Chapter 4: Deviating Feelings

Chapter 4: Deviating Feelings

Aki sighed, releasing the tension from her shoulders as she waited for Leo to return to his room.

I love Elias…

It took losing him to realize just how big of a place he took up in her heart. She discovered how much she adored the gentle voice he reserved for her, his soft smile, and the broad back that always protected her from danger. But that realization was accompanied by another: just how much she had come to rely on him without doing anything in return. He was so hurt and depressed, and she failed to console him.

Somewhere in her heart, she had come to depend on him to make everything all right, even though she believed they were in an equally giving relationship. After seeing his lack of confidence, she noticed the heavy burden she was unconsciously pushing on him.

Elias had lived his whole life meeting the overwhelming demands placed on the Hero. This time, his hidden powers betrayed every expectation HE put on himself and trying to cope with it was driving him down a dark and spiraling thought process.

It’s my job to lighten the burden on him… I was so stuck thinking about myself, I ended up relying on him without supporting him back.

She wished she had more power to share the burden with him and not become a part of it.

I’m not qualified to be with him when I’m such a weakling…

As Aki sighed for the hundredth time, she heard Leo’s voice just outside the door.

“Hey, Aki, can you open the door? My hands are full.”

“O-Oh, okay. Sorry I didn’t notice sooner, Leo!” Aki hurried to the door and opened it. A sweet aroma reached her nose first before Leo strolled into the room with a wooden tray.

“Sorry for the wait, m’lady. Your order has arrived.” Leo picked up one of the cups and passed it to her, adding, “Be careful, it’s hot.”

“Thank you.” She accepted the cup with both hands and peered down at the pretty dark brown tea swaying inside it. The sweet smell of honey wafted off the steam.

Leo’s kindness filled her embittered heart with joy and it showed on her face as she looked up from the swirling tea and made eye contact with him.

He held her gaze for a moment before shyly looking away.

That reminded her of Leo’s love confession in the cavern. Aki’s heart raced and she darted her eyes around the room, unsure of how else to react.

Leo said nothing as he placed his cup on the table and flopped back on the edge of the bed again.

An awkward silence followed.

Perhaps she should have gotten right to it. He invited her to his room to hear her out. But she didn’t dare bring it up and went with an entirely different subject instead.

“…W-Was anyone else downstairs?”

Leo blinked once, taken by surprise by her abrupt question. “Yeah, everyone was,” he answered, looking at the ceiling. “Mina, Louis, Sutcliff, and Johann, that is.”

“Johann! I’m glad he regained consciousness, too!”

“Yeah. He’s not back in tip-top shape yet but seemed healthy enough. He really saved our butts this time. Not sure we coulda made it back without him.” Leo cracked a wry smile as he scratched the back of his head. Aki nodded several times in agreement.

Aki remembered Johann showing up in the nick of time to heal Leo’s fatal wounds before he presented them with a plan to seal the Solar Goddess’s power. Just thinking back on how awesome he was in their time of need got her adrenaline pumping again.

I wonder what would’ve come of us if Johann hadn’t been there. We owe him our lives. He really was cool. That reminds me, I never did thank him for comforting me. Aki decided to thank Johann as soon as she saw him.

“…How are you feeling now, Aki? A little calmer?” Leo asked in a gentle voice. His smile was so kind it made her heart skip a beat.

Leo’s waiting for me to talk… I can’t make him worry forever. Keeping it pent up inside isn’t going to change anything anyway. Everything Elias said was true after all.

“…Um, Leo, I’m not sure how well I can explain it, but…” Once she started talking, her entire conversation with Elias flashed forward. She buried her hands into her dress and bit her lower lip.

Once she mustered the courage, she explained what happened with Elias, occasionally tripping over her words along the way. Talking about it only made her sadder and she had to speak around her stifled sobs.

Leo listened quietly. He was letting her know that she could say anything without reservation. Before long, she was crying again.

“…It just hurt too much, I couldn’t think anymore… I couldn’t say a-anything to Elias…” Aki finished, dropping her gaze to her balled fists.

Even though she tried desperately not to cry, the tears poured forth without obeying her and dripped onto the back of her pale hands.

Hating herself for being a crybaby, Aki mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Pain twisted Leo’s expression. He waited until she stopped sobbing to quietly say, “…I’m sorry you guys went through that. Thank you for telling me.

