Don’t Worry About Me. Just Cook the Egg! – Part 02
Don’t Worry About Me. Just Cook the Egg! – Part 02
Don’t Worry About Me. Just Cook the Egg! – Part 02
I wasn’t totally sure I’d managed to cheer her up, but Sera tied her hair back into a ponytail and said, “I’m fine now. Sorry for worrying you.” So I figured that was good enough and headed back to my room.
I found Haruna sprawled on my bed, deeply absorbed in some weird book titled How to Knock Them Dead Instantly. The moment she noticed me, she jumped up and yanked off the bedsheets.
“Let’s get started right away!”
Apparently, learning magic required a specific stance—or form, or something—so I did what she said and waited quietly while she got everything ready. But honestly, something didn’t seem right.
“Can I just say something real quick?”
I’d been wrapped up tight in the bedsheet like a mummy, with just my right hand sticking out in front of me.
“Wuh?”
“What is this outfit?”
“Okay, let’s start with light magic. It’s the coolest.”
Wow, ignored. And why did I have to look like some freshly awakened mummy?
“Isn’t light kind of bad for zombies?”
“Let’s go with the light magic Cool Pose.[1] That one’s awesome!”
“That’s hero-exclusive magic! Also, you should really stop stealing from other franchises.”
“Ah, right. Only heroes can use that one. Then let’s try Solar Flare[2] instead.”
“That’s not magic, that’s a martial art! No, actually, even as martial arts go, it still makes no sense.”
“All right. Let’s steal some mana from a fairy!”
“What did fairies ever do to you?!”
“Even Saiyans raised on Earth forcibly take energy, then try to blow up the very planet that helped them. So, no. They don’t even have to do anything wrong, my dear Watson.”
“Pretty sure they weren’t actually planning to destroy the Earth. Also, my name’s Ayumu Aikawa, thank you very much.”
“Listen up, Ayumu. There are all sorts of magic. Normally, you use your own mana to trigger a phenomenon. But your mana belongs to me. Use it and I’ll kill you. So instead, you borrow mana from another source. The incantation’s basically a verbal contract you read out loud. You absolutely need it.”
“And if I borrow mana from a fairy… do fairies even exist in this world?”
“When Michael[3] went all Ow! and Hoo! a fairy was feeding him mana, so we’re good.”
“Wait, those weird sounds were magic incantations?!”
“It didn’t seem like he knew it himself, though.”
Now I was wondering: were superhuman people like Ichiro[4] secretly using magic too?
“All right, first step: memorize the incantation.”
Haruna let out a series of bizarre noises that made zero sense, then finally stretched her arm forward and shouted, “Shararararararaaan!”
What a lame-sounding incantation.
“Something like that. Most of it, you can say in a whisper. But you have to utter the last part out loud. If you shout the whole thing, your opponent will figure out what spell you’re using, so keep that in mind.”
Once the lecture wrapped up, I started muttering the words to myself, then gave it a try.
“Sharararararaaan!” I exhaled and stretched out my hand. Immediately, a thin layer of sweat began to spread across my palm. It felt gross.
What’s going on? Am I doing it? My hand felt sticky.
Wait. It smelled… kinda good. Almost like soup stock.
“You idiot! You were one ra short. That changes the whole meaning!”
“What was I saying exactly, then?”
I wiped the weird sweat-like stuff off my right hand using the sheet.
“Wuh? Um, well…”
“Excuse me, could I have some more scallions in my soup?”
“Huh? Stallions?”
“No, scallions.”
“Stallions?”
“I mean green onions.”
“Ahh! I’m terribly sorry. My hearing’s not the best these days.”
“No, no. I’m the one who should apologize. I wasn’t clear enough.”
“Got it. Extra green beans coming right up!”
“S-Sure. That’s fine.”
“That’s basically what you said,” Haruna finished.
“That sounds like a whole ass conversation that actually happened in real life. There’s no fantasy ring to it.”
“Shut it! It’s your fault for messing up.”
So this gross stuff oozing out of my hand was actually green bean soup?
