Chapter 4: No Choice

At last, the worst case scenario had finally come to pass.

He’d always known the risk was there, but he’d convinced himself the chances were nil.

That day, the Regression had struck two individuals: Nagase Iori and Aoki Yoshifumi.

Aoki had Regressed to [age 12], which was all well and good.

The problem was Nagase.

“Dah!”

“Don’t give me that! Hey! Hold still so I can get you dressed!” Kiriyama Yui shouted as she wrestled with the baby in her arms.

Yes, Nagase Iori had Regressed into an infant.

“Earth to Taichi! Wake up!” Inaba Himeko snapped as she smacked him lightly on the cheek, returning him to reality.

“R-Right! Sorry... You’re right. I need to wake up and face reality.”

“Trust me, I understand how you feel,” she replied wearily.

“O-Okay, what do you need me to do? Can we figure something out using the clothes we’ve got here?” Taichi asked.

“I think we’re going to need like real, actual baby clothes! She won’t frickin’ hold still!” Kiriyama shouted back.

“Gotcha... I’ll go buy a onesie or something. What about diapers? And we’re going to need to feed her at some point, right?” As he spoke, Taichi’s gaze settled on a certain section of Inaba’s body. He quickly caught himself, but not before Inaba’s cheeks flushed pink.

“E-Excuse you! I’ll have you know, a pure maiden such as myself would be utterly incapable of breastfeeding!”

“Gah! Don’t kick me! It was just the first thing I thought of, that’s all!”

“Huh? Breastfeeding?”

Then she rounded on Aoki [age 12] and slapped him for good measure. “Yoshifumi! Don’t get your jimmies rustled, you pervy little monkey!”

“OUCH!”

Personally, Taichi felt his punishment was a little extreme, considering the term was clinical at worst.

“Anyway, relax! Seeing as she looks to be about one or so... I’d say she can probably eat just about anything as long as we mash it up for her! Got it?!”

“O-Okay! No breastfeeding required! Got it!”

“Good grief,” she sighed. “That said... In your case, I’d consider it, at least.”

“Gghhcck?!” Taichi choked loudly.

“I’m kidding, obviously.”

“Wh-Wh-Why would you joke about that?!”

You made me picture it and everything!

“I mean, if you’re serious about it, we can make it happen,” she teased seductively, pulling the neckline of her shirt down to expose a few inches of bare skin.

A loud CRASH put an end to that, as Kiriyama sent one of the office chairs flying, her face red with rage. “QUIT YOUR FLIRTING AND GO BUY STUFF FOR THE BABY! NOW!”

“Wah... Waaaaaaahhhh!”

Evidently all the shouting had frightened Nagase [age 1(?)], as she began to cry.

“Oh no! I’m sorry, Iori-chan! Please don’t cry! I’ll stop yelling now, I promise! Shhh... Shhh... It’s okay...”

“It’s okie-dokie-Aoki!”

“Yoshifumi! Keep your stupid jokes to yourself! You’re acting like a child!” Inaba snapped.

“He is a child,” Taichi retorted. (It was a pretty dumb joke, though.)

All things considered, he could tell today was shaping up to be one hell of a day.

And so Taichi and Inaba dashed off to buy all the necessary baby gear. When they returned, they dressed Nagase [age 1] in a diaper and onesie, then fed her some baby food for good measure. Crisis averted—for now, anyway.

“You’re supposed to keep babies warm at all times, right?” Kiriyama pondered as she sat with Nagase [age 1] on a blanket on the floor. She’d seemed a little out of spirits as of late, but today she appeared to be back to her usual self while looking after the baby.

“Maybe so, but don’t put her too close to the heater. Position yourself in between so you can keep her safe,” Inaba instructed.

Nagase [age 1] was something of a speedy crawler, so she required constant supervision to prevent her from hurting herself on the kerosene heater. As for Aoki [age 12], he was sitting in an office chair, playing a mobile game. Past experience showed that he typically behaved himself as long as he had a source of entertainment, so the others generally felt comfortable leaving him to his own devices.

Just then, Nagase [age 1] began to whimper.

“What’s wrong, sweetie? It’s okay... That’s my good girl...” Kiriyama pulled her into her arms to reassure her, but the baby continued to fuss. “What’s the matter with her? We only just fed her... Maybe she’s sleepy...?” she muttered.

