I 1 Have 2 A 3 Secret 4

LOOKING AT THE HEARTBEATS of the other students walking through the airport in their school-sanctioned coats, I realized their pulses were all racing. Ah, of course. It was proof of just how excited they were for this field trip.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. I could see each beat in numerical format. As for my own heartbeat, it continued to maintain its usual steady pace. No matter how happy I was or how much fun I was having, my heart never raced. After years of being able to monitor everyone’s pulses, including my own, this was the result. I had trained myself to stay composed.

Some would call this a good thing, but they would be wrong. I was just a cold, unfeeling person. Sure, it was an uncharitable mindset, but at the same time, it showed just how firmly I believed myself to be a special snowflake who was different from everyone else.

First thing in the morning and I had already hit the self-loathing stage.

When I arrived at the airport terminal where we were all set to meet up, I immediately spotted one of my classmates staring into space. Reluctantly, I forced myself to strike up a conversation.

“Good morning. How are you feeling today, my prince?”

“…Oh, hey, Looney. I’m nobody’s prince, but, uh…I daresay I am in good humor this day…?”

“Glad to hear it.”

As I spoke, I took half a step closer and brushed my arm against his—a tiny gesture, to be sure, but I was using the shampoo he had mentioned liking, and I wanted him to smell it. Furthermore, I knew men liked short girls, so I made sure to emphasize our height difference while I was at it.

Alas, as usual, it had seemingly no effect. My prince maintained a level head at all times. And when I looked at the four-beat rhythm floating at his chest, I once again thought to myself:

I really can’t stand that about you.

Sure, I didn’t get excited over field trips, but even I had a hierarchy of people I preferred over others. And as it happened, he was the classmate I hated most.

“Zuka.” The popular kid.

To be clear, I didn’t hate him because he was tall or handsome or good at sports. I hated him because his heartbeat resembled mine. His true colors were a secret only I knew.

No matter how excited he acted, how happy he sounded, his heart never wavered for anything except exercise and athletic reflexes. On the inside, he was a solid block of ice, just like me. And that was the sort of person I could never like.

So I unbuttoned the front of his peacoat and plunged my hand inside. I knew this probably wouldn’t have any effect on him either, but I figured there was no harm in trying anyway. He didn’t bother to stop me—just watched.

“The heck are you doing, Looney?”

“I’m cold.”

Sure enough, even if I openly acted like a clingy girlfriend, his heart never missed a beat. Next, I shifted my position into more of a hug. Again, I had figured nothing would happen, but to my surprise, there actually was a palpable effect this time.

Not on him, but on me.

There was a tiny jingling sound, and when I heard it, my heart fluttered. Then, when I recognized it, I reflexively moved away from him. He cocked his head at me, and I felt my heart pound…but then it quickly went back to normal. So I donned my most surprised face and decided to gauge his reaction. “Is that a bell I hear?”

At this, something happened that was equally as rare as my heart racing: his heart raced. In other words, the bell in his pocket had to carry some deeper meaning to him. I decided to wheedle it out of him.

“Why do you have a bell?”

“Eh…uh, well…”

I had hoped he might let something slip, but his guard was up, and he didn’t finish the sentence.

“It’s not for Miki-chan, is it?” I pressed.

I figured if I name-dropped her, I could gauge his reaction regarding her specifically. But his heart didn’t waver any further. Instead, he glanced behind me and grinned.

“Uhh, it’s a secret. Anyway, look behind you.”

A secret? A SECRET? Wait, behind me?

“Goooood morning, Looney! Wait, what’s going on? Why are you sad? C’mon, we’re going to Okinawa!”

Someone jumped onto me from behind, knocking all my questions up in the air. Once I was finally freed from her tight grip, I turned around. There stood my beloved friend, the only person crazy enough to wear summer clothes to the airport in February, when everyone else was bundled up in scarves and woolly hats.

“Good morning, Miki-chan. Flip-flops in the middle of winter, I see. Truly the cutting edge of fashion.”

“Oh, c’mon! I’m telling you, we’re not going to need our stupid scarves when we get there! We’re going to the tropics!”

As she gleefully shook me by the shoulders, I could see that her heart was racing faster than anyone else here. That alone was enough to put a smile on my face.

I had a hierarchy of people I preferred over others, and Miki-chan was at the top. She was dense, thoughtless, narrow-minded—if she heard me describing her this way, she’d probably kick me—but above all, she was a good person who was capable of reacting on an emotional level. Unlike me.

But although I knew I could never be like her, it didn’t stop me from dreaming.

“It’s okay, Miki-chan. I love you anyway.”

“Where did that come from?! Ha ha! Well, thanks. Oh, good morning!”

She spotted another friend about fifty yards away and ran over to her. It was Miyazato-chan, who flinched and then smiled softly when she saw Miki-chan barreling toward her. It was then that I remembered to collect my questions out of the air and put them back in my head—but when I turned back, I found Mr. Popular in the middle of a conversation with some other classmate.

And so I was forced to board the plane feeling even more frustrated with him than I normally was.

 

Somewhere out there, there’s this asshole named God who gets to decide the compatibility of two given people. Most of the time, it’s based on appearance, or relative position, or the way that they met, or sometimes it’s something even more important. And for the most part, people just accept it—a subconscious choice, but a fatal error nonetheless.

Height. Popularity. How long they’ve known each other. Number of friends. These are the sorts of inconsequential things people use to determine their entire relationships with each other. But I didn’t want my beloved Miki-chan to end up like that. Speaking as someone who spent her whole life overthinking things to an obnoxious degree, I wanted to believe that the power of love could supersede all those other things.

And so I had spent the past few months attempting to play Cupid for one particular boy. Who was his target, you ask? Why, none other than my dear friend Miki-chan. Rest assured, his was no fleeting fancy.

At first I decided to simply watch over them as a third party while ensuring that no unwanted pests got in the way. Every now and then I’d tell other people things that Miki-chan had told me to make sure he found out about it, but that was the most I ever did. Problem was, that didn’t lead to any progress.

Next, I took a more active supporting role, creating situations where they’d end up alone together. Cliché, I know. But surprisingly, that didn’t result in progress, either—and at the rate they were headed, I knew Miki-chan was probably going to default to ending up in a relationship with my prince, since they’d known each other for so long. Therefore, as someone who liked to keep all her bases covered, I decided to knock him out of the running. But how? Well, the easiest way would be to take him off the market myself. In other words, I needed to seduce him.

So I tried all sorts of things. I found out what hairstyle his ex-girlfriend used to have and tried to imitate it, I pressed my chest against him, I ate the same food as him, and so on. And while nothing seemed to be working thus far, I wasn’t planning on letting up during this field trip…but now the circumstances had changed. The item in his possession—the bell—had complicated things.

Allow me to explain, since I imagine its special significance is unique to our community. You see, our school had one of those sickeningly trite romantic superstitions: If you give a bell to someone during a field trip, you’ll be together forever. I’ll spare you the lore behind it, since it doesn’t really matter how this particular urban legend came to be. Also of unimportance: whether or not it was actually true. All you need to know is that to us, giving someone a bell was tantamount to a love confession. And my prince had a bell in his pocket.

Either someone had asked him out, or he was planning on asking someone himself. Not only that, but when I asked him about it, he saw Miki-chan coming and changed the subject. If he had merely received it from some girl in a different class, I could let it slide, but unfortunately, chances were high this had something to do with Miki-chan. And that was a problem.

