Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 8

The Shopping District was a bevy of activity.

The twinkling lights, the flashing windows of casinos and theaters—Bete pushed past it all without so much as raising his head, almost as though attempting to escape the gaudy effulgence. He preferred the dim blue glow of the moon overhead to man-made lamps.

On and on he walked until, upon reaching a deserted bend in the road, he lowered himself to a crouch.

Or perhaps it should be said he dropped into a froggish squat.

“I’ve really done it now…”

The antagonizing smirk from earlier was nowhere to be found; instead, he hung his head dejectedly as the self-deprecating words tumbled to the stone below.

This happens every time you drink too much…Damn loose tongue, then starting a fight…

Already, the alcohol had left his system, leaving him in cold sobriety. Aiz’s words had made sure of that. Her straight-faced “That’s what I hate about you” had taken care of the buzz like a direct hit from her Airiel.

He didn’t regret what he’d done. What he’d said. No, it was far too late for that. He didn’t even care about the cold stares he’d received as he’d left the bar. What bothered him now were Aiz’s words. He didn’t even know why they were affecting him so much. Not too long ago, Bete had caused a ruckus at The Benevolent Mistress when he made fun of that kid who resembled a rabbit, comparing him to a tomato and whatnot, but this commotion might have been the last straw.

It was as though a whirlpool of self-loathing had opened up beneath him. That he was one of those very same cowardly adventurers he’d been vilifying only minutes earlier. Bete was finally reaping what he’d sown, and this thought sent his tail drooping to the ground below.

If there had been anyone around to see him, they surely would have been unable to believe their eyes. “Goddammit…” he muttered, letting out a sigh that shook his entire body.

Just as he was thinking he would like to just pass out on the cobblestones right then and there—

“There you are, Bete Loga!”

—an annoyingly cheerful voice called out from behind him.

“…Whaa—?”

Glancing back, he saw an Amazonian woman. Though perhaps “young girl” would have been a more accurate description. She was clearly far from maturity; her copper-colored arms and legs were slender and lean, and her chest, while larger than Tiona’s (not that this was a difficult accomplishment), couldn’t be called more than a slight bulge. A short vest covered her torso, and hanging from her hips was what could barely be considered a loincloth—it covered slightly more area than what the other Amazons might wear, but it was still considerably revealing, her belly button bared to the world. The only part of her appearance that wasn’t childish was her long black hair, currently done up in a ponytail.

At the moment, she had her finger pointed in Bete’s direction, cheeks flushed with excitement, golden earrings jangling, and looking very much like a small dog about to pounce on him.

“I can’t believe I finally get to see you after all this time!”

“Who the hell are you…?” Bete started, rising to his feet and taking a few steps backward as the girl landed in front of him with a mighty thud.

Bete was fully prepared to land a kick with his Frosvirt if she took so much as one more step toward him. The girl, however, seemed oblivious to that as shock appeared in her euphoric smile.

“Hey! You didn’t forget me, did you? I remember you, after all! I could never forget you, Bete Loga!”

“Like hell I’d be associated with a dopey Amazon like you! And stop tossin’ my name around like that, you little shit!” Bete spat back, clearly irritated at the young girl and her refusal to listen.

“How rude! And after everything you already did to me, too!”

She was annoying. So annoying. A different kind of annoying from Tiona. This wasn’t one of those “hyperactive wackos” Loki was always talking about, was it?

Or was she simply that excited?

About what? Meeting him?

One of Bete’s eyebrows arched skyward.

He didn’t have any memory of this little girl, but there was something about her shrill squawking that seemed to trigger something in his brain.

“Wait a minute…You’re one of those whores from Ishtar Familia we fought in Meren…!”

“Bingo! That’s me! Do you remember me now? Huh? Huh?” She was nodding fervently now, eyes sparkling.

It had been back when he and the rest of the familia’s men had gone to aid Aiz and the others in Port Meren outside the city—when Kali Familia had made Tiona and Tione perform that sadistic rite and Ishtar Familia had faced off against them on the docks. Yes, this girl had been there. She’d aimed a scimitar right at his back after he’d gone into beast mode and subdued that ugly frog of a woman, Phryne. He hadn’t been able to see her face thanks to the clothes she’d been wearing, but he did remember landing a heavy punch right on that stomach.

What was it one of the other Amazons had called her…?

“I’m Lena! Lena Tully! So you better not forget it this time, Bete Loga!” She finished his thought cheerily, face beaming. “Oh, right! I heard you just had a big, huge fight with Aisha and the others, huh? Man, talk about bad timing on my part! I went and missed the whole thing! What a missed opportunity!”

