Chapter 3: Old Self, New Self

The next day, Taichi deboarded at the train station closest to Inaba’s house. Once again, he was ridiculously early.

“T-Taichi?! I can scarcely believe it! Fate hath brought us together again!” There was Nagase Iori, being overly dramatic as usual. He noticed she wasn’t wearing her beanie today.

“Somehow I don’t think it counts as ‘fate’ when we literally made plans to meet up today.”

“Oh, right! Come to think of it, we saw each other yesterday, too! Heck yeah!” she exclaimed with a bit more enthusiasm than Taichi would have attributed to the situation. “But anyway, I dunno... It’s still funny timing that we managed to cross paths at this exact moment... Maybe there’s some kind of magnetic attraction...”

“Magnetic attraction? What do you mean?”

“Oh, uh, nothing. Don’t worry about it. Just talking to myself.” For the briefest of moments, she looked... conflicted.

“You know you can always talk to me, right?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine! I promise, if I need your help with something, I’ll say so!” She leveled him with a dismal stare. “And you know that door swings both ways, right?”

“Yeah, of course...”

“Hey! Look me in the eye when you say that, mister!”

“Oh, sorry. It’s just kinda embarrassing... Anyway, you’re certainly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning...”

Indeed, despite the present threat of the Age Regression, her energy levels seemed to be at an all-time high.

“You know, Taichi, when you tell yourself you’re the only one who can solve something, that’s your narcissism talking!”

“Lose the grin, would you? I’m trying to have a serious conversation here!”

Truth be told, he was still a bit insecure about the whole “narcissist” thing. That said, he appreciated her blunt honesty.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me. You aren’t hiding anything from the rest of us, are you, Taichi?”

His heart nearly stopped.

“O-Of course not! I’m an open book!” He paused. “What makes you think I would be hiding something?”

He couldn’t tell her about «The Second». It had threatened him into silence, and since he could never be sure when it might be watching, he had no choice but to obey.

“Mmm... I feel it in my gut!”

Nagase’s sharp intuition was proving to be a formidable foe indeed.

They walked side by side, headed to the derelict building that currently served as their hideout.

“I guess these Regression shenanigans affect everyone but you, huh?” Nagase mused out of nowhere.

“I don’t know, m-maybe? So far it seems to follow the ‘rules’ we found on the chalkboard, so...”

He didn’t know how much he could get away with saying. What exactly would «The Second» consider off-limits? Were there degrees of “safe” versus “unsafe” statements he could make?

“Hmmm... I guess we’ll need you to look after us, then... I feel bad pushing all the work on you, though... Crap, I’m being a downer again!”

“It’s fine! Like I said, feel free to vent to me anytime.”

“Gah! I knew it was all gonna lead back to that! I totally walked right into it!”

“So? I told you, it’s fine.”

“But you’ve already done so much for me... Rrgh! You gotta let me return the favor somehow! I know I’m not as smart or competent as Inaban, but—”

“That’s not true!”

Nagase blinked back in surprise. Maybe he’d reacted a little too strongly.

“...You help me way more than you realize, Nagase. Your energy, your smile... It gives me the strength to push forward, you know?”

“Wait, what? You make me sound all happy-go-lucky and stuff.”

“I mean, obviously you’re not that two-dimensional, but I’d say you have your moments. Like right now, for example. You’ve been acting pretty darn happy-go-lucky for at least the past ten minutes.”

“Mmm... I dunno...” Nagase smiled shyly. “Okay, fine! Guess I’ll go ahead and ask, then!”

“What’s up?”

“The next time I turn into a kid... could I ask you to sorta... take note of what I’m like? Not like a full-scale observation or anything. Just, y’know, casually.” The words left her lips in a white fog, her tone icy.

When asked to describe oneself, it was hardly uncommon to have trouble answering—but for most people, that lack of answer didn’t stop them from living their lives. In Nagase’s case, however, it weighed on her. Now that she knew she didn’t have an answer, she couldn’t rest until she found one... and so she kept searching and searching. It was a task made even harder by the fact that she’d spent so much of her life pretending to be someone else.

