Chapter Eleven

Love X Bias

“Ta-da!” Haruka cried. “Take a look at this, Hiromichi!”

We received the results for our midterms at the beginning of June. Haruka had invited me to the cafeteria during lunch break, and she wasted no time proudly thrusting her answer sheets in my face as soon as I sat down. While her best grades were B’s, they also got as low as D’s. All in all, she’d managed to pass everything with a C average.

“These are my best grades yet! ” Haruka exclaimed, beaming. “And it’s all thanks to your help.”

My study methods—which even a dunce like me could understand—had been the perfect match for Haruka. Because of that, she’d scored her new “personal bests” across the board. Seeing as she shared the same genes as Shigure, my girlfriend had a much better handle on things than me.

“Well, I’m glad that my stupidity could be of service,” I remarked.

“Which is why I’d like to have a victory celebration today,” Haruka replied. “Everything’s on me. What would you like to eat? Say the word, and I’ll race over and buy it.”

“No need—just being able to study with you was incredibly fun.”

I was being completely honest. Studying with my girlfriend had always been a dream of mine, which meant I’d already reaped my rewards.

But Haruka wasn’t willing to budge despite my insistence. “I had fun as well,” she said. “But, on top of that, you also helped improve my grades. So please let me buy you lunch. It’s the least I can do. If I can’t do anything for you right now... it’ll make it difficult to ask for help in the future.”

“Oh crap. We can’t be having that.”

I needed Haruka to rely on me for this term’s finals and the following midterms—no, for the rest of our lives! And so I decided to accept her offer.

“Well then, I’ll have one yakisoba bread and two meat cutlets,” I said.

“Sir, yes, Sir! I—Private Haruka—will fulfill my mission and return posthaste!”

With a theatrical salute, Haruka skipped over to the cafeteria’s snack bar.

She’s so cute.

Just seeing her practically bouncing as she walked away filled me with indescribable joy. After all, Haruka was buying food for me. This adorable girl was doing her best to make me happy. I couldn’t ask for anything more. God, thank you for allowing me to live on this beautiful earth long enough to experience this.

“What’s with that dopey grin?” “Wha—?!”

Suddenly, I heard Haruka’s voice from behind me. I whirled around in surprise, my eyes practically popping out of their sockets, only to see Shigure. The only way I could tell it was her was due to the different uniform. She was holding a cafeteria tray in both hands.

“Oh, it’s just you,” I said.

“‘Just’ me? Is that any way to speak to your adorable little sister?”

Since the cafeteria was so loud, I guess Shigure felt she didn’t have to hide our sibling relationship.

Her large eyes caught sight of the answer sheets atop the table. “Oh?” she blurted out. “Are these Haruka’s answer sheets?”

“They are.”

“Wow. For someone who’s always hated studying, these are some pretty decent scores.”

“She usually barely scrapes by, if that. This time, though, she studied her heart out—with me as her partner.”

“Oh right, you did mention that. I see. They do say if you want to learn a foreign language, you should date someone there. I guess that applies here too, in a way. Speaking of which, where’s the owner of these tests?”

“Haruka’s buying me lunch as thanks for helping her. She’s over there right now,” I replied as I pointed over at the entrance of the snack bar, where Haruka was currently being jostled about by the crowd.

Shigure let out an exaggerated sigh. “You just started going out, and you’re already treating her like a sugar mama?”

“Oh, c’mon. As far as repayment goes, this is perfectly reasonable.”

“Still, if you’re gonna be eating with Haruka, I guess I’ll take my leave now.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Say Haruka runs into us while we’re together. We have everything to lose and nothing to gain in that scenario. It would be a complete catastrophe if you accidentally let our living situation slip.”

“How dumb do you think I am? We can at least have lunch together. I’m sure Haruka would be happy with that, too.”

“Also, I feel like looking at your stupid face for too long will only make it hard to surpress the urge to bully you.”

“On that note, you should leave right now. Chop, chop!” I cried, waving my hand to shoo my would-be tormenter away.