Naturally, I couldn’t risk making a scene about it. Doing so would only make the two of them more conscious of each other, which would fan the flames of their romance, and I couldn’t have that. I would never permit someone as cold and unfeeling as him to steal Miki-chan’s passionate heart. So I waited until he was busy chatting with another guy on the track team and then made my move.

“Did you know my prince got a bell from someone?” I asked, putting an arm around Kyou’s shoulders without warning as we walked through Okinawa Peace Memorial Park. He flinched, and his heart rate spiked.

“Jeez, you scared me! You mean Zuka? I hadn’t heard about it, but I’m not surprised, I guess.”

“From Miki-chan.”

At this, his pulse skyrocketed full-throttle, like someone had just set off a bomb.

“Just kidding. But it could happen, you know.”

“Oh. Yeah. Gotcha. Cool.”

To this day, Kyou had never outright admitted his feelings for her, but my superpower made it crystal clear regardless. I liked how hard his heart pumped for her.

“Wh-what about you, Sensei? Are you gonna give a bell to anyone?”

I was only his “sensei” when it came to guitar, but the nickname amused me, so I had made it permanent.

“Maybe. Did you bring a bell?”

“Uh…no…”

“As your sensei, I hereby command you to buy a bell and give it to Miki-chan during the field trip.”

Again, his pulse quickened and strengthened. He must have envisioned himself confessing to her. But if his imagination alone was enough to make his heart pound at full speed, then what would happen during the actual confession? Would he pass out? Even then, I still wanted him to try.

Knowing Miki-chan, once our third year of high school rolled around, she would start seriously dedicating herself to her studies. She had the tendency to hyper-focus on whatever was right in front of her, which meant she was able to shut out distractions when necessary. This, however, was a double-edged sword. Kyou needed to give her a token of his affection while he still had time.

“Don’t worry. With Miki-chan, you just gotta go for it. It’ll work out.”

It really was just that easy, too. Unlike me, she was a warmhearted person who responded well to passionate emotions. Of course, if Kyou was the kind of guy who would force his feelings on her with no regard for her own, then make no mistake, I would sink him in the Pacific Ocean. But Kyou was the type who was quick to back down, so he needed a fair amount of firm pushing to get him going, like so.

“Miki-chan! Come quick! It’s Kyou!” I called to her in a loud voice.

Kyou fixed me with a dead-eyed stare as she jogged over.

“What’s going on? What about Kyou?” she asked.

“He has a c…question for you about classical studies. Anyway, I gotta go.”

Shooting Kyou a threatening wink, I left them alone together.

I was willing to startle people on purpose whenever necessary to achieve my goals. When their heart rate spiked, their composure wavered, and sometimes humans were better off without the icy hand of rationality holding them back. In Kyou’s case, he needed to fly by the seat of his pants if he wanted to get anywhere at all.

So I walked up to the group of girls Miki-chan had stepped away from, said something loony, and added myself to the fray.

 

It was my beloved Miki-chan who first came up with the nickname Looney.

Growing up with this superpower, I quickly learned how to fluster people. I wanted to be the sort of person who left an impact on others—it gave me a token amount of self-esteem. And after persistently making people’s hearts pound for long enough, I suddenly ended up with a new name one day: Looney, as in lunatic. Ironically, I wore this name like a badge of honor. At the same time, I didn’t want people finding out about the real me.

“Looney” had its uses, after all. Certain people were allowed to get away with things others couldn’t, depending on their personality. So if people thought I was crazy, then no matter what I did to them, they would simply shrug it off. And I wanted to take full advantage of the role I was given to play.

“It’s time for everybody to confess those mushy feelings!”

“Pipe down, Kuroda!”

Night one at the hotel, during dinner. As the teacher shouted at me, I surveyed the heart rates of everyone in the room. At the word confess, some stayed the same, but others beat a little faster. Naturally, I focused my attention on all the fastest ones. Had they already made their move, or were they waiting for the perfect timing? Some were probably scared stiff simply at the thought of it, like Kyou, but if you asked me—eh, forget it.

From the looks of things, neither Miki-chan nor Miyazato-chan had much of a reaction to my declaration. And none of the girls who were close with my prince had a spike in their pulses, either—the ones I knew about, at least. Was this confirmation that he was planning to give it to someone? Now that I thought about it, the average person probably wouldn’t confess their feelings before the trip…

Meanwhile, the jerk in question carried on eating his deep-fried shrimp like he hadn’t even noticed. Then he saw me looking and grinned at me. It pissed me off, though I didn’t let it show.

Ultimately, nothing happened during the first night, as far as I knew. More accurately, the pillow I threw at Miki-chan ended up triggering a massive pillow fight across the entire room, and by the time it came to an end, everyone was so exhausted that we all went straight to bed. As it turned out, the slightest actions could incite wars, bringing needless fatigue to the people. Very educational.

Before I knew it, I was the only one still awake that night.

Every now and then, my brain would spend the night thinking instead of sleeping. This was the reason people often complained about how “spacey” I seemed, and tonight was one of those nights. So I tossed and turned for a while, got up and crawled under the covers with Miki-chan for a while, drank from my bottle of tea for a while… Then eventually I ran out of tea, so I decided to go down to the vending machine on the first floor and buy another. Perhaps it would make a nice change of pace.

They’d assigned five students to each room. Once I checked everyone else’s rhythmic heartbeats, I stepped out into the darkened hall. We were located on the fifth floor; the teachers’ rooms were on the fourth floor, and the boys’ rooms were on the third. As I walked through the darkness to the elevators, I spotted two teachers in the process of trading places for guard duty.

“I can’t sleep, so I’m going to go buy a drink,” I explained honestly, then stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. Then I let out a breath.

A short while later, the elevator came to a stop; I figured I’d arrived at the first floor, so I started to leave but ended up walking face-first into a wall of muscle.

“Oh, sorry, Looney.”

I looked up to find my prince standing there, dressed in a tracksuit. Then I looked at the indicator for the current floor: 3. Rolling my eyes internally, I took a step back.

“You know this is heading down, right? Aren’t you going up to have your way with the girls?” I asked, half-joking, half-probing.

“No! I’m not! I’m thirsty, so I’m gonna buy a drink. What about you?”

“Well, you see, my dear prince, I was going to go have my way with the boys until you showed up.”

“Seriously, what’s with this ‘my prince’ crap?”

It wasn’t even that funny, and yet he donned a soft smile at the exact moment the elevator doors slid open to reveal the first floor. In the lobby, where the vending machines were located, I could see a group of teachers chatting. Naturally, I recognized all of them. When they saw the two of us walk out together, the adults all got suspicious, and I didn’t want to have to deal with it, so I made the first move.

“We just finished working up a sweat, and now we need to step outside to cool down, if you know what I mean.”

“We bumped into each other in the elevator, that’s all,” my prince clarified, once the teachers started laughing.

I pulled out my wallet and then headed for the vending machines. “Quit messing around and hurry back to your room,” my class advisor called after me.

Newly purchased tea bottle in hand, I turned back to find my prince getting harangued by his club supervisor. Without hesitation, I moved to leave him behind, but then he caught up to me.

“What happened to you buying a drink?”

“Oh, right.”

It wasn’t like him to be so forgetful. That was Miki-chan’s job, not his.

He jogged off and bought a bottle of tea, plus a can of coffee. Evidently, he wasn’t planning on sleeping anytime soon. Meanwhile, the elevator went back up to the fifth floor without me.

