Chapter 5: The Fearsomely Fearsome Cave Guardian

 

 

 

Chapter 5: The Fearsomely Fearsome Cave Guardian

 

AFTER successfully making it past the checkpoints, the four set course for the monster cave.

“They just keep getting stronger and stronger…” Hatta’s face was riddled with fatigue.

“You can do it, Hatta! I believe in you!”

“Go believe in me somewhere safer, like the coach!”

Haigha, having used up what little energy she had left, was now completely useless to the party.

“I have to say the fragrance really adds to the taste.”

Alice was also completely useless to the party…as usual.

“Seb, we need to find the Fountain of Life.”

“Absolutely. I can’t keep this up for much longer…”

By this point, the monsters had gotten so strong, even Seb was showing signs of fatigue. Really, it drove home how necessary Haigha’s support magic was to them.

“I can feel a strange magical energy coming from the left,” Haigha told them.

“Welp, guess it’s about as good a time as any to use the ward I got from Deedledee.” Hatta stuck the ward to the coach. “It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.”

They zoomed past all oncoming enemies, the presence of monsters gradually fading, the air turning crispy cool.

“It’s right up ahead, inside the forest.”

“Understood.” Seb followed Haigha’s directions.

And, surely enough, the sparkling mythical spring came into view. Hatta and Haigha froze in place, utterly captivated by its unspeakable beauty.

“I dub thee the Fountain of Alice!”

“I’m afraid it already has a name, my lady.”

Those two never change, Hatta thought.

“Taste test it.”

“As you wish.” Seb scooped up a handful. “Oh my!” He clenched his fists, a faint light washing over his body.

“Seb?”

“I feel…stronger.”

Hatta and Haigha took a mouthful.

“I don’t feel tired anymore!” Hatta exclaimed.

“I got all my energy back!” Haigha cried.

Hatta and Haigha exchanged surprised glances as Alice tried some of the magical water for herself. Nothing happened. Apparently, she wasn’t the least bit tired.

“I just got a brilliant idea. Let’s fill up a few jars with water from the fountain. That way, we’ll be able to use them in a pinch.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea. Lemme go grab them real quick,” Hatta said.

“Don’t bother.” A familiar voice rose up. “It’ll turn into regular old water the second you step foot outside this place.”

They turned around and saw the White Rabbit, cackling to himself.

“I see you’ve managed to escape the dungeon after all,” Alice said witheringly.

“And whose fault is it that I got thrown in there in the first place?”

“You have no one but yourself to blame for that one. Anyway…you were saying?”

“I had the same ‘brilliant’ idea as you. But not only did the water lose its magical properties, but it also turned lukewarm. What a double whammy of disappointment… You’re not buying any of this, are you? I can tell it from your eyes.”

As if I’d ever trust a word that comes out of your mouth, Alice thought.

“I don’t think he’s lying, Alice. This place is teeming with holy energy.”

“Now you I can trust, Haigha. Unlike a certain someone.”

“Brazen as always, I see. And here I thought I’d share an invaluable piece of information with you, but…oh well.”

“Out with it! I don’t have all day.”

“Again with the cocky attitude. Oh, who cares at this point! Basically, all you have to do is submerge yourself in the fountain’s waters, and your defense stats will shoot through the—” Alice and Haigha stared at him, disgust all over their faces. “What? What’d I do?”

“If you want to watch me bathe,” Alice seethed, “at least have the guts to say it.”

“Pervert!” Haigha spat.

“No, wait, you’ve got the wrong idea! I only wanted to watch Haig—” Alice punched him in the stomach, knocking him out cold.

“We’ll be bathing now. Hatta, stand guard.”

“Aye, aye!”

“Seb, boil him into a fine rabbit stew.”

“As you wish,” Seb said, dragging away the White Rabbit’s unconscious body.

“Huh, that’s odd…” The White Rabbit was suddenly torn from his restful slumber. “Is it just me, or is it a little…hooot! Hot, hot, hot!!!” He jumped out of the boiling pot.

“I see you’re awake,” Seb remarked.