It seemed this girl, Lena, had been en route to meet Aisha and the other Amazons at the Flaming Wasp for drinks. Then what—had she shown up to see her friends on the ground, heard what happened, then come running after him…? Looking at her all restless and fidgety and clutching her cheeks now, Bete figured that was probably what happened.

But why…? What’s this brat’s deal?!

Bete’s brows furrowed even lower as he watched the girl continue to giggle and squirm like a puppy. Bete wasn’t exactly a popular guy. He was well aware of this. Used to it, even. Answering others’ malice and hostility with snubs of his own was pretty much an everyday occurrence for him.

But this girl was different. In fact, she actually seemed to like him.

Him. The lone wolf even the members of his own familia feared, wouldn’t come close to.

“Hey, hey, hey! Wanna grab a drink or somethin’? We don’t have to go back to where Aisha and the others are if you don’t want. We can go somewhere else! Just the two of us!”

…Not only that, she was close. Ridiculously close.

This woman.

“Get the hell away from me, would ya? Just who the hell you think you are?”

“It’s Lena! Like I said earlieeer, Bete Loga!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it! And didn’t I already tell you to stop tossin’ my name around like that?!”

He simply couldn’t understand this chick. Why was she being so clingy? Somehow he could already hear his own emphatic goddess’s words ringing in his head: “Oh-ho! Look at you, Mister Popular!”

“You look right here, you Amazonian brat. I don’t even know you, so stop actin’ like we’re best friends or somethin’, yeah?” Bete shouted as he attempted to bat the girl away.

“But I can’t heeeelp it! I’ve fallen for you!”

At this, Bete came to a stop.

He stared at her, his lupine ears twitching.

Looked back down into that wistful expression.

He saw eyes that resembled two bright-orange pearls, not much different from Bete’s own, directing a sultry, seductive gaze at him.

More specifically, it was the expression of an Amazon who was sizing up her prey—

—Now hold on just a goddamn second here!

The face in front of him now was one he knew all too well.

It was the face of an Amazon in search of her mate. And the same face Tione gave Finn as she chased him halfway around the world.

A shiver snaked its way up Bete’s spine.

“I haven’t been the same since I saw you that day in Meren, Bete Loga. I’m a changed woman! Just thinking about you turning those handsome dark eyes my way gives me tingles all over!”

For you see, Amazons were attracted to strong men.

Amazons gave their hearts away to any strong male who could best them.

This oh-so-troubling tribal tradition dawning on him, Bete pulled his lips back in a terrified grimace, tattoo and all. Certainly, he had “bested her” that night in Meren. It had been a one-hit kill, the extraordinary power of his beast form turning his fist into a veritable hammer of iron.

—And now she was in heat!

Suddenly, everything made sense.

As he stood there, glued to the ground, Lena continued to gaze longingly at him, fingertips grazing her slender chin as she let out a libidinous sigh.

“It was fate, you know? The moment your fist plunged its way into my stomach…I just knew we were meant to be!”

Thinking back, he had felt a sort of ominous chill as he’d blown her away.

But to think it would mean this. That beating the shit out of her would actually attract her to him. Amazons are too strange!

“…My confession may be a little out of order, but know that my feelings are true! I love you, Bete Loga!” she finished, head popping upward and both arms outstretched as she leaped toward him. “My heart beats for you, Bete Loga! Have my children!”

Just in time, Bete noticed her coming for him, and he curled his hand into a fist.

“Guwauugh?!”

His response to this once-in-a-lifetime confession was none other than a full-throttle wolf punch to the gut.

Lena curled in on herself before crumpling to the stone below, and the sound of the collision brought Bete back to his senses.

“H-hey…you alive?”

Damn. He’d really put everything into that one. Anyone would be down for the count after a direct hit like that from a first-tier adventurer. The moment he showed concern, however—

“Heh…heh-heh-heh-heh…! You did it again…Right in the baby-maker…Now I’ll…definitely get pregnant…!

What the hell?!

Bete instantly took a step backward.

The girl was a terrifying writhing mass moaning on top of the stone, both hands to her exposed belly. The drool leaking from her ghastly smile only added to the effect.

Suddenly, the very same Bete who had never turned his back on a battle before wanted so badly to get the hell out of there.

“…There ain’t a single one of you Amazons who’s worth a damn.”

Cough-cough. “That’s not…true…At least we’re…always true to…ourselves…” Lena muttered, rising to her feet with a lurch like a zombie. Despite the teary smile on the girl’s face, there was something almost sobering about the image, and Bete narrowed his eyes.

“You do know I just beat the shit out of your friends, right?”