“Right, so, about the bell, uh…it’s really nothing,” he said out of nowhere, while I was standing there waiting for him in silence.

I wasn’t expecting him to bring it back up, so I looked at him in mild surprise.

“Nice try. It’s never ‘nothing’ with you.”

He laughed. Not his cheerful, charming sort of laugh, but an awkward one, and I contemplated the meaning behind the look on his face.

“Seriously, Looney, it’s nothing you gotta worry about, so like…”

“So what?”

“So quit digging around and just have fun, okay? What’s with that comment you made at dinner?”

This was what I couldn’t stand about him. To conceal my displeasure, I boarded the elevator as soon as it arrived back at the first floor.

“I mean, if you’re planning on asking somebody out, then that’s a different story.”

“My heart is wholly dedicated to you, my prince. That’s why I’m terrified you’re going to give that bell to someone else.”

“Ha ha ha! Thanks. But for real, there’s nothing you need to worry about.”

The elevator came to a stop. Third floor.

“Okay, well, see you tomorrow. Have a good night.” He waved goodbye.

“I will,” I replied.

But judging from the sound of my voice, one thing was for sure: I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

 

In the end, I didn’t fall asleep until early the next morning. I laid there on my side and listened to music as I watched the clock tick; the last thing I remembered was seeing the hour hand between 4 and 5. Then Miki-chan woke me up at 6:30, wearing her cute little PJs. I pretended to be half-asleep so I could wrap my arms around her and push her down to the ground; the punch I received in return helped wake me up. Then we ate breakfast, filed onto the bus, arrived at the beach, and boarded a boat, all before noon.

While we were on the boat, while we were walking along the beach, while we were enjoying the Okinawan folk songs and plenty of other interesting sights and sounds, my mind kept drifting back to last night.

Why did he go out of his way to say that? His heart rate was steady the entire time, just like always, so maybe it sincerely wasn’t a big deal to him. But even then, why tell me? Nine times out of ten, people said “There’s nothing you need to worry about” when what they meant was “I don’t want you to worry about it.” But now that I thought about it, when I first asked him about it that morning, his heart rate fluctuated… Did that mean he simply didn’t want me worrying about it? This brought me back to my original question: who was tied to his bell?

“You’re zoning out again. Are you sleepy? Because I sure am,” my prince yawned beside me.

It was the afternoon of the second day. We had just finished eating lunch, and now we were at the aquarium. My prince and I were standing side by side, just the two of us, looking at the fish tanks. We were supposed to stay with our assigned groups, but Miyazato-chan and I had worked together to separate him and Kyou. Now Kyou and Miki-chan were standing a short distance away, talking and looking at the fish.

Nice. Enjoy your little aquarium date. Heck, give her a bell while you’re at it. But as far as I could see, that didn’t seem to be happening. So I waited until Miyazato-chan left to go to the restroom and then struck up a conversation with my prince.

“Yeah, uh, something you said kept me up all night. Look…” I pouted my lips as though I were genuinely bothered by it. Then I shot a furtive glance at him and hung my head. “Are you planning to…give it…to someone?”

He shook his head like he wasn’t even paying attention to my performance.

“Like I said, it’s nothing you gotta…”

He stopped short. I followed the direction of his gaze to find Miyazato-chan on her way back from the restroom. She was wearing a white shirt and blue skirt—had she given her outfit a nautical theme on purpose? Either way, it complemented her short stature.

“What’s wrong? Do I have a stain somewhere?” Miyazato-chan looked down at herself and then started touching her face.

My prince smiled amiably. “No, no. I was just thinking—your outfit reminds me of shaved ice. Doesn’t it, Looney?”

“…Oh, yes. Downright delicious. I could gobble you up.”

Then she laughed, and I found myself grateful that she had opened up to us. She was a good girl, and I liked her a great deal. Unlike me, she didn’t disguise herself as someone else. And if my prince didn’t want Miyazato-chan knowing about his bell, then he was out of his mind to try to pretend it was “nothing.”

Was she who he was planning to give it to? They were both in the same group during the Culture Festival, so they did seem to be more friendly these days. Could I get him to spill the beans somehow? Generally, I tried to do whatever I could, because it was the things I didn’t do that I usually ended up regretting. And anything I could get out of him would be a net positive.

As we walked along the designated route, we came upon a giant fish tank. Up ahead, Miki-chan was shrieking about how “awesome” it was. As for me, I had decided to make some comment to my prince about how this aquarium was “beautiful” and/or “the perfect place for a date.”

“You know—”

“Looney! Look! Isn’t it incredible?!”

Unfortunately, Miki-chan’s excitement foiled this plan. She ran over, grabbed me by the arm, and dragged me away. I didn’t even need to look at her chest to know that her heart was racing; I could feel it through her skin. Truth be told, she was hurting me a tiny bit. But she was so happy, I couldn’t bring myself to stop her. And naturally, I wasn’t going to prioritize my conversation with my prince, either.

The moment I actively chose to go with Miki-chan, I caught a glimpse of him smiling in amusement.

 

“That. Was. AMAZING!”

That night, Miki-chan continued to gush and swoon about the aquarium like a little kid at Christmas. It was adorable. Once she started raving, no one could stop her. That said, someone like Kyou probably could have listened to her for hours without ever getting tired. I certainly could have.

“Man… Maybe I should be a teacher when I grow up…”

“Not an aquarium attendant?” my prince retorted.

“No! I mean, the teachers get to come here every year!” she argued, pointing at him with her chopsticks. Her table manners left something to be desired.

“That’s the dumbest reason I’ve ever heard. Classic Mickey.”

Then she dropped a karate chop on his shoulder.

Fortunately, I was relieved to see that Kyou was smart enough to suspect there was something more to this interaction beyond simple frustration. But at the same time, his heart rate pissed me off. If he was so nervous about it, then why didn’t he take immediate action? If I were in Kyou’s shoes…

But perhaps all of my meddling and projecting had earned me some bad karma.

After dinner, I took a shower and then looked over the schedule for tomorrow. Then my fellow roommates started talking about boys, so I decided to do some more meddling by promoting Kyou as much as possible. But that was when the spotlight turned to me.

“Looney, I never hear you talk about guys at all. Are you planning to give a bell to anyone?” asked one of the…ahem…more experienced girls in our class. She wasn’t just asking to be polite, either; I could tell from the look on her face that she was genuinely curious. Normally she was a pretty level-headed person, but for some reason her heart was beating a little faster… Then I looked around and realized this applied to Miki-chan and Miyazato-chan, too. Maybe it was normal for your pulse to quicken during a field trip at night. Maybe I was the weird one.

But since they were all kind enough to pay any attention to a total snoozefest like me, I decided to reward them with an honest answer.

“Nah, I’m not interested. Solitude breeds creativity, you know. Heh heh heh… I can’t have any men getting in the way.”

I didn’t know how they’d chosen to interpret this, but either way, they laughed. That said, although this was generally how I dodged most questions, tonight it didn’t quite work.

“But what about Zuka-kun? You keep hanging all over him and calling him your ‘prince,’ right?”

Interesting. I guess we’re really going there. Still, I had no reason to panic. I had already anticipated this question, and as such, I had prepared a few different answers. Which one fit the mood best? I paused to think about it—but then, surprisingly, Miyazato-chan vouched for me.

