Uh, Sure, Dessler Does Look Like He’d Be Good at Billiards – Part 01

After five minutes on foot from the Vampire Ninjas’ year-end party in Roppongi, I arrived at the mixer.

The venue was a place students normally had no business visiting—a darts bar.

The choice came down to a combination of factors: Anderson, who was unusually enthusiastic about the whole thing, was a regular there, happened to have a stack of discount coupons, and could get us the group rate. Everyone also agreed that if we were going to do something adults did, it ought to be in a place that adults visited.

More people showed up than expected; over thirty crowded into the darts bar.

Among them, the faces I recognized were:
A flat-chested girl with shoulder-length brown hair and a distinctive cowlick—Haruna.
A flat-chested girl with silver hair down to her waist and clad in Western armor—Eu.
The basketball girl whose motto was “never go outside without makeup”—Kanami Mihara.
A ridiculously handsome guy who was tall enough to dunk—Anderson.
And then… something Orito-ish.

Because the requirement for guys to join was bringing a cute girl, most of the people were strangers. The ratio leaned heavily toward girls.

We gathered at the entrance, then followed Anderson inside.

The place was surprisingly spacious, with the feel of a saloon from a Western film. A long wooden counter stretched across one side, three dart machines lined the wall, and two billiard tables stood nearby. Mexican food already filled the tables.

“Hey, welcome, welcome. I baked some pizza.”

The affable master waved us in. He looked to be in his early thirties, a young owner.

“Sorry for asking so much,” Anderson said. “You even set out food and soft drinks.”

“No problem at all. For you, Shimomura, I’d shut the place down every day. I only open at night anyway, so you’ve got it until around seven.”

“Appreciate it, Boss.”

“In return, keep coming by, yeah? Some of my customers only show up to see you.”

The two laughed it off.

Students poured into seats. I hung my favorite jacket on a hanger and sat at the edge. Just then, pizza arrived.

“Th-This is the Alfred Gunnarson LVS-0 model!” Haruna nearly toppled her chair, her cowlick twitching wildly.

“It’s just pizza,” Eu cut in.

“Haruna, that’s just pizza.”

“Ah, right. This world doesn’t have Alfred or Gunnarson.” Haruna wiped her brow and sighed in relief. Everyone smiled at her.

“Hey, Aikawa, you pervert.” A guy with spiked hair sharper than usual and a flashy jacket scowled from behind his glasses.

“Straight to pervert? What’s up?”

“Where’s that cute girl you promised? Sure, Haruna and Eu are drop-dead gorgeous, but I was the one who invited them.”

“They’re part of my crew. No way I’m giving you credit.”

“Hah, shove it. There’s one more super-gorgeous girl who never comes to these things!”

A pretty girl wouldn’t just tag along with some obvious creep like Orito… so who the hell could it be?

Smirking, Orito stepped aside, and out popped a beauty in pigtails hanging over her shoulders.

Hiramatsu? At a mixer? It didn’t suit her. She hated looking people in the eye and always kept her gaze low. But she was nice.

In a pink knit cardigan, frilly skirt, and boots, Hiramatsu stood there in casual clothes, looking down awkwardly.

“I heard… you were coming, Aikawa. So I thought… why not.” Hiramatsu blushed faintly.

My condolences. I pressed my palms together and bowed my head in thanks.

At my table sat Eu, Orito, and Hiramatsu. Haruna wandered around, while Anderson and nearly all the girls crowded the counter.

These high school girls only had eyes for the handsome Anderson.

“That reminds me.”

“What is it?”

“Who did Anderson bring along?”

“Want me to ask? Hey, Anderson.”

Anderson turned his head a little.

“Who did you bring?”

“Ayumu, Ayumu, Ayumu!”

Haruna came bouncing over from the billiard table, beaming, with the cutest little owl snuggled in her arms like a plush toy.

“What is this?! It’s so fluffy! I’ve never seen such a weird bird before.”

It was stumpy and short-legged, but its talons were sharp. Well, owls were birds of prey, carnivores like hawks and eagles.

Wait, why was there an owl here?

“I brought that horned owl,” Anderson said. “Cute, isn’t it?”

So it was a horned owl. Ah, because of those feather tufts that looked like ears.

Sure, it was technically cute.

Orito’s glasses were fogged up with disappointment. “That’s just lame,” he muttered. His voice was drowned out by a chorus of “So cute!” from the girls. Universal acclaim.