If Shigure teased me as she usually did in front of Haruka, I don’t think I’d ever be able to recover my pride as a boyfriend. Unfortunately, I was a little too late.

“Ah, Shigure!” Haruka exclaimed. “Hi there!”

“What a disaster...” Shigure groaned quietly.

Haruka had returned, lunch in hand, much faster than we’d expected. I’d underestimated the physical capabilities of an actress—after all, the band and drama clubs were sometimes grouped in with the athletic teams.

“Here you go,” she said, placing my food in front of me. “One yakisoba bread and two meat cutlets.”

“Th-Thanks.”

“Are you joining us for lunch, Shigure?” Haruka asked.

“I suppose so. Hiromichi looked so lonely sitting at this big table all by himself, so I figured I’d grace him with my presence in case nobody joined him.”

“Hey, I’ve got friends!” I interjected. “They’re just, uh... all sick today...”

“So it would seem,” Shigure replied. “I wouldn’t want to intrude on a couple’s private time, though. I’ll go find another place to sit.”

Shigure tried to leave, but, as expected, Haruka stopped her.

“Why don’t you sit with us, then?” she asked.

“Thanks for the invite, but I’ll have to pass,” Shigure replied. “I don’t exactly want to be the third wheel here.”

“But all the other tables are full,” her sister astutely pointed out.

“Erm...”

When I surveyed my surroundings, I found the cafeteria more packed than I’d ever seen it before—all of the chairs were occupied besides the extras at our table. There had been plenty of options while Shigure and I had been talking. Where the hell had all these perfectly-timed backsides sprouted up from?

Shigure was already holding on to a cafeteria tray, so I felt reluctant to chase her away from the only open spot.

“Hiromichi, do you mind if Shigure eats with us?” Haruka asked.

“O-Of course not,” I replied. “I don’t mind at all. Why don’t you join us, Shigure?”

“See? Even Hiromichi says it’s okay,” Haruka insisted.

“In that case, how could I refuse...?” Shigure mumbled.

Shigure plopped down next to Haruka, completely defeated. She glared at me reproachfully from across the table. Ever since we’d started living together, we’d grown accustomed to this sort of nonverbal communication. We began to have a heated conversation through eye contact alone.

“Why didn’t you refuse?” Shigure asked.

“How could I say no?” I responded. “There aren’t any other seats anyway. I don’t want to make Haruka think I’m an asshole.”

“Couldn’t you have just spouted some sappy line? Something like, ‘But Haruka, our time together is too precious to be interrupted!’ You can’t do anything right, can you?

“Well, I know for a fact that that wouldn’t have made her happy.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.”

Shigure was all too aware of Haruka’s disposition—they were twins, after all. With no further counterarguments in mind, she finally dropped the matter.

“In any case, we’ll have to cooperate and ride this out together,” said Shigure.

“Please just don’t torment me in front of Haruka—I have my dignity as a boyfriend to uphold.”

“Who do you take me for? I won’t make any comments about your ‘dignity’—or lack thereof—and I don’t intend to make Haruka feel awkward in any way. More importantly, don’t you dare slip up and say something about our living situation.”

“Y-Yeah, I’ll be careful.”

Shigure really was a completely different person as soon as she left the confines of our apartment. At home, she caused me nothing but trouble, but at school, she actually came across as... reliable. It all went to show just how much she valued Haruka.

So that’s how the three of us ended up having lunch together. Shigurely quickly—and rather shrewdly—brought up our recent midterms, allowing her to lead the discussion and prevent any personal matters from cropping up. Quick as a whip, that one. I hopped in on occasion, filling in the conversation by grumbling about our teachers. And just like that, lunchtime flew by without too much incident.

Alas, if only that could have lasted. Near the end of our break, Haruka brought up a new topic—one that required some delicacy.

“Speaking of which, you two sit next to each other in class, right? Do you get along?”

“Um...”

My heart started racing. Had Haruka had mistaken us for friends? Did I mess up and act too enthusiastic when I’d spoken with Shigure? While that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, Haruka and Shigure were identical—even the slightest trigger could give rise to suspicion. If that were directed at me, I wouldn’t mind, but I was worried that Haruka would beat herself up over the matter.

