Etiquette Dictates That Names Be Asked in Swahili – Part 04

I’d planned to enjoy the school festival, but being alone wasn’t fun at all.

It reminded me that festivals only had value when you spent the time with someone. Maybe I should invite Orito. Eu and Tomonori were with Haruna, and Sera was nowhere to be seen.

Looking around, I saw very few people wandering by themselves. Most were couples. Maybe the festival was giving them the chance to ask their crushes out.

While I was people-watching, one girl caught my eye. A small girl dressed in white Gothic Lolita outfit. If Haruna was a cat, then this girl would be a squirrel.

She was either an elementary or middle schooler, but for some reason she was sitting on the steps, holding a bottle of saké labeled Koshinobairi.^[1]

The ghost! This was the same ghost that grilled dried squid in the science lab.

“Fwah.”

I thought about leaving her alone, but she kept letting out weird sighs, so I sat down beside her.

“What do you want? Fwah.”

She gave me a sidelong glare. Her face was bright red, probably from crying.

“What’s your name, young lady?” I asked.

“Etiquette dictates that names be asked in Swahili,” she said, cackling.

“Jina lako ni nani?” I asked in Swahili.

“Hm? What are you even saying?”

Why did I feel so wronged? She was looking at me like I was some idiot.

“Just tell me your name already.”

She pouted. “It’s Kurisu.” She gave me a look that said I already knew.

Ku… ri… su. Kurisu. Where had I heard that name before?

Ah, our homeroom teacher’s name was Takeshi Kurisu. So that unc actually had a cute, cheeky daughter.

Maybe she wasn’t a ghost at all, but just a kid waiting at school for her dad. And while killing time, curiosity led her to roast squid.

“I’m Ayumu Aikawa.”

“So what? Fwah.”

“There you go again with that weird sigh. What are you doing out here?”

“Mm. I got kicked out. They told me, If you’re gonna drink, then get out!”

She gulped straight from the saké bottle. So it really was alcohol.

“Something happen?”

“Mm. Will you listen? Will you listen to what I have to say?”

It sounded like she was going through something rough. Well, with a lazy teacher like him as a dad, no surprise.

“Go on. I’m used to listening to complaints.”

“You know, it’s that. That thing. Do you know how many years it took me to finish that?”

I had no idea. Did someone smash her jigsaw puzzle or something? She was being way too vague.

“The theory was perfect. No, too perfect!”

She raised the Koshinobairi bottle to her lips with both hands.

“Phhffuehhhyahh. Hehehe. For a woman, drinking is a mark of sophistication.”

Without a word, I snatched the bottle away.

“What the? What are you doing?! I’m done with this!”

“Ahh, there, there, there, there.” I roughly ruffled her hair.

“Nyonyonyo. You smooth operator.” She closed her eyes in delight, then suddenly scowled and slapped my hand away. “I mean, stop!”

“Well, sounds like you messed something up, huh?”

“Mm. Yeah. Too much success turns into failure.”

“So it produced more than the intended effect?”

“Exactly. That’s why it turned out like that. Fwah.”

Letting out a sigh, she tried to snatch the bottle back, so I gave her a chop to the forehead.

“Hngh! That’s my saké! Give it baaack!”

She flailed her little hands at me, but with such short arms, her attacks didn’t hurt at all. And not just because I was a zombie.

But wait. Did her arms just get longer? A second ago she couldn’t reach me, but now she was grabbing the bottle.

Was her whole body… somehow getting bigger? Or was I imagining it?

“Argh, I can’t take it anymore! Look, I won’t grovel, but just give it back. Baldy Aikawa!”

“When you want something, you should call me big brother.”

“Give it back… big brother.”

Ah, so cute. For a second I almost handed the bottle over. Phew, too close.

“Big brother! C’mon, enough already. Give it back!”

She pushed at me so hard I nearly toppled over. Just as she was about to wrestle the saké away, the vice principal spotted us.

“Hey! Why do you have alcohol?!” he shouted so loud my ears rang. He stormed toward us and snatched the Koshinobairi from my hands.

This was bad. I might get suspended for this.

“This belongs to Mr. Kurisu,” I blurted out.

The girl flinched and stood up at the mention of the name.

Not you. Sit down. But before I could say anything, she bolted away as fast as she could.

I explained the situation to the vice principal. Kurisu’s daughter had been carrying the saké, and I was confiscating it.

“What nonsense are you spouting? Mr. Kurisu is a bachelor. He doesn’t have a child.”

