Chapter 15: The Goddess Descends

“I’m asking you where the distortion is!”

The pope was taken aback by Celestine’s menacing attitude. He didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, so there was no way he could give her a proper answer.

Kaoru (reluctantly) decided to throw the pope a bone.

“Long time no see, Celes!”

“Kaoru! What are you doing here? Actually, hold that thought, now’s not the time for that! There’s supposed to be a distortion around here that I didn’t pick up on. But where is it?!”

“No, there’s no distortion. Those guys over there tried calling you to save their own skins. They keep saying Rueda is some blessed and sacred place, and since they’re so much better than everyone else as its chosen people, so everyone has to listen to what they say and not question them. It looks like they called you here to prove that’s true,” Kaoru explained to Celes, a wry smile on her face.

“What in the world are they talking about?” The face Celes made was something akin to “absolutely disgusted.”

“I already told you about those people who got in my way when I was fixing distortions before, remember? It is beyond me why anyone related to them would think they’re better than everyone else. I’d say they’re even less than your average human being, actually. I made them make it up to me by giving them a crystal and telling them to contact me right away if they found a distortion, but now they’ve decided to use it for their own personal reasons? They even interrupted me doing very important calculations to keep this world in balance just to do it!”

Celes’s face was turning redder with every word, righteous fury building inside her.

So that’s what she’s been doing all this time... Maintaining the world must take more work than I thought.

“I’ve given out a few dozen of those around the world already. Sometimes I get a few false alarms, but I don’t really mind those. Some of the more bizarre natural phenomena or disasters here can certainly seem like they could be distortions, but I’d rather deal with a few false alarms here and there over potentially letting a real one slip by me. What I do mind is when people try calling me for their own selfish purposes. This makes the second time in the last few thousand years...”

“W-Wait, would that first time happen to be when I think it was?” Kaoru stammered as she stiffened up.

“Yup, I told you about that, too. I was so angry the last time this happened I ended up destroying a whole country... I couldn’t quite find the right way to hold myself back, so I ended up blowing that one up and wrecking the countries around it in the process.”

The color drained from everyone’s faces when they heard that.

“C-Celes, I’ll teach you exactly where Rueda’s borders are after this, so let’s not get anyone else here involved in your wrath, please...”

“N-No, you can’t!” the pope screamed. “Wh-What about the Holy Land of Rueda and her blessed people?!”

“‘Holy Land’? ‘Blessed people’? I don’t think you’ve been listening, have you? That place was contaminated because of the distortion there, and those people got in my way while I was trying to do my job and keep this whole world from being destroyed. If it came down to it, though, I was planning on blowing it up, whether they were in the line of fire or not.”

The pope collapsed on the ground when he heard Celes’s cold remarks.

“Then, what about the girl? And...is it true we’re being excommunicated?”

“I owe Kaoru so much for everything she’s done for me. In fact, it’s safe to say she’s one of my best and most important friends by this point. As for this excommunication business...”

Celes looked up to the sky and pretended to think it over, which was probably her way of going back and sifting through the events that had happened up till now.

“Aha, I see, I see. Well, you seem to be worried about being banned from my religion, but you were never my followers in the first place. You’ve just been going around using my name without my permission. I’ve never taught anyone a specific doctrine, and I’ve never recognized anyone as my follower. I’ve let you do your own thing, because I thought you were doing everything you could to help others as an apology for getting in my way before. If you people are going to use my name to do evil, however, then I wholly forbid you from using my name ever again. Oh, but if the temples from the other countries have absolutely nothing to do with these people, then you may continue to use my name, only if you do so to help others and put them at peace.”

Celes’s declaration was a death knell for the Holy Land of Rueda. The clergymen of their country had been living in the lap of luxury from the donations they’d swindled out of their followers. Who could say what would happen to them now that the truth was out...?

That’s when Kaoru put the final nail in the coffin:

“Hey, don’t you think it’s weird to keep calling Rueda the Holy Land at this point? I think just plain old Rueda would work from now on.”

Everyone present agreed with Kaoru’s idea. This was a suggestion from the girl who the Goddess Celestine had not only said she owed a great debt to, but had called a most important friend. Even if Kaoru was just a normal girl, it still would likely have been unanimously approved.