“Not at all,” I replied, trying to make myself as clear as possible. “In fact, the two of us are more like cats and—OUCH!”

“He’s just joking,” Shigure quickly added after a swift, covert kick to my shin. “We’re on pretty friendly terms—we exchange greetings when we see each other and all that. But we haven’t spoken to each other much since the seating plan changed after midterms.”

My shin! This girl kicked me right in the goddamn shin!

“What was that for?” I asked, glaring at Shigure.

“Quit being such a dumbass,” she replied with a look a hundred times more venomous than mine. “It’s a huge red flag for us girls if our boyfriend is a prick to our friends. And I’m not just a friend—I’m Haruka’s little sister. Do you seriously want her to hate you?”

Huh, is that right? I floundered. Speaking from a guy’s perspective, I couldn’t care less if my girlfriend despised my group of pals. In fact, I had no interest in who my buddies were dating. Was I the only one who felt that way?

“There’s no need to act too distant,” Shigure explained. “Just treat me like a friend you’d say ‘hi’ to at the mall.”

“O-Okay, sorry. You’re a lifesaver.”

The more intricate our lie became, the easier it would be to see through. I nodded to show Shigure I appreciated the backup. However, Haruka tilted her head in response, seeming unconvinced.

“Really?” she asked. “I would have thought that you two were good friends.”

“Wh-What?” I stammered. “Wh-Why would you think that?”

“I mean, you call Shigure by her first name. Since it took you such a long time before you started calling me ‘Haruka,’ I figured you two must be on good terms.”

I immediately received another direct kick to the shin.

“You really are useless,” Shigure chided. “This is why I didn’t want to have lunch together.”

“My sincerest apologies.”

I had no room to defend myself. This had, without a shadow of a doubt, been my mistake. I made a conscious effort to call her “Shigure” at home, and I’d ended up unconsciously dragging that habit to school with me.

Damn. It took me two weeks to call Haruka by her first name. I’m in deep shit right now. How am I supposed to get out of this one...?

“My family name is Satou now—the same as Hiromichi,” Shigure explained. “That made calling each other by our last names weird, so we decided to address each other by our first names. It’s not because we’re particularly close or anything.”

“Oh, I see,” Haruka said. “Since I only call you Shigure, I’d forgotten, but most people would address you as ‘Satou’ now.”

Shigure, you’re an angel! A devious, lying angel! And it’s thanks to that that we’re going to make it out of here in one piece!

I really could count on Shigure—the shimmering halo floating above her head told me as much. I had no doubts now that we could get through this.

“Still,” Haruka spoke up. “I’d like it if you two could get closer.”

Haruka seemed discontent at our shallow relationship, which threw me for a loop. She wanted someone—identical to her, mind you—to get along with her boyfriend? Wasn’t that just asking for trouble?

“Why’s that?” Shigure asked, somewhat surprised.

“You’ve always been pretty shy ever since we were kids,” Haruka explained.

“Huh? You’re talking about me?”

“Yeah. From what I’ve seen, Shigure isn’t the least bit shy,” I chimed in.

“But she is,” Haruka insisted. “Sure, she appears sociable with everyone at a glance, but she doesn’t let others in, and she won’t join groups without an invitation. That’s called being shy, right?”

Yeah, now that she mentions it...

Shigure wasn’t exactly rude or anything, but when it came to social interactions, she only did the bare minimum. Beyond that, I couldn’t recall her actively involving herself with others. Yeah, perhaps that could be defined as “shyness.”

“Since we’re already juniors, I was a little worried that you’d end up left out when you enrolled here,” Haruka continued. “But everything will be just fine if you’re already friends with Hiromichi—after all, he’s someone you can always count on!”

“Bahaha!” Shigure and I erupted into laughter simultaneously.

I mean, me? Reliable? Where the hell did Haruka get that from?! I was the last person anyone could ever “count on.”

“Oh, Big Bro. You’ve sure done a great job of pulling the wool over her eyes,” Shigure giggled.