“So, what was it supposed to mean?”
“Wuh? Let’s see. Ye who bears the name of Azure Flame.”
“Hold on! It’s completely different from the get-go. There’s that much of a difference over a single ra?”
“Of course! Just like how the words pet and pest mean totally different things because of one letter.”
A-An oddly convincing argument.
“I thought you couldn’t use magic without a Magigear?”
“It’s not an attack spell, duh.”
Ah, that made sense. So, as long as it was not an attack spell, even I could activate it in my regular zombie form. Wait, did that mean I just became a mage? One who oozes vegetable soup from his palm?
Not exactly something worth bragging about. Still, one syllable really made that much of a difference?
“What happens if I leave out another ra?” I asked.
“Hmm, try it and find out?”
I mumbled that lame incantation again, then raised my voice just a bit at the end.
“Shararararaaan!”
My hands lit up. The second I saw the blinding glow, I realized it was sunlight. Then I blacked out.
Solar Flare?
After I came to, I kept training in magic under Haruna, but according to her, I had zero talent. I couldn’t use pretty much any magic at all, let alone attack spells.
Even the vegetable soup spell never worked again after that one time.
While Haruna took a bathroom break, I tried to give it one more shot—summoning my only success—but failed.
That was when the doorbell rang. A rare sound in this house.
Maybe someone trying to sell newspapers, or pitch some religion. Come to think of it, the last time the doorbell rang, it was a dog in a trench coat. God only knows what it was this time.
“Coming!” I called out and headed down the stairs toward the front door. I made sure not to let the chainsaw or the katana in the umbrella stand get seen, then cracked the door open just a bit.
No one was there. I looked down and spotted a cardboard box.
I glanced around, but there was no one in sight. A ding-dong-ditch? But they left a weird package behind.
I checked the invoice. No sender. No product name.
I stood there for a moment, debating what to do with this super suspicious box, then shut the door.
No way I was letting something that shady into the house. It was bound to be trouble.
I turned to head back upstairs, when Haruna popped out of the bathroom.
“Huh? I thought I heard a package arrive.”
“You ordered something?”
So, that thing was from Villiers?
“Yeah. Leaf lady is down in the dumps, so I figured I’d personally teach her how to cook.”
“Oh, so the box has cooking supplies?”
“Yup. I looked for something easy from this world’s recipes. I think it was called… stratty or something? Spa-something-tty?”
“Spagheti?”
“No! You really are an idiot, Ayumu. It’s two T‘s! The book said anyone who doesn’t pronounce it properly with is just a poser!”
“All right, all right, my bad. Spaghetti.”
“Yeah, that one. I think they also call it that.”
Satisfied, Haruna swung the door wide open.
Watching her cowlick bounce like that, clearly enjoying herself, I couldn’t bring myself to stop her. I just stood there, deadpan, while she dragged the box inside.
Well, if it was just spaghetti ingredients…
She peeled off the packing tape and opened the box, revealing a violin.
“What the heeell?” I thought I’d muttered that in my head, but it came out of my mouth anyway.
“Using this for pasta? This world’s chefs must be insane,” Haruna said.
“How the hell does that look like pasta to you?”
“Oh, is this part the dried pasta? There’s barely any. What a high-grade ingredient! Perfect for me.”
Now that she mentioned it, she did always go for expensive ingredients. But those were just strings.
“No, these are—”
“Ayumu, did someone come by?”
Sera walked in with her arms crossed. Her eyes looked a little red. Maybe she’d still been crying.
I tried to cheer her up with a grin and pulled the violin out of the box. “Check this out. Haruna mistook a violin for spagheti and ordered—”
Haruna threw her hands up. “It’s spaghetti with two T’s!” She just couldn’t let it slide.
“Oh? A Strad model? That takes me back,” Sera said.
What the heck’s a Strad model? was probably written on my face because Sera looked at me venomously.
“You at least know the name Stradivarius,[5] right?”
“Ah, yeah, that’s like… the Romanée-Conti[6] of violins or something.”
“That comparison is just gross.”