“Yeah… I was totally shocked at first. But the more I watched, the more I realized you’re just doing it for the laughs.”

It was a good answer, mostly because I was able to shrug the whole thing off with a simple “Yeah, something like that” without actually admitting to anything myself. That way I could deny any romantic implications while still leaving something unsaid.

“Aww, is that it?”

The other girls sighed, and Miki-chan laughed out loud. “Ha ha! Gimme a break! I can’t even imagine Looney and Zuka together. If I tried, I’d probably bust a gut laughing!”

Chuckling, she flopped down onto her futon. Then, as I watched, she suddenly fell silent, staring up at the ceiling, her lips still curled in a smile.

“But I wouldn’t be surprised if you got a bell from someone.”

“Yaaaay… I would love that…”

“Can you at least try to sound like you mean it? Sheesh!” She rolled over to look at me. “I wonder what type of guy you’d be into…or if there even is such a type,” she muttered in her usual tone of voice, like she wasn’t thinking about it too hard.

“Who knows… Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t.”

For a moment, I struggled to answer. I couldn’t play it cool like usual. Why? Because my heart had fluttered, and it startled me. It had been a long, long time since something like this actually got me flustered… It was so unusual, it made me queasy.

“I’m gonna go buy a drink. Oh, and if anyone wants to tail me so they can have their way with me in the dark, I’m cool with it. Wait—Miki-chan, what’s with that look? Are you gonna go for it? Eeeee!”

“Will you shut up and get going?!” my beloved Miki-chan snapped back at me, just as expected.

I walked out of the room and into the hall. As I took deep breaths, my heart rate quickly returned to normal, and the nausea went away. But since I was so sleep-deprived, I couldn’t help but stagger slightly. Hopefully tonight I would fall asleep quickly.

But I was foolish to hope for that, because I didn’t sleep a wink. Instead, I listened to Miki-chan snoring softly all night long.

 

On the third day, the sun’s rays were overpowering. We were still in February, and yet it had me wishing I wasn’t wearing long sleeves. Great weather, though. No wonder Okinawa was said to have the longest life expectancy in the nation.

Today was a mostly educational day. We were doing fieldwork to learn about the military bases and the general history of Okinawa as a prefecture. A deeply interesting itinerary, to be sure, but unfortunately a problem had arisen. One to do with my health.

Normally I could handle a fair amount of sleep deprivation just fine, since I only ever had to sit at my desk. Then I would go home, pass out, and rise like a zombie just in time for dinner. I was never the energetic type to begin with. Maybe God took my physical stamina in exchange for this superpower when I was born.

Then I guess He turned around and gave it to my prince instead, because the guy was practically a bundle of energy, despite his claims that he didn’t get much sleep. His heart was beating at its usual steady rate, too. But mine was beating a little faster than normal—from the sleep deprivation, probably.

“You only have two and a half days left,” I threatened Kyou as we boarded the bus that morning. Then I sat next to my prince, hoping to maybe rest against his shoulder so I could preserve some of my energy. But a few seconds after the bus took off, he turned to me and whispered:

“Look, Looney, I’m sorry, but could you drop the joke now?”

I could understand where he was coming from and why he felt the need to whisper, but I couldn’t nod along or else I’d be admitting the whole thing was just a joke. So instead, I played dumb.

“What joke?”

He smiled stiffly. This I could accept. I didn’t mind if he wanted to believe it was all just fun and games on my part, but I at least wanted to leave some room for ambiguity.

“No more touchy-feely, no more ‘my prince.’ It’s funny and all, but c’mon—you know you’d rather be having fun with Mickey.”

Hmmmm.

Well, frankly speaking, I was more than happy to comply with his request. After all, I wasn’t sure I would have enough energy to keep up with him today. Maybe I’d be better off taking it easy, hanging with someone like Miyazato-chan. But naturally, I couldn’t possibly agree just like that. With an impish grin on my face, I mouthed the words: What’s with the bell?

He must have anticipated that I’d make this my bargaining chip, because his heart rate didn’t waver even a fraction. He donned another stiff smile and shook his head.

I knew I was running low on energy, and I knew he wouldn’t like what I was about to do. But I was fueled purely by disgust, and so I committed myself to a single course of action. Then I relaxed my body and leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Let’s get cozy, my prince.”

“Oh, good grief…”

He was well within his rights to get angry with me, but instead, he simply smiled wryly. He was too much of a good person—on the outside, at least. But I was perfectly content to take advantage of that, because he was a dirtbag. On the inside, at least.

I closed my eyes. If this were any other day, would I have still refused to concede? Probably not. Maybe the sleep deprivation was making me emotional, or maybe it had something to do with last night.

And so I decided to stand my ground and fight my prince.

 

Unsurprisingly, a large part of our fieldwork involved walking. A lot of walking.

“Don’t push yourself, Looney.”

“I…I’m okay…”

Despite having told me just this morning to stop being “touchy-feely,” my prince offered me his hand at every steep incline or set of stairs. After so much exercise, even my superpower couldn’t keep my heart rate in check…and yet his was barely elevated, like he’d just danced a slow waltz or two. How is he always like this?

With his assistance and the kind support of Miki-chan and my other friends, I survived the morning itinerary. At lunch, I sat with my prince. Normally, I’d be considerate enough to let him do his own thing for a while, but like I said, I had chosen to stand my ground and fight him. So instead, I hand-fed him some of my food and then tried to get him to feed me in return. Miki-chan found it hilarious, but Miyazato-chan looked conflicted. Clearly, she was the most sensible person among us.

Incidentally, I only ended up eating twenty percent of my lunch due to fatigue. Then I gave the rest to my prince.

Fortunately, the afternoon itinerary was much easier: after a tour of the local military base and the art museum, we would be treated to a mini-concert. A good student shouldn’t complain about the “difficulty” of a field trip, but right now, it mattered.

During the post-lunch bathroom break, I was contemplating buying a sports drink when someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I turned to find Miyazato-chan standing there in the lobby with me, her heart beating fast. The rest of our group was nowhere to be seen. What’s wrong? I cocked my head at her inquisitively.

It was then that I learned what her conflicted expression was all about.

“Look, um, th-this might be none of my business, but…um…I think you should probably stop joking around with Zuka-kun.”

“Oh dear. Does my prince seem bothered by it?”

“Not exactly, but…I mean, you don’t seem to be having fun doing it…”

Her words seemed to cut right through me, and while normally I could have kept a straight face, I was just so exhausted, and so for a split-second—I swear, it was barely an instant—I felt the muscles in my face shift slightly. And since Miyazato-chan was highly observant about these sorts of things, she must have noticed. She took a step back.

Having realized my folly, I forced a laugh. “Don’t be silly. Of course I’m having fun.”

But it was too late—she was still looking at me funny. Immediately I knew I had screwed up.

Truth be told, I had known—or at least, sensed—for a while now that Miyazato-chan was ever so slightly afraid of me. Whether it was because I confused her or because she could tell I was dead on the inside, I wasn’t sure, but either way, her fear was completely valid. And yet, this was my first time witnessing said fear right in front of me, and it was actually a fairly painful experience. If we weren’t in public right now, I probably would have crumpled to the floor.

So I decided to apologize. After all, she cared about me and my prince so much that she summoned her courage and made her feelings known, and yet that was the response I gave? But at the same time, if I said I was sorry, it felt like I would be admitting that I didn’t have feelings, and if I did that, I was pretty sure she would hate me for real. And so the apology died on my tongue.

