’s a toughie.”

“Indeed.”

Alice and Seb weren’t sure if anything would come of it. But they played dumb anyway.

“Why me? I’m as dull as they come. Right, Alice?”

“I’m sure there’s something I can dig up.” Alice sank deep into thought. “Actually, forget I said anything. You really are as dull as they come.”

“I’m afraid I’m forced to side with Lady Alice on this one, Hatta. As much as it pains me to say, you are utterly unremarkable.”

“So unremarkable, in fact, I don’t think anyone’d notice even if we took the wrong one.”

Their verbal onslaught had already left Hatta in tears.

“Now that I really think about it, there is maybe one question off the top of my head that only the real Hatta could answer.”

“I knew you’d come through for us, Seb. What’ve you got?”

“Fill in the blank: ‘I want to hold Alice down against her will and—’”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Hatta yelled over and over. What could’ve possibly set this man off so quickly?

“Get your hands off my ears, Hatta. I can’t hear anything,” Alice complained.

“Say one more word, and this whole place goes bye-bye!” he threatened, holding up a truckload of explosives, his eyes bloodshot. It almost felt…familiar, somehow.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but put those down.” Alice tried taking the explosives away from him, only for Hatta to slip away untouched. Attah, meanwhile, just blankly watched the whole thing unfold. “Seb, I really think you should ask him something else before he blows his fuse.”

“Very well. Haven’t seen it myself, but I hear you groveled before a shee—”

“Never mention the Humpty thing again,” Hatta pleaded, aggressively groveling before Seb’s feet. “I beg you.”

Alice and Seb fell silent as Attah just watched in utter disbelief.

“Was that amusing enough for you?” asked Alice.

“It was…certainly something, I’ll say that much,” the first flamingo said as the two of them shifted back into their original forms. “Here’s the key. Oh! And have you collected the other ones?”

“Sure enough.”

“Want to crash here for a bit? Your fellow party members aren’t looking too hot, we’ve noticed.”

Haigha was still unconscious, and Hatta was still down on his hands and knees.

“Don’t mind if we do.”

“Come, take a seat. There’s plenty of tea for everyone.”

They did just that while waiting for Hatta and Haigha’s psychological wounds to heal.

“How come you’re this cordial? Aren’t you supposed to be the Demon Lord’s servants?”

“Yeah, but we’re in it to have a fun time! A lot of us monsters are, actually.”

As is evident, Alice thought, by Cheshire’s usual antics. Even the Dodo just does his own thing most of the time.

“Just to be crystal clear,” Alice started, “we will find the Demon Lord inside his throne room, correct?”

“He was merrily walking toward the throne room with the princess by his side last time I checked. So yes, you should.”

Seemed like Jean was safe and sound after all.

“Are there any monsters inside?”

“Not to my knowledge, no. Although there are plenty outside the room. Despite, you know, the fact no human has ever gotten that far. They’re just looking to score brownie points so they can reach that coveted direct servant rank, really. Because direct servants get to just do their own thing.”

“How do we get to the throne room?” Alice asked.

“Go back to the entrance and head straight. Although I should warn you that eventually, you’ll come across this giant room, guarded by the Demon Lord’s right-hand man himself. You’ll have to defeat him to get through.”

“That’s about all I needed to hear, thanks. We’ll be going now.”

Hatta and Haigha had joined them at the table partway into the conversation. It seemed as though the two’s psychological resilience had gone up over their time with Alice.

“The bomb planting can wait,” Alice stated. “First, let’s go pay this supposed right-hand man a visit.”

“As you wish.”

And so, with all three keys in their possession, the four went back to the entrance.

❤❤❤

AFTER making it back to the entrance, they took some time to reassess the situation.

“We’ve got all three keys,” Alice said. “Now, all that’s left is to walk straight ahead till we run into the Demon Lord’s right-hand man. Once we’re done with him, a group of monsters will be waiting for us outside the throne room.”

“The explosions’ll lure them away from the entrance, problem solved,” Hatta said. “What does worry me is this right-hand man, although, judging by how all of our previous boss fights went, it’s probably not going to be as straightforward as I’d like.”

As Hatta accurately pointed out, they had not, in fact, had a single “normal” boss fight yet.

Please let there be no silly hijinks this time, Hatta thought, heaving a heavy sigh.

