Naw, See? I Totally Won! – Part 03

After leaving the station area lined with restaurants, we entered a quiet residential street. Haruna spun around.

There was the raccoon, utterly exhausted, gasping for breath. It had been chasing us desperately.

“Naw!”

What?

The raccoon waved its tiny hands. “I knew it’d open, ya know?”

“Huh?” Haruna furrowed her brows.

“Dat door an’ me? We don’t get along, I tell ya.”

Was it embarrassed that the automatic door didn’t open? What a cute excuse. What the hell was this raccoon? If it weren’t a raccoon, it would be annoying, but this one was adorable.

Now that we were in a deserted spot, the raccoon and we faced each other like gunmen in a western showdown.

“That’s the A class Megalo, George Washing,” Haruna said.

“Sounds like a former president of the U.S.”

Class A, huh. One wrong move could get me killed. I had learned that lesson before when I underestimated the horse Megalo. Gotta be careful.

I stayed at a distance where I could respond to any attack, when the raccoon pulled out a gun.

A weapon?!

But why hadn’t it used it until now? It could have attacked us while chasing.

A Smith & Wesson, .45 caliber, was aimed right at me. The raccoon’s cute fingers reached for the trigger.

“Can’t reach da trigger.”

Of course. Its fingers were too short. It struggled, trying to fire with both hands, but the gun slipped and fell to the ground. It let out a pained grunt.

“Sorry,” it said as it carefully picked up the gun. “Can I go wash first?”

S-So cute! I want to see it wash.

Ah, shit. That was my perfect chance to kill it.

“Ayumu, what are you doing? Hurry up and take it down!”

“My bad. I got hit mentally.”

“You’re so incompetent. You didn’t even notice the one above, did you?”

“The one above?” I looked up. There was a gorilla.

Compared to the raccoon, it had no charm at all. It had some red ribbon on its head, wore a school uniform, and I couldn’t tell if it was male or female.

Anyway, a gorilla with bodybuilder muscles was sitting atop a utility pole. Not cute at all.

There was no time to analyze the situation. The gorilla lunged like a pro wrestler doing a corner body press.

I jumped sideways instantly, but Haruna didn’t move. Smiling, she didn’t even lift her chainsaw, and just stared up at the gorilla. She opened her arms, like she was welcoming the creature.

You dumb girl! I pulled her close.

I felt the gorilla’s thick fingers tear into my back. As a zombie, I couldn’t feel pain, but having flesh scraped like that didn’t feel good.

It was strong. That’s a Megalo for you, all right.

Holding Haruna’s small frame, I rolled across the asphalt.

“H-Hey! You just touched my chest, didn’t you?! You pervert! Stanley Kubricked!”

One of the greatest filmmakers of all time? It’s not Kubricked, it’s Kubrick!

“Sorry! I didn’t feel anything at all, but sorry!”

“Are you trying to pick a fight?! You messed around with my soft chest, so don’t act all casual!”

“And I’m apologizing. I’m sorry! Seriously, what are you thinking? Just run already!”

“You’re telling me to run from that weakling?!”

Ah, so that’s what she was thinking.

“Just stay put, then.”

Thanks to Tokyo’s unnecessarily tall buildings, this spot was in the shade, which meant I could fight here. I let go of Haruna’s hand and turned toward the gorilla with the ribbon.

Crack. My rib broke.

The gorilla had swung its arm in a clothesline as I turned, smashing its forearm into my side.

My feet left the ground. Oh, shit. This gorilla was insanely strong.

I slammed into a wall and immediately kicked back. I wanted to try a triangular jump, but my full-power kick hit an invisible wall.

Something purple and glass-like shielding the gorilla. It resembled Haruna’s barriers. Megalo could make them too?

No way. A zombie wasn’t enough to beat this. I had to transform, fast.

I tried a flying kick again, got knocked back, and returned to Haruna.

“Haruna, give me the chainsaw.”

“It has a name, and it’s Mystletainn! How have you not learned that already?”

She was the last person to talk about learning names. I wasn’t stupid enough to argue back in the middle of the fight, though.

“Ah, you don’t need to say anything. It already knows you’re itching to go super.”

“All right, now give it here!”

“Now, now, now,” she refused with a smile.

“Come on!”