“I sure do! And I think it’s amazing! To think you’re even stronger than Aisha and the others—it gives me chills! It makes me love you even more!!”

There was no getting rid of this girl.

It didn’t matter what he tried; he’d never win. Realizing this, he simply turned around and started walking away.

“W-wait! Where are you going?!”

“Gonna get some actual sleep! At an inn! Don’t follow me!”

But, of course, the girl was hot on his heels.

Black ponytail bobbing up and down, she cocked her head to the side curiously. “An inn…? Why not your home?”

Bete could have punched himself. Him and his damn mouth.

“Don’t tell me…You got into a fight with your familia? And now you don’t have anywhere to go? Is that it? Huh? Is that it?!”

Shut the hell up.

He spun around, only to see Lena bouncing about in her most disgusting display of excitement yet. He wanted to hit her so badly.

“Come back with me, then! I’ve got a nice bed! It should fit two people just fine!”

“Like hell! I’ll choose where I spend the night myself, thank you very much!”

“Do you have money, though, Bete Loga? Huh? The hotels around here are veeeeery expensive!”

Bete stopped cold at this, his second error in judgment dawning on him.

—Shit. I don’t have any money.

The bag of money he’d tossed so haughtily at the owner of the Flaming Wasp to pay for the damages had been everything he had.

Sure, he could head to the Dungeon now and make as much as he wanted, but…to be honest, that was more work than he was willing to do right now. What’s more, he didn’t have a single person he’d call a friend outside of the familia, which meant he truly had no place to go. Bete was surely and truly the most despised adventurer in all of Orario.

As though attuned to the subtleties of Bete’s mind, Lena sidled next to him. “Stop right there, my good sir! Have I got the inn for you! Won’t cost you a thing, and it comes with some mighty fine company, to boot! Our girls will keep you satisfied all night long!”

“Mighty fine company”…Just how cocky is this chick?!

Bete shot her a menacing look.

Looked straight into those hopeful orange eyes—and made up his mind. He wouldn’t go with her if she was the last girl on earth!…But then a new idea seemed to cross her mind, her eyes flashing.

“If you won’t come with me, then I’ll go to Loki Familia’s manor! I’ll yell ‘Heeey, this guy assaulted me!’”

“The hell?! Gimme a break! This’s got nothin’ to do with my familia. You go there and I’ll straight-up grind you to a pulp, you little shit!”

“I wouldn’t mind! It would be a dream come true to be killed by the man I love!”

Now Bete was really starting to sweat.

Any other day of the week, he’d have been fine teaching this girl a lesson, but his current situation put him between a rock and a hard place. No doubt, everyone would think he’d gotten drunk and assaulted some kid, which would make it considerably more difficult (if not impossible) to restore his dignity in the familia. Tiona, Raul, and the others would truly lose all respect for him. No, laying a finger on Lena would only bring him more trouble than it was worth.

What’s more, this chick was actually considering attacking Loki Familia, the greatest familia in the city, without even thinking about what this would spell for her own familia. Was this complete disregard for the means she took to sate her own lust just another one of the “bonuses” that came with being a running-on-instinct Amazon?

Anguished, Bete felt an overwhelming rush of anger rise up in him.

Face flushed and teeth grinding against one another, he finally grumbled: “…This is never happening again, you hear? If I stay tonight, you better run like hell if you ever pull a stunt like this again!”

“Hooray! No worries! I’ll never extort you ever again! At least not like this!”

“You p-piece of crap!” Bete sputtered as Lena hopped about with a complete lack of concern. Cheeks now a brilliant pink, she grabbed Bete’s arm and started walking.

“Let’s get going, then! This place’ll be so much nicer than an inn—I promise!”

“Stop pullin’ me, you damn whore! Let go of meeeeeeeee!”

And so, the two of them continued like that, Bete still struggling to shake the girl off him, for some ten, twenty minutes. The place Lena was leading him to was in the city’s fourth district to the southeast.

“Hey! Isn’t this the Pleasure Quarter…?”

“I-it’s nothing like that! This isn’t some shady brothel where you’re gonna get ripped off, I promise!”

The bewitching flush of the magic-stone lamps and telltale bawdy musk of the Night District surrounding them, Bete glared down at Lena as though she were a goblin or some other impish creature. Lena, however, hastily attempted to explain herself.

He has a fight with his familia and then runs off with some harlot in the Pleasure Quarter! Bete could already hear the gossip. It was enough to spur him toward the back alleyways and away from prying eyes, though it seemed Lena was actually headed toward the other side of the southeastern main street, where the third district met the northern tip of the Pleasure Quarter.

