Chapter 183

Two days passed after that. Julien moved exactly as he and Mikhail had agreed in the time since.

Every morning, early, he carried a basket loaded with glass bottles to Mikhail's quarters and knocked on the door.

Once they'd walked together over to the bench, he'd mix the cocktail with stiff hands and hand it across.

"Thanks. Cheers."

Each time another sip of what he'd offered disappeared, it was Julien who went pale and curled himself smaller.

"Hhk… ngh."

Mikhail, by contrast, even as he tipped a deadly drug down his throat, only ever smiled like a man who knew nothing.

"It's coming out a touch sweet on my tongue today. How about working in a little more of the stronger stuff?"

The voice giving the advice carried no tremor at all.

In response, Julien felt as if he were the one about to faint.

It wasn't that he didn't believe what Mikhail kept saying — that nothing would happen. But there was always the off chance.

What if a side effect suddenly showed up? What if it hit Mikhail — who wasn't strong to begin with — harder than it should?

"Now that I think about it, you've got more of that mixed berry juice, right? Mind setting some aside for me to sip on when I'm bored? Julien."

But the questions in his head never reached his mouth. Julien barely steadied his swimming vision and only nodded toward Mikhail.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll get you some."

And so, once Julien had handed Mikhail the third glass.

"……"

He had no idea what had been keeping his feet moving.

A pained sound slipped past Julien's lips. His upper body listing one way and then the other, he made his way back to the front of the dormitory.

The moment he stepped over the threshold of his room, he tipped forward, collapsed onto the bed, and lay there as if dead.

Whump.

Buried in the bedding, Julien blinked slowly, in a daze.

He didn't want to think about anything. At least, not right now.

"……"

Julien's chest rose and fell a few times, then he closed his eyes.

He felt the faint scent of sunlight reaching his nose and waited for his head to settle.

In the left side of his mind, worry billowed up like cumulus clouds; on the other side, anxiety rose, the two tangled together.

If he couldn't get the worries clamping down on his thoughts under control… he didn't think he'd find the strength to move again.

Rustle.

A few dozen minutes passed. Julien dragged himself upright from the bed, swaying as he went, and sat down at the desk. Now that he thought about it, there was still something left to do.

Slide.

What came out of the drawer was stationery and an envelope.

Julien stared at the blank surface for a moment, then picked up the pen. He began writing the letter that would go to his brother.

[I hope you have been well. Cassien.]

The opening was a polite greeting, as always.

[There is something concerning your previous proposal that I must speak with you about, which is why I am writing now.]

After that, he laid out his answer to the earlier proposal, point by point.

That he had given Mikhail the drug three times. That he could not, however, continue to follow the instructions.

And that he would therefore be sending the remaining medicine back.

As the scratch of the pen across the page went on, Julien's breathing settled lower too.

[I am well aware that you held high expectations of me. I am sorry only that I could not fulfill them in full. Being able to hear from you after so long… being able to be told so much… made me very glad.]

In time Julien set the pen down. With this, Cassien's proposal would be as if it had never been.

The shape of family his brother had spoken of, the same.

But he had no regrets at all… about the choice he was making.

Yes. This is the right thing.

Julien murmured it softly and folded the letter shut.

It was true that this might leave things awkward between him and his brother for a while. Maybe, for a stretch, Cassien would be angry and refuse even to acknowledge him.

But there was plenty of time left.

No need to rush. Slowly….

The moment he came to take his place as part of the family would unfold over a long time, the way thick ice slowly thaws under spring sun.

Anyway, family by blood is family. And Cassien isn't just a bad person.

So once the anger settled, his own feelings, his decision — Cassien would surely come to understand them well enough.

Julien cleared the tangle in his chest with a single breath and went on with the thought.

In any case, he meant to put in more effort from here. He wouldn't drift from the place the family had assigned him.

Even bad feeling was a kind of bond, wasn't it. He intended to keep waiting in the spot they'd set for him, until he won his way into their good graces.

Then, surely, one day….

he'd be accepted as family.

That faith, at least, was something he had never let go of.

Rustle.

Julien shook off the thoughts with another breath. He slid the letter into an envelope inscribed with a security formula, packed the bottle of pills into a box, and stood from his chair.

Click.

Soon enough, Julien stepped out of his quarters and followed the path leading toward the school grounds.

By now the campus facilities would be open. Best to get to the post office and send the letter off.

Anyway, that aside.

Julien turned to another thought and tipped his head softly.

I ended up putting Mikhail through it again. Made him drink something that wasn't even good for him, just because of me….

Julien lowered his eyes, picturing Mikhail's face as he'd offered up those mock-playful reviews of the cocktails.

The affection and gratitude this had stirred up in him all over again.

If there was anything he could do for the friend who'd been like a savior to him, he wanted to do it. He wanted to be of use….

Yeah…. Once I become part of the family later, I'll find a way to head off the standoff between North and South.

Julien curled his fingertips, drawing a future moment in his mind.

When that time comes, I'll be of help to Mikhail too.

Right then, a single thread of cool breeze brushed across Julien's forehead.

Whooo—.

Julien stopped where he was, shaded his eyes with one hand, and looked up at the sky.

The wide blue above, beyond any hand that might reach for it.

The sky cradling the morning sun was unusually blue.

---

Meanwhile, at the same hour.

Inside a camp tent set up on the kingdom's eastern borderlands.

"—Hey, kid! You hear me? An important guest is dropping in soon! Quit dragging your feet and get the place set up—"

Behind him, a cheerful commotion was rising outside. Ethan was just finishing tying off the bag he'd packed his belongings into.

