Chapter 3: Our New Normal

The next morning, Taichi debated skipping school.

He knew the moment he set foot outside, he would be crossing the threshold onto a dangerous battlefield. At the same time, however, he sensed that it would be potentially more dangerous to drag things out. Better to just get it over with and make it end as fast as possible.

According to «Heartseed», they were free to isolate themselves, but there was a chance doing so would only make things that much worse. Frankly, it wasn’t clear whether isolation was even an option for them. After all, under the effects of this new Liberation phenomenon, the moment they felt the desire to go outside, their bodies would make it happen.

That said, isolation would certainly have its benefits, depending on the situation. And in fact, it was possibly the only effective countermeasure they had. But was it the right choice for someone like him—a guy with the tendency to overthink himself into a bottomless pit of despair?

How far would he fall? How deep would he sink? And what would he find down there?

There was no telling.

In which case, he was clearly better off having fun with everyone else. Maybe if he kept himself happy and content, he wouldn’t have any weird urges.

Still, it was hard to gauge just how close he was allowed to get. Not close enough, and he knew he would want more—that much was patently obvious. But if he got too close, there was a chance he would want more regardless. That was just human nature. And right now, it was dangerous.

Ultimately, there was no safe route through this. No amount of careful consideration would lead him to an answer.

Maybe the solution, then, was simply to be a good person in general.

But was he actually a good person?

■□■□■

“Hey there, Yaegashi. I see you’ve finally decided to grace us with your presence.”

Yaegashi Taichi didn’t arrive at school that day until well into lunch period. There, in the hall, he encountered Watase Shingo, a fellow classmate who belonged to the Yamaboshi soccer team. With spiky hair and wolfish good looks, he was effortlessly popular with the girls—the envy of the class.

“Yeahhh... Something came up,” Taichi answered vaguely.

Truth be told, he was still a little baffled by what had happened this morning when he was Liberated.

“I gotta say, it’s not like you to come in late. And here I thought you were supposed to be the teacher’s pet.”

“What, because I do the bare minimum expected of me as a student?”

“Oh-ho! Listen to Mr. Valedictorian over here, talking big!” Watase snickered playfully. “Oh yeah, that reminds me... Man, you really missed out on something special. Your girl had a big moment earlier today! It was priceless!”

“My... girl?”

“You know, that girl in your club!”

“Who, Nagase?”

“Aha! So she’s the one you’re into!”

“Wh... Where’d that come from?!”

“Based purely on what I said, you had no way of knowing whether I meant Nagase or Inaba. But your first instinct was Nagase. Bam.”

“Nngh... You win...”

Though he wasn’t very good in school—mostly because he didn’t bother trying—Watase was actually surprisingly clever.

“Heh! That’s what you get for always dodging the question. Just be real with me: who’s the main squeeze and who’s the side piece?”

“I told you, it’s not like that!”

“Yeah, right. You’ve got both a model beauty and a total cutie wrapped around your little finger, and you’re not gonna make a move on either of them? Nice try.”

Granted, they were all pretty close—perhaps a bit closer than most guy-girl friendships—but in no way did he think they were “wrapped around his finger.”

“Alright, well, now I know you’ve got your eye on Nagase. If you need any advice, just say the word and I’m your guy.”

“I don’t need your advice!” Taichi snapped, then paused. “Well... actually, I might...” he muttered sheepishly.

Watase raised his eyebrows in surprise, then chuckled and looked into the distance.

“Well, well. Looks like you’re finally becoming a man... I gotta admit, after all the moments we’ve shared over the years, it really gets me right in the feels...”

“I’ve only known you for six months!”

“Pffhaha! Same difference! Anyway, I’mma stop by the cafeteria. You should go say hi to your sweetheart!”

“Please don’t call her that... And don’t go telling everyone about it, okay?!”

Watase lifted a hand in response as he headed down the hall; Taichi watched him go. Then, once Watase rounded the corner, Taichi sighed and leaned against the wall, gazing out through the windows.