“Oh, uh, don’t get the wrong idea, though! I know my ‘true self’ is something I’ll figure out with time. I’m not super hung up on it or anything,” she continued in a more cheerful voice. “It’s just... This is a chance for us to rediscover our old selves, y’know?”

Normally the past would stay in the past—but under the Age Regression phenomenon, the impossible was now possible.

“I know I can’t go back, and I know I can’t redo any of it... but I still can’t help but think about it.” She shook her fist at the sky. “Grrr! Curse you, «Heartseed»! Y’know, I almost wonder if he’s doing this on purpose. Probably not, but still... Is my existential crisis entertaining for you?! Huh?! Is that why you keep messing with me?!”

The entities’ motives were unclear, and there was no end in sight.

“Oh well... No sense whining about «Heartseed» when we know it won’t solve anything.”

The conversation petered out as they came to a stop at the street corner. While they waited for the crosswalk signal to change, Taichi gazed absently at the passing cars... Then he realized Nagase was staring at something up ahead.

He followed her gaze to find a man standing on the opposite street corner, happily holding hands with what appeared to be his six- or seven-year-old daughter. Did it remind Nagase of all the stepfathers she’d had over the years? He could scarcely imagine how she must’ve felt.

“Alright, now you’ve done it! I have a question for you!” Nagase pointed her finger in his face.

“What did I do...?” Taichi muttered, unsure how to respond.

“Hypothetical question: If you had the chance to change your fate, would you?” she asked in her best thespian voice.

What kind of answer did she want from him? He decided to play it safe.

“What, like, redo my life and start over? I mean, admittedly, there have been quite a few times that I’ve wished there was an undo button in real life, but... that’s just not how life works.”

“Normally, yeah.” The implication being, of course, that their lives were anything but normal now. “Personally, I think I’d go for it, if I had the chance. Maybe everything would work out the second time around.”

That day, when noon struck, it was Nagase and Aoki who Regressed—Nagase to [age 14] and Aoki to [age 11].

“I think this confirms our theory. So far it’s always affected precisely two of us at a time, so that might be another rule, but it’s too early to tell...” Inaba glanced over at Nagase [age 14]. “Fourteen, huh... This phenomenon’s got quite a range.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Taichi asked.

Naturally, compared to [age 6], Nagase [age 14] didn’t look that much different from her normal self, other than a slightly younger-looking face. Thankfully, she didn’t need to change clothes.

“I’m just saying, it’ll be hard to predict. One day we might Regress to ten minutes ago, and the next we might Regress to ten minutes after we’re born.”

“Wait, so... somebody might Regress into a newborn?”

Inaba’s smile stiffened. “Maybe we should invest in some diapers.”

And so the five of them spent yet another day in the same abandoned building as yesterday. The weather forecast said it would get cold that night, so the five of them pooled their money to buy a cheap kerosene heater. Fittingly for its price point, it wasn’t a very powerful machine, but when supplemented with blankets and hand warmers, it would suffice to stave off the cold and prevent hypothermia.

That day’s Regression was a bit more peaceful than the others had been, possibly because the kids in question were towards the older side of the scale. Around three o’clock, everyone was starting to get a little thirsty.

“In that case, I’ll go for a walk and pick something up while I’m out... Actually, why don’t we all go?” Inaba suggested as she popped the collar on her coat.

“All of us? You sure we can take Nagase and Aoki outside while they’re Regressed?”

“Well, I think it’s safe to say there won’t be any more transformations until five, so all we have to do is be back by then. And if we encounter anyone they know, we can just make up an excuse. Tell ‘em they’re distant relatives who came to visit over winter break. Easy.”

Maybe it really was that simple.

“It’d be one thing if we tried to take them to karaoke or something, but no one can interrogate us if we’re just walking down the street minding our own business... Bottom line, I refuse to spend my winter holidays cooped up in some run-down building! At least let us hide out somewhere warm, damn it!”

“Spoken like a true homebody.”

“I’d like to go, too!” Nagase [age 14] exclaimed, raising her hand. She seemed to be a cheerful, well-mannered girl—as though someone had taken the normal Nagase and pruned away all of her zany quirks.