"Hmm. Hm."

A soldier with a good-natured face came in humming, sweeping the tent flap up with a flick. He turned his head straight away and looked at the cluttered table.

"Mmm…. Now where did I put it."

The soldier scratched his head and stirred items around on the table, but soon enough seemed to spot what he was after. His face brightened in an instant; he snatched up a pack of cigarettes and turned around.

"—Whoa, what's this? You're already all set to go?"

The moment his eyes landed on Ethan, the loud voice followed.

Ethan met the soldier — cigarette pack in hand — with a faint smile and answered.

"Yes. Things are wrapped up, so I should get going."

"Hey now, what's the rush? It's just settled down. You could catch your breath, take a little rest."

The soldier glanced sidelong at the round, full shape of Ethan's bag and clicked his tongue, then pulled out a cigarette, put it between his lips, and dropped down into the seat next to Ethan.

"Don't worry. I won't light it."

"No. You can smoke if you want."

"Tch, what a thing to say. I've got kids back home about your age. Smoke around growing youngsters? Come on, now."

The soldier clicked his tongue as though it were unthinkable. Then he let out a small breath and went on in a tone that had dropped a little.

"…Mind you, that's not really a thing to say to a kid your age who's already out here on the front line."

Ethan smiled and said nothing in particular. The soldier glanced over at him, then lifted his tone and changed the topic.

"Now that I think on it — said you were some kind of school student? Came out here for practical training over break, was it?"

"Yes."

"That so? When does school start back up?"

"Six days from now."

At Ethan's answer the soldier folded his arms and nodded. Then, rubbing the tip of his chin, he ran the numbers as if working out a calendar.

"Six days, huh. So you'll be heading back to school, then. Get there, get your prep done, rest a few days — sounds about right—"

"Ah."

Ethan made a small sound to wave it off, then stretched his hand out.

The point his finger indicated was the table where the soldier had just dug out his cigarettes.

To be exact, he was pointing at a large map spread out at an angle along the edge of the table.

The soldier moved his head along the line of Ethan's fingertip.

The green-painted shape of the continent.

Across it, spots where sudden anomalies had broken out were marked off in red.

But the count of red points had jumped by quite a few from where it had been only a day or two before.

"From what I heard come in today, anomalies have shown up in the South — and not just there. Apparently they've been turning up not far from here as well."

"……"

"They're also saying there's been some movement that isn't your usual anomaly. Something they can't quite put a name to."

"…Eh? That so?"

Ethan called to mind the worried voices that had been drifting out near the command tent in the early morning, and slid the arm he'd stretched toward the table back down.

"So within about six days… joining up over there should be perfectly fine."

"Wha—aat?"

A sharp sound burst from the soldier. But Ethan let the commotion go on without him and sank into thought.

The spot he'd settled on heading for was about four or five hours from where this camp was now.

If he could just borrow a horse with the legs for it, he could be there before sundown….

"—No, hey. Hey, kid! School! You should be heading to school! Why aren't you going back to school? You've done enough, haven't you? Right?"

The soldier leaned suddenly closer. To the soldier wearing a flustered look, Ethan, instead of answering at once, lowered his eyes and let a thin smile rise.

He sank into thought, making a show of measuring what to say.

The reason he couldn't simply head back to school.

In truth, it came down to one memory.

Above the lowered line of his sight, a deep blue from long ago settled in.

—Hum.

[I don't have any right to stand at your side.]

[Not even the smallest bit.]

Already cool night air had risen at his nose; in his head his own recited words echoed back at him.

From further off, insects sang in the grass; rain that had begun once the day fell drew down drop by drop, soaking his nape.

The memory of the moment he'd come to understand his own inadequacy down to the bone.

Every time it came up in his mind, it sharpened. It never lost its original color.

Far from fading or going dim, it only grew clearer, again and again….

[Ethan Welton. Talking about saving anyone from where you stand is nonsense. The most you can hope for is not to be a weight dragging at someone's ankle.]

Ethan ground his teeth silently. Compared to the companion he wanted so badly to stand alongside, he fell short by miles.

Knowledge and insight. Judgment and quickness. Awareness and the ability to respond….

In every one of those.

A fledgling wolf next to the leader of the pack.

That much of a gap lay between them. Forget helping — he was at the level of being baggage that caught at the leg.

The misjudgment he'd made facing the basilisk that had run wild past anything ordinary had actually put both their lives at risk.

[All of it… was misjudgment?]

So he couldn't take it easy and head back.

He couldn't stay at the level he'd been at. Whatever experience he lacked, he had to chew it down and grow.

So at the very least.

He had to be able to see Mikhail's blind side and answer to it.

He had to be able to brace the back walking ahead of him. He had to be able to guard the eyes that swept the battlefield.

So that in the end, at last, beside him as an equal….

Ethan finally lifted his lowered head and answered the soldier seated beside him.

"Everything I need is over there—"

"Hhhg."

That was when it happened. A sound like someone gasping his last breath cut across the inside of the tent.

Ethan pulled the words he'd been bringing out and turned his eyes toward the noise.

The source of the sudden breath.

The man it had come from was the very one Ethan had pulled free from the ring-mouthed magical beast a few days back.

A face he hadn't crossed paths with even by chance since they'd both joined the camp.

"Hh… ah."

The man stood half-stuck at the tent entrance, wearing a stunned look. When his eyes met Ethan's, he started edging backward, step by uncertain step.

"Ah… that… so….."

The man kept stammering, as if seized by fear.

But Ethan was the exact opposite. He let nothing of any reaction show, holding only to a blank face throughout.