“Ugh... Now I’m all weirdly nervous...” he mumbled to himself, quiet enough that he wouldn’t be overheard. His heart was still thumping like crazy. What if he got Liberated right this very moment? He couldn’t shake that fear from his mind. “Man, how am I supposed to survive the entire day like this...?”

Earlier that morning, he and the rest of the CRC had received an email from Inaba Himeko that read:

Treading with caution will be critical going forward. Regardless, let’s all try to be ourselves as much as possible. It’ll be okay, guys. Just have faith in yourself.

And after the discussion they’d had yesterday, Taichi was inclined to agree.

He just needed to believe that his “normal self” would never think or act rashly.

Just gotta have faith.

“Taichi! Why are you late? Did something happen?” asked Inaba the moment she laid eyes on him.

“I mean, yeah, something happened, alright... but at the same time, it was nothing... I think I probably got Liber—Mmmph?!” He blinked as she clapped her right hand over his mouth. Annoyed, he pushed her off. “That hurt! Watch your nails!” His lips still stung from the impact.

“That’s what you get for blabbing about you-know-what in the classroom! Keep your voice down next time!”

She had an extremely good point.

“S-Sorry.”

Even during lunch, the room was still about half-full, and as long as they kept their voices down, the chatter would prevent anyone from eavesdropping on certain sensitive topics.

“Still, I’d appreciate it if you’d be a little less violent when you warn me about this stuff...”

“Or you could learn to use your brain and I won’t have to warn you in the first place! I only use violence where it’s warranted!”

You sure about that? Taichi thought.

“So, what happened? Wait... Taichi, your cheek’s looking kinda red. What’s that about?”

“Oh god, still?! I was hoping it would’ve gone away by now...” Taichi gingerly poked at his cheek.

“Just a little. It’s not super noticeable or anything. So? Let’s hear it.”

“Well... To be honest, I didn’t realize Liberation worked like this, but... I think it must have struck early this morning.”

“Yeah?” She narrowed her eyes intently.

“I think it was what they call... sloth.”

Inaba froze for a moment, then flicked his forehead.

“Ow! Okay, that violence was most certainly NOT warranted!”

“Sloth?! So you just slept in! Damn it, Taichi! You had me worried, thinking it was something serious! Don’t freak me out like that, you jackass!”

“W-Well... Maybe it’s not serious to you, but it was for me, okay?!”

That morning, Taichi slept through his alarm. It continued to buzz and buzz to no avail, until finally Taichi’s mother realized he was going to be late for school and promptly sent his sister Rina to wake him.

But no matter how much she shook or prodded him, he didn’t stir.

Fear took hold of Rina, and she began to get more and more aggressive in her attempts to wake him, eventually resorting to slapping him back and forth, and when that didn’t work, she broke down in tears right there on his bedroom floor.

When Taichi’s mother heard Rina sobbing, she rushed to the scene, checked Taichi’s pulse, and declared “Eh, he’s fine. Probably just sleep-deprived.” And with that, she sent Rina off to school and left for work.

When Taichi finally awoke a little before noon, he found a note on the kitchen table and an email from Rina detailing what had happened. (His mother’s note wasn’t particularly helpful.)

“I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re both bizarrely easygoing and dense as a goddamn brick!”

Taichi didn’t appreciate being compared to the sort of mother who would shrug her shoulders and say “eh” about her own son.

“Anyway... It definitely sounds like you were Liberated, alright. Did you notice any physical changes or anything?”

“Nope. Nothing. If I had to say... My mind feels a lot clearer, maybe?”

“No shit. That’s because you got enough sleep for once, genius.”

He was getting awfully tired of Inaba’s sass. That probably wasn’t a good thing.

“So, did you hear a voice in your head?” she asked.

“Uhh... If I did, I sure don’t remember it... Maybe I was unconscious at the time.”

“Hmmm... Well, you seem fine, at least. I guess you must’ve gotten Liberated while you were asleep, and that in turn forcibly unleashed your desire to sleep in. It’s not like you woke up and went back to sleep, right?”

“Right. I think.”

