Chapter 5: To Trust and Be Trusted

Chapter 5: To Trust and Be Trusted

ELIAS snuck out of the inn through the window and was now sitting on the edge of an empty quay at the end of Port City’s wharf, gazing out at the moored boats. Neatly folded white sails stood in rows against the clear blue sky, reflecting the sunlight to an almost blinding degree.

Under normal circumstances, taking in beautiful scenery would lift his spirits. But it did nothing to cheer him up after he ran away. He stared at the port, his mind adrift.

What in the world am I doing?

Elias knew leaving without saying a word to the others would only cause heartache for them. Not even he could figure out what he was trying to achieve by burdening the people he cared about.

Disappointed in himself, Elias shifted his gaze from the vibrant blue sea to the people going about their business in the harbor. He watched men busily unloading ships shouting orders back and forth, people anxiously standing around on the wharf waiting to board a ship to their destination, and stores putting out freshly caught fish to sell to the morning crowds.

Dressed in a pale-blue shirt and slacks, Elias had left his room without his cloak, epaulets, gloves, and the rest of his equipment. Even the Holy Sword he usually wore like an extension of his arm was sitting back in his room, leaving him entirely defenseless and at odds with himself.

He wanted to go out for once as something—someone—other than the Hero.

If I was just a normal person, what would my life be like? I bet I…

Elias was trying to run from reality—from the cruel reality of hurting his friends. And from the reality of being the Hero.

Even though he knew all too well that nothing would change by fleeing. It only made him feel emptier.

Falling deeper into pensive thought, Elias sighed, and as he did, he spotted a young couple buying fish and fruit from one of the storefronts he was absently staring at. The girlfriend was happily pointing at the contents in their basket and smiled up at the boyfriend in front of her.

Looks like fun…

As he enviously watched them, the woman gradually started to look like Aki. And before long, the boyfriend started looking like himself. Elias imagined himself and Aki in their shoes.

If I was born as a normal man and Aki was born as a normal woman in this world…would we have met, become friends, and eventually fall in love like that couple?

Then we could’ve gone shopping together, come back to the same home, talked about our day, slept in the same bed…where I would wake up next to her in the morning. We could even eat breakfast together.

…That would’ve been true happiness.

Elias could only imagine what being normal was like, but he assumed it came with a kind of happiness that he could only get by living like everyone else. But he wasn’t like everyone else.

Elias shook his head, chasing away the dream of another life, and turned away from the happy couple.

His gaze tracked the seagulls riding the wind, but his mind barely registered what he was looking at.

True happiness…is impossible for me.

Fantasizing about his dream life was pointless. He wouldn’t exist if he wasn’t the Hero.

I don’t have value as anything else.

“Why was I ever even…”

Born.

He tightened his hands over his knees.

My existence is meaningless if I can’t fulfill my duty.

The sea breeze blowing through the harbor gently tousled his hair, as if to soothe Elias as he struggled to accept the meaning of his life.

Sitting here doing nothing isn’t going to get me anywhere… Though he thought that way, he didn’t know where else to go after rejecting his place in life.

“…Oi,” a terribly familiar voice said gruffly behind him as he sank deeper into brooding.

Elias looked back with a start, removing his hand from his aching head. Behind him stood Leo with his hand on his hip, wearing casual clothes instead of his usual gear.

“Leo…” Elias said, frowning at being found.

“Man, I had to search hard for you. What’re you doin’ out without your sword?” Leo scolded, his brows snapped together as he walked over.

Elias had been too down in the dumps to notice his presence.

Leo sat down next to him and leaned back on his hands on the quay with his feet dangling off the edge. He had come empty-handed despite nagging Elias about leaving without the Holy Sword. Squinting against the sunlight reflecting off the sea, Leo stared out at the horizon.

“Good view you’ve got here. Come to think of it, we’ve been to this city plenty of times but never once enjoyed looking around the harbor.”