Something new to add to the list of reasons why I hated myself.

“Looney? Elle? What’s going on? Some kind of fake smile competition?”

Just then, Miki-chan returned from the bathroom. This either resolved the situation or made things a hundred times worse—I couldn’t tell, because we spent the rest of the night oddly distant from each other due to the misunderstanding I wasn’t able to clear up. Then again, it wasn’t a “misunderstanding” at all. Whatever she felt about me, she was probably right.

Now that it was too late to back out, I spent the rest of the field trip tagging along with my prince and standing my ground. What was I trying to achieve? Even I wasn’t sure anymore. But after I thought about it, I decided it was the only way to express myself.

All this time, I had made a concerted effort to be Looney. To get everyone to like me. I couldn’t let myself be the person I really was.

I need to work harder. I need to work harder, I repeated to myself silently, probably because I was so tired—both physically and mentally. Miyazato-chan had drained the last drop right out of me.

Ugh, there I go again, blaming other people when it’s really all my fault.

And naturally, everything that happened afterwards was all my fault, too.

After we finished our military base tour, art museum trip, and mini-concert showcase, we all headed back to the hotel. There was still time before dinner, so while the group leaders all needed to go collect tomorrow’s schedules, the rest of the students chose to spend this time resting in their rooms. Each group consisted of fix or six people; my prince was our designated group leader. He would let us know about tomorrow’s schedule over dinner.

In our room, the girl who had asked me about boys last night was presently nowhere to be seen, as she was the leader of a different group. So it was just the five of us, and Miki-chan was having fun gushing with everyone about all the great places we’d explored today. I listened quietly to their conversation for a while, then told them I was going to go buy a drink and excused myself from the room.

For the most part, we were supposed to stay put until the group leader meeting was over, but we could go to the lower floors as long as we had a clear reason for doing so. I asked the teacher on guard duty for permission to use the stairs, since all the elevators were on lower floors. The group leader meeting had probably just ended, and now they were trying to come back up, and the boys would need to deboard at the third floor, and it would take way too long to stand there and wait…or so I explained to the teacher, anyway. But in truth, I just wanted to be alone in a quiet place to organize my thoughts. Because I had a lot of them.

I gingerly pushed open the heavy door and entered what was probably the employee stairwell. Then, step by step, I worked my way down through the empty space—slowly, like I was trying to conceal my footsteps for some reason.

As I passed by the door to the third floor, I could hear the male students’ rowdy voices. Then, as I reached the second floor, I suddenly came to a stop. This particular floor was reserved for unaffiliated hotel guests, but as far as we were told, we were the only people currently booked to stay here. Even the elevators had been set so they wouldn’t stop at the second floor. In other words, the whole floor was empty.

Resigning myself to an angry scolding later, I decided to sneak onto the second floor. I took a few steps, then plopped myself down on the sofa next to the elevator doors. Not much of an adventure, but all I really wanted was to catch my breath and go back to being my usual self.

But in the end, I failed to accomplish this…and it was all my fault.

Right as I inhaled enough oxygen for a sigh—

“Could you knock it off already?”

“…Huhwha?”

I was so caught off guard, I ended up sounding every bit as loony as my nickname suggested. And that was a critical error on my part.

“You’re freaking obnoxious!”

She spat the words at me so fast, I struggled to process them, and right as I finally realized who had spoken and what she had said to me, she fixed me with a sharp glare and took off like a bullet toward the stairs.

“Wait, but…wha…?”

It was so sudden, I couldn’t think straight. She was my classmate—one of the girls staying in the same room as me—but she’d gone to the group leader meeting—wait, what? Then why was she here on the second floor? And why did she say that? She was mad at me, but why? Was it justified? What did I do? She seemed like she was…crying…

Evidently, I would need someone else’s help to solve this mystery. When I glanced in the direction from which the girl had come, I spotted a tall figure standing there.

“Looney…”

It was…my prince. One look at him and it was as if I’d eaten the fruit of knowledge. I instantly understood what she was talking about.

Apparently, I had hurt someone yet again.

Then I heard a faint tinkle from inside his loosely clutched fist.

 

“Don’t worry about it, Looney,” he said to me yet again. But this time, he meant it in an entirely different way, because this time, he was consoling me.

So here’s the rundown: The girl who yelled at me was in love with the boy I referred to as “my prince.” That was why she asked me whether I was interested in anyone. At that point, I had essentially denied any interest in him. But then I spent the next day clinging to him even more, which she had possibly interpreted as an act of spite towards her. Unable to stand it any longer, she arranged to meet up with him and then gave him a bell. But it was no mere gift; she wanted an answer from him. And just as he shot her down, she encountered me right there. She must have thought to herself, are you here to laugh at me? Either that, or perhaps she just never liked me to begin with.

Mind you, this was simply my read on the situation, but I was pretty sure I was right. All I’d heard from my prince was that he had turned her down, but that was all I needed. “Don’t worry about it”? Not possible. Was there a human alive who could hurt someone and then continue to go about their day like it was nothing? Sure, I was cold and unfeeling, but our hearts were built to worry. I contemplated going straight back to our room to give her an explanation and a sincere, heartfelt apology…but then I thought better of it. Even if she said she forgave me, I was the only one who would feel better. I cursed myself for being so thoughtlessly selfish.

But if I couldn’t apologize, then there was nothing else I could say to her.

When I returned to the room, she wouldn’t even look at me, and as I sat there in silence, Miki-chan started teasing me about having forgotten to buy a drink, and since I naturally couldn’t joke back as easily as I normally would have been able to, she got worried and asked me if I was okay. Guilt surged in my chest.

Don’t worry about me—worry about her!

Obviously, I couldn’t say that, but at the same time, if I acted sad, then the other girl would think that I thought I was the victim. Thus, I did my best to act like everything was fine.

At dinner, I barely ate. I claimed I wasn’t hungry, but naturally, my friends weren’t coldhearted enough to buy that excuse. My prince gave me a hard look, probably because he knew what was going on with me, but I didn’t have the composure to handle it, so instead I gave him the rest of my food.

Desperately, I tried to think of a solution to this problem. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was really just a symptom of everything that was wrong with me, and in order to patch things up with Miyazato-chan and/or the other girl I hurt, I would need to fundamentally change who I was as a person. And that was not something I could feasibly accomplish over the course of a single field trip.

After dinner, we reviewed tomorrow’s schedule, went back to our rooms, then headed off to the communal bath. Unsurprisingly, the other girl continued to avoid my gaze. Miyazato-chan must have been worried about my condition, because she actually spoke to me. But while her tone was casual, I could tell that she was flustered. So, out of respect for her as my friend, I did my best to keep things casual in return.

I took off my clothes, washed my body, and then stepped into the bath. The movements came second nature to me, which was helpful since my mind was too much of a mess to function. So instead, I just went through the motions with flawless accuracy. But even that backfired, because the Looney everyone knew was not a robot.

“Looney, seriously, what’s gotten into you?” asked Miki-chan. “You usually try to mess with me whenever I’m washing my hair.”

“…Ah, well, my intent was to betray that expectation this time around. But if you were looking forward to it so badly, I’ll be sure to go all-out tomorrow!”

It came out sounding too forced. More specifically, I was now keenly aware of just how forced all of my acting had been thus far. Nothing I said was ever uttered purely on a whim; I always carefully evaluated my words before they left my lips. I never spoke from the heart. My words had no soul to them.