“‘I sEe yOu’re aWakE…’ I nearly got cooked to death!” he protested. “I need to go jump in the spring to, erm, heal my burns! Yeah, heal my burns! Not because I want to peep on Haigha or anything like that!”

“Go ahead. No one’s stopping you.”

“Don’t even try to stop—” he paused for a second. “Wait, really? Thanks, Seb, you’re the best!” he said, zooming past Haigha and Alice.

“Wasn’t that the White Rabbit? You let him escape?” Alice asked.

“My sincerest apologies,” Seb proffered.

“Meh, who cares about that slimeball, anyway? But what about our food?”

“I’ll whip something up right away! And while I do, would you two mind fetching Hatta for me?”

The White Rabbit made a beeline for the spring, unaware of what really awaited him.

“Haigha? Haigha! Boy, am I glad to see you. Look at what that bad ol’ Seb did to me.”

“What the blazes are you doing here?!”

“H-H-Hatta?! Get away from me, you sicko! Gross!”

“Who you callin’ sicko, sicko?! Out!”

“H-Help! I’m drowning!”

“Get your dirty hands off of me!”

Sadly, the Fountain of Life could not, in fact, mend psychological scars.

“Haigha, look—they’re hugging completely in the nude! Were they always that close?” Alice wondered aloud.

“Not sure, but I fully approve of Hatta’s decision regardless. I think love is beautiful in all its forms. Even interspecies love…” Haigha said slyly.

“I suppose you’re right. Come on, let’s give those two lovebirds some much-needed privacy.”

Psychological scars and an unfortunate misunderstanding—the cherry on top of the crap sundae.

“Shouldn’t Hatta be with you?” Seb asked when the girls came back alone.

“Let’s start without him. He’s, shall we say, a little busy right now,” Alice said, trying not to grin.

Hatta returned sometime later, dragging the White Rabbit’s weary body behind him. There were no marks or bruises, just sadness. The sadness that can only come from being trapped in a limbo of getting beaten to a bloody pulp and then instantly regenerating.

“Did you settle on your wedding day?” Alice said, a little smugly.

“My what now?”

“I’ll support you no matter what, Hatta,” Haigha piped in.

“Thanks…?” Hatta responded, utterly oblivious to their meaning. “Oh! Are we leaving right after dinner or what?”

“We’re staying the night here,” Alice said. “It’s pretty much the ideal resting spot.”

“Good. I’ll get to making my new bomb then.”

Hatta jumped straight to work while Haigha frolicked in the fountain with Onion Boy by her side. Meanwhile, Alice and Seb treated themselves to a nice cup of tea.

“Tell me more about this Humpty fellow,” Alice said. “Haigha mentioned something about him being able to wipe a party out without lifting a finger, but I have a hard time believing that.”

“I can’t say I’m an expert myself,” replied Seb, “but apparently, he’s quite easy to elude alone, assuming you can brave the monster cave all by yourself. Which is highly unlikely, seeing as no one’s ever done it.”

“Why would he be easier to avoid alone? Is he slow? I don’t get it.”

Realizing that further deliberating the matter would yield nothing, Alice and Seb went back to the coach to nap. What they didn’t notice was that, at around the same time, the White Rabbit woke up again.

“I need to get as far away from these crazies as possible!” He quietly scooted off without even looking back at Haigha.

Just to show how little anyone cared about him, the White Rabbit’s escape went entirely unnoticed.

Time passed a little slower than usual inside the forest’s calm, soothing embrace. Haigha made sure everyone was sound asleep and snuck out for a midnight bath.

“I could do this all day,” she said, grinning to herself.

The spring water sparkled brightly under the moonlight, giving it a lovely, ethereal vibe. The next thing Haigha knew, a school of fish had gathered around her.

“That’s right! I can use all the magic I want here.”

Haigha clasped her hands together as though in solemn prayer, unleashing her magic’s true potential. A dress made of tiny glittering beads of light covered her body, with tiny wings of pure light sprouting from her back.

“I’m the spring fairy!” she declared cheerfully. “Prepare yourselves for a heaping dose of fun!”