“Either that, or she needs her diaper changed,” Inaba mused quietly.

Dirty diapers—an inescapable facet of raising an infant. Ethically speaking, there was nothing wrong with a guy changing a little girl’s diaper, or vice versa... except for the fact that this particular little girl was also technically Nagase Iori, his classmate, clubmate, and crush.

Inaba sniffed the air. “Come to think of it... It does smell a little ripe in here...”

“Blegh! Smells like poopy!”

“Damn it, Yoshifumi, don’t say poopy! I’m trying to be discreet here!”

“And now he’s got you saying it,” Taichi retorted. (Granted, she was allowed to say it if she wanted to.)

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry! My nose is stuffy, so I couldn’t really tell,” said Kiriyama as she lay Nagase [age 1] down on the blanket. Her brows furrowed. “Okay, so... uh... what do I do? Help me out here, Inaba!”

“What? It’s easy. You just unbutton the crotch of the onesie, yank off the old diaper, wipe her up, and then you put a new one on her... right?”

“You make it sound so easy! This is my first time... Plus, she wiggles all over the place... You gotta help me!”

“No way. That’s nasty.”

Apparently she was fine with foisting all the dirty jobs on someone else.

“Come on, don’t be like that! Someone’s gotta do this, you know! Ugh, fine... Taichi, could you please help me?”

“Uh... I mean, I don’t mind, but... would Nagase be okay with that, you think...?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t do this by myself!”

“Right... Okay, I’ll help you.” Taichi headed over to the blanket area. After all, it was just one measly diaper, right? “Okay, so, how are we doing this? Should I take her clothes off, and then you—AAAGGGHHH?!”

Someone grabbed his neck from behind and twisted it until he thought it might snap.

“Move, Taichi! I’ll do it myself! Regressed or not, no girl in her right mind would want some guy from school looking at her asshole!”

“Okay, but you really need to learn how to use your words!” Taichi wailed.

Later, Taichi and Inaba were sitting off to the side, watching as Kiriyama gave Nagase [age 1] some apple juice in a sippy cup.

“By the way, Taichi,” Inaba spoke up suddenly, “I think at this point it’s safe to say the Regression won’t affect you, eh?”

“Yeah, uh... Apparently not,” he replied, willing his voice to stay level.

“Something about it doesn’t feel right, though,” she continued quietly. “It’s weird that it only affects four of us... and weirder still that goddamn «Heartseed» is nowhere to be seen.” She bit her fingernail in contemplation. “Do you think... maybe there’s some other entity in charge this time around? Someone who’s not «Heartseed»?”

Where could she have gotten that idea? He felt his pulse begin to race. What could he say to that? He knew he needed to keep his promise to «The Second», but at the same time, if he confessed everything to Inaba, maybe they could come up with a better plan...

“Then again, I’m almost one hundred percent sure it’s gotta be him,” Inaba continued without waiting for a response. Evidently she wasn’t really interested in getting an answer from him in the first place. “Anyway, wanna go for a walk or something? Get some fresh air? It sucks being stuck in here all day... Besides, the weather’s nice.”

At the same time, Aoki [age 12] got to his feet. Apparently he’d arrived at a good stopping point in his mobile game. “I wanna go, too!”

Inaba nodded approvingly. “Glad to hear it. Kids these days should get more exercise. You’re coming with us, right, Yui?”

“Huh? But we can’t take Iori out there...”

“Sure we can. Beats keeping her cooped up in this dilapidated hellhole, don’t you think? C’mon, let’s go.”

And so, at Inaba’s suggestion (read: demand), the five of them headed out for some fresh air.

As Aoki [age 12] and Taichi (and occasionally Kiriyama) entertained themselves playing soccer in a vacant lot with a ball they’d found abandoned there, the sun soon began to set. Before long, Inaba gave the signal to wrap things up.

“Aww, man! Over already?” Aoki [age 12] grumbled. It seemed he still had plenty of energy to spare.

“Yeah... I think that’s enough...” Taichi wheezed. Man, I’m out of shape.

“Haha! You’re so lame!”

“Rrgh... You’ll understand what it’s like once you get to be my age!”

