Chapter 2: A Lackluster World

Chapter 2: A Lackluster World

SPURRED on by her desire to see Elias again, Aki hurried straight down the hallway from her room to Elias’s door. Mina said he was resting alone in the room at the end of the second-story hallway.

Is Elias really okay?

It was hard to picture him healthy and well when she last saw him struggling to regain control of his mind. She believed Mina, she just couldn’t shake the anxiety welling up inside her and ran the last few feet to his room.

Arriving at the wood door, Aki swallowed the lump in her throat and calmed her panicky feelings with a few deep breaths.

He’s in there…right? What should I say when I see him? I’m glad you’re okay? How are you feeling?

No, I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to say anything once I see he’s all right. With that thought, Aki broke free of the doubts plaguing her and put her hand on the doorknob without hesitation. She quietly turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open.

“Elias…?” she whispered.

The first thing that caught her eye was the peach-colored curtains, which swayed gently in the wind blowing through the partially open window.

The plain room consisted of a single bed and the chair next to it. The constant breeze cooled the small space, and the wood floor was warmly illuminated by the sun filtering inside.

The warbling of tiny songbirds outside the window filled the otherwise silent room. Surrounded by the definition of peace itself, Aki’s anxiety abated, and she tiptoed to his bed.

She glanced down at the head of the bed to find Elias peacefully asleep, caressed by the gentle breeze.

His chest rose and fell with undisturbed breathing under the simple cotton comforter.

His usual white cloak and coat worn as a symbol of his Hero status had been removed, leaving him in just his baby-blue inner shirt. Though his complexion was on the paler side, his expression was at peace and betrayed his youth.

Relief washed over Aki upon seeing him in person. She stayed rooted to the spot, staring at his face.

She swiped at the tears misting her eyes and sat on the chair beside the bed. He was finally within reach again.

…He’s sound asleep.

Smiling at how innocent he looked in his sleep, Aki reached out and ran her fingers through his bangs, lifting them off his forehead. His golden hair spilled through her fingers like silk.

“…Elias,” she said in a hushed tone even though she knew he wasn’t listening. She rose from the chair, leaned over him, and whispered in his ear, “Welcome home.”

“Mngh…” He stirred in bed, his eyelids flickering open.

His eyes hadn’t focused on her yet, but they were their original green rather than the lifeless golden hue they had taken on while under the Solar Goddess’s influence.

“Aki…?” Elias called her name in a hoarse, fleeting voice.

The emotions she had kept at bay burst forward, and she threw her arms around his neck in bed.

“Elias, what a relief… I’m so glad you’re okay!”

Everything she had wanted to say to him disappeared as she sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder.

Elias’s warmth, smell, and the soft hair tickling her cheeks were all things Aki had longed to regain, and being able to hug him again felt like a miracle. Especially after she thought she had lost him and the sound of his voice forever.

Elias reached up and rubbed soothing circles into her back as she clung to him, her tears unending. “Aki…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…! I…” he fumbled with his words as if he had a lot to say, but didn’t know how to voice it.

Aki pulled back slightly so she could look at his face and shook her head. “It’s all right, Elias… We’re all okay… You don’t have to apologize. You came back to us. That’s all we—all I—wanted!”

Roughly rubbing the tears from her eyes, she kneeled on the side of his bed and smiled at him. To her, just having Elias present was more than enough.

Elias muttered “Thank you” with a sad smile as he caught her cascading tears with his fingers.

He came back to me just the way he was before…!

***

AFTER crying her heart out until her eyes dried, Aki explained the events that brought them to where they were now. Elias in turn said that he had a vague recollection of everything that happened after the Solar Goddess’s powers took over and that he clearly remembered the horrible things he did.

His consciousness finally shut down for good after Aki used the Lunar Goddess’s power to seal the Solar Goddess’s power, and he had no memory of how they got from the ruins to the inn.

Aki let him know that Louis and Sutcliff teleported them back with magic and that Leo and Johann weren’t in critical condition.

Elias’s eyes widened when he heard they were all right and he muttered “Thank the Goddess” over and over as some of the tautness left his face. His shoulders shook like a boy trying to hold back his tears as he silently wept.

Watching on without being able to stop himself while the Goddess turned him on his friends caused him to suffer in ways only he could understand.

Aki gritted her teeth as she thought of the miserable experience he went through, holding him in her arms as he lamented his actions.

***

“THE Solar Goddess’s crest…?”

Overcome by relief, Elias stifled his sobs as he cried in front of Aki until he finally calmed down and took a moment to process what she told him.

Aki explained what Johann told her about the Solar Goddess’s crest, and the contents of her explanation included details about both goddesses Elias knew nothing about. He felt like a miserable fool for blindly believing in the goddess and fighting to the death for her when he didn’t even know the whole story. It was starting to sound like he was a puppet on a string playing to her tune without ever being the wiser.

Ignorance was what caused the Solar Goddess’s power to run rampant with his emotions and put not only his friends, but the woman he wanted to protect above all else in horrible danger at his hands.

