Fill Your Mind With Dirty Thoughts, and You Will Find Even Fire Cool – Part 02

“Fortunately, my injuries are fully healed. Now let me ask you instead. What do I look like I’m doing to you?”

“Well, uh… I figured you were just heading to school.”

“Unexpected. But correct.”

She clapped twice. Was she mocking me with that exaggerated surprise?

“So even you skip school sometimes, huh,” Tomonori said with a smile.

Saras clamped a hand over her mouth. “Don’t use that name at school. Are you more stupid than a monkey?”

Vampire Ninjas used aliases at school, and Sarasvati went by Kirara Hoshikawa. Tomonori too had some real name like Maelstrom or whatever. It got confusing, so I stuck with Saras and Tomonori to keep it simple.

“S-Sorry!” Tomonori managed to pry Saras’s hand off her mouth and sucked in air like she was drowning. Both of us had completely stopped walking.

“Anyway, I was just talking with Aikawa. Did you get any info on Miss Chris?” Tomonori asked cheerfully, but Saras only glared at her.

They were both Vampire Ninjas, but from different factions. That was probably why they didn’t share information. You’d think being the same species would make them get along better.

Left with no choice, I asked the same question myself, “Did you get any leads on her?”

“Not at all. Who knows what in the world she’s trying to do?”

Saras was a squad leader among the Vampire Ninjas. So if Chris harmed someone or made a conspicuous move, she should receive some sort of report. After all, she’d been attacked herself.

But Chris wasn’t targeting Vampire Ninjas. Maybe she had no plans to go after them anymore.

“Ugh, this is so frustrating! Where the hell is Miss Chris?!” Tomonori ruffled her short hair and stomped her feet. She still addressed Chris with Miss. I wasn’t sure if she hated her or not.

“So, here’s the thing, my darling. There’s a Vampire Ninja council coming up.”

“Oh, we have one too,” Tomonori said.

“Of course you do. This meeting will be the first in a hundred years where the executives of both the conservative and reformist factions gather in one place.”

“What?! R-Really?” Tomonori leaned back in pure shock.

“So until now, you’ve had separate meetings?” I asked.

“Yes. There are order-givers, decision-makers, and enforcers on both sides.”

“Then why suddenly hold a joint meeting?”

“I proposed it. Now that we’ve learned the deceased leader is alive, it’s time to unite. So, my darling. Won’t you join us? Vampire Ninjas from various fields will gather. You might get some useful information.”

“Me? Join a Vampire Ninja meeting? Are you sure that’s okay?”

“That’s a great idea!” Tomonori said. “Come with us, Aikawa. They call it a council, but it’s not formal at all.”

“I’m not a Vampire Ninja, you know.”

“Give me some credit,” Saras said. “One person won’t be a problem. I can handle it.”

“I see. I’ll be there, then.”

“Great! I’m sure we’ll get a lead,” Tomonori said.

“When’s the meeting?”

“We don’t have a date yet,” Saras answered. “Everyone’s busy with different missions. Coordinating times is difficult.”

“Then let me know when it’s decided.”

“I will. Show some spirit and apply yourself to training, my beloved darling.” She patted my shoulder.

I scratched my cheek awkwardly. “Quit calling me that. I mean, I appreciate the sentiment.”

“I don’t care how you feel. I just call you that because I love you.”

“Seriously? How can I believe someone who says they love you so casually?”

I couldn’t warm up to someone who forced their emotions on me. Vampire Ninjas always looked down on others, ignoring their feelings. Tomonori was a really good person, but she too just declared I was her husband or something.

Basically, they were way too blunt and shameless. And it pissed me off a little.

“I believe one day my feelings will get through.”

Normally, you wouldn’t say that to the person.

I stayed silent, not wanting to continue the topic. Saras tilted her head slightly. Apparently, she couldn’t understand why I was annoyed.

“All right, then. It’s about time I go to school. Farewell, Yuki Yoshida. My rival.”

“Did you hear that, Aikawa?! She called me Yuki.” Tomonori waved her hands cheerfully at Saras. “See ya!”

I ran alongside Tomonori as we looped around the cemetery and retraced our steps.

Along the way, I spotted Orito running toward the cemetery in the same hunched-over pose as before. Some people never get bored, huh. He was still chasing after girls’ butts.

He finally stopped, then reversed course to match Tomonori’s pace, clearly just to watch her chest bounce as she ran.

“What the heck are you doing?” Even the mild-mannered Tomonori couldn’t hide her discomfort.