“Taichi, you sound like a middle-aged father,” Kiriyama commented, pity in her eyes.

At one point earlier on, Aoki [age 12] had once again mistaken Kiriyama for Nishino Nana’s older sister. For a split-second, Taichi’s heart stopped—but Kiriyama just ignored it and carried on without making a big deal of it. Perhaps it was a sign that she was making an effort not to overthink it.

“I gotta say... I never dreamed there would come a day that I’d walk down the street carrying Nagase in my arms,” Inaba laughed to herself as Nagase [age 1] squirmed around.

“She’s been out here in the cold with us for quite a while now... You sure it’s safe?” Taichi asked, concerned.

“Yeah, I was thinking we should probably head back... She’s a troublemaker, this one. Having fun grabbing my chin, you little punk?”

But just before they made it back to their hideout—

“Stop right there!”

—a familiar voice rang out.

Taichi turned in the direction of the sound as a certain ponytailed girl stepped out from behind one of the buildings. It was Kiriyama’s old karate rival, the same girl who had harassed them some four days prior—

“M-Mihashi-san...?” Kiriyama whispered.

Indeed, it was Mihashi Chinatsu... and she was shaking with barely-suppressed rage.

“Who’s that?” Inaba asked dubiously, and Taichi quickly caught her up to speed.

But then a second person turned up.

“Yui!”

It was a girl with defiant eyes and short, reddish-brown hair styled in a bob cut, lending her a feisty sort of vibe. She seemed familiar somehow... Taichi scanned his memory.

“A-Anzu?!” Kiriyama shrieked.

Aha. Now he remembered. This was Kiriyama’s younger sister Anzu. He’d met her once before—not directly, of course, but they’d spoken at one point during the body-swap era, when he’d ended up switched into Kiriyama’s body. Her facial structure was remarkably similar to her older sister’s, though she was actually taller.

Together, she and Mihashi stormed over to them.

“Explain yourself,” Mihashi demanded.

“Explain what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I want to know what you and your friends have been doing in this building.”

“Look, Yui, we saw you sneaking into this old abandoned building! That’s trespassing!”

Oh crap, they saw us?!

Unsure how to react, Taichi glanced around at the others. Inaba stood there quietly, as if waiting to see how things would play out.

“Worse than the trespassing... What’s the deal with those kids?!” Mihashi roared, eyes wide. “I know they weren’t with you when you went in! Where did they come from?! And what happened to the other two people who were with you?!” At this point, she was clearly freaking out.

“Yeah! I thought something was weird when those two came back to the building carrying shopping bags from a baby supply store!”

“Have you been keeping tabs on us all day?” asked Inaba.

“So what if we have?” Mihashi shot back defensively.

Naturally, their beloved Inaba Himeko was perfectly unruffled—

“...Fuck.”

—Never mind.

“And then when we went in there...”

“Oh my god, you went in there?!” Kiriyama gasped, panicked.

“Yeah, so? Not like any of you asked permission, right? ...Anyway, when we went in there, we found all kinds of stuff... Food, blankets, a lamp, a heater...” Mihashi furrowed her brows. “But the weirdest thing of all was the clothes! What could you possibly need with all those different sizes of clothes?!”

“And here I was wondering why you asked Mom if we still had any old clothes from when we were little!”

“Now explain!” the two girls shouted at Kiriyama.

“Um... Well...” she stammered, unsure how to respond.

“Hmmm... This is looking pretty bad,” Inaba muttered.

“Yeahhh... Sounds like they saw a lot more than they should have...” Taichi replied.

“Not just that. It’s almost five.”

“Oh god! This is so much worse than just ‘pretty bad’!”

After all, if they stayed here long enough, Nagase [age 1] and Aoki [age 12] would transform back, and that brought with it its own set of... complications...

“Agreed. This is really, really bad.”

“How are you so calm right now?!”

Seriously, it’s freaking me out! Wake up, Inaba Himeko!

“I’m working on a game plan. Now that they’ve seen us go in here, we can’t just pretend the kids are our relatives. So I’ve got another excuse in mind, but I can already tell it’ll take too much time to convince them. Thus, I’ve decided to make a run for it.”

“...What?”