Had the White Rabbit been around to see just how breathtakingly beautiful she looked just then, he surely would’ve fainted on the spot.

“Come on, fishies, dance with me! The party never ends!” Haigha giggled.

“I’m no fishie, but can I join too? Looks fun.”

“Eh?” Haigha turned around and saw sleepy-eyed Alice just standing there, imposingly. “Ali-Ali-Ali—”

“Alligator? Did you get bit?”

“Alice?! Wh-When did you get here?”

“At around the same time you donned your lil’ see-through angel costume,” Alice smirked.

She saw everything!!!

“I-I can explain…”

“No need. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to follow in the footsteps of your idol, AKA my cosplay-obsessed Uncle Dodo.”

“You’re completely off-base!”

There’s only one way out of this, Haigha thought.

“This is all a dream,” she cried, clinging to Alice. “You didn’t see anything, okay?”

Her pleas were met with nothing but silence.

“Alice?” Haigha looked up at her face, only to see her nodding off. “Is she…sleepwalking?”

Haigha changed back to her regular clothes and carried Alice back to the coach.

Please think it was all a dream. Please think it was all a dream, she prayed as she fell asleep.

❤❤❤

MEANWHILE…the White Rabbit was still racing away from the party at max speed.

“Should be far enough by now…”

He halted and wolfed down his emergency fruit, regaining just enough cool to calmly survey his surroundings. Despite it being daybreak, it was still fairly dark out, which, coupled with the disturbing monster sounds, didn’t put him at ease.

“The last thing I need right now is a monster on my tail. I need to find someplace saf—” he trailed off, noticing something off in the distance. “Aha!” he cried, running right toward it.

The something was a large opening inside a precipitous mountain. The inside was too dark for him to see anything.

It’ll do just fine, he thought with relief.

The White Rabbit stepped inside, blissfully unaware that what he had just stumbled across was none other than the fabled monster cave.

❤❤❤

HAVING risen to a beautiful chorus of bird chirps, the party sallied forth to the monster cave.

“I just had the craziest dream,” Alice declared. “So, what happened was—”

“H-Has anyone seen the White Rabbit?” Haigha interrupted nervously.

“Can’t say I have. What about you, Hatta?”

“What do you think? He obviously skedaddled and— Why’re you staring at me like that?”

Alice and Haigha were still under the impression that they had gone from enemies to…

“Whatever; forget it! More importantly, don’t you think it’s a little strange how their presence keeps getting stronger and stronger, yet there’re no monsters around?”

“That is rather strange. Seb, any ideas?”

“Call it a hunch,” offered the butler, “but I think the weaker monsters just instinctively keep clear of the cave.”

“Because they don’t want to get picked on by the ones inside?”

“In all likelihood. Just as humans bicker amongst one another, so do monsters.”

The fact that there were no monsters to repel didn’t help Hatta and Haigha feel better. After all, if Seb’s hunch turned out to be accurate, that’d mean the monsters inside the cave were extremely powerful.

It didn’t help that Onion Boy—perched atop Haigha’s shoulder—was shivering harder than usual.

“Think we’ll find any fit for human consumption?” Alice, on the other hand, wasn’t fazed in the slightest.

Despite knowing full well that she was as good as useless in a real fight, it was that simple fact that inspired some level of confidence in Hatta and Haigha.

“We’re here.” A large hole inside a steep mountain came into view with an all-consuming darkness covering its entrance. “Ready?” Seb asked.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” declared Hatta. “It’s bloody pitch-black in there!”

“That’s only the entrance,” Seb replied. “The inside is surprisingly well-lit, what with all the glowstones. Or, at least, that was the case back in my day.”

“Glowstones? The glowstones? The ones they use to light up royal palaces? I can snag some here and there, right? Right?” Hatta’s excitement instantly shot through the roof.

And so, with one less frightened passenger on board, they ventured into the cave.

“It really is surprisingly well-lit.”

“Would you look at all those glowstones?! They’re just waiting to fall into my hands!”

“Now’s really not the time, Hatta,” Alice admonished. “Quick, use one of your wards before those monsters wreck our coach!”