Elias briefly glanced at Leo’s side profile before fastening his gaze on the dazzling water surface. “I guess…not. We were always in a rush. We always headed back into the Field to defeat more monsters after taking a short rest or hopped on a ship to the next city. Never had much time to take it easy here,” he quietly responded, taking another quick look at Leo.

Leo didn’t look angry or upset, his lips simply curved into a slight smile as he lent an ear to Elias.

The two listened to the hustle and bustle of the wharf while sitting next to each other in silence.

Looking at Leo only reminded Elias of the moment he mercilessly cut down his back in the Ancient Ruins. Thinking back on it, Leo had fought carefully to avoid dealing any lethal wounds to Elias. He concentrated more on defense than offense.

On the opposite hand, Elias’s attacks were the real deal, sparing no concern for accidentally killing his opponent. He savagely hunted Leo down and dealt a heavy blow to him with each vicious strike.

Elias vaguely remembered losing all sense of Leo being his ally and being ready to take his life if the opportunity presented itself.

If Johann and Aki hadn’t arrived in the nick of time, he might’ve finished Leo off when he had him pinned to the ground. Fear roiled in his gut just thinking about it.

Elias lifted his shaking hands above his head and stared at them as if they were foreign objects that didn’t belong to him.

I need to apologize to Leo and the others. I can’t just draw away from them without an apology.

Plus, Leo probably came looking for me because he’s worried. I’m sure he has a lot he wants to say, but instead of criticizing me, he’s patiently waiting for me to speak up first.

Elias was constantly saved by his best friend’s clumsy kindness. He felt pathetic for lacking the courage to properly respond in kind.

I’ve got to stop causing problems for him, Elias thought, taking a deep breath before facing Leo.

“Hey, Leo…” He was so nervous the words lodged in his throat and his voice cracked. Hearing him, Leo silently turned toward Elias. Feeling his mouth rapidly drying out, Elias held Leo’s gaze. “Um, er, well, I’m sorry for all the stupid stuff—”

He tried to bow as he apologized, but Leo smacked his head faster than he could react. Not expecting to be karate chopped, Elias glared at him.

“O-Ow! What was that for—”

“Don’t apologize!”

Elias shirked back from his shouting. Leo leaned closer and pointed his finger at Elias’s face before he could reflexively apologize again.

“Shove your stupid clichéd thought process that you caused problems for us! Everybody knows you didn’t mean to do it! Nobody’s mad at you for that. So stop your worrying.” A kind smile suddenly spread across Leo’s lips as if to soften his words and cheer Elias up. “And quit being depressed already! You moping around all day is more annoying for us!” he added, a wicked gleam flashing in his eyes as he flicked Elias’s forehead.

Dazed, Elias pressed his hand to the stinging flesh and stared back at Leo.

Does that mean they are willing to forgive me? When I don’t deserve it?

The pent-up tension left his body like the tide after he realized forgiveness was possible for him.

Warmth filled him with the knowledge of his friends’ kindness and acceptance. He had done something unforgivable. That’s how he felt, but, deep down, he wanted forgiveness. He never really wanted to leave his friends—he just didn’t know what else to do. He stubbornly rejected what he really wanted.

Realizing his true feelings for the first time, Elias exhaled a long, strenuous sigh and sat up straight. He bowed to Leo to express his heartfelt gratitude.

“Leo, th-thank—” Before he could finish speaking, a single teardrop slipped down his cheek and splashed on his lap.

Elias vowed to never cry before another human being, yet in a single day, he had cried in front of Aki and Leo. Had he lost control over his emotions next?

No, this is who I really am… I’ve always just pretended to be strong when I’m weak.

Wincing, Leo scratched his head and looked back out at the waves, knowing Elias would rather not have his best friend see him cry.

“…C’mon, don’t cry, buddy,” he said quietly. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you shed a tear. I’m not gonna comment like Johann would, but I do think it’s a good sign. Is this thanks to Aki’s influence, too?” He smiled suggestively and continued without looking at Elias, “…You know, she was crying. Not that you didn’t hear her.”

