Aaah! Haruna, You Perv!

I soaked in the tub for about twenty minutes.

Taking a bath in the middle of the day felt like such a luxury. Ever since they moved in, I couldn’t just bathe whenever I wanted. Today, I’d soak like a chunk of pork belly simmering in broth.

Sitting there in the hot water, my mind wandered.

I thought about Kyouko, the one who killed me. The King of the Night behind her. Big Teach, who went with them.

And Eu, the one who turned me into a zombie.

It had been days since Eu left, saying she didn’t want to cause us trouble. Nothing had changed. The King of the Night’s fake Megalo still showed up often.

Judging from the lack of news coverage, the monster‑hunting specialists—the Vampire Ninjas and the Magiclad Girls—were handling things well enough.

“Ahh, I’m beat.” A lazy girl’s voice drifted closer. That had to be Haruna, back from the magic world of Villiers.

Through the frosted glass I saw the small, twitching shadow of her cowlick. Cowlick referred to that ridiculous strand of hair sticking out from her head.

I heard the swish of clothes. Going by the movement of her cowlick, she’d tossed her skirt into the laundry basket.

I’d sent Haruna to Villiers to gather information. She’d thrown a fit about not wanting to go to school, but I’d begged her to do something for me for once, and she’d finally gone. I wondered if she’d learned anything, but I didn’t call out.

If I did, she’d just start complaining. She should’ve guessed I was in here from the change of clothes in the dressing area. And yet…

“All right, time to run the bath.”

Haruna, oblivious, slid the door open.

Why would ya open it?

Of course I was shocked. Even a zombie gets embarrassed if someone sees them naked. I didn’t mind if people saw my insides, but still.

“Eep.” Haruna gave a tiny yelp and froze.

To break the awkward air, I covered my chest with a hand.

“Aaah! Haruna, you perv!”

I half‑heartedly delivered the obligatory line, like a grade‑schooler reading from a play script.

“…”

“…”

“What are you doing, Ayumu?” Haruna narrowed her big eyes at me. Her half‑unbuttoned white blouse made her look very cute.

“What do you mean? I’m taking a bath.”

“I keep telling you not to get in before me. Get out!” She pouted, her chestnut cowlick bobbing.

What kind of logic was that? The audacity when she was a freeloader.

“You go take a bath back in Villiers!”

“Shut up, idiot! Don’t tell me to go back!”

Wearing only her white blouse and polka‑dot panties, Haruna grabbed a towel and threw it at me.

“I’m just kidding. Hey, stop!”

“Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!”

Ignoring me, she hurled her skirt and a bottle of laundry detergent at me. Normally, I should be the one throwing stuff at her.

“More importantly, did you get any information?”

Hefting a laundry basket, Haruna looked away with a huff.

I hadn’t expected much, but as I thought, she got nothing.

“Love and courage are my only friends,” she mumbled, words straight out of the bread-headed guy from that kids’ show.^[1]

She was so selfish and arrogant, she had no friends back in Villiers. No one except Big Teach could even be called a friend of hers. No way she could just go around asking people for information.

Still, I’d sent her out hoping she might dig up something, but no, it never worked out so easily.

“You didn’t ask Els or any teacher other than Big Teach?”

“They’re useless. They never think about the field. Sure, it’s our duty to report to them, but they never bother reporting anything specific back to us. Seriously, they should just drop dead.”

With that attitude, no wonder they didn’t share anything with her. Schools were still organizations; information tended to spread in them, in one way or another.

“Fine. But let me correct one thing,” I said.

“What?”

“Love and courage aren’t the only friends you have. There’s Sera, Eu, me. Hell, even Orito counts as your friend.”

Haruna’s face flushed bright red with a mixed look I couldn’t quite read.

“I don’t remember making you my friend,” she said.

“Friendship’s not something you make or don’t make.”

The next thing you know, you’re friends. That’s just how it goes.

I thought I’d said that out loud, but apparently I hadn’t.

