It Has Nothing to Do with Prithvi Bir Bikram Shah – Part 02

“Sera, stop feeding Haruna weird ideas.”

“I don’t feed her weird ideas,” Sera said matter-of-factly, her face sour. “She just takes what I say and butchers it.”

Acting all innocent, huh?

“Then correct her when she starts going off the rails.”

“I don’t see the problem. Introducing a few twists is better than doing the same thing every year.”

“Yeah, no. You don’t mess with things that are already perfect. Would you be okay if your strawberry shortcake turned out to be watermelon? Or if your okonomiyaki was filled with nothing but oranges?”

“Are you saying Haruna’s actions are comparable to something that could spark a war? Terrifying.”

“What’s terrifying is that your mind jumps straight to war over food.”

“All right, it’s done! Let the ritual begin!”

Haruna had gathered all the tanzaku face-down. When she tried sneaking a peek at mine, I tugged her cowlick. She let out a dramatic squeak, and her eyes welled up with tears.

I didn’t even pull it that hard, but man, that voice was weirdly cute. Maybe the cowlick was the main part of her body.

“Stop pulling it already,” Haruna grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, just hurry up and begin.”

Haruna wedged candles between her fingers and crossed her arms in front of her chest like Wolverine, then began reciting some kind of incantation.

“Kaizard, alzard. Kiske, Hansen, grosskopf, sielck. Turn my enemies to ashes, O sage of Hades.”

Helloween!^[1] Wait a sec.

“Hold up! You just ripped that off. Besides, if you’re gonna use that spell, use it during Halloween. Can you even cast that?”

“Wuh? Of course I can. It’s magic, duh. I practiced real hard.”

“Well, that just makes it worse. Please don’t. That’s not something you should be able to do just by practicing.”

“Ayumu, why are you so on edge all of a sudden?” Sera asked.

Apparently, the Vampire Ninja had no idea how terrifying Helloween could be. I gave her a quick rundown on how spells in manga are always super dangerous.

“No need to worry. Haruna doesn’t have any mana at all.”

Oh, right. She couldn’t even transform into a Magiclad Girl yet. What a relief.

“Y-Yes I do! I’ve recovered some of it. We won’t know unless I try!”

“And I’m saying don’t try it.”

“So, what kind of ritual is it?”

Ah, good. Someone finally asked.

I jumped on Eu’s question. “Yeah,” I added, and tried to say, “What kind of ritual are we even doing?” but the words didn’t come out.

“It almost feels like we’re a real family, doing stuff like this,” Sera said with a giggle.

Yeah, I knew exactly what she meant. I’d been thinking the same thing. I smiled back at her. Eu seemed to agree, giving a quiet nod.

Meanwhile, Haruna…

“I don’t know what this feeling is… but… I…” She just kept scowling at me. She seemed irritated.

“Haruna?”

The second I called out to her, her whole face lit up red like it caught fire.

“Wh-What?! Don’t look at me, kay?!”

You’re the one who staring at me. What’s her problem? Was my smile that gross to her? If that’s how she’s gonna play it, I’mma poke fun at her.

“Haruna, you know…”

“Just shut up and look the other way!”

“That hairstyle looks cute on you.”

“Wha?!”

It sounded like something exploded inside her. Like an egg popping in the microwave.

She jumped to her feet. “And your hair doesn’t look cute at all! Why are you even wearing it like that?! You idiot!”

Uh, because you wouldn’t stop bugging me about it? But before I could even say that, she launched a perfectly executed spinning back kick at me.

“Eu, help me!”

I reached out to the goddess sitting beside me. Eu was staring at Haruna with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

“Oh, by the way, Ayumu. Do you need something from me?” Sera asked.

“Uh… not that I can think of.”

“Then I don’t mind. Haruna, go ahead.”

No, don’t encourage her.

---

July 10th. Monday, the day we got our exams back.

At 5 a.m., like always, I snuck into school before anyone else. The classroom door was still locked, so I killed about three hours sleeping in a hidden spot where no one would find me. Around 8, I headed into the classroom and slumped into my seat.

The first one to show up was always the honors student—quiet guy, never said a word even when we were alone.

Next came the class rep. Black-rimmed glasses, a haircut like Shizuka from Doraemon—your textbook model of a committee chair. Well, she wasn’t the actual class rep, but still.

Everyone pretty much showed up in the same order every day. I guess that was just part of their lifestyle or whatever.