“What about you two?” Inaba asked Kiriyama and Aoki [age 11], the latter of whom was engrossed in a mobile game. “Uh, hello? Yoshifumi? You coming with us?”

“Huh? Oh... Meh, I’ll pass. I’m in the middle of a game right now.”

“Tch... Kids these days never wanna go out and do anything...”

“Are you forgetting what you literally just said a minute ago...?”

Was she inviting these snarky retorts on purpose, or what?

“I guess I’ll stay, too. We can’t leave him here by himself, after all,” said Kiriyama, gazing at him fondly, as if he were her younger brother.

“Aw, it’s fine! You can go without me, Nishino-san!”

Instantly, Kiriyama froze. Silence fell over the room.

This was the second time Aoki had mistaken Kiriyama Yui for a relative of Nishino Nana during a Regression.

And Nagase [age 14] was the first person to break the silence.

“Wait, what? Yoshifumi-kun, I think you might have Kiriyama Yui-san mixed up with someone else.”

“Huh? Whaddya mean?”

“Okay, this is a dumb question, but... You’re Kiriyama Yui-san, right?”

“Oh, um... Yeah, that’s me...”

“What, really?” Aoki [age 11] scrutinized Kiriyama’s face for a moment. “Huh... I guess you just look a lot like her... Weird. Okay then, I guess you’re Kiriyama-san. Got it.” With that, he went back to his game. Evidently he wasn’t too hung up on it.

“Hey, uh, Yui? Maybe don’t—”

“I won’t. I’m fine,” Kiriyama cut in. Her smile felt a bit... forced.

“Just don’t overthink it,” Inaba pressed. “And if anything happens, give me a call.”

“What if I stay so Kiriyama-san can go in my place?”

“That’s really thoughtful of you, um... Iori-chan... but don’t worry about me. I’ll be here when you get back.”

And so Taichi followed the others out of the building, all the while feeling a touch uneasy at the prospect of leaving Kiriyama and Aoki [age 11] alone together.

“Uggghhh... It’s so coooold!” Nagase [age 14] grumbled, burying her face in her scarf as she rubbed her hands together for warmth.

“Wanna borrow my gloves?” Taichi offered.

She shook her head. “No, no, I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

“C’mon, no need to hold back on my account. Take them.”

He pressed the gloves into her hands. If she got sick during the Regression, would it carry over back to her original self once she transformed back? He wasn’t sure... but either way, he didn’t want to risk it.

“Oh... Okay... Thank you, Taichi-san.” Nagase [age 14] giggled. “They’re so warm.”

She smiled softly—an infectious, heartwarming sort of smile—and for once, he was glad to be a martyr.

“You sure look happy,” Inaba commented dryly.

“I should make it up to you somehow... Oh, I know!” Suddenly, Nagase [age 14] hugged his arm. “I wuv you, big brother!”

“B-Big brother?!”

What happened to “Taichi-san”?!

“What’s wrong? I thought you liked being called that.”

“I mean, I do, but... how did you know that?!”

Crap, I probably shouldn’t have copped to that...

“Mmm... Female intuition, I guess?” Nagase [age 14] grinned. Until now, she’d struck him as a thoughtful, considerate girl, but now he was starting to understand exactly what it meant to change oneself to suit other people’s preferences... and it was terrifying.

She’s dangerous, this one...

And then something else attached itself rather aggressively to his other arm.

“Having fun canoodling with a younger woman, big brother?”

“Ow ow ow ow! I-Inaba, you’re gonna rip my ear off! I’m sorry, okay?!”

“You’re a lucky boy, Taichi-san. Now you have a lovely lady on each arm.”

“Iori, I swear to fucking god, if you weren’t [fourteen] right now, I would kick your ass!” Inaba roared.

“I don’t know about ‘lovely lady’... More like ‘ferocious she-devil’... OUCH!”

“Keep your uncomfortably accurate retorts to yourself!”

“Hahaha! You guys make quite the pair! You’re like an old married couple!”

“M-Me and him? An old married couple?”

“Yup! You two seem super compatible!”