There was no undoing the past.

…The closer the person is to me, the more likely I am to hurt them… he concluded, thinking of Leo, Johann, Mina, Louis, and Aki.

They’re all irreplaceable friends who view me as Elias the man, not Elias the Hero.

Elias could only act like his real self around those select few friends and he vowed in his heart to protect them no matter the cost. They created the one space he felt comfortable in his own skin.

He wanted to repay them for sticking with him despite the constant dangers that accompanied the Hero on his journey.

What good that did. I just ended up being the one who hurt them the worst…

He shuddered to think what would’ve happened if Aki, Leo, and Johann hadn’t been there or if they had been unable to stop him.

I knew it. I’m not supposed to get close to anyone. Keeping people close will only drag them into the inescapable fate of the Hero. That’s only made truer now that I know I’m incapable of controlling the Solar Goddess’s power.

Elias drew the hard conclusion that the only way he could protect the ones he cared about was to keep them at a distance. …I should’ve never desired more… His heart was chilled by regret. It’s my fault for wanting friends I could joke around with. My fault for loving a woman as amazing and unobtainable as Aki.

I wasn’t supposed to have any desires. I’m not allowed to have free will.

The Hero belonged to the world and the Goddess—he was supposed to act like the puppet he was, and live and die for what the Goddess created him to do.

…I knew that from day one. It’s nothing new.

Since the day Elias was born as the Hero, he was taught not to want anything for himself; that his duty was to continue giving everything he had to the people.

He had lived that way for so long, he hadn’t realized he’d developed so many selfish desires. Since when did he start thinking he wanted to obtain his wants rather than just give up on everything?

And I was punished for it.

The Goddess punished him for becoming self-aware by using his own hands to thoroughly harm the irreplaceable people he had developed an unhero-like attachment to.

How can I redeem myself?

What must I do to stop from hurting others?

What can I do?

“Elias? Are you feeling all right…?” Aki frowned at his sudden silence. She leaned forward to get a better look at his face from the chair, which she had moved to after he sat up.

Elias smiled feebly in response and exhaled quietly.

If being around others means hurting them, I’d rather be alone forever. Isolation means they won’t be hurt…and neither will I.

Come to think of it, that’s how I’ve lived all along.

Since when did he start to fear solitude?

Elias brought his clenched fist to his heart.

If only I didn’t have a heart… Then I wouldn’t feel lonely, want to have friends, love anyone, or feel anything at all. Then I could be the perfect puppet that stays loyal to their calling.

After all, I’m an enigma. There’s no one else like me in the world.

Remembering how different he was crushed his fragile heart, and when it did, all the color seemed to suddenly seep out of the world around him. Everything he once saw in vivid detail seemed to instantly lose its luster.

Perhaps because he had thrown a wall up between himself and the rest of the world, everything around him dimmed to match his miserable state of mind.

I don’t belong anywhere. I’m not of this world. There’s no place for me in it.

Even the woman he loved looking at him with worried eyes did nothing to move his frozen heart. She seemed a world away.

This is how it should be… I was always meant to be disconnected. Now I won’t be lonely. After all, I have always been alone.

“…Aki, can I…ask you a favor?” Elias muttered, his voice sounding like a drop in a bucket.

“What is it?” Aki asked, anxiously leaning closer to hear him.

Maybe she realized how funny he was acting.

Elias heaved a heavy sigh, irritated by his inability to hide his emotions from her.

“…Right now I’m…I’m afraid of myself…” His voice trembled.

He wasn’t trembling because he was nervous over what he was about to tell Aki. His hands and voice trembled with anxiety just remembering how he lost control of himself and mercilessly drew his sword against his friends.

“…I’m convinced I will…hurt the people closest to me,” Elias continued, urged on by Aki’s silence. “The closer they are, the more danger I’ll put them in…”

He never wanted to go through that again. Leaving was the only option to protect his friends.

Elias directed a fleeting smile at Aki. “So I’ve concluded I should travel alone. It’s the only way I can protect the people I care about.”

“That’s not true!” Aki shook her head violently, needing to deny him with words and actions. “Things blew up in a bad way this time because no one knew anything about the Goddess’s power. It wasn’t your fault, Elias! It won’t happen aga—”

“We have no proof it won’t!” Elias shouted before she could finish. Aki’s shoulders trembled. He clasped his hand over his mouth, shocked he raised his voice. “…Sorry, Aki. I’m not mad at you…”

It was his first time raising his voice in anger, which was a clear sign he couldn’t keep his mask on in front of her.

Elias looked down at his hands to escape her needling gaze. “Nobody, myself included, can say it won’t happen again. I might turn on you and the others again…and next time, I just might kill someone…”

Aki listened to him, her eyes filling with unshed tears.

“I’m…frightened to death of that,” he shared, laying bare his heart and overflowing emotions. “Just thinking about that possibility is driving me crazy. I’d rather fight all alone than risk it…!” he exclaimed, silencing her unspoken objections.