Lost for words, Elias looked down at his hands in his lap.

He heard her crying through the door so he knew his words had hurt her bad enough she couldn’t even walk back to her room before breaking down. Though he knew it, he left her to cry alone. After all, he wanted her to hate him for being the horrible man who had dumped her so suddenly.

When he heard Leo run over and start talking to her, Elias thought it was for the best.

Because I thought I could give up on her… Leo is far superior to me, both as a person and as a man. So I thought he’d be better for her…

Unaware of Elias’s thoughts, Leo kept his gaze trained on the horizon as he said, “Speaking of which, I wouldn’t have guessed you two became a couple. I mean, I expected it might happen someday, but sounds like something good happened to push you guys along. I heard all about it from Aki.” He cracked a carefree grin.

Elias looked up and wordlessly returned his smile.

Elias took a deep breath, pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and rested his head on top. Maybe he was trying to subconsciously protect himself from the scariness of professing his true feelings by making himself as small as possible.

“I…”

The seagulls had been squawking and grunting around them the whole time, but they sounded so much louder now. Elias started pouring out his feelings in a thin voice that was nearly lost in the noise.

“I…fell in love with her the way a man does a woman…”

He felt like he was confessing his sins.

Leo didn’t say anything or push him to say more, he merely sat there listening.

“I…wanted her…wanted Aki to be mine.”

Elias grew more self-conscious and embarrassed about the depth of his desires as he shared them. But since he had never discussed his human emotions before, he was more interested in talking it out with someone than hiding his embarrassment, especially when that someone was his best friend.

“…But it was wrong to want that,” Elias bemoaned between gritted teeth, trying to convey how he really felt without dressing it up. “I can’t control my feelings when it comes to her… To the point I let the Goddess’s power take over me.”

Elias wasn’t all too surprised the Solar Goddess’s immense power was dormant inside him when he was her creation. In retrospect, it actually explained why the Hero had superhuman physical strength.

If only he realized it sooner, the events of the other day could have been avoided.

“I hurt all the people I vowed to protect because I couldn’t control myself…” Overcome with the despair of being unable to stop his mindless rampage, Elias buried his forehead into his knees. “…I failed as a Hero,” he confessed in a strangled voice. “I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore…”

He looked at the ground through his knees and groaned, “I can’t stop worrying about things,” before Leo could say anything.

I’m a tool created by the Goddess.

He had obsessively clung to his role as Hero to blot out the reality of being a mere tool, but now that he’d failed the one thing that kept him going, he didn’t know how to proceed anymore.

However, no matter how much he wanted to run away, he couldn’t escape his duty. Only he could be the Hero, no one else could ever stand in his shoes.

At a glance, everyone admired and wanted to be him, never realizing that being the world’s hero just meant being confined to a bejeweled cage from birth till death.

He desperately contemplated how he could prevent his friends from being chained inside the same cage.

“I don’t think I should stick around any longer,” he admitted in a shaky voice. “Leaving will keep you safer. The same goes for Aki… I love her, but it’s better to be apart…”

The closer I am to someone, the greater they will get hurt. The nearer they are to me, the more unlikely I am to protect them. That especially applies to Aki. I thought I could do an even better job of protecting the woman I love, but I couldn’t save her from myself. Now I know for sure that she, as the person closest to me, will be in the greatest danger of all.

Elias couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to her because of him.

He finally sat up and glanced at Leo who looked like he had a lot to say. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m going to the Dark Lord’s Castle alone—” he started and stopped up short when he was positive he heard a blood vessel pop in Leo’s temple. Chilled to the bone, he instinctively scooted away just as Leo’s hands came down hard on the cobblestone.

“SHUT UUUPPPPP!”

Leo’s enraged shout echoed through the harbor, freezing Elias in place.

Did I just tick Leo off beyond return?

