Bonus Story: Liam’s Harem Plan

Bonus Story:
Liam’s Harem Plan

WHAT IS REQUIRED to be an evil lord? Money, violence…and women.

Since I’d obtained the alchemy box, a total cheat item, money was no longer a concern. I’d been able to pay off my debt without issue. That was one objective down.

As for violence: I’d acquired a most wonderful swordsmanship technique known as the Way of the Flash, and though I was sure I still had much to learn in that area, I figured I’d become a pretty decent knight at least. This meant I’d cleared my second objective as well.

“The only thing left is women!”

Thus, I prepared a room in my new mansion for this one. At a glance, it looked like an audience chamber a king might use in an RPG. I had set up a lavish throne for myself at the far end, and ridiculously ornate pillars supported the high ceiling, with a pool at the room’s center. I’d created this ostentatious room while thinking Evil lords are all about debauchery! It was here that I planned on having beautiful women in swimsuits attend to me.

When it was ready, I invited Amagi and Brian inside to show off, but they didn’t react very well to it.

“I see you have engaged in another of your silly little projects, Master.”

“Master Liam, what do you intend to use this room for? I do not believe I heard anything about this project.”

Well, I didn’t think they’d respond well if I told them I wanted to make a harem chamber, so I kept it from them, but I’m not going to restrain myself! I’m an evil lord, after all.

“Why, this room exists to fulfill my dream.”

Amagi tilted her head cutely. “Your dream?” she asked.

“That’s right. This room exists to realize a dream I’ve long held. Have you heard the phrase ‘conspicuous consumption’?”

Brian put a hand to his chin. “I believe I have.”

“That’s what I’m gonna do! I’ll fill a whole pool with alcohol, hang meat from the pillars…conspicuous indulgences like that! Then I’ll get a whole gaggle of girls and make a harem!” I spread my arms wide and gave a loud laugh, while Brian and Amagi looked on coldly.

Heh. I wouldn’t expect these two to understand.

Amagi eventually moved her gaze from me to the empty pool. “Master, if you fill a pool with alcohol, it will evaporate, which is dangerous.”

“Huh?”

“What purpose is there in filling the pool with alcohol in the first place? To drink it? It would be filthy.”

I was a little flustered by Amagi’s reasonable questions, but I’d put a good amount of thought into my plan.

“I-it’s fine—the pool has a filter. And I don’t think I’d drink that much of it anyway.”

But now that I think about it, do I really want to drink alcohol people are swimming in? Uh, no. I’d rather have a normal drink than scoop something out of a pool.

“The mansion’s filtration system would simply remove the alcohol and leave the pool filled with fresh water.”

“Huh?”

Amagi’s sound arguments kept on coming. “In the first place, what is the point of making a pool? If you would like to swim, it is safer to swim in water, and if you fill it with alcohol, it will just get filtered into water anyway. If you turned the filter off and left it as alcohol, it would not be healthy to swim in.”

Having heard all of Amagi’s points, Brian clenched his fist and said, “I must protest, Master Liam! And what do you mean by hanging meat from the pillars anyway?” So now it was Brian trying to rain on my parade.

“Wh-what’s wrong with that? I can at least hang the meat, can’t I?!”

“You cannot! What are you going to do with such unhygienic food, anyway? Eat it? If you want to eat meat, please only eat it once it’s been properly stored and prepared!”

When I really stop to consider whether I’d want to eat meat that’s just hanging around on the walls… Eh, I dunno if I would.

“Now that you mention it, maybe this is a little too conspicuous.”

“You’re exactly right. I urge you to reconsider these plans.”

Then again, evil lords are supposed to be wasteful, aren’t they? Even if there’s no point to the trappings and they involve something unhealthy, I’m gonna make this a reality one way or another! Amagi and Brian may try to stop me, but I will amass a harem in this chamber!

“I’m not gonna give up on my dream of owning a harem, though! I am going to have women wait on me and entertain me in here!” My voice echoed through the huge room.

I’m sure these guys can’t understand, but I won’t back down on this one.

However, Amagi reacted unexpectedly to my passionate words. “I do not see an issue with that.”

“What? You don’t?” I thought they’d shoot down my plan for a harem right away too. They’d had so much to critique about the booze and the meat, but nothing about the harem? I eyed Amagi suspiciously, but she had all her usual composure.

“Is it really okay? All right, well, I’m gonna make one, then. The biggest harem there’s ever been.” I looked to see if she’d budge, but she showed no signs of speaking up.

On the other hand, Brian was getting worked up again. “You are the head of the family, Master Liam—a count, and the ruler of this planet. It is only natural for you to have a harem.”

“O-oh?”

Brian started ranting, as if he were venting criticisms of me that had been building up in him. “Do you know how much I have worried about how modest you are, Master Liam? At first, I thought you were just too young to be interested in the opposite sex, but then you go and fall for honey traps left and right!”

Wait a second! When did I fall for a honey trap?

“Hey, I’ve never—”

“Have you forgotten Engineering Captain Nias, Master Liam? You ordered an entire fleet from the Seventh Weapons Factory just to appease that one woman!”

Now that he mentions it, I have bought quite a lot from Nias. I just purchased that new flagship from her, in fact.

“Sure, sure, whatever. But I can really make a harem? ’Cause I will, you know!”

Brian looked incredulous. He leaned forward and began to lecture me. “Pardon my frankness, Master Liam, but you should already be involved with several women at this point. If something should happen to you, the family is done for. It might be a little early, but you must produce an heir.”

