Chapter Fourteen

First Love X Catastrophe

Since we were children, I’d always loved Haruka’s sincere, innocent smile. Whenever I would give her the larger slice of cake or let her win, her expression had always made me far happier than winning first place or enjoying more dessert.

I’d come up with a splendid idea: I’d find a boyfriend in hopes of preserving that smile. I could lessen Haruka’s shock about our living situation by doing so, and the relationships we’d built thus far wouldn’t be threatened any more than necessary. My bonds with both Hiromichi and Haruka were important to me, and the thought of hurting either of them irrevocably over romance—a fleeting distraction—was absurd.

What other decision could I have made? Yes, I felt sorry for my prospective “boyfriend,” who would be used by a woman like me—someone who knew nothing of love. That was exactly why I’d chosen someone I could deceive with a clear conscience, someone with whom I could maintain a solely physical relationship. After all, I’d planned to properly reward whoever I chose.

We would all walk away happy and unharmed. There was no better way to resolve this situation amicably. This was the best thing that I—and I alone—could do for them.

I’m well aware of all that, but still...

When I’d seen Hiromichi and Haruka kissing in front of the park, everything inside me had screamed to abort the plan. I’d fled, abandoning everything I’d promised to myself. Everything after that had been a blur—where had I gone? Had I ridden a bus or taken the train? I wasn’t sure. The only thing I knew was that once I’d come to my senses, I found myself standing stock-still in front of my apartment, soaking wet from the pouring rain.

I hadn’t seen anything on my journey home, or, to be more precise, my brain simply hadn’t recognized anything. Self-doubt swirled about obsessively in my mind. Hadn’t I planned on getting a boyfriend for Haruka’s sake? So why hadn’t I gone along with Aizawa? Going along with his offer would have solved everything.

So why, then? Why hadn’t I gone with him?

What in the world was I doing?

What in the world... do I want to do?

I was unable to reach an answer. In response to the numerous questions that tormented my mind, my awareness became clouded, and my field of vision dimmed. I looked up blankly in the darkness and noticed the lights were turned on inside our room—Hiromichi had already returned.

I don’t want to go in...

If Hiromichi started to joyfully gush about his first kiss, I feared what kind of expression I’d make. I wasn’t confident in my ability to smile at him like I usually did.

“I’m scared...” I mumbled to myself.

Still, it was already 11:00PM, not to mention it was raining outside.

And I have no other place to call home...

I trudged up the rotting, steel-framed staircase like a zombie; that was when I realized that I was barefoot. I must have left my broken sandals somewhere and forgotten about them in my daze.

How did I not notice something so obvious until just now? I wondered, laughing at myself derisively.

I climbed up to the second story and placed my hand on the apartment’s doorknob. It was unlocked. Once I’d opened the door, I spotted Hiromichi’s shoes in the entryway.

“I’m back,” I announced as I entered the apartment.

I trudged down the hallway, besmirching the floor with my soggy footprints and splatters of water that dripped from my hair. Drip, drop, splish, splash.

I headed toward the living room and found Hiromichi sleeping with his back against the wall. Dinner lay completely untouched on top of the tea table. By all appearances, he’d fallen asleep before getting the chance to eat. He must have been exhausted between all the pent-up tension from the date and the lack of sleep from the night before.

He was in a deep sleep, slack-jawed, breathing peacefully, and seemingly enjoying a pleasant dream. I could see the traces of light pink lipstick on the corner of his mouth—the same kind I used.

“Aha...”

At that moment, a rush of refreshing air flowed through my nostrils and filled my head with clarity, as if I’d just splashed my face with cold water. The sensation caused my mind to go blank, and all of the doubts that had harrowed me disappeared. Only a single impulse remained, and it drove me forward.

I crossed the doorframe between the hallway and living room, unconcerned with getting the tatami mat wet. I approached Hiromichi, licked my lips, and pressed them against his.

“Mmm...” I moaned.

While Hiromichi twitched in his sleep, I placed my hand on his cheek, caressed my wet lips against his dry ones, and replaced Haruka’s lingering sensation with my own. Once I eventually pulled away, I found that the pink smudge of her lipstick had disappeared.

“Mmmm!”

An intense mixture of pleasure and pain shot through my body, and I trembled in response.

Oh, I see...