“Alright then. Guess that proves Heart-shit was telling the truth when it said it could Liberate our subconscious desires. Turns out we don’t even have to be awake for this crap.” She folded her arms in contemplation. “That said, it sounds like this one lasted for a lot longer than any of the others thus far... Were you really Liberated the whole time? Or did it wear off after your family left the house and you were just asleep...? Either way, that’s still a considerable amount of time to be under its influence... I’m starting to think it was a good thing you were asleep.”

“Yeah, me too. By the way, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask.”

“Hmm?”

“Why is Nagase collapsed over her desk like she’s dead? She didn’t get Liberated into a nap or something, did she?”

The two of them had been standing around chatting in her general vicinity for quite some time now, and yet Nagase Iori hadn’t attempted to join the conversation. She hadn’t even moved a muscle.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. I told her not to let it get to her, but... I think she just needs time to recover from the emotional impact.”

“Uhhh... What happened...?”

He remembered Watase had alluded to a “big moment” earlier that day.

Inaba walked over and placed a hand on Nagase’s shoulder. “Taichi wants to know what happened.”

“Uggghhh...” Groaning, Nagase slowly raised her head. Her complexion was haggard, her eyes were red—even her ponytail was droopier than usual.

“C’mon, what’s wrong?” Taichi prodded. Whatever it was, it seemed serious.

“Um, Taichi...?”

“Yeah?”

“Whenever there’s a serious moment, or you’re in a quiet room,.. like a movie theatre, or the middle of a test... do you ever get the urge to ruin the moment?”

“Uhhh... Not really... I can relate, though. Seems like the kind of thing you’d do...”

Oh no.

Taichi’s face froze.

“We were in the middle of a quiz, and the whole class was all quiet... and suddenly I felt this urge to scream... and then... the next thing I knew... I yelled ‘YAHOO!’ at the top of my lungs...!”

Truly a tragedy.

“Not only that, but she said it in an Italian accent and jumped up with her fist in the air like she was Mario.”

“Inaban! Don’t rub salt in my wound!”

From the sound of it, it must have been rather surreal to witness.

“But in the end, she managed to convince everyone she was just sleep talking. No harm done,” Inaba continued.

“And...? How did it, uh, go over?” Taichi asked her timidly.

“At first they were startled, naturally, but then the whole room burst out laughing, and people were just kinda like, ‘That’s Iori for you!’ The end.”

“That’s the worst part! I scream ‘YAHOO!’ in the middle of class and they handwave it by saying that’s just who I am?! What does that say about me?!” Nagase sniffled and wiped her tears with a handkerchief.

“That you’re the kind of person who secretly wants to scream ‘YAHOO!’ during a test?”

“Taichi! You could at least try to act surprised! You know I never would’ve done it if that stupid Liberation hadn’t forced me to!”

“You people, I swear... Your desires are so pedestrian...” Inaba muttered to herself.

And so lunch period for Class 1-C ended relatively without incident.

■□■□■

Once school let out for the day, Taichi felt himself unclench. He had survived.

Obviously he couldn’t let his guard down just yet, but at least in the clubroom they would be out of the public eye and surrounded by trusted friends. It was their safe space.

When he arrived, he found that they were once again missing their fifth member. Kiriyama Yui still had yet to return to school. Someone floated the idea of checking on her, and after debating it for a bit, they decided to give her a call. When she answered, however, she seemed less than enthusiastic about the prospect of a visit. Instead, she told them she’d be back at school once the drama from the station incident had died down.

“It bothers me that we haven’t seen her since «Heartseed» showed up... At least she’s responding to our calls and emails, though. Maybe she just needs some space...” Inaba muttered, her gaze lowered.

“Damn it... I hope she’s okay... Rrgh, this is all «Heartseed»’s fault! She was bawling her eyes out after what happened that day at the station... I swear, if he makes her cry again, I’ll—”

“Pop quiz, Aoki! Name five things you like about Yui!” Inaba shouted suddenly.

“Cute! Energetic! Strong as heck! Really cute! Pretty hair! Super short! Total sweetheart! A little childish, but in a good way...”