He returned his gaze to the ceiling as if imagining the fight between them. “‘The closer the person is to me, the more likely I am to hurt them, so I want to push the closest people away,’ huh? Sounds like something he’d think up. He pretends to be strong when he’s just a really lonely guy… He doesn’t know how to interact,” he muttered with a sad smile.

Leo glanced at Aki then stared off into the distance. “Frankly, I want him to trust us more. I wish he’d get it through his head that he doesn’t have to get all worked up about keeping us safe—that he’ll realize we’re here to do the same thing for him.”

Aki wiped away her last tear and nodded. I want Elias to depend on me. I want his trust. And I’m not the only one who thinks that way—our whole Hero Party does. We all care about him. The strength he has in facing his opponents, his kindness toward others, all of those traits make everyone he meets want to support him.

What must I do to become strong enough to protect Elias? Not just physical strength, but emotional.

Leo slid off the bed and sat in the chair opposite Aki. He crossed his legs and rested his chin on his folded hands.

“The way I see it, he tries too hard to be perfect. I wish he’d at least be a little more willful and ask more of his friends. But his pride won’t let him. That’s why…” Leo flashed Aki a teasing grin, “I was honestly shocked when you told me you guys were dating. Sure, everyone knew you guys were into each other, but I never thought he’d be able to tell you how he feels.”

Everyone knew… Aki fidgeted from the embarrassment of being told that to her face.

“After all, he showed absolutely no interest in any of the fancy princesses and drop-dead gorgeous ladies who flirted with him before. I was starting to think all women looked like slimes to him. We were starting to worry,” Leo said with a laugh.

“R-Really?”

She was going to say, “It’s not like you or Johann have any women in your life either” but stopped.

They had been so busy training and studying for their war against the Dark Lord, they probably didn’t have the time for romance. Their unrivaled strength may have been due to not only innate talent but also the amount of time they invested in getting stronger.

Leo narrowed his eyes, seemingly unhappy with her reply. “C’mon now, you know better than anyone how oblivious he is when it comes to romance. Though his status as Hero likely played an even bigger role in him not getting involved with any women… Or more like, he was purposely trying not to get attached to others. Until he met you.”

Aki bashfully looked away from Leo’s sudden soft smile. It sounded as though she had become someone so special to Elias he couldn’t run away from love anymore.

Whether he knew how she was feeling or not, Leo continued with his ears turning pink, “…I know exactly how he feels.”

“Pardon?” Aki looked at his face and he immediately turned his head toward the window to avoid her eyes.

“I mean, you’re no peerless beauty—”

“Hey, what’s that—”

“But you give everything your all,” he continued over her. “I’m pretty sure you had it rough being summoned to this unknown world. But instead of running away, you accepted it and assertively asked us questions. And then you even went the extra mile to help us out when we needed it, right? You came across as really lovable and cute—ack, what am I sayin’?!”

Red rushed to Leo’s cheeks and he scratched the back of his head. Aki pursed her lips at his endless praise. But he didn’t let his compliments end there. He gazed sincerely into her eyes.

“Ah, whatever. Might as well say it all while I’m at it. It’s because of your personality that I want to be with you and encourage you. And when I see you in danger, it makes me think I should stick around to protect you. Once I started thinking that way, I, well, began fallin’ for ya.”

Aki blushed profusely and hung her head. It was almost as if Leo was confessing his feelings to her a second time. Being told those things by a wonderful and sincere man like Leo filled her with a mix of joy, nervous butterflies, and shyness.

Leo turned his head away again and glanced back with only his eyes. “So I think that’s what made him fall in love with you.”

“Y-You think so…?”

Ahhh! This is so embarrassing! Aki’s face burned so bad she couldn’t look up.

Leo cleared his throat to clear the air. “Anyway, Elias has never had anyone like you in his life. And that’s why he was so desperate to protect you as the Hero and as a man. But so much happened all at once, he failed at both,” Leo said persuasively. Aki gave a small nod.

“He’s definitely wallowing in self-pity because he feels responsible for getting you hurt. Hence the breakup speech... Sheesh. That’s where he shoulda said I’ll become strong enough to protect you from now on,” Leo teased.

Aki laid her right hand over her heart. I don’t want my relationship to end with him… At this rate, he will put up his Hero wall, seal his heart off, and pretend not to notice it.