All of a sudden, he’s telling me to have a kid, but I just literally became an adult! In fact, I’m at an age in this world where some people are still treating me like a kid. It’s way too soon for me to have a child of my own. Besides, I haven’t even finished my education, so I’m not considered a full-blown noble yet either.

“That kind of came out of nowhere, don’t you think?”

“It did not! You absolutely must produce an heir! If you take a formal wife, then the other potential heirs can form branch families. House Banfield doesn’t have a single branch family!”

Well, there’s plenty of things I’d like to say about this heir stuff, but it’s true that House Banfield is in trouble without any branch families. In game terms, it’s like we’ve got zero lives banked, so if we die once, it’s game over. I’m kinda surprised House Banfield lasted long enough for me to be born into.

“How is this my fault?”

“All I am saying is: it is your responsibility to provide the family with an heir as soon as possible!”

Lately, more and more people in my domain were using artificial insemination and even growing their babies in test tubes, but it was still deemed preferable for a mother to grow her baby in her own womb. I didn’t know much about these topics beyond that. Did I really need to start thinking along these lines?

Amagi quickly got us back on track about the harem. “There is no problem with your having a harem, so please go ahead and indulge yourself to your heart’s content.”

“No problem, huh?”

“Correct. But as for ‘conspicuous consumption,’ there are many hygienic concerns.”

“So that one’s a no go.”

I’d figured they would both be against the whole harem thing, but it truly looked like they were both in favor of it. I’d thought for sure they were going to say something like “You must not fall prey to lust!”

Well, if it’s fine with them, then that cinches it. I’m gonna collect as many beautiful women as I can, and have all the fun I like as an evil lord!

“Well, let’s get to it, then. Bring on the beauties! I’ll start by carefully selecting each one myself…”

But just as I started fantasizing, Brian interrupted me. “Please wait, Master Liam.”

“What is it? You were all for it a second ago, but now you’re gonna complain?”

“No, I just wanted to ask exactly what scale you are envisioning for this harem.”

Heh! I bet these two are thinking in realistic numbers, like ten women. That’d probably be considered large for a harem, right? But I’m an evil lord—I dream big! I mean, if I’m gonna exploit my subjects, I should have at least a hundred women.

“A hundred.”

“One hundred!” Brian’s eyes widened in surprise.

He’s probably gonna tell me it’ll be too much trouble to have that many, but I refuse to compromise on—

“Just one hundred?”

“Huh?”

Apparently, Brian had been surprised by something else.

“Will you really be satisfied with so few?”

“Uh, what? Isn’t a hundred a lot? It’s a lot, right, Amagi?”

In response, Amagi brought up several screens around me. They all showed profile pictures of women with short bios attached.

“I’ve taken the liberty of collecting some candidates myself. I have ten thousand here, and I was thinking that you could invite at least a thousand of them to live in the mansion.”

“A thousand?!”

I was off by a whole digit? Do you really think I can handle that many women all on my own?

“Are you guys crazy? What would I do with that many?”

Trying to have a businesslike conversation about something so personal as the legion of women who’d be pleasuring me was becoming a little too embarrassing.

His expression grave, Brian tried to persuade me. “The number is not the issue. What is important is finding women who will please you. What matters is not the box, Master Liam, but its contents.”

By “the box,” I guess he means this chamber I’ve made. Instead of making a room to contain my harem, I should be collecting the contents of it first: the women.

“A thousand is too many, though!”

“None of this would be an issue if you invited women to the mansion yourself, Master Liam! For all your talk of a harem, you haven’t chosen even a single woman to be beside you!”

“That’s not true! I have Amagi, don’t I?”

My butler cast a helpless look at Amagi, but even she seemed a little exasperated with me. “Master, I cannot bear your children.”

“That’s got nothing to do with it.”

Brian covered his face and started to cry. “This simply will not do, Master Liam. If you would at least keep a few women you were fond of by your side, I would be able to rest easy.”

“Shut up! You said it yourself: the number is not the issue! It’s quality over quantity for me, and I’m not compromising on that!”

“Well, then I don’t see your harem ever happening! Please, at least take this opportunity to meet some potential candidates.”

Apparently there were plenty of oddball women who would easily volunteer if I said I wanted a concubine or mistress.

But that’s not what I want! As an evil lord, I want to compel unwilling women to keep me company. Arata said that’s what bad guys did in the dirty manga he read. What was the genre called? NTR? In my past life, my wife was stolen from me, but this time I want to be the one doing the stealing! I can’t just have women offering themselves to me.

“I want women with good looks and plenty of talent, but they can’t just be subservient!”

Brian’s expression finally turned to full-on despair. “What? You’re the ruler of this planet, Master Liam; most women would do whatever you told them to!”

Amagi agreed with Brian. “You are very popular, Master.”

Is every single person on this planet an idiot? Why the hell are they worshipping a villain like me? Well, jeez, that complicates things, doesn’t it? I might not be able to find a single candidate for my harem on this planet.

“I can’t choose them from my domain, then,” I muttered, and Brian and Amagi both narrowed their eyes at me.

“I am beginning to doubt you’re serious about creating a harem, Master Liam. To tell the truth, I am extremely worried.”

Amagi added, “You have yet to make any sort of move on any of the mansion staff as well. I had expected you to pursue at least a few of them.”

Why would I do that? I’m gonna customize my own harem. Like hell I’ll just take somebody someone else has prepared for me! Come on, I’m an evil lord!