“What kind of creepy phenomenon is that? Besides, being friends with you is a bit, uh…”

Oh, that ticked me off.

“Is that so. Fine, close the door already, pervert.”

“What?! Ayumu, you corndog!”

If she was gonna insult me, the right term was horndog. Who said she could upgrade the level of contempt?

Haruna stomped off from the changing room, and I sank into the tub until the water reached under my eyes.

Phew, guess I’ll get out.

The nice feeling had been ruined. Seriously, who did she think was gonna clean up after her? I picked up her mess, towel-dried my hair roughly, and headed for my room. But I stopped at the entrance.

There, leaning against the wall, was a chainsaw. Haruna’s Magigear, what she needed to transform into a Magiclad Girl.

Anyone who saw it would—well, no, nobody would mistake it for a shoehorn.

And in the umbrella stand, two Japanese swords were stuck upright.

Anyone who saw them would—yeah, no, they wouldn’t think those were umbrellas either.

They didn’t even have scabbards, just bare blades like kitchen knives. These were the Magigears of Haruna’s homeroom teacher, the terrifyingly strong Big Teach. Was she okay? I doubted she’d be killed so easily, but without her gears… sigh.

I’d thought Haruna would take better care of these swords, but here they were. Well, maybe they worked as a charm against evil, but if Big Teach saw this, she’d be shocked.

I was still staring at them when the front door slid open, and a woman with the world’s most enviable black hair tied in a ponytail burst in.

“Sera?”

I caught her as she staggered in and collapsed against me. Normally, she’d shove me away like I was some bug clinging to her clothes, but today she didn’t. Or rather, she couldn’t.

Fresh from the bath, my hands were soon slick with blood.

It was gushing out of her. Not from one spot, but many. Her lean stomach, her narrow shoulders, the flawless chest that formed a deep cleavage—everywhere was soaked red.

If she’d been an ordinary human, she’d already be dead. As a Vampire Ninja, she wasn’t so easy to kill, but even so, this much blood loss couldn’t be good.

“Haruna!” I yelled loud enough to worry about the neighbors complaining.

She stuck her head out from upstairs, clearly annoyed. “What is it, you perv?” she snapped, then spotted Sera. Her eyes went wide, and she nearly tumbled down the stairs in her rush.

“What the hell are you doing?! Give her first aid, now!”

“Uh… yeah.” Easier said than done. I had no idea how to do first aid. I was a zombie, so I just let my wounds be. Not a great excuse, but still. Stopping the bleeding was all that mattered.

Uh… okay, so… what do I do again? Damn it. Schools really should teach first aid. I had no clue what to do.

“Sera.”

“Oh, for crying out loud! Move!” Haruna shoved me aside and went to work on Sera. “Oh, no. What the hell is this?! It’s not stopping at all!”

Her T-shirt was soaked through, but she kept trying to stop the bleeding desperately. I could only watch.

“I need… blood,” Sera murmured.

“Haruna, give her some.”

As their name implied, Vampire Ninjas drank human blood. It could heal them, like how a zombie’s body patched itself up.

Haruna’s face twisted. “Uh, we have to do that again?”

“Please. It’s the fastest way.”

“If… that’s really the only option.”

Before Haruna could say fine, Sera’s lips pressed against hers.

If the situation hadn’t been so tense, I might have blurted out, “What a sight.” But this was an emergency, so I kept my mouth shut and just watched in silence.

Sera sank her teeth into Haruna’s neck.

“Ah!” Haruna’s cheeks flushed red as she let out a yelp. “Wait… no… stop, ah.”

She grabbed Sera’s shoulders to push her away, but there was no strength in her hands.

“No… stop… hey… h-help me!”

With dazed eyes, she clutched at my shirt. She’d decided to share her blood, but clearly hated it.

“Haruna. Please, let her drink.”

“Ugh, f-fine. Just… this once.”

Red drops slid from the corner of Sera’s alluring lips. She must have been parched.

