Fill Your Mind With Dirty Thoughts, and You Will Find Even Fire Cool – Part 01

White puffs came out with every sigh on that winter day, and even with two shirts and a tracksuit on, the cold never went away.

That day’s P.E. class was long-distance running.

The course was three laps around the big cemetery about three minutes from school, then back to the school gate. The students nicknamed it cemetery visiting.

Since anyone who finished three laps was free to do as they pleased, there were two types of people: those who ran through quickly and those who took their sweet time. I belonged to the latter.

The weather was sunny with scattered clouds. I might have looked like a regular first-year high school student, but I was actually a zombie.

Under the sun, I didn’t have the energy to run around showing off. I kept my pace so that one lap lasted about an hour, walking when the sun was hidden by the clouds.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a spiky-haired guy with glasses crouching low and doing a weird goofy run, Kin-chan^[1] style.

His name was Orito, the school’s number-one pervert. That odd sideways shuffle of his was so he could look at the bouncing chests of the girls behind him and the swaying hips of the girls in front, alternating without missing either.

Amazing he still had the energy to do that in this cold. Everyone else was dragging their feet, but he was the only one panting for an entirely different reason.

“Fill your mind with dirty thoughts, and you will find even fire cool.”

I remembered Orito’s irritating face when he said that.

Maybe he meant when you get absorbed in something, you forget the bad stuff. Or maybe he just wanted to justify being horny. Either way, he was proving it right now. Well, I didn’t care about that spiky-haired idiot anyway.

All right, maybe I should start running seriously too.

“Whatcha doin’, Aikawa?” A lively voice called out to me. “I caught up to you. Keep slacking off and I’m gonna take first place!”

There’s no first place in P.E.

I knew who the voice belonged to, so I didn’t bother turning around.

“Sup, Tomonori,” was all I said.

I already knew she’d be there with that stupid grin on her face, saying something like, “Don’t call me Tomonori!”

“Don’t call me Tomonori! Makes me sound like a guy.”

Sprinting like it was a 100-meter dash, her real name was Tomonori Yoshida.

It was actually read Yuki Yoshida, but because of her boyish vibe, everyone teased her by calling her Tomonori. Probably eight out of ten people who knew her called her that.

“Just give it up already,” I said.

Once a nickname stuck, it was impossible to change.

“I won’t give up! I’ll make everyone call me Yuki!”

“You’re way too hyper. Something good happen?”

I glanced at her. She wore a tracksuit top with shorts, her short hair bouncing as she beamed with the innocent grin of a kid flipping a bucket of sand to build a giant castle.

She wasn’t out of breath at all, hopping up and down right next to me as I walked.

“Yup. I’m just having so much fun! Running is amazing, huh? You agree, right?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Aw, come on, Aikawa. Let’s run together! Dash toward the sunset!”

“There isn’t a sunset. And no way I’m running a marathon in this cold. What lap are you on?”

“Fifth! I was blasting ahead in first place.”

Well, no one else planned to do more than three laps anyway. I remembered Tomonori was in the track team. She was supposed to be a promising athlete with a bright future.

Of course, she was also a Vampire Ninja. If she used that superhuman strength, she could probably win nationals. Assuming there weren’t other Vampire Ninjas or monsters competing, that is.

And this world had plenty of other superhuman types. Like the Magiclad Girls from the world of magic, Villiers, or the Megalo from the realm of the dead, the Underworld.

My gaze dropped to her legs, glowing exquisitely beneath her shorts. So blinding. Her skin was so milky and flawless it made me wonder if she’d bleached it.

I guess the shorts instead of a tracksuit bottom were her track team uniform. Personally, I’d prefer if P.E. alternated between bloomers and shorts.

Girls’ skin looked a lot softer than boys’. Did I think so because I was a zombie? Or simply because I was a high school boy?

“Damn, it’s cold.”

I looked up at the overcast sky. Winter skies always seemed cranky.

“That’s why you run marathons when it’s cold! What’s with you, Aikawa? You never stop sighing.”

“I’m sighing because of the whole marathons are for the cold mindset.”

“Which reminds me, why do they always want marathons in winter anyway? I really don’t get it.”

“Maybe because in hot weather you risk heatstroke, dehydration, and other problems?”

“I get that you’re good at English, but could you speak Japanese, please?”

“Every single word I just said was Japanese. Basically, running warms you up. In summer it’d be way too hot.”

“Oh. That’s gotta be it! You’re amazing, Aikawa. You’re a genius!”

I wasn’t a genius, or some awe-inspiring corpse with a halo around my head. But Tomonori reacted like she’d gotten a critical hit by a bolt from the blue. In short, she was very impressed.

“By the way, got a lead on Chris?” I switched topics, speaking in the tone of an old police drama’s investigation chief.

Tomonori’s face returned to normal, and she walked slowly alongside me. “Hm, nothing solid so far,” she said, hands laced behind her head as she gazed up at the sky.

“I… see.”

I’d asked Tomonori to track Chris, the Magiclad Girl who’d made a return during the school festival. After all, a zombie high schooler with nothing but death to his name couldn’t exactly do a manhunt.

But Tomonori was a ninja. And when it came to gathering intel, it was either a spy or a ninja, no two ways about it.

The problem was, as her statements made obvious, she wasn’t the brightest. I’d never expected much.

Still, I had other acquaintances among the Vampire Ninjas at school. I didn’t really want to rely on them, but I might have to.

“Ah, isn’t that Sarasvati?”

Speak of the devil. A girl was walking toward school.

It was already fourth period. I wasn’t sure if she was coming in late like some big-shot at work or just skipping. Either way, she was clearly on her way to class now.

Her slender legs were wrapped in black stockings. Maybe she wanted to show off those long, beautiful legs, or maybe high school girls these days were just too bold. Either way, her skirt was ridiculously short.

Her long, silky hair reached down to her waist. With refined features and a mature beauty, she strode toward us. She seemed to notice me too, and the corner of her lips curled into a faint smirk.

I didn’t greet her and simply walked past.

“Huh? Aikawa, you’re not gonna say hi?” Tomonori seemed puzzled, following alongside me but also keeping quiet.

I couldn’t answer. After the school festival, Saras had told me, “I love the shape of your buttocks.”

It was the worst, one-of-a-kind profession of love imaginable. But it was impossible not to be conscious of it.

I owed her thanks for risking her life for me, and I probably should give her some kind of response, but I had no idea how to face Saras right now.

After we passed each other, Saras stopped and turned back gracefully.

“Hey, you there. My darling.”

“Who the hell are you talking about?!” I found myself snapping and turning to Saras.

“Way to go, Aikawa! Now we’re both in the weird nickname club together.”

Tomonori, being an idiot, didn’t understand what darling meant. She just grinned happily to herself.

“You run into your beloved and not even greet them? Explain yourself, my shitty darling.”

“First of all, don’t call me that. It makes the back of my neck itch.”

“You ignored me. That’s why.”

Sighing, I raised a hand slightly. “Hey, long time no see. What’re you up to? You doing all right now?”

Satisfied, Saras planted one hand on her hip and gave a smug little laugh. Her sharp, aggressive eyes weren’t hostile, just her natural look.

---

1. The Kin-chan run is a famous comedic running style originating from Japanese comedian Kinichi Hagimoto. It features an exaggerated, diagonal strut with bent knees, arms swaying on the same side, and rapid feet movement, used for physical comedy and slapstick situations ↩