“Good thinking. Lemme use the one I got off of Deedledee, since it works against intermediate monsters too. It cost me a pretty penny, but with all this glowstone, I’m sure to make it back and then some.” Hatta whipped out a silver ward from his item bag and stuck it to the coach, instantly causing the monsters to part, opening up the way forward. “Works like a charm.”

“How do you distinguish between different levels of monsters, anyway?” Alice asked.

“It’s pretty arbitrary. A buncha item shop owners started categorizing monsters into levels, and it caught on for one real simple reason. Say I told you weapon A does a ton of damage; that doesn’t tell you anything. It’s too vague. Now, what if I told you weapon A works against high-level enemies? That’s easier to visualize, making you more likely to buy it. There are a number of special cases that escape tidy labeling, though.”

“Like Dodo and Cheshire?”

“Yeah, boss-level monsters are too powerful to be neatly categorized.”

“What about Onion Boy?”

“Too weak.”

Onion Boy shivered, possibly out of sadness.

“I’m afraid the time for talking is over,” Seb interrupted. The path ahead was blocked by all sorts of unusual monsters. “Try not to use explosives unless it’s absolutely necessary, Hatta. The cave might collapse in on itself.”

“Close-range battle it is, then. It’s been a long time coming.” Hatta charged right in, spear in one hand, dagger in the other, felling monsters one by one.

“I’ll hold the enemy back with my magic but, before I do, Mistress Haigha, an energy buff would be greatly appreciated.”

“Done,” she replied. A blue light passed through Seb’s body as he froze most of the monsters in place.

The monsters had gotten much tougher. But, thanks to the Fountain of Life, the party was now an unstoppable force, progressing at an unimaginable speed.

But just as they thought it would be smooth sailing from here on out, Alice’s face contorted in pain.

“What happened?!” Hatta asked.

“The monsters they…they—”

“They what? Speak to me, dammit!” Hatta cried.

“They don’t look edible! Not a single one.”

“Alice, I swear to God I’ll—”

“But I did happen to spy a certain food source you might be familiar with,” she said coyly, pointing into the distance.

“A mushroom? Seriously? That’s what you wanted to show—” Hatta then noticed a certain rabbit, surrounded by monsters. “What the hell’s he doing here?!”

“Your very special someone’s waiting for you to swoop in and save the day!” chirped Alice. “Wouldn’t want to keep him waiting…”

“My…? What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“I’ll buff you like you’ve never been buffed before!” Haigha exclaimed. “Now, go get ’em, Tiger!”

“What’s gotten into you two?!” In the end, Hatta reluctantly rescued the White Rabbit, anyway. “How daft do you have to be to wander in here all willy-nilly?”

“I didn’t know I was walking straight into the monster cave! They’ve been chasing me around for so long, all I can think about is food!”

“Food, you say? I’ve got just the thing.” Alice held out a plate.

“I’m not falling for that one again! No siree.”

“It’s just a potato sandwich; what’s the worst that could happen?”

“It looks…surprisingly normal. Don’t mind if I—” he took a bite. “Bleurgh! You said it was just a potato sandwich!”

“It is! A potato monster sandwich, that is.”

“I knew it, I knew—” he sputtered as he began hallucinating. “H-Haigha? Why are you—” he cried before abruptly passing out.

They threw him in the coach and continued on.

❤❤❤

A few intense—for everyone but Alice—battles later, the party made it to the halfway point.

“I’d really like to rest now, Seb,” Alice said.

The relentless onslaught momentarily ceasing, they took the opportunity for a quick breather, only for a bat monster to immediately swoop down.

Haigha quickly dished out a protection spell, repelling its attack at the last second.

“One second; would it kill you to mind your own business for one single second?” Alice huffed.

“It’s giving off powerful magical energy. Intermediate-level boss monster powerful, to be exact.”

“Lemme first try some good ol’ fashioned negotiating.” Hatta turned to the monster. “There doesn’t have to be any bloodshed if you just let us through in peace,” he proposed.

“What enviable naivety!” the monster tutted. “You speak of pure absurdity without even realizing it, boy. Peace? There can be no peace, only battle. Battle to the death!”