As usual, the classroom slowly filled with noise. But none of it had anything to do with me. No matter how loud or exciting the conversations around me got, I didn’t care. I just curled up and slept like a cat.

But seriously, was there even a point to coming to school just to nap all day?

8:30. Right on cue, Orito usually called out to me like an alarm clock. “Aikawa!” or something like that. It didn’t matter how good the nap was. He’d wake me up without fail.

But today something was different.

“Ayumu… Aikawa, right?” someone called out to me before Orito did.

It was a girl. A female student with a dignified air, just like Sera. If Sera let her hair down, maybe she’d look like this. I was sure no one this pretty existed in our class.

“Yeah, that’s me, but…”

“You’ve been briefed, right? This is the item. It’s officially in your hands.”

She spoke fast, dropped a glasses case on my desk, and pulled out her phone. Sweeping her long hair back, she turned away in one smooth motion. Probably got a call or something. Before I could even say anything, she was already talking.

“It’s me. I see. What about it?”

Were this glasses what Big Teach wanted me to hold on to? She did look kinda like a Magiclad Girl. The self-important tone, the way she juggled phone calls.

“Use your own judgment for things like that, you imbecile!” Shouting like Sera would, she ended the call, muttered an apology, and strode off.

I opened the case. Inside was a pair of black-rimmed glasses. Real nerdy-looking ones.

She’d seemed in a rush, and that earlier yelling had totally thrown me off, so I didn’t get a chance to ask.

How long am I supposed to keep this? What even is this?

She was already gone. All that remained was the glasses and the case.

Curious, wondering what kind of magic item it might be, I put them on. And the world turned see-through.

When I looked at people, their clothes vanished, revealing their underwear. If I focused harder, the underwear disappeared too and…

Degen glasses?!

My face felt like it was about to explode. I yanked the glasses off immediately. Why the hell would Big Teach give me something like this?

If Haruna found out, she would definitely kick me. Like Big Teach said, I’d better keep this from her.

Let’s do a little more testing. I slipped the glasses back on.

And that’s when Orito’s face suddenly filled my vision, eyes glazed over.

I nearly choked. Broke out in a full-body sweat. I did not want to see Orito naked.

“Aikawa!” he called my name sweetly, then glared at me, eyebrows twitching. “You’re not planning to add that new girl to your harem too, are you?”

“Harem? You mean Haruna and the girls? Yeah, it’s not that great. If they were a little more devoted, then maybe it’d count as a harem.”

I slid the black-rimmed glasses into their case and tossed it into my bag.

“Just living with pretty girls makes it a harem,” he said. “It’s the ultimate paradise! A dreamland! Eden! Yeah, like a galactic Eden!”

“Just so you know, if you start thinking dirty thoughts, you won’t even get a chance to explain before you end up looking like Zeong.”^[2]

“Legs are just for show anyway.”

“Humans need legs. You might lose your fingers too. Worst case, you’ll be just a head.”

“The stakes are that high, huh? Even better!”

“You really are something else.”

Homeroom started, and Orito went back to his seat. We were supposed to get our exam results back today, so I was kind of looking forward to it.

I actually paid attention in class for once, and during the break, I had a little score competition with Orito. I totally crushed him. I figured I owed Haruna and Eu a proper thank-you for that.

Then came lunchtime. I opened Haruna’s lunchbox, and froze. I usually got surprised during lunch, but this time was on a whole other level.

It was normal. The food was completely, unbelievably normal.

What the hell? Did something good happen to her or what?

Sausages? Meatballs? Come on, that’s too normal. I’d have to compliment her later. Cherry tomatoes and lettuce? Healthy stuff? She actually pulled it off.

Then I spotted miso-simmered mackerel, hashed beef, and corn soup. Scratch that. I take it all back. Had my sense of normal gotten that warped?

Thanks to the soup and beef, the rest of the food was soaked.

The hell kind of mackerel stew is this?

Okay, fine, that part was on me. I didn’t know everything in there was liquid, so I tilted the box and it all sloshed together. But still, she never told me what was in it ahead of time.

Such a shame with the rice too. It was all soggy now. For the love of food, separate the soup from the rest.

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1. Helloween is a High Ancient Magic spell from the manga Bastard!! Heavy Metal, Dark Fantasy.

2. The MSN-02 Zeong is a prototype mobile suit appearing in the anime Mobile Suit Gundam. It doesn’t have any legs.