I submerged myself right up to my nose and spoke in bubbles.

“Huh? What was that?” she asked. Knowing her, she probably didn’t think too hard about anything she said. But I didn’t answer, because I didn’t have the courage to repeat the words: Miki-chan, you shouldn’t talk to me.

Instead, I sank deeper.

Then I thought of something: what if I dropped out of school after this field trip was over? Surely everyone would shrug it off as more of Looney’s lunacy. Then the other girl wouldn’t have to see my face—she had already left the bath, so she clearly despised me. Oh, and Miyazato-chan wouldn’t have to be afraid of me anymore, either… This was starting to sound like a good idea.

Alternatively, I could…

For some reason, my body was going completely out of whack. My heart was racing, and I couldn’t stop crying—all because of the bathwater heating me up, probably. I pressed my face against the edge of the tub. Then, as Miki-chan and the others were getting ready to leave, I told them I wanted to stay a little longer. Did my voice shake? Did they see the tears in my eyes? I was scared.

If only I didn’t have this power to see people’s heartbeats. I never asked for this. Things would be so much better if only I had the power to stop crying…or stop someone else from crying, I thought to myself like the idiot I was.

But just then, my wish came true ever so slightly, and my tears dried. Sniffling, I rose to my feet. I felt lightheaded—perhaps I’d stayed in the water a little too long. I set one foot out of the tub and onto the cold tile floor.

At first, I thought I’d slipped.

With my utter lack of athletic reflexes, I frequently fell flat on my face. I figured the same thing must have happened again. But this time, it felt different, somehow. There was no palpable feeling of my foot slipping or the floor sliding away from me. The simplest way I could possibly put it would be that it felt like the floor had vanished entirely.

I heard a girl scream. My heart was pounding in my ears a million miles a minute. I tried to summon my strength, but it was no use…and then eventually, as my mind faded, I couldn’t hear anything at all.

 

I felt hot and weightless and sick to my stomach. Again and again, someone poured something cold into my mouth, and I swallowed it. Then they put something cold on my forehead. Unless I was imagining it.

I awoke in darkness, and for a while I couldn’t tell up from down or right from left, even with my eyes open. Eventually I managed to twitch my fingers. They brushed against fabric, and I realized I was lying on a futon. From there, I discovered I could move the rest of my body, though it felt like lead. I lifted an arm and then let it fall back to the futon; I figured if someone was around, they’d hear the sound and realize I was awake. And sure enough, I was right.

“Are you awake? Can you see me?”

A dim light clicked on, and an unfamiliar woman came into view beside me. I couldn’t find the energy to speak, so I just nodded instead. She told me she was a doctor. With her help, I rolled over onto my side and sipped a sports drink from a straw. It was so cold, I could practically feel it seeping into my blood vessels.

First, she told me I had passed out in the bath—a type of heatstroke, apparently. When she asked me what might have caused it, I told her I was sleep deprived, out of shape, and hadn’t eaten much that day. She scolded me gently and then told me she was going to go scold my teachers for neglecting to look after me properly.

“But…it’s my fault…”

At this, she scolded me all over again. Fortunately, heat syncope was relatively minor in the scope of things, and my symptoms were mild. And so she left to go report back to the teachers. Her last words to me: Take it easy and get some rest. Easier said than done—would I even be able to sleep?

Luckily, this turned out to be an unnecessary worry. As soon as I closed my eyes, my brain shut off, and I fell asleep.

 

The next day, we were scheduled to take a boat out to a remote island, but I stayed behind at the hotel with one of the teachers. During a normal field trip, I’d never have the chance to spend a whole day zoning out in an air-conditioned room, but here we were.

Last night when I passed out, it caused a big scandal, just as I suspected. Miki-chan was in her underwear, trying to drag my limp, naked body out into the hall, and everyone had to work together to stop her. The mental image was hilarious, but the reality of it was probably a lot more serious. Despite being told to let the teachers handle it, she was caught wandering the hall in the middle of the night. As a result, she was running on hardly any sleep today when she left the hotel.

When I ran into her this morning, I wanted to apologize for causing a scene, but I couldn’t. One look at her puffy red eyes and pounding heart and I knew I had really scared her. Times like these, even I knew the right thing to say wasn’t sorry, but thank you.

Alone in this quiet makeshift infirmary, I thought it all over and ultimately decided that I was being uncharacteristically irrational yesterday. And with all the health stuff piled on top of that, I ended up losing control of my heart rate. Right now, my pulse was a little faster than normal but still stable. The memory of yesterday made it start to waver again, but I could handle it. Going forward, I could make up for my mistakes.

Now that I thought about it, I was an idiot to consider dropping out of school. If I vanished at a time like this, Miyazato-chan and the other girl would both worry about me, and Miki-chan would probably show up at my house every day. I couldn’t possibly force her to have to do that. Honestly, if a little heatstroke was all it took to finally get a clue, then maybe I got off lightly.

Fortunately, this morning I managed to be my usual self in front of them. I toyed with their hearts and then sent them off with a smile. Hopefully that way they’d spend the day having fun instead of worrying about me.

Now my only concern was my prince and his bell. When I initially discovered he had one, it was the morning of the first day, and no one would be stupid enough to make their move that early. Therefore, he had to be planning to confess to someone—but who? At the time, his eyes were on Miki-chan. What if he gave it to her today, while I wasn’t around? What would I do then?

I thought back to the conversation I had with him yesterday. It took place immediately after he had finished rejecting someone who had feelings for him, and yet his heart rate was perfectly steady… No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t bring myself to like him. But at the same time, I only knew about his heart because of my power, so to everyone else, he was just a friendly guy. Thus, I couldn’t really blame his victims for falling for his act. Instead, I wanted to keep them safe from him.

Obviously, I was aware of my hypocrisy here. After all, I was no different, trying desperately to be friends with Miki-chan and the others while hiding a darker side, and yet I was willing to absolve myself of those same crimes. But it was because of that that I dearly wanted Miki-chan to notice the pure-hearted soul who cared for her far more deeply than my prince and I did. That way she could eventually forget all about us.

Was Kyou putting himself out there today? Because tomorrow, we were scheduled to fly home.

 

By evening, my health had fully recovered, but I wasn’t looking for excuses to needlessly expend my energy. Thus, I continued to nap in my futon—at least, until I heard the murmur of voices in the distance. Evidently the others had returned. I sat up and smoothed the wrinkles from my clothes. This quickly proved to be the right call, because I soon heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find the teacher who had spent the day looking after me. He asked me how I was doing, so I told him I was fine, and when he asked me if I was hungry, I told him I was starving—you know, in a Looney sort of way.

A short while later, my class advisor showed up and told me to wait here in this room until dinnertime, at which point I would be permitted to meet up with the others in the dining hall. “If I send you back to your room now, Miki’s gonna scream her head off,” he said jokingly, though I could tell he half-meant it, too.

And so, I decided to wait patiently for dinner. I folded up my futon and then sat down on the chair near the window. When I opened it, a pleasant breeze rolled in.

It was a peaceful moment in which no thinking was required—more than likely the first of its kind since this field trip began. But peace is always temporary, I thought to myself—I didn’t want to believe this about the world in general, but when it came to my personal peace, it certainly applied. And indeed, the end came swiftly and abruptly.

There was a knock at the door.