“Alice, please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks he’s, you know…”

“Unbearably cringy?”

Seb and Haigha nodded in agreement.

“I’d be more careful about hurling such petty insults if I were you,” the bat huffed. “I could wipe your entire party out with no greater effort than taking candy from a baby.”

“Alice, please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks he’s, you know…”

“Never even tried taking candy from a baby?”

“I actually think you’d find that stealing candy from a baby is surprisingly difficult,” retorted the monster, sweating a little. “Their grip is deceptively strong, not to mention the ensuing hissy fit.”

“So basically,” Alice mockingly remarked, “what you’re trying to say is ‘I won’t stand in your way! Please don’t hurt me!’”

“GAARGH! Enough talk! Prepare to—” the monster paused, spotting Onion Boy. “No self-respecting monster would ever be caught dead associating with these filthy humans! You’re a disgrace to us all.” He ripped the little onion right off of Haigha’s shoulder and flew high up in the air. “May God have mercy on your soul! Because I certainly won’t—”

“What do you think you’re doing?” Alice clung to his back, enveloped in a black aura.

“Wh-When did you—”

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for him to get nice and plump?”

“What are you even talking about? Get off!”

“Be careful what you wish for.” Alice grabbed him by the wings, holding them in place.

“Wh-What’re you—” He crashed head-first into the ground.

“I did as you asked! Now please, tell me, what did you plan on doing with my precious food source?”

This is too much, even for me. Hatta looked away from the tragic scene on display.

Haigha snagged Onion Boy and ran to hide, while Seb treated himself to a nice cup of tea.

In the end, they were able to get a much-deserved breather after all.

“It’s okay, Onion Boy. You’re safe here with me.”

Except for Haigha.

❤❤❤

ONCE Alice had cooled off a little, they resumed their journey.

“They’re one persistent bunch, I’ll give ’em that. How close are we to the exit anyway?” Alice asked.

“It should be right up ahead, if memory serves. Haigha, some healing would be nice,” Seb remarked.

“On it.”

As the attacks grew in intensity, fatigue started coming over their faces. Except for Alice and the White Rabbit, of course, since they were too busy messing around.

“Do the potato monster next. If we set its internal timer forward, it might get even softer.”

“Setting it forward will only make it taste even more disgusting than it already does.”

“Then what if we try setting it backward instead? Maybe it’s already gone bad.”

“…You just might be on to something!”

Needless to say, their conversations didn’t quite reflect the overall mood, but that didn’t stop the party from holding their own regardless.

“Can you feel the wind, Hatta?” Haigha asked.

“The wind? Actually, yeah, you’re right. The exit must be close by. Let’s move!”

They hopped in the coach, brute-forcing their way through any and all that stood in their path.

Just as they all thought We’re home free, Seb suddenly stopped.

“You might want to take a look at this.”

They got out of the coach and saw an enormous egg-shaped entity blocking the path.

“What is that?” asked Alice.

“I’m afraid I don’t have the slightest clue,” Seb said.

“Haigha, feel anything?” asked Hatta.

“Not really, no. I’ll try getting a better look.”

The face of an elderly man suddenly appeared on the giant egg. This creeped Haigha out so much, she ran crying and screaming behind Alice.

“Oh! I didn’t mean to startle you, little one. I’m Humpty. And who might you fine folk be?”

“Princess Alice. We’d like to pass through here.”

“You seek the Demon Lord’s castle, I presume? In that case, I’ll have to ask each of you a question. And if any of you get it right, you may pass unharmed.”

Alice wasted no time responding.

“Seb, fire up the pan.”

“Right away, my lady.”

It seemed like Alice was in the mood for an omelet, as she grabbed a hammer and—

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it!” Hatta barged in. “You’re not seriously gonna eat that thing, are you? Think of your stomach.”

“That thing can’t be good for you, Alice,” Haigha chimed in.

“No worries; we’ll split it evenly.”

“No thanks!” the siblings shouted in unison.