“She said five. That was like eight,” Taichi retorted.

“Five just isn’t enough!”

“You said ‘cute’ twice!”

“Well, Aoki? Feeling less angry?”

“Whawha? Angry? Was I? Oh... Right... I got kinda pissy thinkin’ about «Heartseed»... So?”

“Don’t you remember what we talked about yesterday? I told you, try to let go of any strong emotions! This Liberation shit is mostly harmless as long as we don’t let our minds wander anywhere problematic.”

“Oh yeah... Sorry... I just got carried away...” Aoki slumped his shoulders in regret.

“Relatable. Just try to keep your desires tame—like screaming ‘YAHOO!’ in the middle of class—and that’ll be the worst of it.”

“Uh, Taichi?! Is this some new kind of bullying I don’t know about?! Are you bullying me right now?!” Nagase wailed, tugging on his uniform.

At that point, Aoki looked up. “Wait, but... we agreed that it’s better to just be ourselves, right? Nngh... I’m so lost, dude...!”

“Well, ideally we’d want to lessen our desires as much as possible, but obviously there’s a limit to how much we can successfully control our own emotions,” Inaba replied. “So, for the sake of avoiding any large-scale incidents, it’s best that we just be ourselves without bottling anything up. That means if we feel any intense emotions start to build, we need to distract ourselves with other thoughts to keep ourselves calm.”

“Hmmm... So basically, whenever I feel myself getting all capital-g Grump, I gotta think about Yui until I’m Not-So-Grump?”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever works for you,” Inaba answered with a shrug.

“Okie-doke, I’ll try that. One Yui, two Yuis, three Yuis...”

“What is she, a sheep?” Taichi snarked.

“Four Yuis... Wait, what the? Now I’m really missing her all of a sudden! Uh oh... I feel the urge to dash right over to her house! Did I get Liberated?!”

Inaba smacked Aoki over the head. “I’m getting pretty tired of your stupid shenanigans, but I’m gonna say this anyway: learn some goddamn moderation! And no, I’d wager you aren’t Liberated, dipshit!”

“Take it easy, Inaban! Remember all that stuff you told us? That goes for you too!” Nagase cut in. “I am worried about Yui, though. I think maybe punching the crap out of those dudes really did a number on her... in more ways than one.”

Even though her raw fighting ability outstripped the average man, it didn’t stop Kiriyama from being afraid of them.

Taichi thought back to the tearful look in her eyes that fateful day when her secret phobia came to light.

She was so small, and yet her suffering was so great. Taichi wanted to protect her. He needed to.

[Save her.]

Just then, he heard a voice in his head. His voice.

The next instant, his consciousness seemed to float out of his body, though he was very much still awake.

Then the fever kicked in, and Taichi jumped out of his chair.

Everyone turned to look at him in surprise. He wanted to tell them he was Liberated—but his lips wouldn’t move.

He felt the urge to bolt out of the room. But he didn’t want to.

A battle raged on inside his mind.

“I’ll be back,” he declared against his will, then turned and headed for the door.

“Wait... Are you Liberated right now?” Inaba asked, but her voice sounded so distant. No one else seemed to matter anymore. His mind was filled with only one thing: his new mission.

He wanted to stop himself, and yet he couldn’t.

But before he could take off—

“H-Hold it, Taichi!” Nagase seized his left arm.

“Not so fast, bro!” Aoki seized his right arm. He flailed his limbs, trying to break free. “Pull it together, pal! We just went over this! You gotta start counting Yuis! Wait... Maybe that only works for me...”

He could hear Nagase shouting, too. “Taichi! What’s the matter with you?! What are you trying to do here?!”

Then he felt the words rise up his throat and leave his lips.

“I need to help her... Kiriyama is suffering, and I need to help her!”

BAM.

Out of nowhere, Inaba’s fist slammed into his cheek.

“Your ‘helper-itis’ is starting to piss me off. Get a life already.”