No child? Then who was that girl?

As I watched the girl vanish into the distance, I began to suspect that maybe she was someone peculiar, like Eu.

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Anyway, I insisted that the saké belonged to Mr. Kurisu. He was probably drinking it in the classroom anyway, and somehow I got off with just a confiscation.

Lamenting about running into such a weirdo, I walked around the pool area, but there was nothing there except a tree. Apparently, not every spot in school had some kind of activity going on.

That tree was famously known as the Legendary Tree. Rumor said that if you asked someone out under it, you’d definitely succeed.

What a waste of time. I should head back to Eu and Tomonori. Yeah, walking around alone just wasn’t fun.

“Ayumu Aikawa… right?”

I turned at the voice. Sitting there was a scruffy man with stubble, wearing a lab coat. He’d spread out a mat under a withered broadleaf tree, like he was about to have a flower-viewing party. He wasn’t there just a moment ago.

I instantly put my guard up. What bothered me most was the cuff of his lab coat. It was red.

It didn’t look like paint. It was blood. And since I saw blood often enough, I knew for sure.

“It’s hard to chat when you’re that tense.” He scratched his head and pulled a cigarette from his lab coat.

I didn’t recognize him as a teacher. He definitely wasn’t a student either. But he didn’t seem like a normal civilian. Nobody just wandered around in a lab coat.

“Who are you?” I growled.

He tapped the box with his cigarette, then stuck it in his mouth. “Got a light?”

“Of course not.”

“Yeah, figured. Ah, here it is.”

This guy had no fight in him at all. He lit the cigarette with his lighter and took a drag, filling his lungs with nicotine. As he blew out smoke, he spat blood.

What the fuck? Did I do something?

He collapsed on the spot. “Damn. I… forgot,” he said shakily. “The doctor told me… not to smoke.”

If you’re dropping while coughing blood, you should remember that!

So that blood on his cuffs was from wiping his mouth.

“Seriously, what is your deal?”

“Ayumu… Aikawa.” He beckoned me over weakly.

I sighed as I walked closer.

“When I die… put out my cigarette.”

“Fine. I’ll even pray for your soul, so go ahead and die in peace.”

“Guh!” He spat out another absurd amount of blood. The spray rivaled a Merlion fountain. I had to take a step back so I wouldn’t get splattered.

“You all right?”

“I’m fine. The doctor told me… not to act all cool. Ugh!”

“You did not look cool at all, so relax! Seriously.”

“Shit. Hang in there, me. Great!”

“What are you, the Buster’s pilot or something?!”^[2]

“That takes me back. Great makes me think of Kellogg’s Corn Frosties—ugh! Damn. I forgot the doctor said no obscure references.”^[3]

“You’re such a pain! If there’s nothing else, I’m leaving. Enjoy the school festival in moderation.”

“Wait, Ayumu Aikawa. T-Take this.” He held out a ring with a bloody hand.

I made a face that said, even if I were his head-over-heels girlfriend and this were an engagement ring, I would still never take it.

“My parents taught me never to take weird stuff from weird people.”

“I see. Then buy it.”

“What?”

“This is a fine product. You’ll need it later, Ayumu Aikawa. Around chapter three, same volume—ugh! Shit. The doctor told me no spoilers.”

“All right, all right! I’ll buy it. How much?”

“A gazillion yen.”

“A hundred yen it is.”

I handed him a single hundred-yen coin and got the strange ring.

It was a small, plain ring with just a tiny gem on it. It might look great on a girl, but of course I didn’t wear it. I stuffed it into my blazer pocket.

“So, who are you anyway?” I asked.

He was already gone. All that was left was a pool of blood.

Seriously. Between the drunk girl and the blood-coughing guy, I’d been running into some real weirdos.

I looked up at the school building. I had a bad feeling about this. Running into weirdos. I remembered it often happened when Eu’s emotions stirred. But this time, it wasn’t Eu. It was Haruna. That idiot could not suppress her emotions.

Not that I planned on looking for her. If she was enjoying herself, that was enough for now.

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1. Koshinobairi is a premium Japanese sake brand produced by DHC Sake Brewery Co., Ltd. in Niigata Prefecture.

2. Great is a catchphrase of Dearka Elsman in Mobile Suit Gundam SEED.

3. In a 1994 Japanese commercial for Kellogg’s Corn Flakes, the mascot Tony the Tiger used ‘Great’ as a catchphrase.