I didn’t know how long it went on. Haruna’s body gave out, and she collapsed limply. Sera wiped her mouth, her crimson eyes bright again, and stood straight.

“Thank you. You saved my life.”

What the hell was that near-death act just now? Figures. A Vampire Ninja could bounce back this much just from drinking blood.

“Don’t you… ever do that again.” Haruna breathed heavily, her shoulders rising and falling as she looked up at Sera.

“My apologies.”

“You okay, Haruna?” I asked.

“Y-Yeah. Just a little lightheaded.” Her ears burned red as she pressed a hand to her neck.

“So, Sera. What happened for you to end up like that? Was it Kyouko?”

“N-Not really.”

Clutching her bloodstained shirt, Sera wore a somber expression I’d never seen on her before.

“I’ll go change.”

I pointed toward the bath. “Bath’s ready, you know.”

Might as well have her wash off all that blood. Watching a girl covered in it wasn’t my thing. I was a zombie, not a vampire.

“I see. Then I’ll take one.”

Her voice was as firm as if nothing had happened, though her steps toward the bath were just a bit unsteady.

I had her tracking the movements of the fake Megalo. I believed the quickest way to find Kyouko was finding the one’s she’d created.

I’d told her not to fight them if she found any, but she must have pushed herself anyway.

Haruna had already gone back to her room upstairs. I headed to the kitchen, took out some barley tea from the fridge, grabbed two teacups, and went to the living room. I waited for Sera while watching TV.

About thirty minutes later, she returned from the bath, her hair no longer tied in a ponytail.

I handed her a cup of tea. “So, what happened?”

“While I was soaking in the tub, I was desperately trying to think of a way to lie. But since I don’t know how to lie, I’ll just tell you the truth.” After an ominous preface, Sera said gravely, “The one who attacked me was a fellow conservative Vampire Ninja. In short, I was attacked by one of my own.”

“Why?” That was all I could say. Vampire ninjas sure loved doing things beyond my comprehension.

“Because I abandoned my mission.”

“That one where you were told to kill Eu?”

Sera had been ordered to kill Eu. But just for refusing, would they really go so far as to try to kill her?

“For a Vampire Ninja, missions take absolute priority. If someone abandons one, I’d want to kill them too.”

“And you knew that, so why report it?”

“What do you mean?”

“You could’ve just kept quiet. If you didn’t say you were abandoning it, no one would’ve gone after your life. You could’ve accepted the mission and just not carried it out.”

“I… suppose.”

“Right?”

“That thought never occurred to me.”

So, she couldn’t just lie. She couldn’t even hide the truth.

“That’s one of your good points, though.”

“In any case, I can no longer act as a Vampire Ninja. I apologize.”

She bowed her head, glancing up at me from below. Her face looked less pretty and more cute.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said.

“On another note.” Her jade eyes locked sharply onto mine. She took a sip of barley tea.

“Yeah?”

“Why do you think Miss Hellscythe left us?”

Why she left, huh?

Eu’s emotions alone could cause bad things to happen to those around her. That was why she always kept her face blank, and why she left—to spare us from any harm.

Sera knew Eu was a kind-hearted girl. She knew she feared hurting others with her powers. So for Sera to bring this up now could only mean one thing.

“You think we might have been part of the reason?”

“Yes. Perhaps Miss Hellscythe left because of something about us. I can’t say what exactly, so I’m asking your opinion.”

“I’ve… got no idea either.”

Still… maybe. Maybe there was something. The reason Eu left—or rather, the moment she became certain she couldn’t stay with us.

But only Eu knew that. Damn it.

“By the way, was the bath okay?” I asked. “I was in there pretty long, so the water might’ve cooled a bit.”

“You mean to tell me you made me bathe in the same water you soaked in?”

Her gaze flipped to towering over me like Mt. Everest. Her face looked less pretty now and more… demonic.

Why the hell did I tell her that, knowing exactly how she’d react?

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1. A reference to the opening theme lyrics of the anime Anpanman.