Though it was still a bit early for dinner, I figured it was one of the teachers again, so I opened the door, completely unaware and unprepared for the face I would see on the other side—and frankly, I wasn’t sure whether I managed to conceal my disgust in time.

“Hey, Looney, how you feeling?”

“Long time no see, my prince.”

“Oh, come on,” he laughed, just like always. Then he held up the travel guide in his hands. “This is for you. We have a lot of updates, so I wanted to let you know since I’m your group leader…or so I told the teachers, anyway. Real talk, everybody’s worried sick, so I came here on their behalf to check on you. Can I come in?”

“Do you really need my permission?”

“No, but I thought I’d ask. Mickey said if I made you stand at the door for the whole conversation and you started feeling sick again, she’d kill me,” he joked.

He entered the room, and I flipped the lights on. There were two chairs positioned on opposite sides of a small table, so we sat there, facing each other.

“Are you all better now?”

“Well, I’m far from one hundred percent, but I’m feeling much better now that you’re here.”

“You’re really gonna keep up the act, even when it’s just you and me? That’s wild.”

Chuckling, he told me all the updates that had been relayed to them today, plus all the relevant group information. Although he’d claimed it was just an excuse he’d given the teachers for coming to see me, he was responsible enough to actually follow through. That was why the others trusted him enough to let him visit me. Obviously, the teachers were bound to be nearby somewhere, but still…a guy and a girl, alone together?

“How very naughty.”

“What are you talking about? Anyway, that’s it for the important stuff.”

“Aww, thanks, buddy! On the way home I’ll buy you a popsicle.”

“Dude, I’m not five! Okay, so, now for the personal stuff.”

Personal stuff? I tried to think of what it could be, but before it could come to mind, he continued:

“I’m not planning to give the bell to Mickey.”

“…Oh, you’re not? What made you decide to let me know?”

“Because I figured it was on your mind.”

I paused to contemplate this and then replied, “You thought I’d be worried about Miki-chan stealing your heart?”

“No,” he shot back firmly.

Then he looked deep into my eyes, almost as if he was steeling himself to make the confession of a lifetime. Naturally, his heart rate was perfectly steady, like always…but what about mine?

“You don’t want someone like me getting with Mickey.”

“Right.”

He smiled brightly.

“Because you hate me. Right?”

…I’ll be honest: my heart skipped a beat. My pulse surged. What had I done to make it obvious? I pored over my memories. Was it then? Or that other time? Was it just now, when I opened the door? No…his heart rate was slow and steady. He must have suspected it for a long time. And he must be pretty confident he was right, too.

Next, I contemplated why he would say it to my face. As a warning? As a demand? As a threat? I considered all the possibilities, but none of them fit. So my first instinct was to play it off—call him “my prince” like usual. The reason I didn’t, however, was because I thought about Miki-chan. Hadn’t I vowed to myself that I would never outright lie to the people I considered my friends?

And so I nodded my head, willfully bringing an end to my current strategy.

“But to be clear, it’s not hate, per se.”

“So you just don’t like me? Is that it?”

“Yeah, that. Bingo. Bulls-eye.”

He laughed, though I wasn’t sure what was so funny about me admitting that I didn’t like him…so I decided to ask.

“Why are you laughing?”

Then he said something that really surprised me.

“I dunno, it just feels good. Feels like you’re finally being honest with me.”

“I’m always honest.”

“Then why were you pretending to like me?”

I hesitated for a moment and then shook my head.

“Like you said, I didn’t want you hooking up with my beloved Miki-chan. Thus, I tried to make you like me. But alas, I never said a single word about me liking you.”

“Alas, indeed. Okay, now I get it. You’re always like this, aren’t you?”

I hated the way he spoke as if he knew me.

“Like what?”

“It’s like…you hide the truth behind some other truth, I guess? And you’re absurdly good at it, too.”

“Sorry, but I think I might actually hate you now.”

At this, he howled with laughter, and I thought to myself: I think we might have a lot more in common than I ever thought possible. That was why we understood each other…and why we hated each other. I was so sure of this, I decided to get confirmation.

“I’ll bet you hate me too, don’t you?”

I was expecting him to nod without missing a (heart)beat, but instead he stared back at me. “Me? Hate you? No way. I think you’re funny.”

Ah. Now I get it. I nodded. I had forgotten the massive, immutable difference that prevented us from being two perfect peas in a pod. A difference that would naturally affect how we each viewed each other.

I had a special power. This wasn’t a fair fight.

But despite this key difference, we still had a lot in common, obviously. We shared the same visceral emotions. Anyone would feel hurt if someone they liked didn’t like them back. So it wasn’t that I wanted to be honest with him—I just didn’t want to have an unfair advantage.

“I’m not the funny girl you think I am.”

In a sense, it was the biggest confession I’d ever made. Normally, I would have weighed the pros and cons of telling him something like that.

Maybe I hadn’t fully recovered after all.

“When I make my ‘funny’ jokes, it’s because I’ve carefully calculated what to say to get a laugh. And when I act in ‘funny’ ways, it’s because I’m intentionally trying to startle people.”

I had thought this explanation was pretty straightforward, but he tilted his head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“What I’m saying is…I’m not your lunatic. I’m not some carefree, spontaneous, hot-blooded girl. You just think I am.”

“Yeah, and I think I’m right.”

“You’re not. I mean, sure, I’d love to be the kind of girl who doesn’t stop to weigh her options—who sees what she wants and just goes for it—but that’s not who I really am. My words and actions are all chosen to…to craft the ideal me. It’s not the real me at all.”

Why was I telling him all this? My heart was pounding, and I was starting to think maybe the heatstroke had impacted my mental state. Why else would I spill my guts to the person I disliked most of all?

That said, at least now things were fair. To make up for me spying on his heart rate, he now knew a secret of my own. Now we were both on even ground. Now he could finally hate me. After all, I had just revealed that I had been lying to everyone right from the moment we first met…as had he.

And yet he continued to look confused.

“Isn’t everybody like that?” he muttered.

Then he kept going.

“If that’s the kinda person you want to be, then that’s the kinda person you are. You’re telling me you do all that crazy stuff literally on purpose, and yet you think you’re not a lunatic? Gimme a break!”

He laughed.

“Take me, for example. I’m not the leader type, but I volunteered to do this group leader stuff, and sometimes I give people advice, because that’s just the kinda guy I wanna be. Maybe it’s because I’m the big brother at home.”

I decided to hear him out.

“Mickey’s like that too, y’know. She always talks about how she wants to be a superhero, but she’s constantly screwing up, or causing drama, and sometimes she doesn’t think at all. Just saying, if she’s our hero, the whole world’s totally boned. But anyway.”

He beamed…and somehow, I got the sense that he was truly proud to call her a friend.

“She wants to be a hero, so she goes out of her way to visit a classmate who’s been ditching school, for example. And to me, like…that literally is what a hero would do. Sure, she’s not naturally heroic, but she’s still freakin’ badass. Oh, and don’t you dare tell her I said any of this or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“…Yeah, I suppose so.”

“I’m tellin’ you, any compliments go straight to her head.”

I was agreeing with the idea that Miki-chan was a hero, not that part. But oh well.

“Anyway, my point is, everyone’s like that to some degree. Me and Mickey, we know who we wanna be, but we suck at it. We can’t keep up the charade. We slip up at the most critical times—especially me lately—but I think that’s why it never gets tiring.”