“Now, now, now, now, now.”

Why wasn’t she giving it to me? Was she trying to get me beaten to a pulp? Had I done something to her?

“By the way, Ayumu, they’re working together.”

“They’re what?”

“That one’s putting up the barrier.” Haruna pointed at the raccoon.

“So, if I don’t take that one down, I can’t beat the gorilla?”

“Well, duh! That wouldn’t be a problem for me, though.”

“So I just… take down the…” I couldn’t utter the rest.

The raccoon had dropped its gun again while wiping it with a handkerchief and looked depressed.

“How could I kill such a cute creature?!” I screamed as the gorilla’s fist came at my face.

I ducked to dodge, then swung at its body, only to be blocked by the barrier again.

What do I do? What do I do?!

The gorilla’s body wavered. I rubbed my eyes hard, then looked again. There were four of them now.

Nooooo! Why couldn’t it be the raccoon?!

Why was the gorilla the one multiplying?! Who benefit from this?! Make it the raccoon! If anything multiplies, it should be the raccoon.

“Is the real one among them, or is it a Multi-Form technique?”^[1]

“Of course all of them are real. Ugh, fine.” Haruna stepped forward.

I yanked her hand back. “Are you stupid?! We’re getting out of here. We can’t kill the raccoon!”

“What? Running is not an option!”

I’d like someone to explain why running away was so wrong.

Carrying the stubborn Haruna, I ran at full speed. My only miscalculation was that the gorilla was way faster. Shouldn’t multiplying make them weaker?

They charged in with headfirst tackles and short-legged dropkicks, flashy attacks that could rival a pro wrestler.

I was scrambling, sometimes letting go of Haruna to avoid sending the impact her way, throwing myself in as a cushion whenever I could.

Tossed around like a volleyball by the four gorillas, my body was torn to shreds, and I finally collapsed.

This fucking gorilla. Can’t even wait for me to recover?

As I tried to rise on all fours, the massive gorilla came down on my back with a body press. If that hit me, my bones would heal back in the wrong shape.

I forced myself up, dodged, and struck with a roundhouse kick at 432% of human strength. That should break the barrier.

I was too optimistic. The impact shattered the bones in my leg. This was going to take a while to heal.

I was out of options. Being a dead man, I didn’t care how much I got beaten. But I wanted Haruna to be safe.

“Get out of here, now! Save yourself!”

“There’s no need to run,” she snorted.

Even after seeing me getting pummeled, she still wanted to fight those Megalo?

I pulled Haruna back as she tried to go to the gorilla. “Come on! Please, just run!”

“Aren’t you pissed being treated like this?”

“No, I’m used to dying. If you’re safe, that’s enough for me.”

My legs finally gave out, and I crumpled. The sky was still bright with evening light. Hurry up and get dark already. Once night came, I could get back up immediately. Damn it.

“Anyway, Ayumu, just stay down there!”

This idiot. I wanted to smack her so bad. She was completely blind to the situation.

I tried to stand, but my ankles were shattered. I couldn’t put weight on them. Honestly, they deserved a medal just for lasting this long.

Haruna took a deep breath. “All right!” she shouted. “Htaed fo regnibrah a tub gnimrahc dna ylevol!”

It was an incantation. More personally familiar than Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo,^[2] Tekumaku Mayakon,^[3] or Expecto Patronum,^[4] it was the spell to transform into a Magiclad Girl.

I’d always had to say it instead of Haruna.

Her clothes burst apart, leaving her briefly naked, then a cute pink cosplay outfit wrapped around her.

Yeah, no doubt about it. Transforming heroes should be exclusive to girls. Picturing myself transforming like that was hilarious.

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1. The Multi-Form technique (Shishin no Ken) is a Dragon Ball technique used mainly by Tien Shinhan to split into up to four distinct, tangible clones, dividing his total power equally among them.

2. Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo is the magical phrase sung by the Fairy Godmother in Disney’s Cinderella to transform pumpkins and mice into a carriage and horses.

3. Tekumaku mayakon is the iconic magical spell used by Akko in the classic Japanese anime and manga series The Secret of Akko.

4. Expecto Patronum is a powerful, advanced defensive charm in Harry Potter used to conjure a Patronus—a silvery, positive energy guardian.