“Same difference. Top-tier stuff, right?”
“This is just a regular violin called a Strad model, made using the same dimensions as a Stradivarius. But this one’s quite nice. The varnish is applied with care, and though I’d have to play it to say for sure, it’s beautifully crafted. Definitely high-quality.”
Sera gently cradled the violin and gave a thoughtful little nod as she looked it over.
“Aaahh! This is all wrong!” Haruna suddenly screeched.
She probably just messed up the name when ordering. Spaghetti and Stradivarius… okay, not even close. Maybe the sounds were vaguely similar, at best.
Haruna started laughing loudly. “Take a look at this! I swear I ordered Antonio Spaghetti, but it turned into Antonio Stradivari somehow.” She handed me the invoice.
The price? Sixty thousand myarns. What kind of currency was that? Weirdly adorable.
Also, what the hell was Antonio Spaghetti supposed to taste like?
Clearly, Haruna messed it up during the order. I thought about pointing it out, but when she started muttering stuff like “Aw, man” and “Total fail,” I figured there was no need to rub it in.
“So Sera, you can actually play the violin?”
“Yes. Back in the day, I used to play in an ensemble with some folks from my village.”
Her expression turned quiet and sorrowful. Crap. Anything about her fellow Vampire Ninjas was off-limits.
Maybe she noticed my concerned look, because her face suddenly lit up. But I could tell that smile was something she had to force.
You dummy. The Sera I knew never smiled like that unless it involved food. Normally, she wore that calm, dignified look on her beautiful face. So seeing her like this made my chest ache a little.
“It was a kind of pastime. I wanted to focus on sword training, but I couldn’t say no to a direct request from my superior.”
She gently ran her fingers over the strings, her expression soft, like she was looking at a kitten.
I handed her the bow.
“Hm? What is it?”
“I figured maybe you were gonna play.”
“No thanks. The way you’re staring with that hopeful look totally kills the mood.”
C’mon, it was clearly the setup for a performance. Not that I was gonna force her.
Pouting a little, I returned the bow to the box.
Haruna was still poring over the documents. Speaking of which, could she play an instrument?
“Haruna, can you play any instruments?”
“Of course I can, duh! I can totally play the melodica.”
“Bet all you can play is The Flea Waltz[7] or whatever.”
“Don’t insult me! I can do Monkey, Gorilla, Chimpanzee[8] and The Oni’s Underpants[9] too. I’m that good!”
“You could at least learn the original titles.”
“I can play Continent of Indifference.”[10]
Play it with passion, will you?!
“Oh! I can play Continent of Indifference too.”
You too, Sera? Actually, that title really suited her.
“Then go on, play it.”
“No, thanks.”
Damn it!
1. Cool Pose is a light magic spell from the manga and anime Magical Circle Guru Guru.
2. Solar Flare is a technique of the Crane School used by Tien Shinhan in Dragon Ball.
3. Michael Jackson.
4. Ichiro Suzuki, also known mononymously as Ichiro, is a Japanese former professional baseball outfielder who played for 28 seasons.
5. A Stradivarius is a string instrument, such as a violin, viola, cello, or guitar, crafted during the late 17th and early 18th centuries by Antonio Stradivari and other members of the Stradivari family in Cremona, Italy.
6. Romanée-Conti is a vineyard for red wine in the Côte de Nuits subregion of Burgundy, France, with Pinot Noir as the primary grape variety.
7. Flohwalzer (German for “Flea Waltz”) is a simple piano piece, often one of the first learned because its fingering is simple and it allows beginners to perform a piece that is harmonically and rhythmically pleasing.
8. The melody used in this song is from Colonel Bogey March, a famous 1914 British military march composed by Frederick Joseph Ricketts (under the pseudonym Kenneth J. Alford).
9. This one uses the melody from Funiculì, Funiculà, a traditional Neapolitan song, composed in 1880 by Luigi Denza.
10. A reference to a well-known instrumental theme composed by violinist Taro Hakase for the long-running Japanese documentary TV program called Jounetsu Tairiku (Continent of Passion).