The rest of us guys, stuck at the table, tasted the bitter defeat of being born without looks.

“Haah, this is too much,” Haruna breathed, cowlick twitching like a windshield wiper.

The owl’s big round eyes and those ear-like tufts made it look almost like a cat. It was cute when it hooted too, but still.

Haruna pressed her cheek into the horned owl’s fluffy feathers, hugging it tight. “Ah! You used fabric softener, didn’t you?”

I’m pretty sure it didn’t.

Hoot, hoot.

The owl was surprisingly docile. Birds of prey weren’t supposed to be this tame, were they? It shut its eyes as Haruna stroked its head. That was straight-up cat behavior.

“Wow, it’s so adorable,” Hiramatsu said, gazing dreamily at the owl.

Unable to resist anymore, I walked over to Haruna.

“All right, everyone, order your beverage.”

“Huh? Cabbage?” Haruna blinked. “We’re giving it cabbage?”

Owls don’t eat cabbage. They’re carnivores.

The horned owl hooted right on cue, as if in agreement. Haruna scratched its neck.

“Aikawa, soda okay for you?” Orito asked.

Ow!

I petted the owl’s head, and its beak stabbed into me. It was super wary of me. And why did it sound like Michael just now?

“Ayumu, it thinks you’re gross,” Haruna snickered.

Little fucker.

“Orito! Get over here.” I called him over and told him to try petting the horned owl’s head.

“Owww!”

The beak stabbed into him.

“See, Haruna? It’s not that I’m gross.”

“Except this guy’s gross too. Uh, what was his name again? André?”

Hoot, hoot. The horned owl nodded.

“His name’s Orito, not a character from the Rose of Versailles.”^[1]

“Enough, you two. Just grab your glasses already,” Orito urged.

Haruna and I picked up our sodas.

Once everyone had a fizzy drink—ginger ale, lemon squash, soda—Orito, as the host, led the toast.

“Thank you all for coming today. Quite a crowd, huh? You know, the more toasts and teats the livelier it gets. Just kidding. Well then, cheers!”

For about five seconds time froze.

“Cheers!”

Bright voices rose, accompanied by the clinking of glasses.

No one went to Orito. I bumped Haruna’s glass beside me.

“Ah! What the hell, Ayumu, you idiot!”

Oh, shit. The toast war I was in earlier made me use my zombie power by accident.

Seeing me as an enemy, the horned owl attacked me with its beak. It was like an extension of Haruna’s will.

“Yeah! Go, Kir Royale!”^[2]

Hoot!

The horned owl perched on Haruna’s right hand spread its wings and opened its beak. This bird could even handle obscure references?

When Orito brought his glass for a toast, I flicked it aside. When Eu came over for one, I pushed back a little too hard too.

I’d always thought I was good with my hands, though.

“Aikawa, you’ve got zero talent for toasts,” Orito said.

“I can explain.”

Clink. I deflected Orito’s glass too hard, spilling soda all over. Laughter broke out.

“I never would’ve guessed you’re bad at toasts,” Hiramatsu said, giggling at me.

Treated like some weirdo who couldn’t even toast right, I felt a little depressed.

Hiramatsu pulled a shogi board from her bag.

“Shogi? You like shogi, Hiramatsu?” I asked.

“Yeah. I thought I’d be left out… so I brought it along.”

She had no intention of mingling in a mixer.

As the shogi pieces clattered across the board, Eu’s eyes lit up, and she turned toward Hiramatsu. Maybe Eu had no interest in mingling either. I wondered what she came here for.

“Ah, do you want to play?” Hiramatsu asked.

“Yes, please.”

With a deep bow, Eu led Hiramatsu off to the side. Once they moved somewhere quieter, Hiramatsu began setting the pieces with practiced hands.

The boys who saw them were baffled by this closed-off world, yet tried to edge closer while pretending to be spectators. Spotting them, I blocked the way like a bodyguard protecting the president.

No pests were getting near Eu! Faced with my iron wall of defense, the boys gave up and drifted to other groups. Good. That’s how it should be.

In a sense, one group was formed. And just like that, more groups started taking shape here and there.

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1. André is a character from the manga/anime The Rose of Versailles. ↩

2. Kir Royale is the signature ultimate attack in the anime and manga series Jing: King of Bandits. ↩