“I joined a new familia after Ishtar was sent home, but bringing a man back with me so soon after converting might not be the best idea.”

“I’m pretty sure bringing someone from another familia would never be a good idea…”

“That’s why we’re going somewhere else! A secret place!” she insisted before strolling right into a very obvious no-entry zone. Pulling Bete along, she guided him deftly past the guards the Guild had assigned to keep everyone out.

“Is this…Ishtar Familia territory?”

“Used to be.”

The once prosperous city of iniquity had been reduced to nothing more than rubble and ash after the loss of its goddess. Its many brothels were in a horrid state of disrepair, their walls collapsed, roofs in pieces, and shutters littering the streets. There were even large halls still bearing the crosscuts of cinder and flame. The entire estate was devoid of light, most of its magic-stone lanterns snuffed and leaving it illuminated only by the moon. It was empty, not a soul in sight.

It might as well have been a castle city ransacked by an enemy nation, still in ruins after its fall. And there in the middle of it all soared Belit Babili, Ishtar Familia’s former home, bearing its own fair share of wounds. The resistance against Freya Familia, against the Goddess of Beauty’s blitzkrieg, had turned the district of ill repute into rubble in the course of a single night, and it was currently scheduled for redevelopment.

“Freya Familia pretty much went to town, but the building itself’s still surprisingly intact. All right! We’re here!”

It turned out the “secret place” Lena had so professed was a building situated right next to one of the city walls to the southeastern corner of Orario’s already southeastern-most third district. It was a four-story abode that drew heavily from the culture and architecture of the Kaios Desert of the middle continent. Its stone had been lacquered white, which, when coupled with the elaborately designed windows, made for an impressive sight. No doubt, it had been a high-class establishment back when it was still in business. From its position hidden away on one of the neighborhood’s side streets, it was easy to see how famous top-tier adventurers and ambassadors from other countries might have slipped in and out unnoticed.

Bete observed everything with apathy as Lena dragged him inside.

“Only Aisha and a few others even know about this place. It’s like my castle! I used it as a place to sleep until a room freed up in my new familia.”

The vacant brothel was, indeed, luxurious. The hallway connecting to the main entrance was well-furnished, from the velvet sofa covered in a thin layer of dust, to the gorgeously vibrant rug, to the bevy of expensive-looking vases. Just when Bete was thinking this place would be easy pickings for thieves: “It’s gonna be redeveloped, yeah? So the guards here keep everyone out, even those bums who come down from Daedalus Street,” Lena explained. “That means we’ve gotta be careful, too, yeah? Don’t wanna get caught, so ix-nay on the ights-lay!” she continued, bringing her hands together in a pleading gesture.

“Whatever,” Bete simply tossed back in response. “Can I just take whichever room I want?”

“Ah! Wait, wait, wait, wait! H-higher is better! The top floor! That’s where the best room is! And you can definitely, definitely still use it!” Lena quickly blurted as Bete prepared to start investigating the place on his own.

Bete narrowed his eyes in suspicion…only to see the girl reaching a hand toward her glossy hair. With a swish, she pulled out the blue clasp that had been keeping her hair up, letting the long black strands cascade down her back and create a much more sensual image. In that instant, she transformed from an innocent child into a woman well versed in the ways of love, her eyes narrowing like a small cat’s as she shot him her most sensational smile yet.

Bete, however, couldn’t have cared less.

Hands still shoved in his pockets and brows lowered in disinterest, he simply trudged up the stairs.

“Huh…? H-hey!”

But he ignored the impassioned cries coming from below, not stopping until he made it to the top floor and kicking open a nearby door that wasn’t entirely closed.

The carpet here was much fancier compared to the one in the hallway, and rather than magic-stone lanterns, candlestick sconces had been affixed to the walls for mood lighting. As for the room itself, it was big enough that ten people could have lounged in it easily, and a grand four-poster bed stood alongside the wall, its long columns stretching toward the ceiling. It was every bit a VIP room.

There was the faint smell of something still coloring the air—Lena’s residual scent? She had said she’d been using this room for a time. The corners of Bete’s mouth curled downward.

“There’s no way I’m sleepin’ in a bed like that. Who the hell knows what’s been done in it…”

He’d rather die than sleep in the same spot some other guy had gotten his canoe shellacked, so instead, he found himself a spot on the floor near the window and slumped down. The velvety carpet was a soft welcome to his body, and he let his eyes wander off to the side, where a view of the Pleasure Quarter greeted him from the open window.

From far above, the grand temple of the Goddess of Beauty soared over the rest of the Night District, making for a none-too-paltry view if he had to say so himself.