“Not to downplay the threat posed by this supposed right-hand man,” Seb chimed in, “but we’ll also need to proceed with extra caution. If we don’t quickly dispose of any monsters in our path, they’ll no doubt call in reinforcements, my lady.”

“That’s precisely why I’ve been ignoring him all this time.”

“Ignoring who, exactly?”

“Observe.” Alice walked over to a nearby wall and casually grabbed Cheshire out of the air.

“How’d you find me?! Do you have a sixth sense or something?!”

“I could feel your presence ever since we got here. I know you handed the White Rabbit over to the Mock Turtle and fed him a bunch of lies specifically so you could get a laugh over the ensuing chaos. Don’t even try to hide it. The only reason I’ve been ignoring you up until now is because I had a feeling you might come in handy later.”

How did a sheltered princess develop a sixth sense, you may ask? Nobody knew, not even her friends.

“If you choose to cooperate,” Alice continued, “I’ll let this one slide. If not, well, let’s just say you’ll regret that choice for the rest of your life.”

“Okay, okay, now quit glaring. Also, not a word of this to the Demon Lord, got it?” Cheshire waved his hand, enveloping them in a strange black smoke.

“It’s just like that time back in the Land of Cards,” Alice remarked.

“You’re good up to the halfway point. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Alice said threateningly. “We’ll need you to lift the veil.”

“I was hoping you’d forget.”

The five made their way forward. They eventually arrived at a huge door, running right past any and all monsters in their path. Cheshire looked around to see if the coast was clear, then he lifted the veil.

“You’ll need to get through him if you want to reach the throne room.”

“What do you mean you? You’re coming with us too.”

“W-Wait! You don’t know what you’re—!”

Alice ignored Cheshire’s protests, dragging him inside with them. Little did she know that there was a little surprise waiting for them.

“Is that what I think it is?”

That little surprise being a large, yawning dragon.

“He wakes up and activates his domain the moment a human sets foot inside.”

Hatta and Haigha frantically whipped their heads back, only to find that the door behind them had vanished.

“Is it anything like the Dormouse’s domain?” asked Alice.

“It’s nothing like that,” Cheshire said. “It is a lot like getting sucked inside one of my dimensions, though. What’s inside stays inside, but what’s outside can still come inside.”

“Good to know, although I can’t imagine it’s going to help much, seeing as we’re all stuck inside anyway. Now, how do we get rid of it?”

“You’ll have to either put the dragon to sleep or make it pass out.”

It appeared as though they’d actually have to fight for once. And what a fight they were in for, judging by how unusually hard Onion Boy was shivering.

“Guess we have no other option but to fight. Although, I must ask,” Alice started, “why so nervous, Cheshire? He’s not going to attack you. And, even if he does by some freak accident, you can just hop into a pocket dimension.”

“Let’s just say that living for thousands upon thousands of years did a number on his mind. He can’t distinguish between friend or foe, and he just so happens to be one of three anomalies dimension-hopping doesn’t work on, alongside you and the Demon Lord.”

“Rude. Anyway, think you can take him head on, Seb?”

“I highly doubt it.”

“What about you, Hatta?”

“I’m starting to get flashbacks to that time I almost got burnt to a crisp because of you.”

“Nostalgic, isn’t it?”

Their odds weren’t looking all that great, but, sadly, flight wasn’t an option. Seb unleashed his ice magic, and Hatta pelted him with daggers. Yet, they weren’t able to punch through his thick scales.

In retaliation, the dragon opened his mouth, breathing out a pillar of fire.

“Fire resistance now!”

“There!” Haigha came in at the clutch, allowing them to successfully weather the first hit.

And so, their fierce battle raged on.

“Where’d Alice go?”

Alice and Cheshire had suddenly vanished.

“Dragon scales sell for a pretty penny, you know,” the others heard her say to Cheshire.

“I’ll pass. Not gonna risk it.”

They were harvesting scales off the dragon’s back. Well, Alice was, anyway. The two were so light and posed so little of a threat, they didn’t even seem to register on his radar.

Truly the only thing fiercer than the dragon’s attacks was Alice’s desire to be up to no good.

“Do we just leave her up there or what?” Hatta asked.

“I’m sure Lady Alice can handle herself just fine. I’d be more worried about our position, quite frankly,” Seb responded dryly.

The dragon had unleashed his fiery breath upon them when suddenly, a certain someone wandered inside the room.