“Allow me to handle this, my lady.” Seb took out his Poem of Jabberwocky. “It appears as though Humpty is…raw.”

“Problem solved! That egg-differentiation magic really came through for us in the end.”

“That changes nothing!”

“Let’s really think about this, okay, Alice?”

They continued to try and persuade her as Humpty politely waited for them to finish.

“First, let’s try doing things his way, all right?”

“He said he’d ask each of us a question. If we get at least one of them right, we’re good to go.”

“You know what… I’m sold.” Alice shoved Haigha into the forefront.

“What’re you—”

“She’ll go first.”

“N-No! Noooo!” Alice wouldn’t stop pushing Haigha forward, no matter how hard she struggled. “I’m scared, Alice!” she cried. “You go!”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near that creepy thing.”

“Neither do I!”

“There’s no turning back now, Haigha. Put on a good show; I’ll be watching very closely.”

After much struggling, Haigha accepted her fate and stepped forward.

“Ready?” asked the giant egg.

“Mm-hmm.”

“But first, allow me to take a quick peek inside your mind.” Humpty’s body lit up momentarily. “I see. Let’s begin then, shall we, Haigha?”

“Eh?” A shiver ran down Haigha’s back as she realized Humpty had actually peeked inside her mind. Oh no! She looked on anxiously, gulping nervously.

“Which one of these best represents your opinion of Alice? A: She’s so kind and pretty, I just want to be by her side forever and ever! Or B: I’d be a much better princess than that sour-eyed witch.”

Sweat poured down Haigha’s brow in waterfalls as she felt an ominous aura building up directly behind her.

“Answer the question, Haigha.”

Haigha passed out the instant Alice grazed her shoulder.

“You’re up next, Hatta.”

“I’ll avenge Haigha. You’ll see!” Hatta, putting on a brave front, stepped forward.

“Very well.” Humpty lit up once more. “Which one of these is true? A: I’m only putting up with Alice because of the money. Or B: I want to hold Alice down against her will and—”

“AAAGGGHHH!” Hatta suddenly burst out screaming.

“Ahem, as I was saying, B: I want to hold Alice down against her—”

“I give, I give, I give! You win! Just please stop! I beg you!” he pleaded, covering up Alice’s ears as hard as he could.

“Now, now, Hatta. I think we should hear him out ’til the very end,” Seb interjected.

“Yeah, Hatta. What if you know the answer? Let’s hear him out,” the White Rabbit seconded Seb’s opinion.

“Say one more word, and everything within a ten-kilometer radius gets wiped clean off the face of this planet! You hear me?!”

His eyes weren’t joking. What could’ve possibly driven this man to the peak of insanity? Seb wondered.

“I’m not sure what’s going on. But put those down!” Alice tried taking the explosives away from him.

“Let me drop out, Alice, or else this place and everyone in it goes kablooey!” he threatened, his eyes bloodshot.

“Okay, okay! Now ease up a little.”

“Hmm?” Haigha woke up at about the worst possible moment. “What’s going—” The first thing she saw was her brother with murderous intent in his eyes, holding onto a truckload of explosives. “Oh…” She passed out, again.

“Watch and learn, Hatta. My love for Haigha is sure to land us an easy victory.” The White Rabbit stepped forth of his own accord.

“Very well. What—”

“Wait, aren’t you, like, going to do that glowy thingy? Or did I just miss it? Actually, you know what? Give me your best shot. I’m ready for anything.”

“As I was saying, what does the future hold for you? A: Rabbit stew or B: Slow-roasted rabbit.”

“What even is this question?!”

Indeed, both of the outcomes were virtually one and the same.

“I think it’s A, most likely,” Alice answered for him.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. B does sound rather promising,” added Seb.

“Would you shut up already!” cried the Rabbit.

“I should warn you that only one member per party is allowed to drop out,” Humpty interjected.

It’s not over yet. The White Rabbit chose option C: Remaining silent.

“That being said, I will make a special exception this time as I admittedly should’ve warned you earlier. By which I mean I’m removing the time limit. Take all the time you need to answer.”

Now it’s over! He passed out, frothing at the mouth.