“I... I see... You’re a nice girl, Iori-chan. I’ll buy you something nice while we’re out. My treat.”

“Great... Now she’s got her hooks in you, too...”

Nagase Iori [age 14] was not to be underestimated.

And so, at their Regressed companion’s insistence, the three of them headed to the lounge area in the corner of the hardware store to enjoy some coffee.

After Taichi and Inaba had purchased their drinks from the vending machine, they attempted to buy one for Nagase [age 14], but she simply shook her head.

“Iori-chan?”

“Sorry, Taichi-san! I wanna go check something out real quick. I’ll be right back!” With that, she jogged off.

“What the—HEY! Great, now what?! Shouldn’t we go after her?!”

But Inaba remained calm in the face of Taichi’s panic.

“Mmm... I’m sure it’s fine. I doubt she’ll get up to any trouble. And if anyone recognizes her, they’ll probably write her off as a lookalike.”

“But...”

Surely they were better off reducing the risk of complications as much as possible.

“Believe it or not, these things often have a way of working themselves out.” She blew on her steaming coffee.

“You know, Inaba... Sometimes you worry way too much, and other times it’s like you don’t care at all...”

“Quite the seductive contrast, wouldn’t you say?”

“Uh... I don’t know about seductive, but okay...”

Silence fell between them.

Whenever he found himself sharing a peaceful moment alone with Inaba, he couldn’t help but feel a bit restless. She was a treasured friend—someone who had at one point confessed her love for him, but he’d turned her down, explaining that he had feelings for someone else. Despite this, she’d declared that she wouldn’t back down... and he’d been dawdling ever since...

Then Inaba broke the silence.

“She set us up, didn’t she?”

“Huh?”

“She’s too damn smart for her own good.”

Inaba sipped her coffee, and Taichi followed suit. A blend of sweetness and bitterness danced on his tongue.

“...She left us alone together on purpose?”

“That’s my theory, anyway... though I can’t imagine what sort of sentiment led her to do such a thing in the first place.”

“Is this what she was talking about when she told us about all her past efforts to ‘be the person everyone wants her to be’?”

“No clue. That said, admittedly I do see her as a smart, sensible girl...”

Who was Nagase [age 14], really? Was she a sweet, innocent girl who simply cared about making others happy? Was she putting on an act in order to curry favor with everyone around her? Or... was she a nuanced mixture of all these things, like you might expect from any normal person?

“Oh well. Either way, it’s all in the past, right?” Inaba continued, gazing firmly into his eyes.

“...Right. And what matters now is the present.”

“Right,” she whispered, then looked away. “Off-topic, but... Could you tell me a bit more about what was I like when I Regressed to [age four]?”

“You were a good girl who did as you were told. And you were pretty smart, too.”

Let’s go ahead and not mention the “kissing” conversation...

“Stop with the compliments before you make me blush... Was I shy at all?”

“Hmm... You were a little afraid of Nagase and Kiriyama, but I think it was justified...”

“Afraid of them? I see... Yeah, I was always afraid of something or other. Still am, honestly.” Inaba’s gaze grew distant. “I’m glad you’ve only seen my early childhood, because I only get worse from there. In middle school I started learning a bunch of bizarre trivia... It was pretty cringey.”

“Aww, c’mon. That doesn’t sound so cringey to me.”

“The fact of the matter is, I’d prefer no one see my past selves... especially not you. And I can’t pretend I don’t feel that way.”

“It’s not like seeing them will change anything. It’s all in the past—you just said so yourself.”

“And I’m doing my best to believe that... but something will change. It’d be one thing if we were all recounting our memories to each other, but having those memories perfectly replicated right in front of you? That’s a whole different beast. And it’s one that can do damage. I mean, Yui and Aoki are already...” Inaba trailed off.

Their old selves weren’t really them... but at the same time, they were.

“Everyone has things they want to keep private... things they don’t want to know about others... things they regret knowing... things they’re better off not remembering.”

Here in the present, the past wasn’t meant to exist... but what if it did anyway?

“And any one of those things has the potential to trigger a permanent change.”

“But... we’ve survived these things so far, haven’t we? What’s to say this one will be any different?” Taichi ventured, hoping to find a shred of hope in the darkness.