It was hard to tell if the pope and everyone else from Rueda were even breathing anymore...

Celes had lost all interest in them by this point and turned to speak to Kaoru.

“I know you probably haven’t done anything since you just arrived, but do you think you’re going to have a good time here?” Celes said with a smile.

“I’ve already been here for a while, Celes! Your sense of time is all outta whack! I’ve gone on tons of adventures already, and I’ve been having plenty of fun!”

“Oh, really? Then I wonder if it’s all right to give the other god my first report on how you’ve been doing.”

“Uh... Sure, I don’t see why not? If you wait too long, I’ll probably end up dying of old age, or some sorta freak accident, here...”

“There’s no way that would happen! You tell the funniest jokes, Kaoru,” Celes said, giggling.

Did I really say something that funny? Kaoru wondered to herself.

“Then I’ll just take a peek at the records and see what I can fill him in on. That should let me know about all the adventures you’ve been having, too.”

Records? What records? Is she talking about that one thing? You know, the thing where, like, everything in the world is recorded? What was it called again...the Acai-Stick records? Has that been keeping tabs on me all this time?

Kaoru was getting a little freaked out just thinking about it, so she decided to stop thinking altogether.

“Then I guess I’ll get going now. Make sure to enjoy yourself, Kaoru!”

“Oh, wait! About Rueda...”

She just forgot about it, so don’t remind her now!!! everyone in the plaza screamed together on the inside.

“Only some of them are bad people, so it’d be unfair to punish everyone there because of what happened. I know you must be busy doing your thing, so I’ll take care of it for you. Think you can leave it to me?”

“Oh, really? Then I’ll do just that. If you see anyone else doing something bad, just do whatever’s necessary take care of it.”

“Roger that! Good luck getting along with the other god.”

“Ehehe~ I’ll give it my best shot!”

And with that, Celes disappeared into thin air.

“W-We’re saved...”

“I know what you were all thinking back there, but if I just let Celes leave like that, she could’ve ended up bringing down divine punishment to who knows where! She may have ended up taking down this country as well, so that’s why I had to make sure and remind her!”

Everyone nodded at Kaoru’s explanation, since they knew she was exactly right.

In the end, it wasn’t certain what was going on with the reparations and the Holy Land of Rueda—pardon, just Rueda. Since the delegation that was supposed to be representing that particular country was now rendered entirely powerless after what had just happened with Celes, there was likely to be a coup there soon enough. They technically hadn’t done any sort of damage to Balmore, so they’d probably have to pay for the food used to take care of their prisoners at most. That was why no one seemed particularly concerned about what to do with them.

Since the delegation from Rueda had left without participating in the negotiations, the clergymen that Balmore had captured remained locked in their cells until several months later, when their relatives petitioned for their freedom. Negotiations with Aligot, on the other hand, had proceeded smoothly. After agreeing to pay back their reparations in installments, they wrapped up negotiations for the release of their prisoners, meaning they’d be able to go back to their own country right away.

The representatives from the other countries were going wild. Aseed, Brancott, and the other participants, who’d traveled so far from countries further inland, were deeply moved by having seen the Goddess Celestine in person and having heard her words. What she’d talked about went beyond their wildest dreams, for better or worse. And they’d also found out that the girl with unparalleled knowledge and the power to make potions with miraculous abilities also happened to be a friend of the Goddess.

She was an incredibly valuable girl, and they knew it. But if they tried anything funny to get her, their entire country would be wiped off the map. She was the friend of a goddess who’d destroy a country just for calling her down for no reason. If they tried doing anything to harm her—no, if they did anything to even slightly put her in a bad mood, there was no telling what Celestine would do to them. They’d leave her be, and maybe try asking her for small favors. That should probably be the most they could get away with.

For now, each of the representatives agreed to the suggestion of new trade deals with Balmore with the promise of sending delegates from the country to seal the deal sometime in the near future. After deciding that maritime countries should begin building ships, while landlocked countries would focus on speedy delivery for health potions, the meeting was adjourned. Everyone gathered there was finally on their way back to their own countries.