“I understand wanting to laugh, but please don’t make a big deal about this. We don’t want Haruka to suspect anything, right?”

“Oh, of course. That just took me by surprise is all. I’ll just smile and nod.”

Shigure took a deep breath and drained her miso soup. Her expression—which had begun to warp into the dreaded malicious grin she wore at home—immediately returned to the Stepford smile she wore at school.

“Phew,” she sighed. “You’re right. When I first transferred here, he showed a lot of concern for me—both as his desk neighbor and as your little sister. He’s definitely someone I can, uh, always, er... count on?”

Man, she sucks ass at giving compliments.

“See, Hiromichi?” Haruka exclaimed. “I’d be the happiest girl in the world if you two could stay friends.”

“Of course,” I replied. “That goes without saying.”

After all, I was already Shigure’s older brother.

Haruka beamed at me, but her expression soon changed to one of unease. “Oh, but... that might make me a little nervous,” she said.

“Nervous?” I asked. “Why?”

“I mean, if Shigure finds out how cool and kind you are, she might fall for you, too.”

“Hack! Wheeze!”

Agh! The cutlets! The fried breading is totally slicing up my throat! But man, talk about embarrassing! Haruka can be surprisingly sappy when she wants to be! I mean, I am on cloud nine right now. I feel like the luckiest guy alive when I hear her speak of me so fondly. Still, can we leave that for when we’re not in front of other people?! I’m positive this little demo—I mean, Shigure—won’t be able to keep her mouth shut after all that. Right now, her face is probably—

“O-Oooooh, I see,” Shigure stuttered as she desperately tried to contain her laughter. “That would certainly be, um, quite the, erm... problem?”

She’s shaking like crazy! The muscles in her cheeks are clearly twitching! Haruka, you seriously need to stop talking before this girl explodes with laughter!

“N-No, that would never happen!” I squealed. “After all, I’m not really that great or anything! You’re just biased when it comes to me, that’s all!”

“That’s not true at all,” Haruka countered. “You’re a total gentleman, Hiromichi. That’s why I fell for you.”

“N-No way. Before you confessed your feelings to me, girls never even looked at me.”

“That’s only because they have no taste in men. I won’t bring up our time together at daycare since it was so long ago, but take last year’s cultural festival for example. We weren’t even in the same class, or anything, but you offered to help. I’d been lugging around a huge garbage bag during cleanup, and you stepped in and took it off my hands. ‘No need to strain yourself,’ you’d said. ‘This is a man's job.’ When I tried to say thanks, you’d already had your back turned to me and gave me a small wave. Talk about incredibly cool and gentlemanly!”

Ho. Lee. Shit. Holy shit! Thanks for calling me ‘gentlemanly,’ ‘cause that just makes me sound cringe as hell! If I heard that story from anyone else, I’d want to hide under a rock for the next millenia. Why was I trying so hard to act cool?! Could I be any more pathetic? Speaking of which, that girl was Haruka? I had no idea! I was so embarrassed that I’d just spouted all that crap with my back to her the entire time!

“There was also our first date,” Haruka continued.

“You’re still going?!” I cried. “Hold on! Haruka, please stop this! I’m begging you!”

My cute, merciless girlfriend ignored my pleas. “Hiromichi, you said you’re ‘not that great.’ As your girlfriend, I can’t let you talk about yourself that way. So I want you to remember our first date. You walked on the outside of the curb the entire day. When we sat on the benches, you laid out a handkerchief, and when we got tea, you paid for the bill while I was in the restroom. It was so much fun being treated like a princess for the entire day. That was when it occurred to me—when people talk about ‘gentlemen,’ they must be referring to guys like you, Hiromichi.”

For the love of God, somebody please bring an end to this! I was so excited about my first date that I was freaking out about what to do, and I ended up Gaggling “perfect first date manners.” Don’t expose me like this! I had no other choice! A clueless virgin like me has no choice but to rely on the sage advice he reads online! You’re such an airhead that you figured I must be a good guy, but a bully like Shigure will see through the whole thing! She’s gonna spit out her drink any second now! I’m sure of it!