“Yes, somehow everything’s worked out fine thus far. It’s a miracle, really. But there’s no guarantee our luck won’t run out. We’re on thin ice, Taichi.”

And eventually that ice would break... but when? Would it hold out until these freakish phenomena finally ended? Or would the phenomena continue right up until it broke them?

“I can’t remember much of my thought process at age four... possibly because I didn’t really have a thought process at that age...” Inaba paused to bite her fingernail. “But ever since the Regression ended yesterday, I can remember the vaguest traces of how I felt at the time... Emotions so pure and undiluted, it’s honestly overwhelming.”

She clutched at her chest, and Taichi could only imagine how complicated this phenomenon must have been for her and everyone else. After all, he hadn’t experienced it himself.

“At first, when I realized the phenomenon was physical this time around, I had a feeling it was going to be hell—forced to hide from everyone we know, practically living our lives on the run. But then we figured out the rules, and I thought, you know, maybe this won’t be so bad. But I was wrong. It’s fucking hell.” She scoffed at herself. “Anyway, why am I rambling? God, I’m annoying. I’ll just cut to the point.” She turned her gaze on him, her eyes brimming with emotion. “I’m scared, Taichi. Really, really scared.”

Inaba was opening up to him, showing him her vulnerable side without shying away from it. But Taichi knew he couldn’t solve her worries. Platitudes were all he could offer her.

“It’ll be okay...”

But his voice lacked conviction—and he had a feeling he knew why.

“Yeah, I’m choosing to believe that,” Inaba replied, forcing a smile. “I just wish «Heartseed» would show up and talk to us already, damn it.”

“Nngh...” he groaned under his breath, but thankfully she didn’t seem to notice.

“It’s weird... I told myself I never wanted to see him again, but once a new phenomenon rolls around, I’d rather he just come find us so we can get a proper explanation...”

Unfortunately, «Heartseed» wasn’t the one in charge of the phenomenon this time around—and Taichi was most likely the only one who knew. Judging from Inaba’s comment just now, «The Second» hadn’t revealed itself to anyone else. This meant the safety of the group depended entirely on how well he could maintain the charade.

He couldn’t go to anyone else for advice.

And their fates were in his hands.

At five o’clock, Nagase [age 14] and Aoki [age 11] turned back. Immediately afterwards, Nagase began to groan, clutching her head.

“Are you okay?!” Taichi asked, half-panicked.

“I’m fine... Just a little confused, that’s all...” she replied, though in his opinion, she looked a little too pale to be “fine.”

“Are we really gonna have to suffer through this shit every single day?” Inaba murmured as the five of them packed up to head home. Since the building was proving to be a reliably safe hideout, they decided to store some of their stuff there for the next day.

“If anything, I’d say this is easy mode compared to the others!” Aoki remarked. “At least this way we know when it’ll happen, so we can plan around it!”

“Yeah, true!” Nagase chimed in. “Plus, it’s winter break, so we don’t have to worry about going to school. But it kinda sucks not being able to go home for most of the day!” Thankfully, her energy levels already seemed to be back to normal.

“But it’s almost New Year’s... How do we explain this to our parents? They’re going to expect us to be around to celebrate the holidays with them...” Kiriyama muttered sadly.

“Oh, that’s right! I forgot!” Nagase replied. “Most people spend New Year’s with their grandparents, right? That’s not really a thing with my family... What about you guys?”

“My parents don’t have any plans to travel this year,” said Taichi.

“My grandma lives pretty close, so it’s no big deal.”

“Yeah, same.”

“Eh, my family won’t mind if I skip out this year.”

Fortunately, it sounded like there would be no major complications.

“Man, we’re lucky no one has to travel for the holidays. We may not be able to be with our families during the daytime, but at least our nights are free. Alternatively, anyone who doesn’t Regress can just go back home for the day. We can figure something out.”

“But we should try to stay together as much as possible! We gotta be there for each other, y’know?” Aoki declared.

Inaba snickered. “Good point... Alright, let’s look on the bright side: at least this way we can spend our whole winter break together! And we don’t have to stay cooped up inside. As long as we’re careful, we can go wherever we need to.”

