Chapter 34: You Can Sit Back
Chapter 34:
You Can Sit Back
WHEN YULAN MADE IT to Violette’s classroom that afternoon, he could tell something was wrong.
Violette looked excited, but her smile wasn’t what he expected. She wasn’t great at smiling—they often came out awkward and strained—but she usually relaxed when they were together. Her pleased smirk, her astonished grin, or her aloof, self-satisfied smile—they were each lovely in their own way, and much better than the frigid mask she hid her feelings behind. Most people believed the mask. They were blind to how much she suffered. Ridiculous idiots… He agreed with them that she was wonderful, but they’d barely scratched the surface of why.
He wanted Violette to smile all the time—pure, happy smiles. And he wanted to be the one to make her happy.
That was why he invited her out.
He wished he could whisk her away from the Vahan family home, and he vowed he’d do it someday, even if it meant eloping or something even more drastic. He wanted to crush that entire family with his own hands, no matter what it cost him. He wanted to destroy anything that hurt her. But for now, there was nothing he could do.
All he could do right now was give her a little relief. He wanted to make her forget her cage for a little while. She’d never had a fun day out before, so he wanted to give her some happy memories.
Happy memories with him, specifically. His motives weren’t entirely altruistic.
When he rushed into her classroom, though, she wasn’t wearing the smile he’d imagined or her wry mask. Instead, her smile was small and empty, like she was sad or hurt and smiling to force those feelings down.
He did know that face—it was the one she used around her father, at high society parties, or when surrounded by the girls who followed her, jockeying for favor.
Violette had drawn a line—she was fighting some battle within herself, but it was private, and if he reminded her of the pain it would only hurt her more. So, he put on his happiest smile and fell right into his younger brother role. He became that sweet, kind boy with warm, gentle hands who knew he couldn’t close her wounds, but tried to help her forget them.
When Violette stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, anxiety shot through him. Was she sick, or did the mental stress finally wear her down? But when she looked up at him, her expression wasn’t sick, it was apprehensive.
“Tell me. What can I do for you…?” she said.
Her lustrous eyes looked straight at him. She had no idea that seeing himself reflected in her eyes made him happier than anything. If he’d told her that he was thrilled just to hear her say his name, she’d think he was joking, and that would be the end of it. Violette didn’t have the confidence to believe him.
He used his status as her childhood friend as a shield.
Something Violette could do for Yulan…what Yulan wanted from Violette…
He wanted to go places with her, not just today, but over and over. And not just a little shopping in the city—he wanted to go farther and find more fun things to do. He wanted to pick out clothes for her and show off how beautiful she was. And he wanted to lock her up so she’d only belong to him.
He wanted to walk along, holding hands. He wanted to wrap an arm around her thin waist. He wanted to hold her tight until she said it hurt. He wanted to shower her with love until her cold, white cheeks flushed red. He wanted to make every part of her body, from the top of her head to her toes, all his.
He reached out and covered her hand where it gripped the handle of her bag. Her fingers were red, but they felt cold to his touch. Was she nervous, or uneasy? If anything displeased her, he’d take care of it. He’d do whatever it took to make her comfortable.
He wouldn’t let anyone hurt Violette.
Still, he was happy that Violette was thinking of him. He wanted to grin wide, knowing that he occupied part of her mind—but he wasn’t ready to part with his cute younger brother persona quite yet, so he tamped it down.
“Thanks, Vio,” said Yulan. He thanked her for thinking of him, and for wanting to repay his kindness. But everything he did for her served his goals, too. He wanted to make her happy. When she was happy, he was happy, too. She didn’t have to do anything, she just had to be there. He wanted her to smile when she felt like it, and avoid getting hurt when she could. He wanted to be the one to give her everything else.
“Stay with me,” said Yulan.
Her lips parted, but only a tiny sigh escaped her mouth; her face was frozen, and her eyes were round like a cat’s. He’d surprised her.
“Stay with me forever. Let me stand by your side. Never try to leave me,” Yulan continued.
“Yulan…” Violette whispered.
“Don’t forget that I’m with you.”
Her mouth opened, but she didn’t say anything. Then her face crumpled as she tried to hold back tears. He watched emotions fight on her face—fear, loneliness, and resignation. He knew that this scared her—she’d spent her whole childhood alone. He feared that if he took his eyes off her, she’d wander off before he even noticed.
She was lonely but overwhelmed. She was afraid of love but wanted people to love her. She wanted to be alone, but she wanted someone beside her…and who would even stay? The contradictions swirled inside her, scarred her, wore her down.
As long as she still lived in that house, Violette could never break free. Her heart was worn thin again and again.
He’d just have to overwrite it every time.
“Vio, you’re not alone, you know,” said Yulan.
Violette bit her lip, and he covered her eyes with one large palm. He felt her eyelashes brush against his skin, and it felt warm.