“I’m gonna take Iori and Aoki back behind the building, and I need you to buy me some time.”

“O-Okay...?”

With that, Inaba took off running, one hand wrapped tightly around Nagase [age 1], the other clutching Aoki [age 12]’s.

“What the—Where are you going?!” Mihashi shouted after them. “And who even are you?!” she snapped at Aoki [age 12] when he glanced back.

“Who, me? I’m—ouch!”

“Shut up and run!”

“Don’t hit me!”

“Dah!”

“Pipe down, Iori!”

And so Inaba dashed off with the kids in tow.

“COME BACK HERE! ...What’s your problem?” Mihashi snapped as Taichi intercepted her pursuit.

“I think you’re the one with the problem,” Taichi retorted.

“Hmph!” Mihashi snorted. “Fine, whatever. I’ll just ask you, then. First things first—what’s the story with that baby?”

“Um... She’s... the daughter of a family friend...” Kiriyama stammered hesitantly, glancing back at Taichi for confirmation.

“Why do you keep looking at him?” After a second, Anzu gasped, eyes wide. “Yui... Don’t tell me you... y-y-you had a baby with him?!”

“No! It’s not my baby, genius! When was I ever pregnant?!”

“Oh, right... Okay, well... What about the girl who was holding her?! Is that the mom?!”

“N-No!”

“Really? But if we assume this guy’s the dad—”

“Why would you assume that?! He’s still in high school, you know!”

“So? Teen pregnancy is a thing!”

“Okay, yes, it’s technically a thing... But in this case, I promise you, he didn’t knock anyone up!”

“But then how do you explain the love triangle?!”

“What love triangle?!”

“You and him and that other girl! Wait... Come to think of it... I remember you telling me about a ‘nice little moment’ between you and some boy... and this guy matches the description...!”

“Y-Y-You get your butt over here right now, missy!”

Taichi and Mihashi stared blankly as Kiriyama dragged her sister around the corner. They stood around awkwardly for a few minutes; then, mercifully, Kiriyama returned, though mysteriously without Anzu.

“...What was that about?” Taichi asked.

Kiriyama wiped the sweat from her brow with a sigh. “I pulled rank as her older sister, basically... God, I’m so tired.”

Clearly he must have just imagined that strange whimpering sound.

“My sister’s a good person at heart, but sometimes she can blow things, like, way out of proportion.”

“So it seems...”

It seemed like a personal issue between the two of them, so Taichi decided not to comment further. He got the sense there was never a dull moment in the Kiriyama household, to say the least.

“You might’ve gotten rid of Anzu-chan, but I’m still here. Don’t ignore me,” Mihashi grumbled with a pouty look on her face that was almost cute.

“Alright... Well, you see...”

And so Taichi and Kiriyama rigged up an “explanation” built on lies, flattery, and the promise to go into further detail at a later time.

“...Enough. I don’t care anymore...” Mihashi sighed. She seemed pretty worn out, which made sense considering she’d been spying on their hideout all day.

Kiriyama smiled in relief. “Okay, well, now that you understand, we need to get going. Right, Taichi?”

While they connived, Mihashi’s expression twisted darkly. How she must have felt in that moment, Taichi couldn’t begin to wager a guess.

“Say, Kiriyama... What sort of stuff does your club do, anyway?”

“Huh? The club? Well, it’s called the Cultural Research Club... but normally we just hang out in the clubroom, goof off, entertain ourselves...”

“At least tell her about the actual work we do...”

“Oh, right! So we publish this newspaper thing called the Culture Bulletin, where we write articles about our hobbies and interests... Wait... Have we basically been phoning it in this whole time?!”

“You only just now realized that...?”

Why does she come to the clubroom, if not to goof off...?

“What, so your whole club is just a joke?” Mihashi asked with venom in her voice.

“I mean, sure, you could say that—”

“Then what’s the point?” Mihashi cut in.

Kiriyama’s expression stiffened. “I don’t... understand what you’re asking...?”

“Do you have a goal you’re working towards?”

“Well, I...” Kiriyama faltered.

“Like, for real, what are you even doing with your life?”

“Wh-What kind of question is that...?” Kiriyama laughed... weakly, awkwardly.

This only served to piss Mihashi off.