It was at that moment that I finally understood. For the first time in my life, I knew what my mother must have experienced when she destroyed our family. It felt as though the world had been split into two—one side existed just for him, and the other for everyone else. Everything I’d built up in my life—trust, friendship, love, values, and the relationships I’d formed—deteriorated into utter insignificance when I compared them to the one person before me.

Could this overpowering obsession be... love? I wondered.

I’d just experienced that emotion for the first time in my life. I’d fallen in love with my stepbrother, not to mention my sister’s boyfriend. Could there have been a comedy more ridiculously contrived than this one? Anyone who willingly stepped onto this stage, compelled by a fleeting whim, must have been insane. I truly believed that.

But now I know.

When I’d seen Hiromichi and Haruka kiss from my spot on the pedestrian bridge, I hadn’t been able to accept reality. Once I had accepted it, an intense urge to destroy everything had overcome me. I was no longer able to deceive myself, nor was there any turning back.

Even if I gave up the larger piece of cake or first place, I wouldn’t give up this love.

X X X

I was kissing Haruka. At first, I thought I must be asleep and that the remnants of the best day of my life must have conjured up a wonderful dream. But all too soon I noticed that something was wrong—I’d never felt anything remotely like this. I mean, the passion in this kiss could melt my very lips. Was it even possible for me to dream of something I’d never experienced?

Wait, this is real, isn’t it?!

“What the hell?!”

I pushed Haruka off of me in a panic.

No, this isn’t Haruka.

I hadn’t been able to tell for a split second, but the girl in front of me was Shigure. Her hair and clothes were sopping wet.

“Good morning, Big Bro,” she greeted me.

“Sh-Shigure?! What the hell were you doing just now?!”

“I should have guessed you’d wake up the second time. Oh well, it’s not like it makes any difference to me.”

Did she just say “the second time”?! No, the number doesn’t matter!

“Y-You just k-kissed me, didn’t you?!” I stammered. “Wh-Why?!”

“There’s only one reason to ever kiss someone—because you like them. Didn’t I say so before? ‘Kiss the girl you like, not me.’ Well, I’m kissing the boy I like.”

“Wh-What?! You like me?! That can’t be—”

“Oh, shut up already,” she commanded. Then, a second kiss—no, a third—forcibly did the job for me.

“Sh-Shigure, if this is one of your sick jokes again...” I trailed off.

“I like you.”

“I’m trying to tell you—”

“I like you so much.”

“C’mon, cut that—”

“I like you more than you’ll ever know. “

Each time she professed her feelings, she kissed me. Shigure’s emotions—her passion, her love—permeated from her burning lips and washed over my entire body. It caused my body to freeze up, as if it were some sort of deadly substance. A deep affection welled up in Shigure’s eyes, which threatened to spill out in the form of tears at any moment. Those eyes perceived, ensnared, and completely overwhelmed me. She was looking at me and me alone.

---

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“I like you so much,” she whispered. “You’re my incredibly kind older brother. I don’t mind if you keep dating Haruka. I don’t even care if you two get married and have a family. I don’t need any of those things—after all, I don’t want to make Haruka sad, and I know how worthless the façade of “family” is. It’s not like those bonds are real, no matter what people say. All I want is for you to keep me in the deepest reaches of your heart from here on out. That’ll be enough for me. So... do you want to have a fling with me?”

I’d heard similar words at some point in the past. Yet even so...

“This time, I’m not joking,” she assured me.

Yeah... I know.

Shigure would never look at me like that—would never kiss me like that—as a joke. Even a dunce like me, who thought women were from Venus, could tell how serious she was. Shigure ever so gently placed her hand on my cheek and pressed her lips to mine once again. I’d lost track of how many times we’d done this by now, but unlike her indulgent kisses from earlier, this one was gentle.

I could have resisted this time and shoved her away. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Was I paralyzed by the spontaneity of the event? Had the sheer enormity of Shigure’s emotions conquered me? I didn’t know. I was only able to say one thing for certain: the deadly poison of love—detestable in its sweetness—had snaked its way into my veins.

That was why I kissed Shigure in return. A sweet, gentle, and passionate feeling eroded all thought. I’d already forgotten the sensation of Haruka’s kiss, which I’d expected and even vowed to remember forever.

On the same day as my first kiss with my most beloved Haruka, I also kissed my girlfriend’s little sister.