Taichi didn’t blame her for getting mad. After all, they had just agreed it was best not to visit her right now. But he couldn’t bear the thought of Kiriyama alone and in pain. He wanted to rush over there and do something—anything.

He wrenched himself from their grasp, but they seized him again.

Nagase grabbed his hand. “Caaalm dooown!”

“To be fair, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling the desire to help Yui, but... I guess it’s probably better that we stop him... Alright, Iori, start hugging him!”

“You got it, Inaban! Wait... Why me?! Aoki’s way stronger!”

“Hear me out, alright? I’ve got an idea. If we can shift Taichi’s strongest desire to something else, maybe it’ll shift the effects of his Liberation. Or maybe it’ll cancel it out altogether!”

As Inaba and Nagase continued to squabble, Taichi tried to get around them, but Inaba shoved him back. He flailed against his three captors.

“Granted, it might not work, but it’s at least worth a shot, don’t you think? Just do it! Start low and work your way up! Court his inner pervert!”

No, no, no, no, no! I can’t! ...I mean, not that I’m against it or anything!”

“Iori-chan, you gotta do this! Do it for Taichi!” Aoki piped up.

“Are you guys even taking this seriously?! Because it kinda feels like you’re screwing around!” Taichi yelled as he shoved them all away.

“So what if we are?” Inaba replied calmly. He hadn’t been expecting her to ask so... innocently. How was he supposed to react to that? “We know you could never hurt a fly, you self-sacrificing goddamn martyr.”

Meanwhile, Nagase pointed at him. “Wait... You’re not even Liberated anymore, are you?”

■□■□■

“Seems like the majority of Liberations last anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes,” Inaba mused to herself after everyone had calmed down.

“What about the one I had this morning? You know, when I overslept?”

“...I’d like to believe it was an outlier,” she replied, wincing.

“Seems like they’re pretty short... y’know, comparatively speaking. Seems like a lot of the time the Liberation ends before we even have a chance to act on our impulses,” Nagase commented.

“That does seem to be the case a lot of the time,” Inaba agreed.

“In that case, maybe we should try to stay focused on desires that are too complicated to act on straight away.”

“I dunno... I think a lot of these spur-of-the-moment impulses are like, a reaction to the stuff that goes on around us or whatever. We can’t not think about that stuff,” Aoki argued.

Nagase clapped her hands to her mouth in shock. “Oh my god... Aoki just made a good point...!”

“I have my moments, okay?!”

“I wonder if that bastard is having fun watching us freak out over the problems we create... Is it really that fascinating to observe all the little shifts in our relationships and feelings...? So why bother explaining things to us at all? To make himself seem important? No... Did he do it purely to get a rise out of us? In that case...” While Nagase and Aoki were bickering away, Inaba continued to think aloud.

This was the Inaba Himeko they all knew and loved. Evidently she’d meant it when she said she intended to fight «Heartseed» to the bitter end.

She sat perfectly straight, biting her thumbnail, clearly deep in thought. As Taichi gazed at her, she suddenly looked up, and their eyes met.

“What are you ogling me for?”

“I’m not ogling you! Wait... Oh god, I’m not genetically disposed to having resting ogler face at all times, am I...?”

That would suck. He’d never be able to so much as look in the general direction of a girl ever again.

Inaba stared at him for a moment, her eyes narrowed.

“Wh-What?”

“Nothing... I was just thinking you might be the most at-risk this time around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on. You’re always trying to throw yourself under the bus to save someone else, and that’s on a good day.”

He thought back to the statement he’d made when Nagase was in the ICU.

—If one of us has to sacrifice themselves, let it be me.

“I worry about what might happen if «Heartseed» Liberates all those weird desires you’ve got in there, you know? Frankly, I’m terrified. What if you actually die this time?”

She had a point. Still, he wanted to believe he’d changed since then. After all, he’d learned his lesson. He was free to ignore everyone else and act only on his own emotions—but doing so would hurt them deeply. He knew that now, and he was making a conscious effort to improve.

But what did his heart want?

He had no way of knowing.

...Or would the Liberation help him find out?