“Fucking coward... Grow a spine!”

“What’s your problem?! Why are you being such a bitch?!” Kiriyama snapped back. Evidently Mihashi’s anger was contagious.

“What happened to you?! You used to be so badass!”

“And?! Who cares about what I was like in the past?! I sure don’t!”

“Well, you should! You’re nothing compared to the way you used to be!”

“So what?! People change! That’s life! I don’t give a crap about the way things were!”

“You seriously don’t even care...?” Mihashi asked, her expression tinged with betrayal. “Then... what about the conversation we had? The promise we made?! Was it all lies?!”

“I don’t care about some old promise!”

Instantly Mihashi’s face crumpled, on the verge of tears. This caused Kiriyama to lose steam considerably.

“Wh... What’s the big deal?” she asked in a small voice.

In response, Mihashi gritted her teeth... and flung off her bomber jacket. As it happened, Taichi was in the perfect position to catch it, so he did.

“I’ll just have to give you a wake-up call. Spar with me,” Mihashi growled.

For a moment, Kiriyama looked utterly taken aback... but then her lip curled darkly. “That’s funny... I can’t recall you ever beating me,” she remarked as she unbuttoned her duffel coat and flung it into the air.

Naturally, Taichi caught this one too; that said, his male ego was starting to take a hit at the thought that he’d been reduced to essentially a coat stand.

“Taichi, on your signal.”

“O-Okay.” Make that coat stand and referee. Their combined aura was so intimidating that he had no choice but to accept. “Three... two... one... S-Start!”

No sooner had the last word left his lips than the two girls kicked off from the ground. The wind danced as the earth itself shook... At least, that’s how it felt for an outside observer like Taichi. As they closed in, he could scarcely make out their motions—but a moment later, he could tell the match was over.

Mihashi Chinatsu came to a stop mid-roundhouse kick, her right foot less than an inch from Kiriyama Yui’s ear.

“Normally it would never be this easy,” Mihashi spat as she lowered her leg. “You’re weak. What have you even been doing these past three years?”

Kiriyama stared back blankly. “It... It’s not my fault...” she choked out in a pained, watery voice. “I... I didn’t have a choice, okay?!”

“So what?” Mihashi replied coldly.

Indeed, it wasn’t Kiriyama’s fault. She had a perfectly valid reason for quitting—but ultimately, she did in fact quit. And sometimes that was more critical than the reasoning behind it.

“If you didn’t have a choice, then just tell me why,” Mihashi demanded, but Kiriyama stayed silent. “No? Figures. Fine, whatever. I’m done.” With that, she snatched her jacket back from Taichi and walked off.

When they went back inside the building, they found that Nagase and Aoki were still very much [age 1] and [age 12], respectively.

“Sorry... I thought it was later than it was. Turns out it wasn’t even close to five,” Inaba explained, to Taichi’s surprise. It wasn’t like her to make such a careless mistake. “So, how’d things go?”

“Fine, mostly. I want to hear about this ‘excuse’ you’ve come up with, though.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll get to that. I gotta say, I’m impressed we managed to survive being seen... or maybe we were just lucky that the witnesses didn’t know anyone but Yui, and Yui herself didn’t end up Regressing today. Speaking of...” Inaba glanced over at the corner of the room, where Kiriyama sat curled up in a ball with a look of abject misery on her face. “Is it just me, or does our MVP look totally destroyed? What’s that about?”

“Well...” Taichi began, but then Aoki [age 12] hopped to his feet.

“Aw, cheer up, Nishino-san! ...Oh, wait, that’s not your name, huh? I thought for sure—”

“God, will you shut the hell up?!” Kiriyama roared out of nowhere. “I don’t know any stupid Nishino Nana, okay?! My name is Kiriyama Yui!”

Aoki [age 12] froze in place like a statue. “Um... O-Okay... Sorry...” he stammered.

At his apology, Kiriyama snapped back to her senses. “No, I mean... Ugh, I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry for jumping down your throat like that... You didn’t deserve it... I’m really sorry...”

“It’s okay...”

“No it’s not... I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...”

Something was falling apart. Something was breaking down. But without any firsthand experience with the Regression, Taichi couldn’t begin to understand how it made them feel. Not only that, but the problem itself was of a personal nature, and he had no right to intrude on that.