“What now, Humpty? I don’t think he’s answering any time soon.”

“I’ll make an extra-special exception and allow two members to drop out.”

And so, the White Rabbit would live to see another day.

“That only leaves us with you two. Which one of you is going to step up to the plate?”

The rumors about Humpty being able to wipe out an entire party without even lifting a finger turned out to be very true. However, this did not faze Alice in the slightest.

“Show these kiddies how it’s done, Seb.”

“As you wish.”

Despite everything, Seb was still Seb.

“Allow me to take a quick peek inside your…mind?”

“Is something the matter?”

“It’s, erm, it’s nothing. Ahem, which one of these accurately represents your innermost desires? A: I want to become the Demon Lord and wreak havoc upon the world, or B: I want to ascend to godhood and enslave humanity.”

“Both,” the butler replied without a moment’s delay.

“…You may pass.”

“It’s been a pleasure.” Seb bowed as Humpty faded out of existence, Hatta shivering nonstop out of the corner of his eye. “Let’s get moving then, shall we? Get Haigha and Hatta inside the coach if you could, my lady.”

“Seb,” Alice said.

“Yes?”

“I never knew we had so much in common.”

“I’m happy to hear that.”

Remind me never to get on their bad side, Hatta thought as he promised himself to be a little pickier when it came to friends next time.

What happened to the White Rabbit, you might ask? Well, they left him behind.

❤❤❤

MEANWHILE…

“You really shouldn’t have!”

“But I did!” The Demon Lord smiled. “Now go ahead. Don’t be shy; eat to your heart’s content.”

“If you say so.” Jean picked out one of the many gorgeous dishes and chewed thoroughly, really savoring the taste. “I didn’t know monsters ate normal food; this is delicious!”

“What did you think we eat?”

“Grass, leaves, berries—that kind of stuff.”

“You’re thinking of beast-type monsters. We humanoid monsters eat pretty much the same things you do!”

From this angle, they looked no different from your average love-struck couple—enjoying a nice meal in each other’s company.

“I’m stuffed.”

“A light eater, I see?”

“Compared to you, maybe.”

“Eating is the simplest yet most effective way of replenishing my boundless magical energy.”

“That’s good. I like people who can eat up a storm.”

The Demon Lord suddenly froze up. Did she just say…like? Did I hear that correctly?

“Well, you’re not exactly a person per se, but— Are you even listening?”

She did! She definitely did! I’m sure of it. But why would she confess her feelings at a time like—

“Wonderland to Demon Lord!”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, I blanked out for a second. Where were we again?”

“Talking about how you’re a big eater.”

“I’d be an even bigger eater if you made all my meals.”

“Eh?” Jean was struck by this roundabout proposal. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind, but…don’t you have world-class chefs already doing that for you?”

“You’re missing the point.”

“So, I’m guessing you’re a soul food kind of—” Jean’s hand slipped, spilling tea all over his clothes, “guy.”

“Need a hand?”

“It’s okay. Sorry about the mess.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Let’s get you a change of clothes.”

“I didn’t bring any.”

“No worries.” Multiple maid-uniform-wearing monsters appeared at the snap of a finger. “I’ve got just the thing.”

“Wh-Where are you taking me?”

They whisked Jean away.

Ten minutes later, he returned in a pretty dress.

“So that’s what you meant.”

“It fits you beautifully, my princess.”

“How many times must I tell you? I’m not the princess,” Jean insisted, trying to hide the embarrassment he felt from both the heartwarming compliment and his own inability to function in a dress.

“What’s wrong? Is it the wrong size?”

“The size is fine; it’s just that—”

“Say no more. There’s a nice sofa we can rest on. Come.”

Jean sat next to the Demon Lord on an ornate sofa.

“This sofa is the best. It’s soft, and it’s—” Jean looked at the Demon Lord, only to see him with his eyes shut. “Is he…sleeping?”

Jean placed a hand on his shoulder to get a closer look. “Whoa?!”

His head fell onto Jean’s lap.

“You poor thing!”

Jean’s maternal instincts kicked in as he began to gently caress the Demon Lord’s hair.