“All I’ve been hearing for the last ten minutes is your tireless whining. We knew we’d be in danger the day we signed up to be a member of your party! We’re with you despite the potential risks! What the hell do you think of us?!” Leo told Elias off as if he were a disobedient little boy, his shoulders rising and falling with his angry breathing.

Though Elias shirked away, he could tell Leo was trying to explain his feelings in his own way, and he looked him square in the eye.

I need to face what he said. I have to seriously take his words into consideration and change for the better. It’s only my friends who will tell me when I’m in the wrong.

It’s then that Elias realized his decision to make their lives easier by leaving for good only had the reverse effect of trampling all over their feelings. What he thought was helping was actually a slap in the face.

I can’t do it without them. I was acting self-righteous. By being stubborn and stuck in my head, I betrayed the only people who really believe in me and nearly did something that couldn’t be undone this time.

Leo thrust his finger at Elias as if to drive the point home. “You’ve been going on and on about hurting the people closest to you, but everybody does that. Same goes for me. I cause the most trouble for you, Johann, and Aki because you matter to me.” He grabbed Elias by the shoulders and raised his voice to knock it into his thick skull. “What’s that got to do with anything?! Don’t disappear from our lives over somethin’ so human! What do you actually want to do?”

“Me…?” Elias blinked.

“What do YOU want?!” Leo demanded.

What do I want…?

“I…” Elias gaped at the unexpected question.

Growing impatient with him, Leo shook his shoulders. “Yeah, your wants! That matters a thousand times more than what your status as Hero calls for. If you’re gonna toss Aki aside because you lack the balls to protect her, then I’ll make her mine in your place! You okay with that? Huh?!”

Leo essentially declared war for Aki’s hand and that aroused the fight in Elias.

Someone was going to take Aki from him. She was going to be with a different man.

The instant he imagined her laughing in another man’s arms, the emotions he kept bottled up exploded.

“You can’t!” he shouted at Leo before he even realized what he was saying. He ground the rest of his feelings into him before he could retort. “I don’t want anyone else to have Aki! She’s my…my…” The rest of the words lodged in his throat and came out as a groan.

Man up, Elias! I’ll lose what matters most to me if I don’t speak up. Stop ignoring your feelings to keep up appearances. I’ll never change if I remain silent. It’s all right to speak about my honest feelings and desires as Elias. My friends will allow it. Leo is waiting for it.

“She’s my…woman!” All the strength went whooshing out of his body, and he felt dizzy after he professed his feelings. He hadn’t even realized how high strung he was until he felt the heat burning his cheeks and his shoulders trembling.

Did it always take so much energy to speak up? Was this the first time he had voiced his repressed desires?

Silence filled the momentary pause between them. It wasn’t until the wind started to go out of Elias’s sails that Leo beamed like a little boy who had finally gotten his way.

“Well said! Now I can finally take you on fair and square! I was this close to pushing you into the ocean to cool off your fat head!” Leo teased, punching Elias in the arm.

“Hey!” Elias laughed.

“You deserved it!” Leo retorted, grinding his fist into Elias’s shoulder.

Elias threw a right punch, which Leo rolled away from and responded with a left hook that Elias caught in his hand, starting a playful fight that they laughed throughout.

Elias was having so much fun. He was so happy to have someone to cheer him up when he felt down. A friend to save him in a time of need.

I’m not alone. I don’t have to bear the burden of Hero on my own.

Once he was able to think that way, the anvil on his back lifted, and color filled his dark world again. And it came with the realization that his friends had been looking out for him all along, and just how much Aki’s smile had saved him from himself.

Frustrated with how childish he was being, Elias punched Leo extra hard for laughing next to him.

Caught by surprise, Leo shouted “Now you’re asking for it!” and shot out his fist, which Elias caught while flashing a toothy grin.

As he fooled around with his best friend, Elias gazed up at the blue sky that looked a hundred times brighter now than when he was trapped with his dark thoughts.

I can do this with everyone at my side. I know their presence will take me further than ever.