I observed Shigure nervously. Even I found this story laughable. To my great surprise, however, not even the slightest hint of a smile had appeared on her usually lax face. Where had all that malice gone?

“You really do like Hiromichi, don’t you?” Shigure asked.

“Of course,” Haruka confirmed instantly. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have professed my feelings to him. So although I’d like you to be friends with Hiromichi, don’t end up falling for him.”

“And if I did, what would you do?” Shigure asked.

“Huh?”

“If I fell for Hiromichi, would you step aside for your adorable little sister?”

H-Hey, what is this girl saying?!

What was the point of asking Haruka something that would never happen? I couldn’t grasp what Shigure was thinking. However, as soon as I opened my mouth to ask for clarification, Haruka spoke up.

“No. I would never step aside. And I would never forgive you for that.”

Her tone was so scathing that the words never ended up leaving my mouth. Haruka was glaring at her sister with intense hostility.

Wh-What’s with this sudden tense atmosphere? How did my saga of epic fails turn into this?!

Shigure, unable to bear the painful silence any longer, let out a small laugh. “Aha. You know what they say—laughter is the best medicine. Thanks, Haruka.”

“What?” Haruka asked.

“I’m completely cured. If he can inspire you to look this frightening, there must be more to Hiromichi than meets the eye.”

Shigure’s trademark devilish grin crept onto her face. This side was the side of her I knew all too well.

---

---

Haruka’s shoulders relaxed. “Jeez, don’t startle me like that. Your bad habit of teasing others hasn’t changed at all, I see.”

“You think?” Shigure asked.

“Yep. You’ve been a bully since we were kids. You never had any interest in dolls, but as soon as I couldn’t handle them anymore because of that horror movie, you immediately started playing with them. And don’t even get me started on all the cicadas you brought home, even though you knew I hated them!”

She hasn’t matured in the slightest!

Seeing I was unable to commiserate with my girlfriend, I merely glared at our younger sister instead.

“It’s in my nature,” Shigure quipped, playfully sticking out her tongue. “I just have to tease the people I love.”

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and Haruka shot to her feet.

“Oh no!” she cried. “I have gym class next. I need to hurry up and get changed! By the way, Hiromichi...”

“What’s up?”

“Drama practice is going to run late today, so you can go home without me. I’ll make it up to you plenty this weekend.”

“Got it. I look forward to it. Break a leg,” I replied.

“Thanks. See you later, Shigure.”

“See ya.”

Haruka dashed off to her destination, her short skirt flapping with every step. As soon as she was certain her sister was gone, Shigure spoke to me without a hint of mockery into her tone. If anything, she sounded impressed.

“You’re truly loved, Big Bro.”

“Yeah... Sometimes, it gets a little embarrassing, though.”

“But it still makes you happy, right?”

“Of course,” I replied. I was beyond happy, in fact.

To think I’d managed to find someone on this massive planet of ours who liked—no, loved—me. I could tell just how much she cherished me, and it was a feeling of satisfaction that I couldn’t properly express in words.

“Haruka looks like she’s having so much fun,” Shigure noted with a sigh. “I want a boyfriend, too.”

“Just go out and find one. You’re just as beautiful as Haruka. You could have your pick of any guy.”

“I want a boyfriend who’ll always give in to my selfish demands. One who’s loyal, willing to be wrapped around my little finger, and won’t get upset when I get mad for no reason. Plus, he needs to be at least 173cm, slender with delicate features, make at least forty million yen a year, have property in Tokyo, and be the perfect gentleman—that means no drooling over other girls.”

“In your dreams,” I retorted. Such a man didn’t exist, plain and simple. She’d have better luck looking for Sasquatch. “Well, anyway, this is our only shot at being high schoolers. I hope you can find a good guy.”

“I’ve already found a good guy.”

“Huh? Did you just say something?”

“No, nothing at all. More importantly, we should head back—we’ll be late for class.”

“Oh, crap!”

I grabbed Shigure’s cafeteria tray and stood up. Sure, she’d made me sweat a few times and beat the shit out of my poor shin, but she’d helped me big time today. Returning her tray was the least I could do.