She didn’t want to see Elias’s forced smile again. Rather than a fake expression directed at strangers, she wanted him to give her that blissful smile reserved for his lover.

Finally discovering what she really wanted, Aki looked at the teacup sitting on the table and asked, “…Leo, what should I do?”

“About what?” He tilted his head.

She leaned on the table, her butt hovering a few inches off her chair. “I don’t want Elias to end up alone like this… I don’t want to break up with him!” At last, her true desires became words.

Though she didn’t want Elias to end up alone, she also wanted to be the only woman he ever loved. She didn’t want to give him up—she wanted him to herself. Perhaps it was wrong to harbor these feelings for the world’s Hero, but that was how she felt.

“Because I love Elias…!” she announced in a trembling voice.

As she became aware of how great her feelings for him were, the fresh memory of him feebly shaking his head saying they should end things entered her thoughts.

What did she have to do to pull him out of his slump? Would she never be able to reach him again now that he had pulled back into his shell?

The thought was enough to crush her heart and bring hot tears streaming down her cheeks. She tried to fight them off by gnawing her lip to no avail.

Leo sadly watched Aki hiccup and choke on her words. He seemed hesitant to say anything until he couldn’t bear to see her weep any longer.

“…Don’t cry,” he said in a strained voice.

His voice sounded so deep, Aki couldn’t help looking up at him and blinking back the tears.

Leo’s sharp gaze held her captive. “Don’t cry, Aki,” he repeated stronger this time. “I didn’t nearly die in that last battle to see you dissolve into tears. That’s not why I fought him… That’s not what I fought Elias for!”

“Leo…?”

Leo jumped up and strode over to Aki. He looked down at her as if her words had deeply hurt him. She looked up at his confusing expression and tilted her head.

“Leo, what’s—”

“Please, Aki!”

Aki placed her right hand on the table to stand when Leo reached out and pulled her tightly to him. As she blinked repeatedly, his hair tickled the top of her shoulder and her cheek.

“L-Leo…?” Eyes spinning, she stiffened in his arms. His hands tightened on her back. He hugged her so tight she struggled to breathe.

“I know this is a cowardly time to ask this, but…am I not good enough for you…?” he whispered in her ear.

Understanding exactly what he meant, Aki gasped.

“I won’t hurt your feelings and make you cry alone like this. I don’t want you to look this sad ever again…”

“L-Leo…”

My chest hurts… I can feel just how much he cares about me, my heart aches. Why…? Wrapped in Leo’s strong arms, Aki placed her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. Why is it people rarely ever fall in love at the same time with the same person?

Just one small deviation can change everything.

“You even told me you loved me back… It made me wonder if miracles like this could really happen to someone like me. You taught me what happiness is. Thanks to you, I was glad to be alive for the first time.”

What Elias said to her earlier that day suddenly came to mind.

There is no greater miracle in life than being in love with a person who loves you back just as much.

Aki didn’t want to lose that miracle.

“…Aki,” Leo passionately uttered her name. Her heart did a little flip. “…I love you…just as much as he does,” he whispered in a husky voice.

A single tear rolled down Aki’s cheek. She despised herself for being unable to respond to his strong feelings for her.

Leo released her without another word. His feverish gaze met her bewildered eyes. Her very breath was taken away by the deep purple gleam of his eyes and his handsome visage.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him when she refused to even breathe in his presence. “I won’t hold back if he’s given up on you,” he announced inches from her face.

Startled, Aki looked away from the ardor burning in his eyes and shook her head back and forth.

“Leo, I…”

I can’t return his feelings. It’s Elias I love. I won’t give up on him even if I’ve lost my place in his life. But maybe that’s how Leo feels about me too. It’s impossible to just will away your feelings.

When Aki said no more, Leo instantly let go of her. He turned around faster than she could say anything.

“…I’ll go check on Elias,” he said quickly and walked away from her.

Aki reached for his back. “Leo! Wai—”

“You wait here,” he ordered in a quiet voice.

Trembling, she dropped her hand. His back rejected further conversation, causing words to fail her and she pressed her lips together instead.

Leo left the room without looking back. The door shut with a cold thud. She was left alone once more.

…Why? Aki bit the inside of her cheek and slid down to her knees in the painful silence. Why did it come to this?