“Finally got away from that blasted Mock Turtle. Time to rest my weary bones.” It was none other than the White Rabbit himself. “H-Haigha?! Yippee!” he cheered with glee. “The thread of fate has brought us together yet again. What’s that? Look up? Well, if it isn’t Alice riding on a…d-d-dragon?!” He was out of there in a flash…or so he thought. “What the hell’s going on here, Hatta?!”

“We ain’t going nowhere ’til that dragon bites the dust!”

“Isn’t that great— Eep! Why me?”

The dragon now locked his sights on the White Rabbit, thinking he was food. Despite this unforeseen turn of events, Alice was still fully engaged in harvesting scales.

“Let’s take this opportunity to hatch a proper game plan, shall we?” Seb suggested to the siblings.

The three moved to the corner of the room and began mulling over their options.

“Any bright ideas, Master Hatta?”

“You know how you get sleepy on a full stomach? So, what if we burn the White Rabbit alive then chuck him inside the dragon’s mouth?” Hatta put out there for good measure.

Haigha gave him a disapproving look. At this point, you had to wonder if the truth behind their supposed ‘relationship’ was ever going to see the light of day.

“I don’t see how that would get him even remotely close to a full stomach. What about you, Lady Haigha?”

“Who, me? Well, erm, we could have the White Rabbit go down into his stomach and attack from the inside, I guess?”

“It could work as a last resort, but I’d imagine he’d get processed by the dragon’s stomach juices before inflicting any meaningful damage.”

Both of their ideas involved the White Rabbit getting eaten, for whatever reason.

“And what about you, Seb? Got any bright ideas?” Hatta asked.

“Two, actually. Although let’s just say, they’re a tad hit-or-miss.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? Lay it on us.”

“If you insist. My first plan is to age the dragon out of existence. Haigha, keep him occupied with your magic barrier. Hatta, rush over to the White Rabbit and tell him what to do.”

And so, the plan was set in motion.

“I-I can’t do this anymore.” The White Rabbit fell to the ground, unable to run any longer. “Goodbye, cruel world.” But just as the dragon was about to sink his fangs into the White Rabbit, Haigha put up her magic barrier. “H-Haigha?! Yippee! I knew our love would win in the end!”

“You done yet? We gotta act fast,” Hatta snapped.

“Act fast?”

“Haigha’ll keep the dragon busy for as long as she can while you age ’im out of existence.”

“That’s…genius!” he exclaimed. “Watch that thing turn to ash when I age him a full fifty years in one go!” The White Rabbit pushed the button down on his pocket watch. Yet, nothing happened. “Huh, that’s weird. How about a hundred years?” He pushed the button down again and again; nothing happened. “I don’t get it.”

“It just dawned on me,” Hatta said, “that dragons live for thousands upon thousands of years. A hundred or so isn’t going to cut it. We need to jump straight into the thousands if we want to put that thing out of commission.”

“It’ll take quite some time. Time I’m assuming we don’t have?”

“Yup.”

“Knew it—”

The dragon broke through Haigha’s barrier, knocking the pair away.

“What do we do now?” Haigha asked.

“Time for Plan B, I suppose,” Seb said.

The two of them were, of course, a safe distance away from the action.

“First, I’ll need you to heal the White Rabbit.”

“Say no more.”

Haigha cast a healing spell.

“I feel…alive,” the White Rabbit said, springing to his feet. “No, no, no! Not this again!”

The wild goose—or rather, rabbit—chase began once more. Having successfully diverted the dragon’s attention, Seb gestured Cheshire over.

“Yeah?”

“I recall you mentioning that we’d have to either put the dragon to sleep or make him pass out to abolish his domain. But what would happen if he was to abandon the room?”

“I’ve never seen him do that. But I think it’d get abolished. Domains are inextricably tied to the user. Well, at least I think that’s how they work.”

“That’s all I needed to hear.” Seb hopped onto the dragon’s back, bringing Alice back in his arms. “I believe I’ve found a way out of this mess.”

“Took you long enough.”

“We’ll just need a little bit of help from our good friend Cheshire.”

“Who, me?”

When Cheshire heard Seb’s plan, he almost lost it.

“Instead of trying to escape the room, we simply remove the dragon from it. That’s…so simple, yet so genius. I’ll do it! Just…don’t tell the Demon Lord, okay?”

Cheshire lifted his hands high up in the air, forming a ball of dark billowy smoke. He then fired it at the dragon, sending him into a pocket dimension. Soon after, the doors reappeared.