Maybe she was about to offer him words of comfort. Or maybe she was going to deny what he had come to believe. Whatever she had to say, she shelved it and looked down at the comforter, her expression torn.

Elias took a breath and continued, “…I want to start by apologizing to everyone, even though I know that won’t be enough to make up for what I did. After that, I plan to go to the Dark Lord’s Castle alone.”

“You what…?” Aki stared at Elias, her cheeks taut. He met her gaze, wanting to get a read on her feelings.

“…The Dark Lord claims he wants a truce. I can handle him alone. There’s no reason to put everyone else in harm’s way. And if it comes to needing you to…help me…I want you to come for me.”

Aki neither accepted nor turned down his request. She merely listened with her eyes pressed shut, as if she was shutting out what he was saying. It seemed less like she was hesitant to answer and more like his proposal was too outrageous to process.

Maybe she had sensed that Elias was trying to draw a line in the sand between him and everyone around him.

***

AKI could only look on, her heart breaking, as Elias maintained that fragile, fleeting smile. Every word he said saddened her. She wished she’d had more power to help him when he lost control, then he wouldn’t be suffering so much from what he had done.

And Elias had finally opened up to me, too…

It had taken time, but she succeeded in gradually exposing his true smile. Then the events in the Ancient Ruins resulted in him shutting back down again.

Maybe he was trying to protect himself from being crushed under the anxiety and guilt by putting a wall up. He was so traumatized, he saw no other way out.

Elias seemed to see the anguish on her face because he reached out and took her hand. “…You, more than anyone else, I want to keep out of danger. If you are safer away from me, then I…want to stay apart.”

“Are you…” she trailed off. The implication in his words stabbed at her heart. She didn’t want to know the answer to her question. She hoped she was making the wrong assumption. Still, she felt the need to ask. “…Are you…breaking up with me?” she finished through clenched teeth, her voice tight.

Just putting the question into words was painful.

…Elias’s face is blurry. I can’t see him.

His eyes wavered when he saw her crying. He lowered his gaze and silently nodded. “…I guess…I am. Let’s stop being in a romantic relationship. We aren’t breaking up so much as going back to how things were before. Back to being the Hero and the Hero’s Right-hand.”

Going back to how things were in the beginning? That’s the same as losing him for good. He’s completely rejecting me.

“I don’t want that, Elias! I…” Tears rolled down her cheeks as the words lodged in her throat. There was so much she wanted to say, it was becoming a jumble.

I don’t want to make things harder on him, but I can’t stop crying!

Elias watched her reaction with sad eyes and gave her hand a light squeeze.

“…Aki, I thought I would never be able to love anyone but fell head over heels in love with you. And you even told me you loved me back… It made me wonder if miracles like this can really happen to someone like me. You taught me what happiness is. Thanks to you, I was glad to be alive for the first time.”

Weeping, Aki turned a silent ear to listen to Elias’s faltering feelings.

Elias closed his eyes in self-reflection. “I was stupidly happy. You meant more to me than my title as Hero, than this very world…” A self-derisive smile flitted across his face. “But I know now that I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you. That’s probably why I incurred the Goddess’s wrath.”

He cupped Aki’s tear-streaked cheek with his hand and wiped away the endless drops that marked her sorrow.

“…I love you, I really do. That’s why I want you to be safe. Safe from the Goddesses, the Dark Lord, this world, and the Hero.” Elias made sure to emphasize that last part and weakly shook his head to stop her from saying anything in return.

It was the gesture of a man who had already given up hope.

“So let’s end things between us.”

Elias’s words fell like an anvil into the depths of her heart. He was breaking up with her and not giving her a chance to stop it.

Aki couldn’t shake her head or argue the point with him, she only stared at him, stunned, the tears trailing down her cheeks.

I can’t reach him anymore… He won’t direct that soft smile reserved for his girlfriend toward me again. Even if I try to connect with him, his heart won’t let me in…

“Elias…I…”

The saddest expression flicked across his face as he brushed the tears off her cheeks. Encouraged by his touch, she lifted her face. She saw the sorrow on his beautiful face up close.

By not knowing what to do, I’m going to end up isolating him again…

“…I love you, Aki. You mean the world to me.”

Aki closed her eyes to his bittersweet, heartbreaking confession. His lips brushed against hers for less than a second, but it was enough to double her misery. Their lips parted, and Aki gripped his shirt and leaned her head against his chest in her last attempt at resistance.

She didn’t even say anything, and he still shook his head. It was almost as if he was wordlessly repeating “So let’s end things between us.”

Aki stood up and bolted from the room without looking back at Elias as if that would help her escape her feelings. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to accept it.

She slammed the door shut behind her and stood in a stupor in the middle of the hallway, leaning her back against the door for support.

I-It’s over… I lost him…

As soon as that reality dawned on her, she slid down to the floor, the shock causing her heart to feel as if it had been carved out and stepped on.

Her chest hurt, her heart bled, and she wept in a loud voice in the middle of the hallway.