“Like a Shinto shrine! We should all celebrate hatsumoude together!” Nagase added brightly. “What are some other classic New Year’s traditions... Oh, I know! We gotta eat some mochi! Oh, but first we should have some soba noodles on New Year’s Eve! Wait... but if I Regress that day, then I won’t remember anything that happened from noon to five... which is kinda the same as not eating any in the first place! Oh my god! That would destroy me!”

“Is food seriously the worst of your concerns right now...?” Taichi retorted under his breath.

That’s kind of impressive, actually.

“Besides, when you think about it, it’s actually a lot of fun to see our friends turn into little kids! Gosh, I’d kill to see mini-Inaban one more time!”

At this point, Nagase seemed almost too enthusiastic about it.

Following along, Kiriyama perked up. “Oh my gosh, I wanna play with wittle bitty Inaba too! She’s just so sweet and cute! Next time I see her...” She began to giggle suggestively; naturally, Inaba found this rather alarming. After all, Kiriyama Yui had a particular... fondness for cute things.

“What’s so funny?! What are you planning to do to me, Yui?!”

“Oh, but I wouldn’t mind playing with mini-Iori, either...”

“Uh, Yui?! Why is your laughter getting all throaty and weird?! Please don’t handle me the way I handled mini-Inaban!”

“What the fuck did you people do to me?!”

“Psst! Taichi! Just wondering, but... they didn’t do anything weird to me, did they...?” Aoki asked, looking more than a little concerned, and Taichi was more than happy to assuage those fears.

“Nope.”

“Whew, that’s a relief... Actually, no! I feel a little left out! Pretty sure kid me is just as cute as they are!”

Give me a break...

In that moment, the dim light of the lantern lamp felt just a bit brighter. Together, the CRC had rejected the encroaching darkness... and Taichi was sincerely impressed. Alone they were powerless, but together they could pull through and survive this Age Regression—all with smiles on their faces.

The only thing that worried him now was the fact that Kiriyama and Aoki hadn’t acknowledged each other’s presence.

+ + +

And so it was that Kiriyama Anzu, the younger daughter of the Kiriyama household, received a phone call from a certain someone with whom she had only recently reunited—her older sister’s karate rival, Mihashi Chinatsu.

“You wouldn’t happen to know why she dropped out of karate, would you?” Mihashi asked, and it was obvious from her tone that she didn’t approve of the decision.

“No, unfortunately. She’s refused to tell me.”

“And now she’s joined some weird club?”

“It’s called the Cultural Research Club. Apparently they’re busy with something lately, so she’s been gone, like, a lot the past few days.”

“They’re taking her away from her family during the holidays, and yet you don’t know what it is they supposedly need her for?”

“Does it really matter? After she quit karate, she was just... an empty shell... But ever since she joined the club, it’s like she’s finally found something that makes her happy again. She always gushes to me about how much fun she has when she’s with them... so I think it’s a good thing she joined.”

It was the honest truth.

“...I see.”

“Come to think of it, she said she’ll be busy with club stuff for New Year’s, too. Dad wasn’t too happy about her choosing her friends over her family for the holidays. They were bickering about it earlier.”

“She likes it that much?”

Even Anzu couldn’t imagine what might be more important than spending time together as a family. Generally speaking, Yui was much, much happier these days, but she still seemed a little unstable—sometimes she would isolate herself in her room, and other times she would act like an entirely different person. And Anzu could tell it had something to do with her club.

“I’d like to try to talk to her again, but first I think I need to find out what exactly she’s up to these days... Where does she have these club meetups?”

“I don’t know, but school’s closed during winter break, so it can’t be there... And lately she’s been searching the house for kid-size clothes and old blankets to take with her. It’s really weird...”

Indeed, upon further contemplation, Yui was acting downright bizarre... Worryingly so.

“Okay, now I definitely need to find out... even if it means I have to tail her.”

“What? You mean, like, follow her and see where she goes?”

“I mean, obviously I’m not trying to stalk her or anything—”

“C-Can I come, too?!”