“You’re a nuisance, Orito. Move along.” I swatted at the four-eyes as if shooing a dog.

“I’m just appraising Tomonori’s knockers. I’d say it’s worth a million dollars.”

Orito fixed his gleaming glasses on her chest.

Tomonori raised her hands and shouted. “I appreciate the compliment, you scum! What do you want?!”

“Look, winter break’s almost here, and then Christmas.” Orito paused and made a strangely pained face.

“Aikawa. Do you know what a bōnenkai^[1] is?”

“Yeah, a party office workers throw, right? What about it?”

“That’s exactly it.”

“Huh?”

“Bōnenkai equals office workers. Why is an end-of-year party only for adults? Students should also be able to have one.”

Well, there was money and the fact we couldn’t drink alcohol, but he had a point.

“Yeah! We have the right to hold a year-end party too,” Tomonori said.

“I agree with that idea,” a tall, handsome guy murmured that as he passed us from behind.

“Where did you even come from, Anderson? You a ninja or something?”

A tall dude with a princely, clean-cut features, member of the basketball club, looked at me with a friendly smile.

“Shall we hold a bōnenkai?”

Anderson glistened with sweat. The glare was so intense it almost felt like a spotlight was on him.

I was a little surprised that it was Anderson, not Orito, who suggested it.

“Oh, I want in too.” A girl walking past raised her hand. She was Kanami Mihara, a slightly tall student, makeup perfectly done, and Tomonori’s close friend from the girls’ basketball team.

“Me too, me too!”

“What? A bōnenkai? Count me in!”

Boys arriving from behind shouted in agreement one after another, patting Orito on the back as they went.

“Tiddiiiiiies!” Around the fifth person, Orito let out a bizarre scream.

“What the hell, Orito?” I muttered, annoyed at how loud he was.

“I was the one who came up with the idea. Do you get what I’m saying?” Breathing heavily, he clung to my shoulder.

“I do.”

Honestly, he was creeping me out.

“If a guy wants to join, he has to bring a cutie! Got it?!”

What was he even saying? Tomonori and I just stared. For a moment, I thought maybe we should just do it without Orito.

“A cutie, huh.” Anderson smiled brightly. “Got it. I’ll see if I can find one.”

“Isn’t that kind of a weird condition you don’t really need to accept?” Mihara shook her head in exasperation.

“It’s more fun if we invite a lot of people, right? And it only happens once a year,” he said.

Anderson really was a good guy. Everyone probably thought so.

“Fine, then.”
“Can students from other schools come?”

“The only requirement is that they’re cute,” Orito said. “All right, Aikawa. Call Sera!” He pulled out his phone.

Note to everyone: don’t bring phones to P.E. class.

“Wait, you want a student bōnenkai, don’t you? Why does Sera come into this?”

“Right now, I have eyes for no one else but Sera!”

Mihara gave Orito a disgusted look and asked me, “Who’s Sera?” Answering that was such a pain in the ass.

“Orito, you’re planning a mixer, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am. I want a mixer! I want to fall in love so hard it melts ski slopes. I’ve done everything you could possibly do for a solo Christmas.”

He had completely thrown caution to the wind. A student bōnenkai was basically just a mixer.

“Since we’re doing it, the more the merrier.” Apparently, Anderson agreed with inviting Sera.

I didn’t argue, took Orito’s phone, and called home. Why, you might ask? Because I already knew the outcome.

Beep, beep, beep. Ring, ring, ring. Click.

“Hello, Aikawa residence.”

Her voice was refined and elegant. If sound had a scent, hers would be the crisp freshness of cool mint with a hint of cherry sweetness. I explained that Orito and Anderson wanted to hold a year-end party and told me to ask her if she would join.

“No.”

Yup. That was blunt.

“Come on, it’s only once a year.”

“Because your reason for holding it is gross.”

Sera hung up before I could say anything else. I relayed the truth to Orito, whose eyes behind his glasses had been full of hope.

“She said it’s gross, so she’s not joining.”

Orito’s face instantly twisted into something utterly ugly.

“And you don’t get to join either!”

Well, I didn’t really want to join a mixer disguised as a year-end party anyway, so I said nothing and went back to running.

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1. A bōnenkai (忘年会; literally “forget the year gathering”) is a Japanese drinking party that takes place at the end of the year and is generally held among groups of co-workers or friends. The purpose of the party, as its name implies, is to forget the woes and troubles of the past year, and hopefully look to the new year, usually by consumption of large amounts of alcohol. A bōnenkai does not take place on any specific day, but they are usually held within December. ↩