“……”

“You, on the other hand, are way too good at it. You know you’re allowed to relax, right? If you keep forcing it, you’re gonna pass out again. And in your case, based on what you just told me, I think you’d have more fun if you chilled out a little.”

As I struggled to choose my words, he rose to his feet.

“Anyway…”

I saw the travel guide in his hands and realized he was apparently done talking.

“I’ll see you at dinner, then.”

“Is that why you came here?”

Surely, he understood what I was asking. And yet, he simply laughed. “Well, that, and I wanted to see what it’d be like to sneak into a girl’s room.”

“I beg your pardon?”

I laughed at his stupid joke before I could stop myself. Who am I, Miki-chan? As he went to leave, I was going to simply let him go, but then I remembered a question I had and decided to ask it.

“So what’s with the bell, then?”

He came to a stop, his hand on the doorknob.

“Mmmm…” He murmured hesitantly for a moment and then looked back over his shoulder at me. “For now, let’s just say it’s nothing.”

And with that, he walked out of the room without waiting for my response.

Normally I would have examined his pointed remarks more deeply, but today, since he’d gone to all the trouble of cheering me up, I decided not to pursue it any further.

Sometimes composure is a kindness.

The fact that I had this thought at all—and worse, that he inspired it—was perhaps proof that I was still sick.

 

On the final day of the field trip, most of our time would be spent traveling freely downtown, and then we were scheduled to return home in the afternoon. Our collective excitement had slowly morphed into sadness. Everyone’s hearts were beating to a different sort of rhythm compared to when we first departed.

As for me, I had given up on clinging to my prince. Instead, I decided to indulge my desire to spend my final day having fun with Miki-chan. Besides, I found out that he had received a rather harsh lecture about sneaking into a sick girl’s room without permission from a teacher, and I didn’t want to get him in even more trouble.

Downtown, we were instructed to travel with our assigned groups for the most part, so we ate some sugary junk food and explored the souvenir shops.

I hadn’t changed my stance on my Looney persona, but to be clear, I wasn’t intentionally defying my prince’s warning. That being said, I wasn’t going to take it as gospel, either. But now I understood: this was who I was, and I didn’t need to change it. “Looney” was the nickname Miki-chan gave me, and I was genuinely, unironically proud of it from the bottom of my heart. As for Miyazato-chan and the other girl I angered, I decided I would make it up to them bit by bit. From now on, we would be real friends.

At one point we stopped for lunch. Then we went back to the souvenir shop that had the best gifts and decided to split up to do some shopping. As the girls were browsing the accessories and the guys were looking at weird knickknacks, I caught Miki-chan making painfully obvious eye contact with Kyou. Curious, I watched as he walked over to us, asked to borrow Miyazato-chan, and then the two of them went off somewhere together. I’d thought maybe Miki-chan was trying to play Cupid for them again, but evidently not.

Once the two of us were alone, Miki-chan quietly took me by the hand and led me out of the store. Then she turned to face me. What’s going on?

“Here. This is for you.”

Before I could take it, I realized what it was based purely on the sound it made. Sitting in her palm was a little bell decorated with a tiny seashell.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a bell, dummy! They say if you give one as a gift, you’ll be together forever, right? And you have to be in private when you give it to the other person. But thanks to stupid Zuka, I couldn’t find the right timing to give it to you… See, this is a special bell I bought yesterday.”

Silently, I accepted it. I just couldn’t find the words.

“What’s wrong?”

“…Thank you.”

“Barf! Why are you getting all mushy on me? I was so sure you’d squeal about how I’m ‘in love with you’ or some other nonsense. I had a comeback ready and everything!”

“I’ll treasure it. I promise.”

It was the honest truth. Although, to be even more honest, I had more to say…but instead I clutched the bell to my chest and gently suppressed it.

“Oh yeah, so what did you think of my little hint, hmm? Remember when I said you might get a bell from someone? I got you good, didn’t I?”

“That was supposed to be a hint? Oh, good lord. You’re so bad at this.”

“Hey, c’mon! For the record, I gave bells to everybody else too, but yours is special!”

“I’m not the only one who got one? Now I’m devastated.”

Honestly, I had figured it was some sort of friendship gesture, but I wanted to tease her about it just a little. After all, a certain someone had given me permission to chill out.

Wait, but…if she gave one to everyone…

“Oh yeah, and don’t worry about repaying me or anything. One-way gifts are A-OK in my book. Oh, but I did end up getting a gift in return. This one was from Kyou-kun.”

She pulled a tiny bell from her pocket, and I saw her heart flutter ever so slightly.

“He said he wanted to reciprocate my gift, so he gave it to me. I know he didn’t mean it in that way, but still, I was so nervous!”

“Wow. I’m surprised.” Well done, my pupil.

Right as I was planning to bully him later for not reporting back to me, Miki-chan looked up at the sky and stretched her arms wide. “Man, I’m so glad I managed to give everybody their gifts! See, I gave Zuka his first, and like, we’re technically friends and all, but it felt so weird, knowing he was the only person who got a bell from me…”

Indeed, I could understand where she was coming from. Anyone would have felt restless in her shoes.

Wait… He was the first?

“When exactly did you give the bell to my prince?”

“Ugh, please stop calling him that. Anyway, it was the first day. Super early, I know.”

This brought to mind the memories of what happened at the airport…

“Are you kidding me?!”

It wasn’t like me to shout—but then again, maybe it was. The words left my lips before I could stop them. You’re telling me THAT’S the answer to the mystery I spent the whole trip agonizing over?!

Looking back, he was the one person she didn’t say “good morning” to—probably because she’d already said it to him earlier that same day. And he had probably refused to explain the bell to me specifically because she had asked him not to spoil her surprise. This was also probably the reason why he changed the subject when Miyazato-chan returned from the restroom at the aquarium. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made, but damn it!

“About what?”

“It’s nothing. Sorry, but I can’t stand your precious Zuka.”

“Ha ha! But you were hanging all over him like a day ago! You’re so weird.”

Now that it all made sense, I was starting to feel really stupid for overthinking it so much. If I had to choose the moral of the story, it would be “don’t miss the forest for the trees,” or, in other words, “it’s okay to relax.”

Whatever. At least that’s settled.

Or so I thought, but then Miki-chan took me even deeper down the rabbit hole.

“I gotta say, though, he can be such a jerk. When I tossed the bell to him at Okinawa Peace Memorial Park, he smacked it to the ground on instinct! Got a fat scratch on it and everything! I’m starting to think he and I might not be ‘together forever’ after all. Ha ha!”

“Wait, so…you didn’t give it to him first thing in the morning?”

“Nope! We both got dropped off at the airport at the exact same time, and naturally our folks know each other, so I couldn’t bear to give it to him then. Plus, a bunch of other students were already there, too. Why do you ask?”

“…No reason.”

That can’t be right. If Miki-chan was telling the truth, then that would mean he did in fact bring a bell with the intent of giving it to someone…but who?

When we stepped back into the store, we found Kyou, Miyazato-chan, and my prince happily eating homemade doughnuts.

Just then, I had an epiphany. A eureka moment, if you will.

“Remind me, Miki-chan: how does my prince refer to Miyazato-chan?”

“Huh? He calls her Elle, doesn’t he?”

Now I get it.

That morning, when I asked him why he had a bell, I thought he had simply stumbled over his words, but in fact, he had let something slip.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. In that moment, as he grinned at her, his heart seemed to beat just a tiny bit faster.