“Remind me…never to do that again,” Cheshire panted.

“Thank you, Cheshire,” Seb said. “Haigha, heal Cheshire and Hatta, if you’d be so kind.”

“Will do.”

Alice just kind of stood there, tilting her head in confusion. She’d been so fixated on harvesting dragon scales, she hadn’t paid any attention to her surroundings.

“Seb, what just happened?”

“It’s nothing too crazy, my lady. The dragon’s domain is only active so long as he is physically present inside the room, so we simply made sure he wasn’t.”

“Makes sense.”

“While we couldn’t remove the dragon from the room, we could remove the area around the dragon, effectively yielding the same result. My only real worry was whether or not Cheshire could create a pocket dimension large enough to entrap the beast. But he pulled through in the end, as expected.”

Cheshire seemed to appreciate the compliment, smiling an unbefittingly cute smile for a monster.

“Creating a large pocket dimension in and of itself isn’t hard,” he said. “I mean, the first time we met, I’d turned an entire grass field into one, after all. Fine-tuning one to perfectly fit around a certain target, however, is a lot more exhausting than just blasting the entire room.”

Had they enveloped the entire room, the dragon would’ve still been in it. Hence why they’d had to segment him into a pocket dimension.

“I know!” Alice clapped her hands together. “You’d make a great idol duo with Haigha. You did such a good job today after all.”

“Haha, yeah. Wait…what?”

Alice was already scheming up ways to profit off of Cheshire’s and Haigha’s idol careers.

“Either way, you guys really need to go now,” Cheshire warned. “The dragon’s not trapped in the pocket dimension; he’s just obscured by it. So, if you don’t hurry, he might come out any second.”

“Good call. Hatta, can you move?”

“A little dizzy, but I’ll be fine.”

“Off we go then.”

And so, they set off for the throne room.

“Hey! You forgot someone!” Cheshire shouted after them, noticing the White Rabbit had been left behind yet again. “I’m the one who brought him in, so I should do the responsible thing and dump him outside the castle, the poor thing,” the boy monster said to himself, dragging the White Rabbit’s unconscious body.

❤❤❤

MEANWHILE…

“Who’s that cutie? Oh wait, that’s me!” Jean gazed at his dress-clad self in the mirror, unaware of Alice’s encroaching arrival. “‘Cutie?’ Jean, get a grip, man! Keep this up, and next thing you know, you’re married to the Demon Lord. You need to take off, and you need to do it now while he’s still changing.”

Jean appeared to have regained his composure, and it told him that if he didn’t do something fast, he would fall head-over-heels for the Demon Lord.

“Here goes nothing!” Jean burst out of his room and made a break for it.

Thirty minutes later…

“How is this even possible?!”

He was back where he started. Was the layout of the castle that convoluted? Well, no. Jean just had no sense of direction whatsoever.

“Look at her go,” one of the Demon Lord’s minions said, watching from a distance.

“I’m not giving up that easy!” he cried and took flight once more. Only this time, he bumped into someone around the corner and fell butt-first to the ground.

“Are you hurt?”

“D-Demon Lord?!”

“Hold still. There’s something on your foot.” He took out his handkerchief, gently wrapping it around the affected area.

What little composure Jean still had left was on the verge of collapse.

“I…I—”

“Let’s go back to our room.”

If you go with him, you’re never coming back, Jean thought, panicking. The point of no return will be crossed, and you’re already teetering dangerously close to the edge. Make him despise— No, tell him the truth!

“Don’t worry about the dress. I’ll get a new one ready for—”

“Look at my chest! Do you see anything? No! Want to know why? Because I’m not the princess!”

“What truly matters to me is that it’s your chest, Jean. Size be damned,” the Demon Lord responded cryptically.

I don’t want to do this, Jean thought. I really don’t want to do this! But if that’s what it takes to convince him, then so be it. Jean quickly reached for his skirt, only for the Demon Lord to catch his hands mid-flight.

“Now, now. That wouldn’t be very ladylike, now would it?”

“Let go of me!”

“I’ll never let go…never,” he promised, looking Jean straight in the eye and hugging him.

“But…but…i-it hurts…” Jean sputtered, averting his gaze, his cheeks flushed red.

Something snapped inside the Demon Lord that very moment.

“Wh-What’re you—” he spluttered as the Demon Lord whisked him to a room inside the throne room—his royal bedchambers, to be exact.