The past was immutable, and as far as he could see, there was no way forward.

+ + +

They told me I mistook Yui for “Nishino Nana’s older sister” again during the last Regression.

Real talk, Nana doesn’t even have an older sister... but I didn’t know that back then, so I guess whenever I Regress to that age, I take one look at Yui and assume she must be related to Nana. God, I’m so freakin’ stupid. Makes me wanna punch myself in the face.

Nah, y’know what? Let’s do it.

BAM!

Owww. Dang, that hurt.

‘Course, I can’t deny the physical resemblance is there. Same upturned eyes, same shapely brows, same proportions... and last but not least, the same long reddish-brown hair. They’re not twins or anything, but they definitely look like they could be related.

I first met Nishino Nana back in third or fourth grade. I spotted her being bothered by some weirdo, so I ran up, grabbed her hand, and dragged her away. Pretty cliché, I know.

After I walked her back to her house, I realized that we lived pretty close to each other. Plus, her parents took a liking to me... so from then on, we would hang out and play from time to time.

Being with her was so much fun, and it seemed like she felt the same way. Our friendship continued right up to middle school, at which point she confessed her feelings to me, and we became an item.

That said, we were seventh graders, so our relationship wasn’t serious, or intense. We’d go to the movies, the mall, the amusement park—stuff like that. We never even kissed; holding hands was the farthest we went.

You could say that what we did wasn’t really “dating,” but... at the time, I really loved her. After Regressing back to that era of my life, I can remember it all so clearly.

But then, right as we graduated from seventh grade, Nana’s parents had to move away for work reasons. Once again, she was the one who started the conversation—only this time, we were breaking up.

“Not like we’d be able to spend time together anyway,” she’d said.

She wasn’t moving out of the country or anything... but to a tween still too young to drive a car, the distance was impossible to deal with. We had no choice but to break up.

Looking back, I don’t blame us. After all, that’s just how middle school romance goes, right? Nobody that young could manage a long-distance relationship. And so the curtain fell on Aoki Yoshifumi’s first love.

I loved her. A lot. I loved her so damn much, dude. But then it ended...

It did end, right?

So what happened to my feelings for her? Are they still knockin’ around inside me somewhere?

At this point in time I’m completely, undeniably in love with Kiriyama Yui. The biggest part of my attraction to her was simply... gut instinct. But what does that actually mean? Why did I choose her over all others? Was it... because she looks like the girl I used to love?

Am I actually just still in love with Nishino Nana? Is that why I think I love Yui—because of the resemblance?

No, that can’t be it. No. No way.

It can’t have been on purpose. After all, I hardly ever even think about Nana these days. But... what if it was a choice I made subconsciously?

A few months ago I probably would’ve laughed it off. “A subconscious choice? Yeah, right!”

But now... now that I can directly compare the way I felt for Nana with the way I feel for Yui... I can’t deny the possibility.

Right now, I’m positive my love for Yui is stronger. After all, we’ve spent a ton of time together. But what if Nana never moved away? Who would I have fallen for? I can’t even guess.

Love is formless. Immeasurable. Unpredictable.

If I can’t even put stock in my own feelings, then what gives me the right to claim I love anyone in the first place?

I can’t even take the next step on my own. Now that I’ve started questioning myself, I’ve realized I don’t have the answers... and now I’m at a standstill.

Should I really let myself be in love with Yui when she doesn’t even—

...Yeah, I know I’m just tryin’ to play the blame game. And I know it’s not very cool of me. But sometimes I can’t help thinkin’ it. I just wish she would give me a chance.

I’ve been professing my feelings for her for a looong time now. Been doing my best to try to express how I feel. I’ve even set up multiple serious conversations about it. Like, legit “declarations of love.” Plural. But has any of it made an impact on her? How much of my love does she truly understand?

What happens to love when it isn’t reciprocated? Does it lay there forgotten, or does it rot away to nothing?

I’ve been nothin’ but upfront this whole time—and yet Yui won’t meet me eye-to-eye. I know she’s her own person with her own way of doin’ things, but... In the end, I just don’t know if she’s okay with how I feel about her.

If I stopped tellin’ her I love her, would our love story end before it ever began?